Heels and kids

[manus]

Hello, I'm married and I'm very happy (proud, satisfied...) to have a little girl (only 3 months). I use to wear hiheel boots at home and sometimes on the street... My little girl is still very young, but I don't really know what to do... Can I keep wearing my heels, or is it better to stop and only wear them in absolute privacy? Do you have children? What do you do? Can you help me? Thank you

[sscotty727]

I also have two girls (3yrs and 6yrs). I wear heels, not pumps, but block heels. I figure they might as well grow up seeing dad in heels. That way it won't be unusual for them. Of course I don't make it blantly obvious, but I don't shy from wearing them either. My daughter (6yr old) did ask me one time about it and I just said alot of shoes/clothes are unisex which means both men and women can wear them. So far she seems to have accepted it:)

Here are a few examples:

I wear these alot when we go shopping and wore them to a family get together last weekend!

Wearing right now with blue jeans

I actually wear these to work

Good luck,

Scotty

[manus]

You are probably right. I think the best thing to do is wear the heels as normal shoes... I think I will have to show, one day, to my family that I like to wear heels. I must admit that I'm really scared to talk about this to my family... I think I must act like an adult... but I'm still afraid I don't want my little girl to be disturbed by the way people look at her father on the street. How do you act when you are street heeling with your daugters and someone "looks at" your boots? And what about negative feedback from people?

[sscotty727]

Manus, You know your family so please take what I say with a "grain of salt". If you think it would cause more "issues" then by all means do what you think is right. As far as my situation goes, as you might have read, my wife isn't "thrilled" by my heel wearing, but she has become tolerant and supportive. I think she started relaxing more when her sister said she thought it was fine. Anyway, I wouldn't call attention to the fact your wearing womens shoes and announce "daddy is now wearing womens heels", that would cause confusion and odd feelings. Instead, just wear them and let her see they are normal for both, men and women, old and young. Also, my wife does enforce I can wear heels in public and infront of the girls as long as they are not too femine (pumps, thin heels, pointy toes, etc). Get your wife involved as soon as possible and don't get discourged if you have to wear more subtle heels in the beginning. Read my success and Shyguy's success as well as others. Good luck and please don't hesitat to ask me questions if you need any advice. Scotty

[sscotty727]

Oops, missed one of your questions. Actually if you wear them with confidence and style, you will be surprised that no one does notice. If they do, they have kept it to themselves. Imaging walking to the local mall with your daughter and you pass a guy in a mohawk and peircings all over his face. Do you stop and say anything to him or just pass and maybe answer your daughters questions after he is out of earshot? I suspect others might do the same if they do infact notice. But again as someone pointed out, unless your blantent (6" pink heels fully visable would be an example) the majority of the population probably doesn't even look at your feet. Those of us that do have a foot/shoe fetish anyway and probably don't care. Good luck, Scotty

[sscotty727]

Also, here is a pic I posted in another thread. You can show your wife and let her see how non-femine boots with jeans look. Hope it helps.

Scotty

[silver]

I say that if you feel you shouldn't, then you shouldn't, listen to your conscience. I would say you need to ask who you love more: You or her, because if your wearing your womans shoes, its for your pleasure, right? Im not trying to judge. Im sure a good idea would be to talk to a pshycologist or someone to find out about how the shoes could influence your daughter as she grows up. I wear womans shoes and although I don't have kids yet, I have decided that when kids come, the shoes go. From then on I will just enjoy my wife wearing sexy high heels. Silver

[sscotty727]

Im sure a good idea would be to talk to a pshycologist or someone to find out about how the shoes could influence your daughter as she grows up.

So now I am causing pshycological "damage" by wearing heels? I show both girls lots of love and support. We do stuff as a family, I don't "abuse" them as you insinuate. They are growing up just fine. I don't put too much stock in what "shrinks" say or do anyway, they know very little except what a text book tells them.

Anyway, like I said in my message before, I don't wear shoes that are overtly "feminine" in front of them. Definetly only square/round toes, thick block heels, and black or brown. All the other shoes in my collection I only wear when they are not around. Besides, if we insist that heels are unisex but we "hide" them from everyone, aren't we just admitting they aren't "unisex"? Did the first few guys that had earrings take them out when the kids were around? I wear toe rings 24/7 for over 3 years now. Should I hide them because they are for girls only??

Again, I don't know YOUR situation, you do what is right for you (all of you, the wife NEEDS to be fully involved as mine is).

Scotty

[Firefox]

All this stuff about psychologists and psychiatrists is an unecessary in my opinion. It seems to be a very prevalent thing in the USA especially. These guys are not needed 99% of the time and most of the time they just make it up as they go along. To be honest, common sense is a better substitute for the psy-guys. You will also save on the (no-doubt) expensive "consultancy" fees! You won't psychologically influence anyone by a little alternative fashion. They'll soon get used to it and it will become nothing. The best argument I heard against wearing heels with his daughter or where her friends could see was that given by Dr Shoe. He said that he didn't because he didn't want them to possibly make fun of her becauseof his alternative fashion tastes. Peer pressure from fellow teenagers is a relavent argument in certain circles. The other stuff isn't.

[Bubba136]

What FF says makes the most sense. I also have two daughters. They've both finished college, married and are living away from home. Throughout their lives, I've not worn heels around them in deference to my wife's wishes. There was never any question as to should I, could I, or would I. My wife made her feelings quite clear when we agreed to get married. And, I've always respected her wishes.

[silver]

Whoa, I was just suggesting, I didn't insinuate anything, especially not abuse. I don't know you enough to make that judgement. I think it's important to ask someone who would give you a different look on things, it doesn't have to be a phsycologist. The least we can do is respect each others oppinions, and obviously you all have more experience with these issues than I do, just listen to your conscience.

[sscotty727]

Silver: Truce. As I said in my first post, you have to judge your own situation. Since my daughters are young enough and we have a close relationship, I feel very comfortable wearing heels in front of them, at home and outside. My wife and both sister-in-laws support it and don't think it odd. Again, I don't wear obviously femine heels and I do wear long pants that over the heels when I go out. If my daughters were like 10 and I wanted to start wearing heels, I would probably think twice. Since they are still young, they will probably be used to seeing dad in heels and not think it odd. When my daughter gets older though and starts having friends around (if heels on men are still "taboo" by then) and if she is embarissed about me wearing heels, yes I will plan on more conservative wear when friends are around. I will not back down from wearing them elsewhere. I am who I am, just as we have to accept others for who they are. Scotty

[Skirted-UK]

I agree with Fox, I think Dr Shoe has a very good point. You might be able to convince your children that it's normal to wear woman's shoes but then they have to convince their friends who might think that it's very weird. Soon the whole school will know that you wear woman's shoes, this could result in your children being bullied or being taunted about their weird father, children can be very cruel. The result of this is that you will have unhappy kids and a lot of grief from your wife. I have always found that it's best to keep my unusual fashion preferences secret, that way you keep your children and wife happy. With regards to SILVER getting rid of his shoe when the kids come along. I always planed to get rid of my skirts and shoes when I got married, but when the time came I could not bring myself to do it. Wearing heels is a personal thing, if you are married with kids its best kept secret.

[Skirted-UK]

I agree with Fox, I think Dr Shoe has a very good point. You might be able to convince your children that it's normal to wear woman's shoes but then they have to convince their friends who might think that it's very weird. Soon the whole school will know that you wear woman's shoes, this could result in your children being bullied or being taunted about their weird father, children can be very cruel. The result of this is that you will have unhappy kids and a lot of grief from your wife. I have always found that it's best to keep my unusual fashion preferences secret, that way you keep your children and wife happy. With regards to SILVER getting rid of his shoes when the kids come along. I always planed to get rid of my skirts and shoes when I got married, but when the time came I could not bring myself to do it. Wearing heels is a personal thing, if you are married with kids its best kept secret.

[sscotty727]

Keeping it away from your wife is NOT a good idea, no secret is. It will come out and then things will get worse. This was discussed in DEPTH here a long time ago. Suppressing yourself won't work either, again that too was discussed in DEPTH. The best policy I have heard here is to talk openly with your wife and work things out. Things here are far more open with my heel wearing than at first, I didn't push but just showed my wife her opinion counted and we worked things out together. Again, where I am now with regards to wearing with my daughters might be different in the furture. I don't intend on hiding it from them, but I will honor their requests to NOT wear them infront of her friends if that comes up. Again, I will say this for the umteenth time, every situation is different, you need to work out your situation based on your parameters. Judging others is NOT a good thing. Scotty

[Bubba136]

By all means, sscotty727, it's your call. However, keep in mind the sayings that are popular with the younger crowd at the moment: "what goes around comes around" as well as "it's my life and I can screw it up as badly as I want to." Should you decide that wearing heels around your daughters is the right thing to do, be prepared to bear the consequences of your decision should things go awry in the future. Now, as Dr. Laura would say, "go do the right thing" -- and I wish you well in whatever decision you take.

[manus]

My wife accepts the fact that I like to wear heels, so I would not have any problems with her. But in order to make up my mind I need to know the "consequences"... To choose I need information: the consequences. What is going to happen if I choose to wear heels in front of my baby... what kind of social consequences? any consequences on my baby (emocional, social, family...)? I try to think about consequences... can you help me? Thank you very much for your advices .

[sscotty727]

First of all, I want to appologize to everyone for my "over-reaction" to what I took as a personal attack. I have been feeling sick the past few days and am not in the best of minds.

To answer, there are pluses and minues to every situation. Yes you are setting a trend and the most important thing is to have a strong close relationship to your daughter. However yes I concede there could be "negative" consequences as your daughter gets older. YOU are going to have to judge/gage that based on your relationship with your wife/daughter. Openness is key.

As for me, my wife and I have already agreed that my cover-story for "heel-wearing" publically is that it is based on medical reasons (EVERYONE knows I have a real bad back and to be honest, wearing the heels has helped out although it could be more physcological---Yes I misspelled that, sorry). Anyway, if people other than my wife or sister-in-laws ever question, that is going to be my cover-story. That is why I wear more masculine heels in public, NEVER anything too femine (matter of fact, if my wife disapproves of them I don't go out in them--period).

Again, I concede that could all change as my daughter gets older. I plan on monitoring the situation and if it starts to become a burden to my daughters well being, guess what? THEY (my daughters) come first, the heels last.

Anyway, and I say this not in anger but in letting others express their opnions, I probably said enough on this topic and I think you should get a good sampling of everyones opinions and make your decision WITH your wife. Only the two of you will know and can make the determination on what is best for your situation.

Best of luck and once again, sorry to everyone!

Scotty

[ajoachim]

Hi manus, imagine your grandmother. Did she ever think of hiding her trousers from her children, because they had been menswear? Just put your shoes on witout thinking too much of it. And the more self-confident you do this, less trouble there will be. BTW, little girls in pre- or primary school age are the ones who look most interested in my shoes. One can see that it gets their mind working... Boys don't mind. Axel

[ajoachim]

ok, my first post on this board. Perhaps I should say hi to everyone. I wear highheels (10 cm, block and stilletto) approx. once or twice a week, out on the street. Daylight, no hiding, but with a well coordinated look. And if I should have children some day, they will learn that it's totally ok for a man to wear these kind of shoes. Axel

[manus]

Thank you again for your answers. I will think about this and I will, of course, inform you about our (with my wife) final decision. My wife accepts me to wear heels in front of my daughter... But I want to be sure before act. Thank you very much. sscotty727: thank you for your opinion (You don't need to apologize)

[silver]

sscotty727: You seem to have your head on straight and I look forward to hearing more from you.

[tightlevisandhhboots]

I haven't graduated to full on womens heels, but my hhCowboy boots I wear not only infront of my kids, but to church and everywhere I go. No one seems to say anything except "Nice Boots, where did you get them!" tightlevisandhhboots

[sscotty727]

Well, as I have said before, I have no problem wearing my chunky heels (boots and shoes) infront of my girls. I even wore my chunky black heels Tuesday when I voted and later when I had to go to see her teacher (we had a parent/teacher conference). No one thought anything of it. I later wore them to work. On Thursday and Friday I wore my tan boots and then wore them back home. Not once odd look. What I won't wear in front of my girls is my thin heeled pumps. I think it is easier for everyone to accept chunky heels are ok for men, but I think you WILL get odd looks with thin heels. Just my 2 cents. Scotty PS: I wear my chunky heels to church also.

[tightlevisandhhboots]

Good for you scotty!! tightlevisandhhboots

[sscotty727]

Well, the topic finally came up with my daughter (age 7). She saw my new wedge boots:

And said "Daddy, are those men's or women's because they sorta look like women's". Well, I said they are either, matter of fact they wore very similiar pair on the original Star Trek.

Well, I started to think about it and thought, she is starting to get of age of knowing things and ducking questions wouldn't be a great way to go. Also, I can't just stop wearing them all of a sudden because she has already seem me wearing heels (just not overly feminine) and I don't want to just hide them because eventually she will find out.

Anyway, I don't really want to lay on the whole men's movement to wear heels on a 7 yr old, so I did kinda give her my backup excuse "You know how daddy wears high heels all the time? Well, I have a bad back and I wear them because it makes my back feel better and sometimes they are not always available in men's styles, but I choose my shoes that are less feminine looking (to be honest, that is true, maybe not my primary reason, but it does help my back feel better)."

Anyway, she said she understood. What is funny is I told her not to tell everyone about me wearing them, but then she said that her friends in school have noticed them and asked why her daddy wears high heels (guess kids are more observent than we thought!). Anyway, I told her to just tell them the reason is because of my back. She seems cool with it, so atleast I don't have to hid that from her anymore.

Anyone else have similiar experiences?

Scotty

[DeSalto]

Hi guys One of my greatest concerns is how to deal with my kids when they reach the age to explore the house. I´m a straight married guy, one son and second on the way. As some of you know from my posts, I´m the owner of a growing collection of about 50 pairs of heels, all of them in a very sexy fem style - very high stilettos, strappy sandals, ankle strap d´orsays, patent leather pumps, stripper plataforms, and more. I can remember when I was a young teenager boy and there were no place in the house that I had not explored, including my parents closets. Talking to my wife she said the same happened to her. It means that it would have been almost impossible for our parents to hide more than 50 pairs of heels from me or her. As my heels are stored in my closet and my wife´s feet are a lot smaller than mine, I wonder how to explain to my curious kids why there are so many big sized heels in their father´s closet if someday they decide to explore my personal belongings. It may be worse: kids can find the collection, by association discover they belong to daddy (who else has a feet as large as those heels in the house?), they can become too shocked to talk about it with me or my wife, affecting our father and son relationship without me knowing why.... I don´t believe that any prohibitions, hidden places, locked closets or anything else can stop a kid - all my explorations were done when my parents were out, without their knowledge or permission. I did not want to pick anything, it was just a huge curiosity. I´m shure many of you guys are married with children. It would be very usefull to me if you told me your personal experience or opinion about this issue. Best Regards DeSalto

[heelium]

Hi DeSalto, Sorry I have no answers for you, I can only say that you are not alone in this situation, as I too have a young son, with who'm I have a very precious father/son relationship. My wife & I are always telling him that we want him to be honest with us, & that he can talk to us if something is bothering him-in that respect I am operating double standards as there are things that I keep from him, he is just too young to understand-nor do I want to burden him with it. Its a problem that simply shouldnt be, they are just items of footwear/clothing for goodness sake, in all other respects I consider myself a good father--always room for improvement nevertheless, but we possibly stand the chance of something simple spoiling an otherwise good relationship. I wish there was a simple answer to this, this is the one aspect of my heeling that gets me down . Heelium

[dr1819]

Three situations: Supportive wife, no worries about what the child might tell his friends: Just be yourself. Supportive wife, but worried about what the child might tell his friends: Be cautious in your heel wear, consider more conservative styles, etc. Non-supportive wife: Regardless of whether you're concerned about what the child might tell his friends, if your wife is unsupportive, it seriously enforces whatever damage could be done with respect to what your child might tell his friends, teachers, neighbors, etc., and could cause an unsupportive wife to decide enough is enough, and leave, often with enough ammunition to obtain sole custody. If you wife knows of your heeling, let her know your concerns and ask her opinion. Compare that to your own and take the more conservative route.

[ShockQueen]

Well, my kids grew up with "daddy's fancy shoes", so it's no big deal in our house. As long as you raise your kids with an open mind, then it's all good. I've never made any attempt to hide it from them, so everything is all out in the open.