What do women think about men in high heels?

[Laurieheels]

Women can be very insecure. We have fashion magazines telling us how to be, and every TV show tells us how glamorous we aren't when they show these pampered stars. I can ignore the trends and influences, but some women cannot. This all forms when we women are teenagers. It is a shame. We are individuals, but a certain part of society is telling us how to be. So for those who cannot escape that, we turn into an archetype. When someone shatters that, some women cannot handle it. This is why some women cannot accept that a husband may wear heels or a skirt or what have you. It is because those women have this idea that they are to live to that image, that they are female and men are another archetype, and bending the line ruins this. It is all about perception, and sadly, so many women, and men, have been bombarded my media designed images of how things should be. We need to start freeing minds from the oppression, and then we can break the stereotypes. Until then, some women will not handle this shift in the archetypes and they will feel as if they did not do a good job. Yes, it is sad, but it is true.

[Firefox]

You seem to be saying women are more insecure than men in general. Or maybe you're not saying that, because we are talking more about how women react in this thread. In any case I think men are equally insecure, but for many that feeling of insecurity is temporary when they see that the person who has breached some unwritten fashion rule actually presents no threat to their society.

[shyguy]

I have found women to be pretty indecisive about men wearing heels. My ex fiancee was a ballet dancer and didn't mind seeing men in feminine attire, but hated the thought of her boyfriend wearing heels. My wife has the same conflicting view, she doesn't mind other men wearing feminine fashions, and even says how good it looks (ie Beckhams sarong and mules) but is dead against her husband trying it. I have also found that many other guys have the urge to dress up, when given the opportunity. I went to a party in some glittery jelly sandals with a fairly high heel, bought for me by a cousin as a joke. And by the end of the night almost all the men had worn them, and most said they enjoyed it. But in the female camp, I was called a transvestite and asked if I was gay and also some more nasty things were said behind my back which I was told later.

[loveheel]

There may be be many issues that determine a women' reaction to a man wearing heels. People are complicated. But shoes are shoes, and when you have a passion for high heeled shoes I think it matters very little whether you deal with a man or women. I have seen this behavior in sales people. Once in a while I get served in a shoe store by a person who loves the shoe thing even more than I do, and you really get the feeling from them that the fact that I am a male trying on HH womens shoes is a non-issue. Some of the pictures on this web site prove that guys can look pretty sharp in HH shoes, given the right combination of outfit and shoes (just like is the case for women). I know plenty of woemn that have no clue how to coordinate their outfit. What colors our feelings is the other stuff. The association of HH shoes with lack of masculinity. Once we get past this, there is very little resistance that remains (except for the little envy of not being the only one to grab people's attention. Larieheels, thanks for the very honest post on this. You have my greatest respects). This is why in the end there are many spouses that seem to have no problem with their husband wearing HH shoes. They know him to still be the same person, whether in flats or on heels. It is only the shallownes of random interactions that allows the association of men in heels with lack of masculinity to live on.

[shyguy]

Umm that last statement is a little deep for me but it sounded very convincing though

[loveheel]

Guess I got a little carried away. It was late.

[Arctic]

On 2002-05-14 22:17, Jeff wrote:

I think it al depends on the person. For some it is easy to hide things for their s/o for years and years, for other not. I couldn't do it, that's for sure.

If I ever find that special person in my life she'll have to at least accept the fact that I wear heels, like would be better ofcourse, but I'll settle for acceptance. Without mutual acceptance I see no solid base for a relationship.

In my case my wife accepts that I like heels, but she doesn't accept me wearing them. That may sound as an odd situation but her point is that I can have whatever interests I fancy but she doesn't tolerate that she has to look at them nor that anyone comes to tell her that he/she saw me in heels. She says she hates embarassment and tries by all means to avoid it.

Oddly enough I'm quite happily married.

[Arctic]

On 2002-05-16 12:25, azraelle wrote:

Trouble is that women feel their confidences betrayed when they find out you have been hiding something for however many years (and they WILL find out!); maybe they're more naturally suspicious than men? Anyway, the almost universal followup in their mind is "If he has been hiding this so well all these years, what ELSE has he hidden from me?" It just doesn't help a relationship at all to hide a secret like wearing high heels.

Of course it doesn't, but there are women who rather keep it out of their lives. My wife knows I got heels in the basement. She knows exactly where. I have suggested several times showing (some of) them, but she refuses to be confronted with it. Of course she doesn't know what kind of heels they are nor how many (which is perhaps a good thing ).

About the skeletons in the closet: I have said literally and repeatedly that I really want to get her to know about this, since it would make me feel better and that there isn't anything else that I know of that I haven't shared with her. But she prefers it this way.

[Driver8]

Is this font really small? Without accepting your mate as they are, and allowing them to express themselves and their individuality, where's the respect? Where's the love? All that's there is the desire for a warm body to play out roles, roles that were developed before the mate was met, and have nothing to do with them. It's more like an employment contract. "I need someone to do A, B, and C, and if they want to do D and E they'll have to repress it because that's not in the contract". There is no symmetry between respecting someone by letting them be themselves, and respecting someone's fears by repressing oneself. <font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Driver8 on 2002-05-20 17:14 ]</font>

[Firefox]

That's how I think Driver, but that's the logical, humanist aproach. You can call the other approach what you like depending on circumstance. Call it narrowminded, double standards, set in one's ways, too late to change, selfishness, insecurity, ignorance, lack of understanding, or desire to realise a perceived ideal. I know some of those things sound bad, but let's face it we all suffer from selfishness or lack of understanding to some degree, it's mainly a question of degree. They're not meant to sound bad, only observation of some of the many forces which shape characters. We're not perfect beings unfortunately. So no matter what logic you put to it, humans are not logical and we have to live with the realities.

[Driver8]

It may be "logical", but it's not theoretical. It's the way I conduct my business. I won't let anyone cramp my style. But I don't say that from a position of smug self-righteous superiority; I say it to encourage people who are on the edge, to let them know that the waters of freedom are the perfect temperature. And no, you won't drown! You'll only wonder why you waited so long. <font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Driver8 on 2002-05-20 23:04 ]</font>

[Firefox]

You and I should have a drink sometime Driver, but I don't think we'd have much to argue about

[Charlie]

If Driver8 is from the U.S., you both could argue over the virtues of warm vs. cold beer! Charlie

[Laurieheels]

warm beer must be a matter of taste. I'll take a nicely chilled Tuborg, please. And it's just not a heritage aspect, I honestly like it.

[Trolldeg]

bah! beer is for sissies, a real man drinks a sparkly umbrella-drink!

[azraelle]

I know no one will agree with me--probably tell me it's a religious thing--but IMHO, warm or cold, horse p*** is horse p***!

[ShockQueen]

I'll agree with you! I can't STAND the taste of beer. Give me a nice sake or plum wine anytime. Or...have a shot of vodka followed by a 'butter baby' (sometimes called a 'cowboy c***sucker') - pretty good really.

[shyguy]

Who's getting them in? make mine a diet coke with ice Cheers....

[Firefox]

I knew that comment was going to send this thread spiralling off topic Charlie! But since I'm here, just for the record I'm a cold lager beer fan. I'm not so keen on the traditional British Brown beer offerings with one or two exceptions. Now what were we saying?.....

[Driver8]

I'm from the US, so Firefox and I can sit down over pints of Bass or Newcastle, and trash talk that horrible urine that I am ashamed to admit my fellow Yanks call "beer". <font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Driver8 on 2002-05-21 21:01 ]</font>

[Firefox]

Beer drinkers go here !

http://www.hhplace.org/hhboard/viewtopic.php?topic=563&forum=15&0

[terayon]

canadian beer is the best

[azraelle]

I guess I agree with you, if only because it couldn't be any worse than American!

[Laurieheels]

Hey, the beer topic is in the general discussion forum now. Scoot! Skat! Git!

[Tom-NL]

Skol to you, Laurie

[Laurieheels]

Tom, thanks! Skol! I forgot to say that when I had my Tuborg last Saturday. Darn!

[Trolldeg]

You mean "skål?"

[Laurieheels]

I'm not a Swede, and I spell phonetically. Jeg er en sod Dansk pige.

[Susan (the original)]

When I first started participation on the forums after becoming aquainted with Jenny's site it didn't take long for me to realize I had stepped into an environment that was unfamiliar and which I was unprepared for. Unfortunately I had already placed a summary of my lifestyle and full time endeavor wearing the very high heels in Jenny's story section. Sharing in that my personal reasons, my feelings and emotions, the conditioning, study, and training to accomplish my devotion to an aquired "manner", and most importantly my family. It was indeed "my story". I was under the impression I had found a host of people with similar interests with whom to share. Little did I know what I had gotten into. The original question or topic of this thread opens a vast array of thoughts. My husband and I traveled extensively, as I still do. Never had I encountered men wearing high heels in the circle of people and activities we were associated with. My only experience with men wearing high heels has been a bit over three years on these forums. That experience has been bitter-sweet at best and incredibly nasty at the worst. I've never made any excuses for my opinion on men wearing high heels. It's incredibly unmanly and there's nothing attractive about it. That's just my opinion and it's of no value to anyone except me, that's a given. I've been told on these forums I'm disgusting, that's their opinion, so I can have one also. My position from the beginning has been, do as you like it's OK with me, just don't force it upon me. I'll challenge anyone to show where I have be-littled, name called, harrassed, or anything of the sort (except to defend myself) the fella's and their high heels in those three years. For me and some others, women, what was levied out to me from many of these fella's has been a cruel lesson. From being told my children should have died at birth to the character assassination of my husband (after his death), with a long list of hate and contempt thrown at me in-between, I'm constantly told I'm "too sensitive" and I shouldn't be "offended". No one's ever answered the question of "why" I shouldn't be offended. There is much discussion about personalities and character surrounding women who don't cotton to men wearing high heels but no one will touch this. At the early part of this thread two ladies responded. One gave the "correct" answer, the other had to defend her self. Further into the thread the discussion turns to the acceptance of an unacceptable trait of one's mate. To each their own but no wonder the divorce rate is 50%. Why choose a mate with a trait which is unacceptable? In the realm of "logic", that's completely "illogical". I believe it was Azraelle who shared his thoughts about "Signifcant Others" and the precious commodity that is. You have my profound respect and I dearly wish you the best in finding another "Significant Other". I lost mine to cancer and I can't imagine there being another. As I said at the on-set, my experience with men wearing high heels is limited to the internet and these forums as we know them. It would be terribly unfair for me to suggest "all" of the gentlemen have treated us poorly. The actions take president over words and a few gentlemen have demonstrated an exceptional respect that cannot be denied. I thank you. "What do women think about men in high heels"? In the end from most of what I have experienced and witnessed, if I encountered a man wearing high heels and he were to approach me, the experience would likely be very uncomfortable. Susan

[hoverfly]

Quote: "What do women think about men in high heels"? In the end from most of what I have experienced and witnessed, if I encountered a man wearing high heels and he were to approach me, the experience would likely be very uncomfortable. " The fact is a shoe "high heel" is a man made object that can be altered to suit ones purpose, man or women. It's also there to be utilized to create an identity. It does not represent anything by it's self. It's the person wearing the shoe and the person who dislikes men wearing high heels is what gives it an identity and/or image. It may not be "normal" for a woman to see a man wearing high heels. But it's normal to him to be wearing them. If the shoe fits, wear it. If your S/O dose not like you wearing high heels, either part your ways and find somebody else. Or she has to get over it, or be at least tolerant. Men has put up with the same amount of bull crap with women with other issues as well. Either they accept it, be tolerant of it, or gone their separate ways. At times it is important to pursue your own happiness. Why be in a relationship that makes you unhappy? If you are happy with the way things are with your self and S/O, then good for you. Even if it’s for you own individual happiness you have worked to getter toured each owns happiness as a family as well. But 50 percent of the time this does not happen for those who divorce because they worked against each other for their own happiness not to getter. <font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: hoverfly on 2002-05-27 07:24 ]</font>