How to deal with heels when your partner is not accepting it.

[mrt]

Hi there, i am sure there are others out there who have the same thing as I have. My wife knows about my fetish for heels but just doesn't like it. We agreed that heels will not be ordered online and send to our home adres. But i am to embaressed to buy in store.

[Walkonit]

Hi MRT. Buying in a store is an embarrassing prospect the first time, but my expereince and the expereince of many on this forum (since the same message is repeated many times) is that buying at a store is not as difficult or embarassing as you may think. They are only too glad to sell shoes and have seen men buy ladies shoes many times before. They do not pass judgement on you and are friendly and helpful.

[tal]

Hi, Ten eeste (first of all), Dont be afraid to buy in a store, or better, find stores who are used to men buying heels with them. There are quiet a few in Holland, so there is no need to be afraid. That way you can also learn the difference between cheap and expensive heels. If you need pointers, just ask, i know quiet a few (amsterdam, rotterdam, utrecht, brabant, westland). Secondly, maybe a bit harsh, but are you sure you are with the right partner? I'm sure this one has been discussed on this forum quiet a few times, but it is my opinion. And then, don't buy shoes online unless you know exactly what you are getting. Especially if you are new to heels. HTH

[Walkonit]

Not sure where you live in the Netherlands, but there are some great shoe shops in Amsterdam selling some great shoes. I seem to remember trying some Bronx shoes on in a shop in a walking street in Amsterdam.

[Majo]

Hi mrt, The most important thing -I believe- is that you are able to speak with your wife, despite she has concerns about it. This is a clean start. You shouldn't fear buying on a store. As Walkonit says, clerks -female or male- are too interested in selling. At least in my country, old people are more reluctant than youngsters. Even though, I have tried female footwear in stores -this week, actually was the last time- and they are always glad to assist you. There is nothing like trying them at the site as you will have to return them if they don't fit, and that would be more embarrassing. I know it's a challenge. Specially if you are on the fetish side. You are, surely, more aware of this issues than any of the spectators. Spectators haven't got the slightest clue of what's happening so you should relax and enjoy the experience. I'll share with you my last experience. This week I was looking for a pair of every day boots. As many here, I don't like the styles that are available for males and I had seen a couple of places where they had very nice models that would apply for what I wanted, the only problem was size. I went into the brand store I know the largest size usually fits me well and tried them on. Unfortunately my instep is high so some boots are really tough for me to get in (ski boots are a nightmare for me). If bought them, and I didn't try them, I would have had to go to the cobbler to stretch them or return them and they were high priced. I'll have to wait for the sale season -one or two weeks- and see what I do. On the other hand, regarding your wife: It's not the same using -or going out in- heels you can handle properly than walking clumsily in very high heels. Maybe, if your anxiety doesn't betray you, you might take small steps and introduce low heels first and push them higher with some time.

[roniheels]

mrt,

Please take this advice from one who learned the lesson the hard way. Be open and honest with your wife concerning your enjoyment of high heels. Discuss it with her and ask her to be open and honest with you regarding her thoughts and views concerning your interest. You might have to make a tough decision based on your conversations, but like many other things, that's part of life and marriage.

As far as going into a store and purchasing a pair of high heels, the others in this post have given you some good advice. The first time you try on a pair of high heels in a store and others view you doing so, you might get some looks, grins, chuckles, rolled-eyes, but the merchants are concerned about the one main thing: closing the sale. Their goal is to make the sale and their policy should be to not make the customer feel uncomfortable.

Best of luck to you on your future ventures.

[Gudulitooo]

It is difficult for me to buy shoes in stores because there is so little selling "regular fashion" shoes in my size. The ones selling larger sizes either sell sexy shoes that nobody wears outside, (even women !!), either they are so expensive, or are only located in the capital town. Then if you can buy in the shop next door, I think you should consider doing it, why not with your wife so she can control your expenses, if this is what bothers her the most. And she can be of a valuable help. Finally, involving the wife in the choice of clothing is not unusual after all... It is even mandatory for many of us ! Except maybe in Europe the sellers attitude may not be so focused on closing the sale than in the US, they also want to make sure the other customers won't be bothered, so that the store has a good reputation. Now for emergencies I myself found a few online stores, not the new ones that appeared with the internet, but rather the old ones that sent you their catalogs every year, that has a network of delivery stores. Thus I don't need to receive anything at home. Further, in France, the Post propose a service in which you can notice your local post office as the delivery address, they will keep the goods until you claim it at the office. It is free, but a few sellers refuse this possibility. Also if you shop for large size shoes, be aware that despite they are generally more expensive than normal sizes, they arent't usually designed to be worn by men. Thus the elevated price doesn't mean higher quality or strengh, but only that the shoes are manufactured in limited quantities for this small market of big footed women.

[BoyLegs]

Except maybe in Europe the sellers attitude may not be so focused on closing the sale than in the US, they also want to make sure the other customers won't be bothered, so that the store has a good reputation.

If you perceive that is an issue, or just don't want to be seen, ask to go into the back room where they keep the shoes to try them on. There are also low-traffic times to go shopping. I don't know what they are in Europe; on this side of the pond weekday mornings are good.

[RonC]

I agreee with most so far in stating that purchasing in the stores is not a big deal. It can be a bit more challenging if you desire to try them on, but just making a purchase is really no different than buying a loaf of bread. My question, however, relates to why your wife doesn't want you to buy on line and have them sent to your home. There is a woman in your house, so why would anyone think it off to have women's shoes delievered there? There is nothing on the outside of any shipping box that I've ever seen that indicates what style or size shoes are inside the package. Even if it is your name on the package, why would anyone think that to be odd? I just don't understand (unless of course there are children involved).

[danielp6406]

...But i am to embaressed to buy in store.

Never had any problems trying shoes in store. A sale is a sale so don't be afraid and go ahead !

But before doing so, you may want to discuss about it with your wife ?

...Except maybe in Europe the sellers attitude may not be so focused on closing the sale than in the US, they also want to make sure the other customers won't be bothered, so that the store has a good reputation...

This situation also occur here but it does in the more "high end" stores.

(BTW it is easy to recognize them only by the way the salegirls are dressed)

Note that I don't go to these type of stores anyway (too expensive)

I find ironic customer's would be "bothered" in a high end store and would be "less bothered" in a regular store...

[Charlie]

Is she against plainly feminine stilleto type heeled footwear or against any kind of heeled footwear? If it's the former there is room for compromise on both sides. If it's the later, then you have some thinking to do. To me it's all so silly as I see footwear preference about in the same light as I would favorite color.. Charlie

[Jabble]

Did you already like high heels before you got married?

[SArmeah]

The only thing that I find confusing here is that she would want you to go out and buy them instead of the anonymity of internet buying. Even in the mail no one knows what you are getting, but if you come home from a shoe store that specifically carries "Womens" shoes, that might raise question. Just seems like backward logic to me.

[crotchboots-m]

as far as buying from stores,dont worry about it. other than the occasional dried-up old crone that gives u grief,more sales staff have seen dudes buying for themselves before and dont mind. esp is they are getting a commission out of it. so be kewl on that account. and as far as your wife is concerned...is she wanting u not to wear,period? or is it a dont ask,dont tell sort of thing.

[Shafted]

The only thing that I find confusing here is that she would want you to go out and buy them instead of the anonymity of internet buying. Even in the mail no one knows what you are getting, but if you come home from a shoe store that specifically carries "Womens" shoes, that might raise question. Just seems like backward logic to me.

Hmm, sounds like a confidence test to me. If he has the guts to go into a store and try them and buy them.

[SArmeah]

Hmm, sounds like a confidence test to me. If he has the guts to go into a store and try them and buy them.

I thought of that too, but if she protests in general, why would that matter?

I know its absurd to psycho-analyze someone I don't even know but there is a flaw there.

[SleekHeels]

I thought of that too, but if she protests in general, why would that matter?

I know its absurd to psycho-analyze someone I don't even know but there is a flaw there.

Maybe she just wants to eliminate the easy option of buying online, and if there's a challenge aspect to it perhaps she feels that the challenge will be too great. Closing all the doors and hoping it will go away. She's clearly not accepted it within the privacy of the relationship, let alone to the outside world.