What do women think about men in high heels?

[Geoffrey]

I know that there are women here on this forum and I would like to know your opinion about men wearing high heels.

[Laurieheels]

My opinion is a double standard. I think men shuld wear what they like and be happy. But at the same time, I wouldn't get into a relationship with a man who wore heels. Jealousy on my part, I am the one who wears the heels, he shouldn't. I can be friends with a man who wears heels, I do not mind being in public with such men, no, not at all. But I cannot date one, I would be jealous and feel that I lost some of the attention. Besides, I'd rather date a pure admirer, this way I can really feel that attention for wearing heels.

[IHeels]

Not a drama, after seeing some of the presentations here, see photo's they look quite good. Go for it guy's! Inga

[JeffB]

It's good that ladies like Laurie and Inga are so openminded about men wearing heels. At the office, I've gotten plenty of compliments about my shoes, saying things like: "You wear them really well" or "Those pumps look great on you!" I think most people realize that shoes are shoes, nothing more and can ignore the gender connotation associated with them. I guess that's why I haven't had any trouble with my female co-workers.

[Firefox]

Certainly a paradox Laurie because if you were dating someone, you presumably(?) wouldn't being trying to attract too much external male attention However, my experience of being with another girl both wearing heels is that as a couple you get more than the fair share of attention than you would individually. The sum of the whole is greater than that of the parts in this respect.

[JeffB]

Something I forgot to mention in my previous post. A couple of my female co-workers have told me that they admired me for the courage I've shown to wear high heels in public. One lady said, "It takes plenty of machismo for a guy to wear women's shoes!" So, what does that say for all the legions so-called "macho" guys out there who wouldn't be caught dead wearing heels? Gents! We may be a minority, but we definitely have a serious leg up on those clowns!

[Laurieheels]

On 2002-05-12 13:03, Firefox wrote:

Certainly a paradox Laurie because if you were dating someone, you presumably(?) wouldn't being trying to attract too much external male attention However, my experience of being with another girl both wearing heels is that as a couple you get more than the fair share of attention than you would individually. The sum of the whole is greater than that of the parts in this respect.

I share so much, I feel this is one area where I need to have some selfish feelings. If I date a man who is secure, trusts me and is not jealous, then wearing the heels doe attract attention, and the men can be jealous of him because he is with me. That's the bonus effect. Some men don't understand this because they aren't comfortable. They lack courage and confidence.

Of course, what JeffB was saying about women thinking of him as brave and macho, well there you go, a man should be daring. So called real men are actually afraid of so much in this world. They aren't real, they are charicatures. If a man were a real man, he would be a good one, and have great relationships, and be proud that his partner showed off.

I still hold to my paradox, however.

[DandyDude]

My personal experience is that women who like men wearing heels tend to be into clothing themselves. Not in a fashionable sense per se, but more as an extension of their personality/sexuality.

[DandyDude]

...also, I've been told(as well as figured out) that having the balls to wear heels is actually very masculine and very appealling to women. I pretty much agree with JB. As for Laurie. You would turn down a date with a man because he wears heels? Because you think you won't get enough attention? I would think a man who wears heels would give you so MUCH attention that any problem with attention from others would be offset. Would you call a man who gives you shoes as gifts of love "attention"? How about a man who, although he is not married, would be willing to build an extra climate-controlled room onto the house so his wife could have and continue to expand her shoe collection? I think you ought to look a bit more before you make such generalisations.

[Firefox]

I'm a bit confused here. Guys, heels, approval... Ok thus far... dates, beginning to lose the plot... climate controlled rooms?... gulp. There are some things that reasoned conversation will not explain so I'm going to give up on this. (agree on generalisations though) <font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Firefox on 2002-05-13 02:58 ]</font>

[DandyDude]

Okay Fox...I just felt I had to respond to Laurie's sexism re men wearing heels. After all, how does she know other women wouldn't envy her for having a man who was secure in himself and his masculinity enough to wear heels? A lot of women complain about men expecting them to accentuate their looks whilst being sloppy themselves.

[DandyDude]

...my point was that with the right man she would get PLENTY of attention.

[terayon]

would you dump a guy if you found out he liked to wear heels AFTER you were already dating?

[Charlie]

Nah, I don't mind the fact that Laurie wouldn't like dating a man that wore heels too. I don't think she's being sexist here at all. After all, nobody is more understanding than she w/regards to men wearing heels, and frankly, what I like best about her posts is the blunt honesty. Besides, we all say that we'd not date this or that type of person, but when such a person comes around and the chemistry is there, this all gets thrown to the wind. There's just too many factors to consider. People are very complex. Charlie

[Laurieheels]

Dandydude, I am offended! Generalization? Sexism? You don't know me very well, do you. My opinion is a very specific, very Laurie oriented concept. I admit, it is a paradox. Can I go out on a date with a man who wears heels? Yes, I mentioned I could hang out with men who wore heels and it is no problem. My own personal preference, my own, as in me, specific, not general, is for a man I am having a "relationship" with to be an admirer opposed to a wearer. It is an issue of being selfish, not about sexism or generalizations. Gee, didn't you read what i typed? I do not appreciate the attack. Charlie, thank you very much. Terayon, you asked a question about would I continue to date a man after I found out he wore heels. Yes, obviously I would still give it a try because there must have been something with personality that brought us together. My personal preferences are just that, and at least a few people have seen this. I am the only one who knows my life very well, and only I can decide what I would like or not like. It's based on emotions and feelings, and thanks for trying to make it so cold and clinical, Dude.

[DandyDude]

Sorry if I was a bit brusque, Laurie. Maybe it comes from being attacked a lot? Anyway, it's very possible for a man to wear heels AND be an admirer of women who wear them as well. I know I am. I've posted elsewhere on these boards that my favorite "look" on a woman is "pulled together". You know, a sort of retro-pinup-bombshell look. Very dressy. I would say that women that have been attracted to me have had shoe collections. I've known women who have posed for modern pin-up art wearing their own shoes and dresses. I'm also a big admirer of the classic pin-up art as well. Again, my apologies.

[Laurieheels]

Actually, I am not attacked very much. Why? Because I kick bottom where needed and everyone knows, more or less, that I am the silly fun girl, and everything I say is really just my own perspective. I just speak my mind is all. And I type fast! If people like what I say, great, if not, then don't read it! See? easy peasy. You have every right to do what you want, and share what you think about how things should be. I know that I shouldn't care what a man wears on his feet if he is dating me, but it's not that simple for me in that context. I am still going to support everyone here, male or female, in the pursuit of wearing whatever they like in any situation. I can be friends with anyone, and I think it is great that men can find self expression through heels. So don't attack, be friendly! That's always more fun...

[DandyDude]

Okay Laurie...I understand. You were commenting on certain contradictions re your thoughts on the subject. I respect your honesty(and your reasoning powers). I enjoy a good argument, so that may have had something to do with my approach. Also, awhile back I posted on a music board that I wear heels(the topic was glam-rock) and from the reaction I got, you would have thought I'd confessed some horrible crime. As for my posting, I have found that women who are attracted to me tend to be into retro-glamourous personal style. I collect pin-up art and that gives me a subject to break the ice with women as well. Hoping things are okay now.

[azraelle]

Having found, unfortunately after my divorce, that relationships with Significant Others are the most precious commodity on the planet, were I to find another lady of my dreams, especially one that liked to wear heels, and she were to say to me "get rid of your heels if you want this to seriously continue", getting rid of my heels would be a no-brainer! It should have been a no-brainer when I was married (to the girl of my dreams), but I digress. "Kicking against the pricks", as it were, harms only oneself.

[Arctic]

...were I to find another lady of my dreams, especially one that liked to wear heels, and she were to say to me "get rid of your heels if you want this to seriously continue", getting rid of my heels would be a no-brainer! ...

I can very well imagine being put in such a position some day. But for me it wouldn't be such an easy thing to do, I'd rather find a compromise (eg. hiding them and wearing them when you are not with him/her). It's actually pretty much what I'm doing now.

Bert

[Jeff]

I think it al depends on the person. For some it is easy to hide things for their s/o for years and years, for other not. I couldn't do it, that's for sure.

If I ever find that special person in my life she'll have to at least accept the fact that I wear heels, like would be better ofcourse, but I'll settle for acceptance. Without mutual acceptance I see no solid base for a relationship.

_________________

Greetz, Jeff

---

"She's going shopping, shopping for shoe-oe-oe-oes

She wants them in magenta and Caribbean blue-ue-ue-ue" - Imelda, Mark Knopfler

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: Jeff on 2002-05-14 22:18 ]</font>

[phuonginheels]

I have mixed feelings. I think men look a bit vulnerable when they are on heels and not look so dominant anymore. On the other hand i think it's also good that they wear heels when they like it and i think i could still be friends with a man wearing high heels. I think maybe i just need to get used to the idea before i could date a man in heels. But i'm open minded enough to deal with that

[Driver8]

I don't have a problem with women who don't like men in heels, I simply wouldn't date one of them! The deeper issue for me is that if she doesn't like it, it's probably because she likes traditional gender roles (or at least that the man remain in his traditional role whereas she is free to do what she likes). But the traditional male role is a form of self-sacrificial slavery, and I won't play that role for anyone...

[azraelle]

On 2002-05-14 20:47, Bert wrote:

...I'd rather find a compromise (eg. hiding them and wearing them when you are not with him/her). It's actually pretty much what I'm doing now.

Bert

Trouble is that women feel their confidences betrayed when they find out you have been hiding something for however many years (and they WILL find out!); maybe they're more naturally suspicious than men? Anyway, the almost universal followup in their mind is "If he has been hiding this so well all these years, what ELSE has he hidden from me?" It just doesn't help a relationship at all to hide a secret like wearing high heels.

_________________

Hi-Heels and Back-Zipper Pants Forever...

<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: azraelle on 2002-05-16 12:27 ]</font>

[Laurieheels]

It's not easy for women to accept men in heels. For a manly style of heel, yes, sure, like boots with thicker heels. That's easy enough, many shorter men have done this and still do it, with no complaints. Yes, some women are stuck in the gender roles, but it runs deeper than that. Some women, and I admit, I do fall into this at times, like to be women in every sense of the word. It's a feeling that is difficult to describe. If heels that are not androgynous are brought into the issue, the woman feels like her own femininity is threatened. For me it's not bad, but for some women it can be a huge issue. For example, when some women find out their husbands are secret CDs, there are two issues. The betrayal because the truth was not told, as mentioned above, and that is mixed with feelings of self doubt and being devalued as a woman. Obviously, if the husband is using women's clothing for some reason, the wife feels she has less value as a woman. And when a woman who likes to be feminine feels threatened, she cannot deal with it. Shoes are not as extreme, but in some ways, if a husband is wearing a feminine style, the wife may feel as if she is losing her value as a woman. That's my perspective on the matter, anyway. Of course, I can handle it better, but I still have the same feelings as I described.

[Driver8]

Without the gender role issue (she wants a manly man), how does having a femme husband threaten her femininity at all? Is it so weak that it requires masculinity to contrast it, like a tall person who only wants to be seen next to short people so they appear that much taller? In summary, if a woman is comfortable with her femininity, she is assured that it will remain there no matter who she associates with. One thing I never understood about non-androgynes is how they respect each other. If I were a manly man, I would not understand femininity, and if I were being honest, would disdain and reject it as being weak, frivolous, stupid, and shallow. The same goes for femme women -- what can they possibly see in masculine men, since they don't admire those qualities? If they did admire those qualities, they would aspire to them for themselves. But if a femme woman (or masculine man) wants respect and understanding, and not just expectations of service and traditional theatre roles, they'll need someone who has some of other energy themselves.

[Driver8]

How sad if a woman feels her greatest value to her husband is only her femininity, and not her individuality. Her individuality makes her irreplaceable: "Jane Q." is the best Jane Q. out of six billion people! But in terms of femininity, she is outdone by most of the chicks on TV and in the magazines. She is turning herself into something of a prostitute or a porn actress: a painted symbol of an abstract archetype. And it will fade with age, whereas her individuality will only get stronger. Acting roles are temporary, truth is eternal! Just droppin' some science...anyone who thinks I am attacking femininity here as a concept hasn't understood what I mean and shouldn't bother responding. I'm not trying to start a flame war, only kick around some potent ideas...

[DesertHeeler]

If you admire a quality in another person of your sex, you will want to acquire that qaulity, but you can admire a quality in a person of the opposite sex and have no desire to acquire to that quality. If you are secure in who you are, then what somebody else is or does is not going to damage your sense of self-worth, whether we are talking about feminity/masculinity, intelligence, athletic ability or anything else.

[Firefox]

I agree about the deceit thing. You should be honest with your partner about everything whether it's heels, or whatever, even if you have cheated each other then you should be honest about it. Then the relationship has a chance to heal. I can't understand the thing about being feminine/masculine or not. Your personal qualities and your own individuality are the most important thing. How someone else dresses cannot change your personal qualities.

[azraelle]

I think women have a rather different idea of what makes a man "manly" or "masculine" than how most men would define those terms. As to specifics, I'm about as clueless as a person can get--I would VERY MUCH like to see this topic discussed (perhaps a new category?); I've even gone so far as to consider asking my fellow (female) students how they define (or "what qualities do you look for in guys") manly/masculine. All I really do know is that I hated my dad so much that I rebelled against just about everything that HE thought was manly, and I STILL ended up very much like him in so many negative ways...