Bias against high heels?

[Sangue16]

I can't count the number of times that some other woman has sneered at me or assumed that I am, well, a b**** because of the way I dress. It seems like women have some sort of a catty reaction to me in heels and dressed to the nines. On days that I do not dress up as much but am still wearing heels (e.g. wearing heels, slacks, and a loose sweater) I still get these reactions, although not as much. I am not sure if this is just a midwest US thing, but I have trouble changing people's opinions that I am snobby once they have this opinion. Does anyone else find themselves dealing with a high heel bias? Do women, especially with their partners, look down at you after seeing your heels? Just wondering if I'm not the only one!

[meganiwish]

Hi Sangue, I expect it's sadly more common than you'd think. In Britain there's a thing about 'Essex girls'. Oh, God, if I were to worry about what people thought of me, I couldn't get up in the morning. Believe yourself to be the fine person you are, and enjoy your heels. Megan

[Sangue16]

Thanks, Megan. I don't worry too much, I wonder. I think it mainly boils down to jealousy. The "Essex girls" thing I had to look up, but that's pretty much right on.

[thehighheelsgirl]

I got use to this a LONG time ago....

[sharon]

It seams faily normall that other woman judge you by your shoes,i find when im out doing general shoping and dress faily normall "in jeans and stilettos courts" they look at me up and down and you can see them thinking "why is she wearing 5.5" heels doing her shoping" lol they will get over it .

[Amanda]

Indeed it's normal Sangue. If you're sure enough of yourself then it's water off a ducks back. They're just jealous.

[Roxyinheels]

They are jealous and they know where their husbands look at

[Kathy]

Not so sure about other women but men seem to pay me much more attention when I'm wearing heels, even if I'm otherwise dressed down. I've had one or two pay very close attention to my heels when in Sainsburys! I think with other women it's more subtle, not what you're wearing but how you wear it and whether they feel it's threatening.

[meganiwish]

Hi Kathy, I think you're right, I think men do look at you more in heels. But that doesn't mean they think better of you. I think Sangue's point was that people, other women included, make negative decisions about a girl in heels. I'm not sure it's about feeling threatened. I suspect it's more a cultural disapproval thing. Megan

[Amanda]

Of course any attention you may receive while wearing heel depends very much on your overall presentation and demeanor. Hotpants, boob tube and sky high see through platforms or conservative designer business suit with trench coat and black T bar stilettos. You will find there is a difference in the way you are perceived.

[Sangue16]

Of course any attention you may receive while wearing heel depends very much on your overall presentation and demeanor.

Hotpants, boob tube and sky high see through platforms or conservative designer business suit with trench coat and black T bar stilettos.

You will find there is a difference in the way you are perceived.

Hi Kathy,

I think you're right, I think men do look at you more in heels. But that doesn't mean they think better of you. I think Sangue's point was that people, other women included, make negative decisions about a girl in heels. I'm not sure it's about feeling threatened. I suspect it's more a cultural disapproval thing. Megan

So true, Amanda Snake. I love my heels paired with formal wear, as dressy as I can justifiably be for the occasion. When I wear daring heels, I tend to have ultra-subdued top and bottom pieces that cover well. I saw from your profile here that you wear very classy black heels as well. Do you find that female critics have an air of classifying you with women that dress less tastefully just because you are wearing heels rather than only seeming jealous?

Kathy and Megan, actually I do think it is a mostly a jealousy and feeling threatened issue, at least around where I live. I don't care, I wear my power heels with pride! It makes me think of

[Sangue16]

One of the guys from here sent me a PM about his wife's experiences with the high heel bias and gave me permission to post this here. Usually I like to post in the for everybody section because the guys have good points too, but not a lot of women post there! Don't be lazy girls (Megan and Amanda Snake, I know I'm preaching to the choir a little.)

Ihave been reading on the womans side about the high heel bias and had to reply! Feel free to put this reply in the thread if you wish, I know men are not allowed to post!

My wife often gets comments about what she wears, especially heels. My wife is a tiny thing, 5'2" and 100 pounds. Even better yet that she is 50 years old and can pass for 30. She would share clothing with our teen aged daughter untill she got married and moved out a couple years ago.

When some woman makes some remark it never fails that they are over weight, unkept, or no fashion sense at all. Typically it is from the baggy blue jean, sweat shirt, tennis shoe wearing crowd that makes the comment. I just tell her they are jealous that you can wear virtually anything and they can not, or won't. My wife even jokes about her "hooker" shoes or her "CFM" pumps.

Of course I am a bit biased too, or I would not be here. I love high heels and realize they can be hard to wear all the time, but I love it when my wife wears them when she can.

How very accurate his description is of these heel haters!

[meganiwish]

The song appears not to want me to hear it. I'll try another time. Actually, Sangue, I can only hold my hands up and admit you're right. You'll know how little personal experience I have of it. But as you say, you don't care. Good for you. If imitation is a sincere form of flattery, I expect jealousy is some kind of admiration.

[Roxyinheels]

Thank you, Sangue. The story by Pumped could have been told by myself last weekend at a birthday party. And Megan, youre so right......jealousy is a kind of admiration but is an inferior feeling for superior state of confidence

[meganiwish]

I find I admire those things I can't do. And I'm always surprised (and dismissive) when people are impressed by what I can do. But perhaps that's just me

[Amanda]

Megan, youre so right......jealousy is a kind of admiration but is an inferior feeling for superior state of confidence

Exactly and we all need to adjust our perception in order to allow for that.

Thank you for posting your PM Sangue, it does indeed paint a fairly accurate picture of the average female heel wearer.

And in answer to your earlier question: "Do you find that female critics have an air of classifying you with women that dress less tastefully just because you are wearing heels rather than only seeming jealous"?

Yes but rarely and its mostly only women who are senior to me.

[barbara]

I do all the time. Guys will give you the glance or the lusty look. Women will start stare at my heels and give me the what are you wearing those for look look. I love to just look at them and give them my sweetest smile.

[heelsrule]

Yep, rule of thumb, women can be real bitches to someone making an effort. My home uniform is a wrap dress and heels. Style, low cut, cami, sleeves etc depends on occasion. I normally wear dresses probably 50%, skirts, leggings, cut-offs jeans and pants in that order. My work uniform is a skirt suit. I frequently get positive comments about my appearance and while I know HB's eyes do roam, he's only doing whats natural and I know I get his attention most of the time. But jeese, can you see other women give you that look because you choose to go to the shops or supermarket looking pretty and if I can walk in 4" heels all day, why is it my problem? Larger cities are not so bad, smaller towns can be worse. Our local town a few years back had some bitch comments in local paper because some lady choose to pick up here kids wearing get this, "a summer dress, heels and make-up". I mean who writes to local paper about this? The idiot tried to back it up saying, "we know you don't work and its all your HB's money". I mean comon? My husband said to me a while back, that we are a couple, your appearance is obviously important to you and I certainly appreciate it, while what you spend is not waisted on things that get bought and never worn he doesn't care what I spend. Actually he spends more on me than me because I'm too tight. Don't worry about the usually overweight, short hair, don't get a rats lets pick on the pretty ones group. Just keep looking hot hot hot. Suzzie

[Amanda]

Larger cities are not so bad, smaller towns can be worse.

Suzzie

That's exactly right, there's safety in numbers.

Also less mud, fields, livestock and narrow mindedness in cites.

[Dancer Girl]

Funny thing as the height of the heel determines whether it is classy, sexy or trashy. At work if you are in flats they look at us with the fact that it is too casual, Put on a 2 or 2.5 inch heel and it is suitable for work. Put on a 3 inch heel and unless you are very petite and need the height (we have a couple gals who are 4.11 or 5.0" ) and they think we are being provacative. I wear a 4 inch heel most days and I get so many comments about how the "hooker shoes" are not appropriate for my work (mostly from the ladies as men are afraid to make comments and some just like the look). Sheryl

[Amanda]

(mostly from the ladies as men are afraid to make comments and some just like the look). Sheryl

You have it exactly right, however I would argue that most "just like the look"

[DebbiNC]

I think what is going on regarding a "bias" against heels is indicative of what's going on in the way people dress. Many women go to the mall, grocery store or even to work in clothing that I'd wear to work in the yard! The sense of pride in one's appearance seems to be that of a bygone era. I get accused of over dressing more and more these days, but, to me, presenting an image of classiness (with or without heels) is a part of who I am. Classic clothing with good looking shoes and accessories is my style. If you like it, great. If not, that's your problem!

[Amanda]

I agree wholeheartedly. Mostly they seem to be wearing clothing bought at the "mall" or grocery too. Made in china sweatpants with ugg boots and whatever else misshapen unironed pilling bag dress and plastic peeptoe platform ankle boots with price labels on the soles. I also notice that shopping carts are mostly pushed by overweight soda pop and chips family packed with super sized dips and frozen oven ready deep bread thin topping pizzas, not to mention mechanically recovered frozen microwaveable rancid industrial chicken fat bombs made in big smokey factories with a picture of cottage or barn on the package.

Who cares anyway when all you're going to do is splob on the sofa and watch cheap unscripted gameshow diy cooking reality programs loaded with adverts and over manipulated news updates?.

Those fries would make short work of a nice blouse anyway.

Oh dear....I'm ranting...sorry lol

I think what is going on regarding a "bias" against heels is indicative of what's going on in the way people dress. Many women go to the mall, grocery store or even to work in clothing that I'd wear to work in the yard! The sense of pride in one's appearance seems to be that of a bygone era. I get accused of over dressing more and more these days, but, to me, presenting an image of classiness (with or without heels) is a part of who I am. Classic clothing with good looking shoes and accessories is my style. If you like it, great. If not, that's your problem!

[eoneleg]

For fear of redundancy, I have avoided chiming in on this subject. That aside, I usually get positive remarks over my choice of footwear which always is a four-inch stiletto, but only one with my crutches. And this is usually from older women who think that it is absolutely stupid that I indulge in my passion for heels allthough it is no problem for me at all. This recently happened in an elevator my friend said that she thought that the old "bitty" was jealous. Definitely an ego booster for me. E

[DebbiNC]

You go girl! I'll bet that "ol' bitty" was jealous! Wear what makes you feel good.

For fear of redundancy, I have avoided chiming in on this subject. That aside, I usually get positive remarks over my choice of footwear which always is a four-inch stiletto, but only one with my crutches. And this is usually from older women who think that it is absolutely stupid that I indulge in my passion for heels allthough it is no problem for me at all.

This recently happened in an elevator my friend said that she thought that the old "bitty" was jealous. Definitely an ego booster for me.

E

[kit]

I wouldn't say so much 'disapproving' or judgmental, but the females in my husbands family get kind of catty about my heels. I think it's just that none of them can/do wear anything over 2 inches and the lowest heels I am comfortable in are about 3 and a half (I can and do wear flat shoes and go barefoot, but for some reason I cannot wear low heels, they're just awkward). So if I'm dressing decently for something, I wear heels they find outrageous. As for random people? No clue. About the only thing I bother noticing shoe wise is when I catch the wearer of a pair of awesome ones giving me weird looks because I've been staring at their shoes for over a minute without realizing it. Easily solved by blurting out the first thing that comes to mind ("Where did those come from? they're amazing").

[tentorium]

The standard foot covering in Florida seems to be flip flops. If you want to be dressy you can add some rhinestones or glitter. To see a woman in nice high heels can be a sight. I am in medical scrubs everyday so I enjoy wearing a dress and heels out to dinner or on the weekends. My boyfriend wears jeans and t-shirt and usually jokes that I'm out-dressing him. He still appreciates the effort!

[killer heels]

I agree with Kit....sometimes you can't win with inlaws. I've been dating my current bf for 2 months now and recently met his family for the first time. The ocassion was kind of informal but after a work related social event. My outfit for the latter was perfect I thought (a very tight black dress just above the knee, matching jacket, nude hose and patent black ankle strap 4 inch heels) as all the other girlfriends/wives were dressed to thrill. my bf also thought fine to meet his folks but afterwards I did kind of get the impression I was a bit overdressed, glamorous, bitchy or I don't know whaty really...maybe jealous even.....?

[meganiwish]

It'll take longer than two months until you're good enough for their boy. Hey, who wants to be approved by the in-laws anyway?

[killer heels]

Lol totally !