Loosing The Ones We Love.

[ilikekicks]

In another topic, there was a small twist in a conversation. Shafted stated to take the whole religious aspect out of it ( Honestly, there wasnt a religious aspect IMO to begin with ) but there was still something that needed to be addressed.

 

Im starting to age now. I hit the grand marker of 45 years this summer and I did take a look back on life in general as I think I hit the ' half way point '.

 

An aspect of the conversation was in regards to how this individual felt about their parents.

 

The odd thing about it.. I think hes making the same mistakes as I ( and probably many others ) have in our past. ' Mistake ' I say? Yes, in my instance ( and probably others ) we do ( now ) feel these were mistakes.

 

So, a thread to those we were wrong about and why we feel such.

 

I had a grandfather that I didnt see for the last 15 years ( or so ) of his life. He was really ' old school '. Pennsylvania ' dutch '. Not Amish, but pretty close to it.

 

To say we didnt see ' eye to eye ' would be a mis-statement of epic proportions.

 

The Last time I saw him, I came home on leave from the Military. It was right after the Gulf War ( 1990-1991 ). My grandmother was dying. I always liked her so I jumped a hop and came home to say goodbye.

 

Outside of their house, he told me ' Its good to see you looking human. not ragged with long hair. Your actually wearing a nice uniform for a change and showing some dignity.. '. I was wearing my Dress Blue Uniform at the time.

 

I told him " You kidding me? I ditched the hair and guitar for camo's and a machine gun. I roam the planet killing sand men and get paid for it! This is better then any bar brawl I have ever been in. The rush of combat beats cocaine anyday of the week! Get a f-ing clue guy! ".

 

One of my uncles and I had an ' altercation ' over what I said. ( yep, he was out cold, laying in the driveway while I was getting in a car to leave.). He was quite upset about what transpired.

 

I figured he didnt have long and I didnt need his ' shit ' in my life. I had more to worry about then some ole man and his beliefs at that time. He wasnt dodging bullets like I was. WTF would he know anyway? I knew what was right for me and what to believe in.

 

Reflecting back, I ( probably ) should have chosen my words better ( and not kicked the living crap out of my uncle as bad as I did ). I never did apologize and its something I do regret now that I wasted my chance of going to see him and setting things straight.

 

In his passing, I realized that there are somethings valuable and we dont ' get it ' till they are gone. 

 

From speaking with others, we often have a change of opinion about people after they pass on. We look back and ( sometimes ) wish we could have a mulligan and do things differently. We are absolutely unaware of what we are doing at the time and believe we are doing ' right ' when were just making things worse for our own thoughts later down the road.

 

Im a MUCH different guy then whom I used to be 20-30 years ago.

 

Anyone have a similar instance they wish to speak of?

[Guest]

We all change due to life experiances or peer groups we are with at the time. How often do we say "if I could rerun "that" event, knowing what I do now".

 

I'm getting close to 60, don't think it but my body knows it, to jump back to my mid 20s would be brill especially as things have changed, a 20 something male heeler would be so much cooler than a 60old.

 

Back on the serious line, missing seeing a relative of friend before their passing, being able to say something that is so important and should have been said before, yet never thought of until after. That "sorry I was out of order to say that".

 

My paternal grandfather died when I was 3, g'mother at 22. Father 20 years ago, mother 3 ago, friend 3 months back. Mother in law this month. with a fair scattereing of step parents and ex inlaws brings out the feeling actually they were "alright it was just their way".

 

I think it's part of the grieving that gives us that realisation of what wasn't said that could/should have been but it wasn't there to say or wasn't felt the right time. Also after the event when some history comes to light as to what was really happening at a certain point in your life that if we were aware of the truth we may think far better of the situation we were put in at the time. Secrets rarely get taken to the grave without someone knowing part of the story, a few words suddenly unlock the door. Isn't it better to be told fully when it involved you?

 

As the time draws near,

"Be at peace with your god/goddess, be at peace with yourself and those you love so they can understand the truths and be at peace with you."

 

Timing may never be perfect and often too late, I just wish that certain events that my father "employed" me on could have been spoken about truthfully.

 

Al

[Dr. Shoe]

I went to see my mother last Thursday. Mainly for funding reasons I don't get to see her very often and I was relieved at the fact that she doesn't seem to have gotten any worse.

 

She's 72 but suffers from Parkinson's Disease which makes her look like someone in their 90s. Much of it is self inflicted, she could easily get up if she was aware of the fact that she's far stronger than she's convinced herself she is. Before her diagnosis she lived a normal like of a confident and sassy lady in her 60s, she drove and walked down to the supermarket at least once a week. Now, two years later she can only walk with a zimmer frame.

 

The thing is, she probably already had her illness a couple of years before it was diagnosed but because she didn't know it she carried on as normal.

 

The point of my post is that you never now how long you have with those you love- even if you don't like them very much.

[Heelster]

This one is kinda weird for me, My father passed very recently - Oh well. My mother last November - still dealing with 3 generations of stuff in that house, Her mother a year and a half ago - her father is still around, but doesn't want anybody to see him.

 

Good thing I wasn't "close to any of them - makes it a whole lot easier.

[Histiletto]

I'm really proud of my children. They really have had some hurdles/stumbling blocks and some fairly successful ordeals to negotiate in the raising of their fairly young families. They know of my desire to wear heels, but under the conditions of their raising, they prefer to avoid the subject as something their father possibly does out of their sphere of existence. My position is to enjoy their company and help should the situation need me, but they are individuals with their own perspectives on living. I would only alienate them to bring up the subject. So as with my growing up, the significantly important people in my life will probably never really know me, which brings its moments of sorrow. I won't force my life or beliefs on them or anyone, just as I expect from everyone.

[meganiwish]

 

 

In his passing, I realized that there are somethings valuable and we dont ' get it ' till they are gone. 

 

 

 

Im a MUCH different guy then whom I used to be 20-30 years ago.

 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=94bdMSCdw20

 

Without wishing to presume, I expect you're the same person, but learnt how to handle that person.  Remember when you first used a hammer, and you hit your thumb, bent the nails, dented the wood?  But with experience you could hit a nail in cleanly, perhaps with one blow.  You get more experienced at being you, too., but it takes time.

 

I often meet ex-pupils, some in their thirties.  What's notable is that they haven't changed at all in the fundamentals, but they fit themselves better.  Childhood is too big shoes, adolescence overly tight clothes.  Then you regret that leopardskin catsuit.  Finally you grow into yourself.

[Foxyheels]

I would never regret a leopardskin catsuit, would be great with a pair of shiny black plats.

[Heals4me]

I would never regret a leopardskin catsuit, would be great with a pair of shiny black plats.

 

True,

 

I have never regretted wearing anything but do regret the things I didn't wear when I was younger. Leopardskin catsuits included.

 

My parents and grandparents are all gone and they never really knew me. I blame myself for that.

[meganiwish]

My friend Mary at the end of a staff meeting.  Someone says, 'I'm going to an Eighties party at the weekend, has anyone got a catsuit?'  Silence turns into an awareness that Mary has her head in her hands.  Sins can haunt you 20 years on.  At least Mary could recognise her sin.

[Shyheels]

Oh, I don't know. I can't speak to catsuits - they were never my thing, or faux pas, but I can recall wearing all sorts of rather garish bell bottoms, tie-dyes, headbands, Jesus shirts and the like back in the early 70s/late 60s and all it does is bring a smile. Everything has its season. I do remember convincing a friend of mine that a function at university we were both invited to was in fact a costume affair in which we were to come dressed as something connected with our field of study. He was a biologist, studying frogs (and also very naive) and so came to a formal reception with the vice chancellor dressed as a frog. I say he came to it. - what I mean is he opened the door and took a step in, saw everybody in academic gowns and beat a hasty retreat with the reddest face I have ever seen on anyone. (He was ginger haired and blushed well), he caught my eye in departing. Not a look I'll forget in a hurry. He may regret that fashion blunder. I don't know. It still brings a smile to my face though.