~Kind Of Scared & Unsure~

[Lvemadomina]

Lvemadomina,

Five days gone and no posts. Have you cleared the air or are you hiding and hoping it was just a figment of your imagination?

 

I know, it's been way more than 5 days... You are all just soo helpful but like Steve said, I'm my own worst enemy and I am just unimaginably scared, I feel like when I talk about it, it probably won't be as bad as I'm imagining but I'm just dowsed in fear. Just, I have A LOT more confidence than I used to, I just need a little time to ready myself. It'll happen soon, I have a lot of topics I can talk about from my experience in retail so far.

[Majo]

Hi Lvemadomina.

 

I see all the good advice other members have given you. I believe as time passes it will be more difficult for you to address your parents. Don't let time pass because it's only worse for you. Your parents will live with it anyway as your mother already knows you had those heels with you. Specially if she found them twice. On the other hand, they are only shoes.

 

What's the point on delaying and not facing the chat with her, or both of them. Sooner or later, when you walk away from your parents house, you will be able to dress as you want and they will have to put with it. If you do so now, you will feel much better because honesty is the main issue with parents -I have three more or less your age-. I always tell them trust from both parts is the basis of a healthy relationship. You have to trust them, and the only way to show trust is to be honest and talk to them.

 

Go for it.

 

Best.

[pebblesf]

Lot's of great advice....Honesty is the only way at this point...

I know how tough this is for you, I wasted many years of my life away being "my own worst enemy".   I only hope that I can help just one guy avoid all the torture I imposed on myself for so many years...

I don't know you, or your Mom/family.  But, usually Mom's know more about their sons than their sons realize.  I'm hoping your Mom has swiped your heels to help you out of the shoe closet by forcing the issue.  But, again, I don't know your Mom. 

How do you think she will react to the conversation?  Do you have any siblings you might share this with first?  How about close friends?  Some counseling might help you gain the confidence/courage you need as well. 

I suppose the worst case scenario is that your Mom will be shocked and not ready to accept your heeling...Are you in a position to move out?  Not the end of the world.  Your Mom will come around in time.  The most important, and difficult thing to do, is to put yourself first.  Trying to conceal your heeling will surely hurt you emotionally.  Your confidence will "explode" once you share your interests with your Mom (or trusted siblings/friends). 

We are all here for you, I know how hard it is to imagine "you are not alone". 

[AZShoeNut]

I really wish that I had been more open about it when I was younger. I now know that my mom would have supported me as a teenager. She has told me that she wishes that I hadn't kept it bottled up and so private.

I also found out later in life that my youth group and the leader would have supported. The leader even said something like, "You could have even worn them to our camps and would have been an even better example truly being who you are.

Not being able to "put the cat back in the box" makes this choice especially hard. I chose not too out of fear. I have wished for many years that I chose to be more open.

I wish you good luck with your decision process and clarity of mind to make the best choice.

Best,

Larry

[meganiwish]

AZShoeNut is quite right.  I'd want to support my children, boy and girl, through whatever troubles them.  Though boy is now man and girl now woman, they're still my boy and girl.  But I wanted them to become man and woman, that was the point, and the day will come when I need them to look after me.  Mine have lives that puzzle and disturb me, but my life puzzled and disturbed my mum.

 

Anyway, long story short, be a man.  Live your life boldly, which is what your mum wanted, then look after her when the time comes.  It's not complicated.

[docs41]

It's hard to give any more advice because you have been receiving some excellent input here.  Just take things slow and be honest, especially with yourself.  Once all this has passed it may be anywhere near as bad as what you feared.  I know things that I dreaded frequently were not as bad as I thought they would be.  Good luck! 

[meganiwish]

   I know things that I dreaded frequently were not as bad as I thought they would be.  Good luck! 

Quite true.  If you learn anything as you get older it's that it doesn't matter.  My dear Big Bro once said to me, "Megan, just remember, in just 100 years there'll be a whole new set of people on the Earth.  None of them will remember you."  It's very reassuring. 

 

I was going to say, do what you will that hurts no-one, but then I thought that parents may feel hurt.  The thing is, they do it to themselves.  They want their children to be them, do what they failed at.  Why would I want my children to be me?  It's been a disaster..  I want them to fly, to change music, to score a century and win the Ashes, just to be happy.  Do aything you can live with, then look after your mum when she needs it.  She looked after you.

[Histiletto]

Most of the time we create our own world by what do or don't do. It can be our prison with no way out or our platform to open the doors to access more of life's choices. Life can be like a box of chocolates with all sorts of known possibilities to be involved or it can be like a couch potato viewing the television programs with no personal interaction or input ability to hardly any of the situations. It's our choice whatever consequences and/or rewards we choose to accept. This message is eternal and will not self-destruct at any time.

[Steve63130]

Most of the time we create our own world by what do or don't do. It can be our prison with no way out or our platform to open the doors to access more of life's choices. Life can be like a box of chocolates with all sorts of known possibilities to be involved or it can be like a couch potato viewing the television programs with no personal interaction or input ability to hardly any of the situations. It's our choice whatever consequences and/or rewards we choose to accept. This message is eternal and will not self-destruct at any time.

Why waste your life with television when you can do it with HHPlace? 

 

Just kidding!

 

Steve

[Heals4me]

Heels weren't my thing when I was still with my parents but I had the beginnings of androgyny right from puberty.

 

My thing was girls skinny jeans and lycra leggings. I even started adjusting the jeans on my mothers sewing machine for the ultra skinny fit. I kept them private to start but one day bought some bright red slim fit stretch girls jeans I took the legs in on the sewing machine and tied them in knots and dipped them in bleach and washed them.

They were gorgeous pink/red marble effect and fit perfectly. I decided now was the time to show the world. So I wore them in my mothers presence and she just pointed out that people would laugh or I'd get bullied. I didn't care and went out and about round town.

I loved it and no harm came and so all my skinny jeans got outed.

Even when I settled in a relationship with my future wife I continued to a lesser degrees but as life got in the way I found it more difficult to be "my self".

 

Now my androgyny is stronger than ever and my exhibitionist tendencies aren't going down to well at home. It was the shoes that caused most upset.

 

I should have stayed true to my natural style right through. I now wear shiny metallic or latex leggings a lot. Heels are a must but not in front of my wife.

 

So my advice is let go of the fears. You are only putting it off to a later date and even then you'll be hiding from friends or family. Put it off too long and it will eat away at you. 

Maybe the shoes are a big first step.

You mention androgyny so must have other aspects that you currently experiment with.

 

What about trying them out at home, low key at first. Girl jeans are a great way to open up various styles. 

Skinny jeans with some nice detailing or bling and perhaps a slim fit shirt then next time the shirt might be more feminine too.  

Very slowly let the look get more feminine and at some point you'll have that conversation with your mother by default and your outfit will be screaming out for some nice heels!

Real friends will love you whatever you wear. Once you get the family barrier conquered you will be a free man! 

 

Good luck!