ilikekicks Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 This may seem a bit ' quarky ' but.. I'll try and be as honest as possible, The band I play with was asked once again to play a benefit at a ' Halloween ' type event. Basically a costume party. First thing my significant other ( if you can call her that.. ) stated was ' I have the perfect outfit for you to borrow! '. Really? Seriously? The decision has been made already before I or the band even accepts the invitation? As I have stated before/somewhere around the forum here, Im sometimes mistaken for being female. It gets annoying but Ive come to accept that Im never going to be some hulking muscle bearing type. I dont own any ' mens ' shoes at all outside of my workboots and they are a US mens 7.5 . Needless to say, I dont mind the fact that she was enthusiastic about a ' costume ' for me.. but I sort of have a problem with the concept of ' costume '. I like her clothes. I like the way she looks in them. I like the fact that I can fit into some of them and she doesnt mind if I borrow anything ' just because ' I might want to. She helps herself to my stuff, I to hers, ' mutuality ' at its best. I just have this mental barrier of sorts about ' costume '. How is it a costume when on any given occasion I can just gab anything and wear it? I think about a lot of you reading this, some of the men, and how they want to be accepted for just being who they are as ' themselves ', wearing whatever they desire to.. ' costume '? Sure, it sounds ' petty ', but it just doesnt sit right with me. I explained to her ' Thanks for the offer! But I must decline at this point as I dont even know if the bunch of us will accept the gig or not. We can talk more about it when that bridge is crossed first '. She was happy with that response. Im wondering on everyones thoughts/perceptions? Are what we wear simply a ' costume ' or an expression of ourselves? It it all nothing more then a ' get up ' to blend in? REPEATEDLY ARGUMENTATIVE, INSULTING AND RUDE. BANNED FOR LIFE.
SArmeah Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 As one over-analyst to another, relax. I know that she said she had the perfect costume you could borrow, but it sounds like you didn't get anymore detailed than that. Perhaps she has a complete look you have taken for granted, that you might see as a costume. Even if you blend the gender lines with clothing, there is still a separation between something on the fringe and a costume. I understand your apprehension but if she is trying to be supportive, let her. Don't let your fear and doubt cloud a moment that can easily be shared, and if you don't like her suggestion because it falls in line with your analysis, then find a way to tell her what you think so that she understands your position. Sounds like she loves the hell out of you. Love her back by giving her credit, not only for her but for yourself. Bear in mind I say all this from being in your position and assuming a few details. Hope that's what you asked for. SArmeah - "No one cares how much you know, till they know how much you care"
pussyinboots Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 I think that you are being far too over-sensitive and reading more into a perfectly ordinary situation than is necessary. I'm sure that your girlfriend's comments are perfectly innocent and well-meant. Her idea of a 'costume' is probably nothing more sinister than you dressing up as The Devil, a Wizard or a Pirate or some other 'character' role. I'm sure that the term 'costume' here means nothing more than 'fancy dress'. Besides, it's for a Halloween party remember, and really the whole point of it is to let your hair down, forget your own self-conciousness.....and have fun..! "Good Girls keep diaries....Bad Girls just don't have the time...!:icon_twisted:"
wood&metal Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 Color me, envious.... Never frown because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.
ilikekicks Posted October 6, 2011 Author Posted October 6, 2011 I appreciate the comments greatly. Thanks. We had a small talk about it and I explained that I dont believe normal clothing is a ' costume '. I do feel great appreciation for her being enthusiastic in these regards and that she was more then willing to help me out. REPEATEDLY ARGUMENTATIVE, INSULTING AND RUDE. BANNED FOR LIFE.
Tacchi Alti Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 So what are you going to wear? 'Come, and trip it as ye go On the light fantastic toe.' John Milton
Dr. Shoe Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 That's exactly the conundrum I faced a few years back. A Tgirl friend of mine was hosting a halloween party and after some deliberation I decided to go as a pirate. I let my beard grow for a few days, I wore tight leather jeans, flat thigh boots (argh sinner!), a stripey tee shirt and a bandana, finishing the look with a toy sword and eye patch. I had made the right decision because a lot of the others had come in male costume too which we all had a bit of a laugh about. The main reason behind it was the fact that a halloween costume is supposed to be for a laugh and going as Tara would have devalued myself. To go en femme would have been a bit like wearing normal non-work clothes. These days I'd go as a female pirate (or something) because I don't do male any more. Graduate footwear designer able to advise and assist on modification and shoe making projects.
ilikekicks Posted October 8, 2011 Author Posted October 8, 2011 So what are you going to wear? Well.. I dunno exactly. I'm.. How to put this.. well.. here it goes.. ( an explanation ) Recently in life, I've been TRYING to ' get along ' with others. Be ' more accepting ' to people of different interests. I give more thought to things instead of just reacting on instant. My last full-time girlfriend had a younger sibling that ( for lack of better terms ) had what *I* will call ' gender dysphoria. The individual didnt really know where they stood. I could have cared less as that PERSON was really great and we had a lot of fun hanging out while the girlfriend was doing errands, at work or just ' not around '. For them being in their late teens and me being in my 40's , I can say I learned a LOT about ' being human ' from them. I reflect on that individual ( and others ) when I give thought into doing some things. I now see some things as being ' wrong ' that I used to think were ' ok '. As Tara said earlier : " The main reason behind it was the fact that a halloween costume is supposed to be for a laugh and going as Tara would have devalued myself. ". I dont want to ' devalue ' anyone anymore. Its not uncommon for someone to call me ' miss ' when Im approached from certain angles and its really wearing on me.. My avatar is from last years halloween gig we played. Stuffed bra and a wig, but no waist helpers or anything. Im thinking of just ' giving in ' and letting the girlfriend do as she pleases, but she has to understand that Im not out to try and fool anyone, Im not out to be a ' woman ', Im not out to do anything but have fun at a gig and hope everyone around me enjoys the evening as much as I hope to myself. The Girlfriend ( Darian ) is talking ' Gothic Woman '. Not the new-aged want to be ' Goths ' ( more like Emos then anything else ), but a ' Victorian ' outfit. Nothing is final as of yet as somethings she has are.. umm.. too big for me ( I hope she never reads this or Im a dead man! ). I was thinking of the same outfit but with a nice top instead of a t-shirt. Ditch the hat.. Those Harem pants were VERY comfortable! I really cant wear heels as I use a set of floor-pedals as well as the guitar itself. Maybe a set of wedges? Theres usually a lot of chords and stuff laying around on stage and tripping on stuff is not uncommon.. Theres considerations that have to go into the ' costume '. One thing is for sure, that damn back-of-the-knee length wig is NOT going to be used! I caught my guitar strap on it and almost tore my head off! REPEATEDLY ARGUMENTATIVE, INSULTING AND RUDE. BANNED FOR LIFE.
Dr. Shoe Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 The normal convention is to refer to a gender dysphoric according to their acquired gender. A male to female would be "she", "her" and "hers" and a female to male would be "him", "he" and "his". Graduate footwear designer able to advise and assist on modification and shoe making projects.
Guest Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 Ilikekicks Go with the flow abit see what she has planned, could be spot on and perfect, may need tweaking, until you see you'll never know? Explanation of your avatar is great and I think it works very well, you wouldn't use it if you didn't like it. Dr shoe Wholeheartedly support that, next twist would I accept or give you a welcome kiss on meeting you? A big question for many? We shall meet one day. Al
ilikekicks Posted October 9, 2011 Author Posted October 9, 2011 Ilikekicks Go with the flow abit see what she has planned, could be spot on and perfect, may need tweaking, until you see you'll never know? Explanation of your avatar is great and I think it works very well, you wouldn't use it if you didn't like it. Al Well.. I came home from a good day at the track and found out she has something picked out.. Its basically this top and the haram pants I wore last year.. I dont think its going to look right at all.. A lace like top with those pants? Just saying.. REPEATEDLY ARGUMENTATIVE, INSULTING AND RUDE. BANNED FOR LIFE.
pussyinboots Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 Pretty top.....even prettier guitar. My husband has a Jackson 'Demon' amongst many others...! "Good Girls keep diaries....Bad Girls just don't have the time...!:icon_twisted:"
Guest Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 Well.. I came home from a good day at the track and found out she has something picked out.. Its basically this top and the haram pants I wore last year.. I dont think its going to look right at all.. A lace like top with those pants? Just saying.. I think I would agree, It's a little too femme than just androgynous. Al
ilikekicks Posted October 10, 2011 Author Posted October 10, 2011 In my twisted mind, I think I have come up with something. Seeing as her and I are about the same height/size/close on hair color.. I was thinking I should go as ' Darian ' ( The Girlfriend ). It would be good for a laugh! Just use all her cosmetics and such.. She offered the use of her stuff so.. Pretty top.....even prettier guitar. My husband has a Jackson 'Demon' amongst many others...! I have only Jacksons and Charvels. Moving to all Charvels as my Jacksons are all old ( built in the 80's ) and falling apart REPEATEDLY ARGUMENTATIVE, INSULTING AND RUDE. BANNED FOR LIFE.
ilikekicks Posted October 11, 2011 Author Posted October 11, 2011 Cant use the haram pants from last year. They met an untimely demise . The top is settled on ( it arrived today ). How about these for a bottom? I figure with the lace top.. these would work better.. REPEATEDLY ARGUMENTATIVE, INSULTING AND RUDE. BANNED FOR LIFE.
crotchhiboots Posted October 11, 2011 Posted October 11, 2011 Yea teem them up with a pair of knee high boots and they would look great. 77r90dL lf
pussyinboots Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 Yea teem them up with a pair of knee high boots and they would look great. IMO the effect of the pants would be wasted with knee high boots.....those pants scream out shoes..! A pair of classic black patent pumps, 'fetish' ankle-cuff sandals, or even black toe-strap mules would be perfect. "Good Girls keep diaries....Bad Girls just don't have the time...!:icon_twisted:"
scrappycoco Posted October 12, 2011 Posted October 12, 2011 IMO the effect of the pants would be wasted with knee high boots.....those pants scream out shoes..! A pair of classic black patent pumps, 'fetish' ankle-cuff sandals, or even black toe-strap mules would be perfect. I agree with you on the boot thing. Those pants would look great with a very fem heel of some sort. Oh and by the way Ilikekicks I like your guitars. I use have a jackson dinky but got rid of it because I did not like the floyd rose. I just got a JH LTD snakebyte in black! Love this ax best one I have ever palyed.
ilikekicks Posted October 13, 2011 Author Posted October 13, 2011 Boots.. Hmm.. Maybe a pair of UGGs? IM JUST KIDDING FOLKS! I would REALLY like to wear something with a traditional stiletto on it but.. for safety reasons, and having to work pedals and a midi controller, it would be a task that Im really not up for. Lighting is going to suck! I need to be sturdy and a bit cautious I absolutely HATE these ' boots ' but they would probably look ' ok ' REPEATEDLY ARGUMENTATIVE, INSULTING AND RUDE. BANNED FOR LIFE.
pussyinboots Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 Boots.. Hmm.. Maybe a pair of UGGs? IM JUST KIDDING FOLKS! I would REALLY like to wear something with a traditional stiletto on it but.. for safety reasons, and having to work pedals and a midi controller, it would be a task that Im really not up for. Lighting is going to suck! I need to be sturdy and a bit cautious I absolutely HATE these ' boots ' No...sorry babe. They look awful, and just prove my point really. A pair of girly stilettos, or a pair of 'Domme' fetish sandals would be the way to go. Or.....classic black pumps (or even 'peep-toe' pumps), with a high, thin heel. Like these........ "Good Girls keep diaries....Bad Girls just don't have the time...!:icon_twisted:"
Shafted Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 Boots.. Hmm.. Maybe a pair of UGGs? IM JUST KIDDING FOLKS! I would REALLY like to wear something with a traditional stiletto on it but.. for safety reasons, and having to work pedals and a midi controller, it would be a task that Im really not up for. Lighting is going to suck! I need to be sturdy and a bit cautious I absolutely HATE these ' boots ' but they would probably look ' ok ' May I suggest a pair of low heeled pumps or ballet flats. No I'm not crazy. I do think they would work well with that outfit. Ordinarily I wouldn't recommend them except for safety's sake. Seeing the pictures I can really see how you can inadvertantly pass as a woman. If you're cool with that and I know you are, more power to you. Shafted, the boots that is! View my gallery here http://www.hhplace.o...afteds-gallery/ or view my heeling thread here http://www.hhplace.org/topic/3850-new-pair-of-boots-starts-me-serious-street-heeling/ - Pm me if you want fashion advice or just need someone to talk to.
SArmeah Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 Please believe pus... she is right. Don't get insecure about it, you can walk easier than you think. That's really why we have an extra muscle in our calves so we can make the girls jealous when we are doing backflips in our heels SArmeah - "No one cares how much you know, till they know how much you care"
Guest Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 Stay with shoes with a heel cup for security (and confidence) at least. Your pictures showing the shoes you may wear the singlet top would work better than the first suggested. (Mischievously) the bra an optional decision Al
Jabble Posted October 13, 2011 Posted October 13, 2011 No...sorry babe. They look awful, and just prove my point really. A pair of girly stilettos, or a pair of 'Domme' fetish sandals would be the way to go. Or.....classic black pumps (or even 'peep-toe' pumps), with a high, thin heel. Like these........ [ATTACH]14250[/ATTACH] [ATTACH]14251[/ATTACH] [ATTACH]14252[/ATTACH] Those look really good.
ilikekicks Posted October 14, 2011 Author Posted October 14, 2011 No...sorry babe. They look awful, and just prove my point really. A pair of girly stilettos, or a pair of 'Domme' fetish sandals would be the way to go. Or.....classic black pumps (or even 'peep-toe' pumps), with a high, thin heel. Like these........ I would kill myself onstage wearing those. I wish I could.. but.. May I suggest a pair of low heeled pumps or ballet flats. No I'm not crazy. I do think they would work well with that outfit. Ordinarily I wouldn't recommend them except for safety's sake. Im really thinking the shoes I wore last year OR if I could find like a pair of Vintage ' Wild Pair ' Granny-type boots with a lower heel. I actually tried on a pair of 4.5inch Aldos I have here that are of a ' Traditional Stiletto ' and I had trouble changing channels on it. Let alone working a pedal board.. and the chords I will be tripping over.. Seeing the pictures I can really see how you can inadvertantly pass as a woman. If you're cool with that and I know you are, more power to you. The last pics I posted werent of me. The outfit in the picture sits in a closet here though and the wearer is out ' window shopping ' for a pair of laced ankle socks. I am of VERY similar build. Im not a blond either Stay with shoes with a heel cup for security (and confidence) at least. Your pictures showing the shoes you may wear the singlet top would work better than the first suggested. (Mischievously) the bra an optional decision Al Im giving that top a thought ( actually the whole outfit ) right now as well. The pants are a little short BUT, they will work. REPEATEDLY ARGUMENTATIVE, INSULTING AND RUDE. BANNED FOR LIFE.
ilikekicks Posted October 14, 2011 Author Posted October 14, 2011 Sorry for posting twice in a row, I went past the 30min limit for editing. Went through the closet and snagged up somethings that might work.. Opinions are always welcomed. Theres 2 pairs of Aldo flats with ankle cuffs. One pair is pointed toed in leather, the other is a Suede-ish material with a round toe ( I wore them last year ). The third pair is my favorite NineWest wedges. I wouldnt have problems in ANY of these. REPEATEDLY ARGUMENTATIVE, INSULTING AND RUDE. BANNED FOR LIFE.
ilikekicks Posted October 14, 2011 Author Posted October 14, 2011 Last 2 pairs.. I TRIED to work the controller with.. Had some problems but.. One is a pair of Lace Booties that I have absolutly NO idea where they came from! Might be Darians? Dunno. The other is a pair of ' Classic ' pumps with a heel thats a bit thicker then a stiletto. The Booties have a small platform in them and no flex to them, makes it hard to step on things.. REPEATEDLY ARGUMENTATIVE, INSULTING AND RUDE. BANNED FOR LIFE.
pussyinboots Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 Last 2 pairs.. I TRIED to work the controller with.. Had some problems but.. One is a pair of Lace Booties that I have absolutly NO idea where they came from! Might be Darians? Dunno. The other is a pair of ' Classic ' pumps with a heel thats a bit thicker then a stiletto. The Booties have a small platform in them and no flex to them, makes it hard to step on things.. The lace booties are fabulous....! Yes...!! "Good Girls keep diaries....Bad Girls just don't have the time...!:icon_twisted:"
SArmeah Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 ^^ Agree SArmeah - "No one cares how much you know, till they know how much you care"
Charlie Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 and the chords I will be tripping over... The fix here would be more guitar lessons.... lol The lace booties are by far the best choice with the rest of the outfit. Charlie Everything I say is a lie!.......I'm lying
Recommended Posts