Partners thoughts of you wearing womens footwear?

[fastfreddy2]

Sometimes we talk about it, but just short conversations before she changes the subject.

As a favour to me, you might ask her if 'my theory' is the reason why, possibly even mentioning the query isn't coming from you, but from one of your <newer> HH mates? [The theory; you being interested in wearing HH is a potential threat to her womanhood?]

I'm just about to ask the same thing here .....

If I don't post for a couple of days, you'll know things didn't go well......

MK is 40 minutes away from me BTW. Luton must be 20 -ish for us both. I'm going out for a walk with a friend later, about 9pm if the weather holds. [The missus has no idea I have a walking friend ...... ]

I could meet you tonight at the Braitch (Luton) for coffee and natter? If you wanted to have a 'clip-clop' after (somewhere discreet), you'd be more than welcome to join us.

...

[fastfreddy2]

Well, I asked herself what the main issue might be ......

Seems it's keeping it quiet. She (understandably) doesn't want our friends and family to know about my 'interest'. With me getting more and more enthusiastic about wearing heels, she had gotten concerned I wanted to make it a full time indulgence (which I do, but even I know that isn't realistic). She doesn't want the embarrassment of having to explain my 'peculiarity' to anyone, or be seen (found) to be associated with it.

My attitude is becoming more and more cavalier to the point (I'm sure) that carelessness will get me caught by a neighbour. Once the jack is out, it can't be put back in the box.... So I intend to respect her wishes, and remain as discreet as I once was around our home town. [Which will take some doing now I've become so confident.]

She has even proposed I wear heels around the house - while she's there - if it'll help keep me (quite literally) 'off the streets'. If only this offer removed my compulsion to walk so much/far in heels..... As with many others, I feel the need to walk outside! but at least a compromise was offered. [Another step in the right direction.]

So, I've assured her our/my outings will take place as far away from our home town as I can arrange. She is a bit calmer for being told that, and for having the conversation.

[latindancer]

My ex approved. She even help me buy shoes when we went out shopping. It was fun but it wasn't meant to be. Sometimes after reading some of the yahoo questions of Would you date a CD, or shaved legs, or heeler, it gets me down because I had a woman that accepted it and now I know it's going to be hard to find another one like her. Sometimes I wonder if I made a mistake leaving her.

[thedesigner]

soulmate and her family all know and dont care. Her daughter today took a phone pic of some high laceups in office she thought would suit me ! Nice !!

[Dan J]

It would appear from the poll that from the number of guys with female partners, the partners not only know, but they approve of the guy wearing heels. Unfortunately, I'm one of those who has gone public but without my partner's knowledge. I just don't know how to broach the topic and am apprehensive about her response, even though, the results from the poll would seem to suggest a favorable or at least non-committal response, for which I would be ecstatic and grateful. Dan

[fastfreddy2]

It would appear from the poll that from the number of guys with female partners, the partners not only know, but they approve of the guy wearing heels.

Dan

I've done some work with statistics, so please bear that in mind when reading my comments ....

Of the respondents, which I understand to be less than 10% of the total membership; 40% of them (as at today) said their partners approved. That's 4% of the membership. The rest of the respondents, for whatever reason (which includes not having a partner @ 19% of respondents) do not have partners who 'approve'.

On a personal note, I'd be quite interested in seeing a profile of the 'approvees'. I suspect they are either quite young [18-25] or fairly mature. [Over 50?]

Anyone having a partner who approves, is one lucky individual.

For my part, I've involved 3 women in my recent (re) interest in heels. The wife, and two long-term lady friends. All of them have known me for 20 years and two of them more than 30.

One (spinster of the Parish) I go for an evening walk with, most evenings under cover of darkness. She is happy to go anywhere, as long as we make reasonable attempts to avoid her family and friends. I went to Oxford Street with her last Saturday wearing discreet heels. She was still a bit worried when I tried on heels in the shops though...

Another friend (also spinster of the Parish) doesn't want anything to do with me wearing heels. That said, I popped around her house the other evening for a quick coffee, and not only was I wearing heels, but I wasn't made to to take them off in her home. <I was pleasantly shocked.>

Her good self, indulged me for a day at the 02 Dome couple of weeks ago, me with (discreet) heels on. I got seen by many, but there were no issues anywhere, and we had a great day out. Last week we went out for a meal, me walking there in noisy heels, and walking back the same way. The only time I had flat shoes on was during our time in the restaurant. [We ate in my home town, by the way.] We both got a little tipsy, and the walk home [mile and a half] didn't sober us up any. Once home, I wasn't asked to take my ankle boots off, so didn't until I had to..... Was a very enjoyable evening for the two of us.

So what is my point?

My experience tells me "approvees" are seldom born, but are usually 'made'.

When I was younger, girlfriends (and one or two close male friends) were not at all bothered by me going out dressed as a girl to clubs. At the time it was quite trendy actually.

Years later, both me and my women friends were keen to be socially integrated, and were happy to go along with the mainstream. I'm getting older, and people around me are getting ill and sometimes dying. My time left for self-indulgence is getting less by the day. I feel pressure.

I don't mix with people who understand what I want. It's not what they are used to, nor for the most part what they would consider socially acceptable (in our peer group). I'm happy to compromise. Hopefully I'm developing relationships with people here, but my main 'life' is here with my wife. If I'm going to enjoy wearing heels and not feel like I've got to develop a dual personality, I've got to get her involved.

I'm trying to make her into an 'approvee'. I'm not forcing anything, or issuing ultimatums. So far, I've used pleasurable situations away from people we know, to acclimatise her to me wearing heels. I don't wear 6" thigh boots either. I wear either my Nine West wedge ankle boots, or my New Look <walk for miles> ankle boots. Either of which you'd need to have a good look at to recognise what I was wearing. Funnily (spookily), while walking to and to from the restaurant, our pace coincided so it sounded like only one pair of heels was clip-clopping on the pavement. We walked past different people several times, none of them even glanced sideways!

I'm thinking as long as I don't get too pushy, I'll be wearing heels out a couple of times a month with her. A long way off her coming home with a pair of shoes she thinks I'd like to try, (which she doesn't do anyway), but I'm definitely feeling some progress is being made.

So my message is; If you want something bad enough, be patient and move forward one step at a time...... And make sure you reward a positive response.

....

[Bootking]

True, true, true! Gradually, change may come, but not if you force it!

[5.5 Thrill]

Fastfreddy2 said:

"So my message is; If you want something bad enough, be patient and move forward one step at a time...... And make sure you reward a positive response."

Patience, patience, patience you are right rewards are good to along with a large helping of respect will get the both of you far. My patience has been rewarded with these for valentines day: 5" steel heeled MJ's(my avatar) with ankle strap & 5" black leather MJ's both from Pleaser

[Dan J]

Fastfreddy: Thank you SO MUCH for your comments and guidance, and to Bootking & Thrill, thank you both for your words & encouragment as well. Obviously, you've all been down this road ahead of me, so the experience shared is gratefully appreciated. I, too, have begun to sence this "duality" emmerging, and I'm not happy about one bit. But, as mentioned, patience and slow steps are needed, and rewards for positive responses. It's strange - I've had some wonderful comments from total strangers. One as recently as last weekend, in Milwaukee Wisconsin of all places, where I was invited to private party off of the street, just for looking good - in full leather (jacket & pants) with HH boots! Why is it so difficult to seek acceptance from the one you love the most? Dan

[RHTRick]

Although it's true for me to know my spouse doesn't mind my wearing heels around the house. I tend to still uncomfortable around her! There is an aura that develops with her when I am wearing heels. For example, "Oooow wearing heels eh? They look great!" but the facial feature is like she is fighting to put a smile on her face! I so enjoy wearing heels (usually 3,4 but no higher than 5 inch) I can and would wear them all day long! The feeling while wearing them feels so right and in tune to who I am within my soul, I often suffer from depression because I cannot feel I may display that part of me that truly depicts who I am! Fear of embarrassment or shame! I am now in my mid fifties and having worn heels in the closet for over 30 years, I so long to actually change my persona completely to female! I know it is a huge leap and my spouse say's she doesn't mind too much! Except for the fears that my family, work and our friends will all reject me and cause our lives to go into chaos! No pressure! I do not have the gumption many of you display here out of fear of ridicule and loss of masculine reputation among neighbors and friends. In fact, I may look and act masculine, inside I am a woman just suffering and dying to get out! Now, even though I am heterosexual and would be considered a lesbian if I were a woman, I know I would end up alone more than likely! I am wearing heels now with silver Charnos Elegance hold up stockings and soft nylon panties and a bra, skirt & lovely top. I feel so normal wearing them and yet I dare not let anyone see me! I feel a prisoner and lonely for so many years!

[Bootking]

RHTRick, know that the advice here, my friend, can only do so much good. I would recommend that you speak to a professional counselor who will not make the decisions for you, but help you to make your own.

The path may be slippery, rocky or both - but you must look at where you are going with both eyes wide open and understand where that path can or will take you, for better or worse.

Good luck!

[5.5 Thrill]

RHTRick: Bootking speaks well. My bolstering of FF2 comes from a man who is 100% comfortable being a man, wearing high heels, and enjoying life. Take Care Thrill

[Dan J]

Rick: Talk about "gumption" - I'm very impressed that your spouce is aware of your interests, and appears to be somewhat supportive, even though, as you point out, there is some ill feeling on your part, which I can understand. I don't think that I'm heading towards the complete transformation here, at least that's not what I'm thinking, and would agree with Bootking's comments. Perhaps the duality I referred to earlier simply should be taken as my spouce wants me as the "man" she married, which I fully accept. I just haven't figured out this "other side" and how to share it, or whether or not she would understand it let alone accept it. As I said, I'm impressed that yours has. Dan

[johnieheel]

Rick:

Talk about "gumption" - I'm very impressed that your spouce is aware of your interests, and appears to be somewhat supportive, even though, as you point out, there is some ill feeling on your part, which I can understand.

I don't think that I'm heading towards the complete transformation here, at least that's not what I'm thinking, and would agree with Bootking's comments. Perhaps the duality I referred to earlier simply should be taken as my spouce wants me as the "man" she married, which I fully accept. I just haven't figured out this "other side" and how to share it, or whether or not she would understand it let alone accept it. As I said, I'm impressed that yours has.

Dan

If she loves you completly unconditionaly, she will learn to except you, all of you as you are. It just might take a little time to get used to the fact that her husband has a passion for heels. You can't hide it forever.

[fastfreddy2]

Although it's true for me to know my spouse doesn't mind my wearing heels around the house. I tend to still uncomfortable around her! There is an aura that develops with her when I am wearing heels. For example, "Oooow wearing heels eh? They look great!" but the facial feature is like she is fighting to put a smile on her face!

I've taken the liberty of including my remark here, because think it's pertinent to your comment. [Please excuse some of my further remarks because they may be duplicated elsewhere.]

You are not in the 18-25 year old 'anything goes' group, but in the "over 50" group. This is the one where you likely start to realise you won't live forever, and it's time for you to indulge your needs over others.

A word to the wise about this..... Your wife undoubtedly cares a great deal for you. My own wife will never, could never tell me "They look great" while I wore heels. She wouldn't even try to comfort me in such a way, though I know she cares for me. Your wife is very special.

I so enjoy wearing heels (usually 3,4 but no higher than 5 inch) I can and would wear them all day long! The feeling while wearing them feels so right and in tune to who I am within my soul, I often suffer from depression because I cannot feel I may display that part of me that truly depicts who I am! Fear of embarrassment or shame! I am now in my mid fifties and having worn heels in the closet for over 30 years, I so long to actually change my persona completely to female! I know it is a huge leap and my spouse say's she doesn't mind too much! Except for the fears that my family, work and our friends will all reject me and cause our lives to go into chaos! No pressure!

I do not have the gumption many of you display here out of fear of ridicule and loss of masculine reputation among neighbors and friends. In fact, I may look and act masculine, inside I am a woman just suffering and dying to get out! Now, even though I am heterosexual and would be considered a lesbian if I were a woman, I know I would end up alone more than likely! I am wearing heels now with silver Charnos Elegance hold up stockings and soft nylon panties and a bra, skirt & lovely top. I feel so normal wearing them and yet I dare not let anyone see me! I feel a prisoner and lonely for so many years!

RHTRick, know that the advice here, my friend, can only do so much good. I would recommend that you speak to a professional counselor who will not make the decisions for you, but help you to make your own.

The path may be slippery, rocky or both - but you must look at where you are going with both eyes wide open and understand where that path can or will take you, for better or worse.

Good luck!

I'd like to support Bootkings remarks.

You undoubtedly have a strong desire to dress as a woman, and remain a man. The turmoil it is creating, despite the efforts by you and your wife to try and accommodate this desire, seems to be overwhelming you. When problems reach the stage they seem to have with yourself, it's wholly appropriate to seek third party help.

Counselling seems attractive, especially if you have access to a specialist who might have some experience of others with your dilemma. There are also contact groups around, and certainly the one in the UK I know of is the Beaumont Society. Believe me, you are (very) far from being the only person in this situation, and even further from being the first. Either the Society, or an American equivalent will be able to help you work through the issues causing so much distress.

Please try to look at your situation positively. You've a partner who seems to be supremely supportive, and caring for you. While this doesn't make you indestructible, allow yourself to enjoy the pleasure this relationship already gives you.

There are events in the UK where crossdressers stay in a Hotel for a weekend away together, with or without partners, and spend the whole weekend en femme if they choose to. I'm sure similar events are held all over the US. These respites, however brief will surely help provide you with new friends in the same situation as yourself. It's going to be hard to feel lonely when everyone else in the boat thinks like you do ......

There is a lot of wisdom in the saying "A problem shared, is a problem halved."

.....

[rmaciej1983]

All my girlfriends approved that or they had no opinion. I couldn't be with woman who don't accept me in hh, because i wear heels almost always. I had heels even if we wnet to bed.

[Dan J]

If she loves you completly unconditionaly, she will learn to except you, all of you as you are. It just might take a little time to get used to the fact that her husband has a passion for heels. You can't hide it forever.

Johnie: Thank you so much; your comments are absolutely right on. I'm reminded of earlier comments from others to be patient, allow plenty of time, listen, and reward a positive response.

I recall when I first expressed an interest in wearing leather to my spouce, years ago - she was very confused. Then I bought the pants, secretly. She found them (naturally), and was against me wearing them. Rather than over-reacting, I was patient. Time went on, and I found an opportunity to wear the pants outdoors: a business trip. I returned home wearing the pants - no comment. Later, another opportunity came up to wear the pants in-town (grocery shopping). She said nothing, I made no big deal out of it; neither did anyone else, including people I knew. She eventually realized that if I'm OK by it, and everyone else isn't making an issue, then there really is no issue. Now, I wear full leather, and she's fine, she's actually commented that she likes how I look. (Low heels, though.)

Raising the heel height could be interesting.

Thanks for the support.

Dan

[johnieheel]

Johnie: Thank you so much; your comments are absolutely right on. I'm reminded of earlier comments from others to be patient, allow plenty of time, listen, and reward a positive response.

I recall when I first expressed an interest in wearing leather to my spouce, years ago - she was very confused. Then I bought the pants, secretly. She found them (naturally), and was against me wearing them. Rather than over-reacting, I was patient. Time went on, and I found an opportunity to wear the pants outdoors: a business trip. I returned home wearing the pants - no comment. Later, another opportunity came up to wear the pants in-town (grocery shopping). She said nothing, I made no big deal out of it; neither did anyone else, including people I knew. She eventually realized that if I'm OK by it, and everyone else isn't making an issue, then there really is no issue. Now, I wear full leather, and she's fine, she's actually commented that she likes how I look. (Low heels, though.)

Raising the heel height could be interesting.

Thanks for the support.

Dan

I think you will find the same reactions wearing heels as you did wearing leather. I to have a pare of leather pants that I really like a lot and wear them every where. The only reactions I get are good. I think most people respect individuality now days.

Where you at in NE Ohio, if you don't mind saying? Or you can pm me. Maby we could meet up for coffee somewhere sometime.

[Dan J]

No, I don't mind saying, Cleveland area (Hudson). Great idea. We can do the rest by PM. Dan

[thedesigner]

re fastfreddys comments, soulmate looks and acts 35, always does 4" heels for going out, was recently chatted up by a 25 yr old; i'm 'heinz' this year but act 35 too, but have done heels for many years - at last someone who values fashion like i do!! I think many people take the whole thing as a guilt trip; i wish they wouldnt, i just get on with it, you'll never please all the people all the time WHATEVER you do or wear !! Dont be shy about it or even bring it into a conversation; people value character and a sense of fun and humour most of all !!!

[Dan J]

.....you'll never please all the people all the time WHATEVER you do or wear !! Dont be shy about it or even bring it into a conversation; people value character and a sense of fun and humour most of all !!!

Designer: Great comments. Here's one of mine, on a similar track to wearing heels. Years ago, I had a relative who always wore a bow tie. It was part of his identity. (Think about the last time you met anyone who wore a bow tie.)

Anyway, no one ever questioned it; it was accepted as part of him. In fact, if he didn't wear his tie, he looked odd. What made this interesting was, he always had a different perspective on the way to look at things - a great conversationalist. He respected your opinion, he listened to people. Very intelligent.

I say all this because I would bet we all know someone like that, or are that way ourselves - unique, and perhaps maybe a little bit crazy.

Dan

[Pumpfan]

My current GF needs some work with acceptance. I have no doubt she will learn to enjoy in time. All of my past GFs have enjoyed. Some very much. Now, how do I add an avatar?

[hh4evr1]

Post five times you can then edit your profile an add an avatar, either a picture from your computer or find a picture on the internet.

[Thighboots2]

Its strange but in the early days of me wearing heels when I felt like it, my SO wasn't keen, she thought it was GAY, and still does. She thought the style I chose to wear were "dyke" shoes. She wanted me to wear them over to a friends house for dinner back then. As they had nice carpets we took our shoes off, but during the evening she asked the other two couples whos shoes were whos. The men said my boots were hers and the girls said they were mine. The other two girls were then most interested in where I got them and were full of praise for having shopped for them in the first place. Its that "being part of the club" thing I suppose. My SO still isnt really happy with me wearing heels, but as I don't do stilettos when she is around, only "dyke" styles, but she accepts I like to wear heels. However, she would rather I didn't with the exception of my YSL Johnnys, and that is because they are mens shoes. She does love to take me shoe shopping as she knows she will get great input to help her make a choice. I love it too My SO is so similar to many of the sheep out there in that they have this mindset that wearing heels is GAY, yet we know (and has been written about endlessly on the net) that it is a most hetro tendancy. All the gay guys I know love the idea of expressing fashion in this way, but wouldn't be seen dead doing it. It appears to me that gay guys like to dress more manly and normal men, but this is digressing from the topic. TB2

[roniheels]

My former female partner never accepted me in female high heels. There was one woman I was with who accepted me in stiletto heels, but she moved away. Reading all of the different posts, I envy the men with female partners who accept them in high heels. But please take heart, as I have said before, I know who I am, accept who I am, and happy with who I am.

[johnieheel]

My former female partner never accepted me in female high heels. There was one woman I was with who accepted me in stiletto heels, but she moved away. Reading all of the different posts, I envy the men with female partners who accept them in high heels.

But please take heart, as I have said before, I know who I am, accept who I am, and happy with who I am.

Got any pics?

[roniheels]

Got any pics?

Not yet. I am looking for a photographer who will photograph me in my suits and high heels with no questions asked. Many professional photographers won't photograph what they consider cross dressing, even though it is only in high heels. I could take pictures of my shoes, but I would rather submit pictures of me wearing them to share with everyone at this site. i am still making phone calls.

[johnieheel]

Would be nice to see the shoes you wear out with your suits. Could be very encouraging to me and others. TU.

[Nick-65]

Again this poll question is directed at the guys.

I'm looking for a female that is really into it.

[johnieheel]

They are definitely out there. Patients my friend and above all, be up front with it.