Telling my girlfriend

[unknown]

Your situation almost sounds similar to what I had to go through.

[Bubba136]

Anita C. is right. "Tell her now." Don't wait. Let her sort it out in her mind before either of you becomes too committed.

[mk4625]

If you want to keep her for a long time, then she has to know. You can't fool the one closest to you all the time. Whatever her decision, you must respect it and not be bitter if it doesn't turn out in your favor. I don't think she is obligated to provide any excuse other than to say that she doesn't like it. Consider yourself lucky if she deems your high heels unacceptable, but gives you a chance to "reform". In that case I would think she was being extremely fair.

[Skirted-UK]

Consider yourself lucky if she deems your high heels unacceptable, but gives you a chance to "reform".

I'm afraid someone who likes wearing woman's clothes and shoes has about as much chance of reforming as an Alcoholic has of giving up Alcohol.

It's something that will always be with you. As you get older and your testosterone levels decrease, the less likely you are to resist the temptation.

[PJ]

The longer you wait, the more miserable you will be. That is 100% guaranteed. If you tell now, there is a 50/50 chance she will accept. So your chance for being miserable reduces down to 50%.

[mk4625]

I believe that. I think most people would not be able to stop. It is a tragedy and a waste that a relationship can come to an end because of something which is essentially harmless.

I'm afraid someone who likes wearing woman's clothes and shoes has about as much chance of reforming as an Alcoholic has of giving up Alcohol.

It's something that will always be with you. As you get older and your testosterone levels decrease, the less likely you are to resist the temptation.

[chris100575]

I was seeing a therapist for a while for an unrelated issue, and my cross dressing came up. She told me that it was important that I accepted it, as it was a part of me and that it would not go away. I'd been through stages of denial, even going so far as to throw away all my girlie things. (Still kicking myself for the loss of a very nice pair of leather boots!) Although my wife still couldn't accept it, I tried to. Reading more about the subject on the internet helped, as did just going with it. As I accepted that it was indeed a part of me, my cross dressing went from the odd garment to full on dressing with make up. It was only then that I realised that actually the only part of the whole experience I was interested in was the shoes! We've not really discussed it in years, and I keep feeling like I want to bring it up and tell her that actually i'm only interested in wearing girlie shoes. If she realises that it's only my feet that want to cross dress she might be more accepting, but I don't know how to bring it up, and it's unlikely to fall naturally into conversation. Sorry for the long post.

[new_look]

i think that how people react is how it is described sometimes. If you say crossdress, people normally associate it with an image of a drag queen or some other lily savage which most of us heel men wouldnt be interested in at all. Jade wouldnt put up with me trying to look like a woman because she is female and attracted to male... therefore wouldnt find me attractive if i was trying to look or bel like a woman, but understands that wearing the heels like i do which are mostly hidden anyway, i dont look any less of a man even in my stilettos, and the look can be quite acceptable if you study the image. just my thought daz

[zathrus69]

Although my wife still couldn't accept it, I tried to. Reading more about the subject on the internet helped, as did just going with it. As I accepted that it was indeed a part of me, my cross dressing went from the odd garment to full on dressing with make up. It was only then that I realised that actually the only part of the whole experience I was interested in was the shoes!

Spoken as if you had read my mind Chris! Only after spending time on this forum have I realised the whole TV thing I went thro' a few years back was just a solution for wanting to wear womens shoes in public. The reality is - I don't need to cross-dress to do it and I feel a whole lot better for knowing this. I still have to overcome my fear of going out though. I'll get there, in the end. When I do you'll all be the first to know :-)

Zathrus

[xaphod]

Been there, done that. As a TV, I could scare traffic wardens, so I tried to co-ordinate heels with a guy's style. OK, I get laughed at because it's different, but when people go out of their way to say it's cool, that really makes my day and compensates for the negativity. A while back, a couple of guys in a small truck honked, I looked round expecting to get abuse, but was surprised to see the passenger with a smile from ear to ear giving me the 'thumbs up'. Xa

[Heelfan]

Well done Xaphod! Your uninhibited approach and excellent clothes/heels co-ordination sets you up as a paragon to all street-heeling guys. A shining example! All power to your elbow (or should I say "ankles"?)! With memories of several enjoyable Heel-Meets in 2003, the Tidings of The Season to you! Cheerfully yours, Heelfan

[BobHH]

I have a new girl friend, more than the dance partner I have had since losing the BW (beautiful wife). I decided to not hide the heels, so I managed to bring them up in conversation about a young girl acquaintance of ours who likes to show off her feet in open spike heels. The new girl friend said she used to wear heels like that, but now they hurt her feet and are bad for the knees. I disagreed, and she said she would like to see me wear heels and mine would hurt, too. Little does she know. I mentioned that I had, and she should see my 6 in. stiletto platform boots. Later, at a visit to my house, I showed her the boots. She was very surprised, as they weren't what she expected, whatever that was. I also mentioned my stiletto platform slides, but I don't think she absorbed that. I did put the boots on for a moment, towering over her (I'm a foot taller without them!). She didn't say much, but it hasn't seemed to affect our rapidly developing relationship, so I will push harder in the future and try wearing at least the boots around her. One problem is that the boots are not very comfortable. I wore them today for about 4 hours, and the poor feet were in great pain. I later put on some similar slides, and have worn them for 7 hours with total comfort. I'm not sure why the difference - the boots are a size larger, and I think they are a little too large, resulting in insufficient arch support due to the ball of the foot sliding forward too much. I'll have to work on that. I also tried to mention casually the pedicure at the salon that I got last week, along with Revlon's Red Rocks nail polish. The salon girl said she really liked it - it is nice. I didn't come right out and say it, and I don't think the girl friend got the jist of what I was saying. I did wear the boots out to the street to pick up the paper today - that's a first! Didn't see anyone about, and it was raining. I was wearing long, boot cut jeans, also.

[genebujold]

Been there, done that. As a TV, I could scare traffic wardens, so I tried to co-ordinate heels with a guy's style.

Xa

Excellent choice!

If heel-wearing guys are ever accepted by mainstream society, it'll be through conservative incorporation into good fashion sense - just like how guys wearing earrings came on strong only after several well-known (and well-dressed) actors began appearing in interviews wearing them.

[BobHH]

Further adventures with the new girl friend. We agreed there would be no secrets from each other, so no surprises later. This could also qualify as new uses for heels! There is a pair of glow-in-the-dark stiletto platform slides in the bedroom which make excellent night lights after the lights are turned out. Anyway, the girl friend spotted them and asked to see them. I handed them to her, and her reaction was a surprised "Oh!" No other comment, as we were off to other things. Later, I brought up the subject of wearing heels again. She said she didn't mind my wearing heels, but she would rather I didn't wear them out with her. I said I was a little disappointed with that, but OK. She also indicated she understood about the nail polish, although she hasn't seen it. I haven't worn the heels around her, yet - waiting for an appropriate situation. This has had no effect on our relationship, which is rapidly getting serious. Can anyone be so lucky as to find two women in a row who aren't bothered by a man wearing high heels? I presume actually wearing them won't change anything.

[Rockpup]

The last two female friends I've had didnt mind knowing that I like heels. In fact they both had the same shoe size and have tried on a few of my higher heels Unfortunatly for the intent of this thread I am not straight, although my bf is tollerant, I suspect he accepts them as a fetish thing, but doesnt apreciate them as 'normal footwear'. Oh well.. Jim

[Bubba136]

Bob HH said:

I presume actually wearing them won't change anything.

Let's hope so. However, from your description, it's to soon in the relationship to tell for sure. Good Luck, you deserve a good woman.

[BobHH]

Well, I greeted the girl friend at the door last weekend wearing my clear 6" stiletto platform slides. Her only comment was a loud "Oh!" She basically seemed to ignore them the rest of the time, though I know she looked. She did comment later that she should get some so as to be taller. No questions about how I walked in heels or anything. I was a little disappointed at the lack of more comment or notice. It seems to have had no effect on our relationship.

[genebujold]

Further adventures with the new girl friend. We agreed there would be no secrets from each other, so no surprises later.

This could also qualify as new uses for heels! There is a pair of glow-in-the-dark stiletto platform slides in the bedroom which make excellent night lights after the lights are turned out. Anyway, the girl friend spotted them and asked to see them. I handed them to her, and her reaction was a surprised "Oh!" No other comment, as we were off to other things.

Later, I brought up the subject of wearing heels again. She said she didn't mind my wearing heels, but she would rather I didn't wear them out with her. I said I was a little disappointed with that, but OK. She also indicated she understood about the nail polish, although she hasn't seen it. I haven't worn the heels around her, yet - waiting for an appropriate situation.

This has had no effect on our relationship, which is rapidly getting serious. Can anyone be so lucky as to find two women in a row who aren't bothered by a man wearing high heels? I presume actually wearing them won't change anything.

My wife is similarly not particularly fond of the idea of my wearing heels in public. Then again, neither am I.

When I do, however, I tone them down quite a bit, either wearing a heel that's all but indistinguishable from a man's shoe, save for the heel, or by wearing a longer pair of pants.

[Bubba136]

Some women deal with that aspect of a man's personality better than others. Like you said, it's still kind of early in your relationship. I think you'll have to wait a few weeks to totally analyze her reaction. Perhaps she will say something positive about it -- then again, perhaps her reaction will be more on the negative side. Lets all keep our fingers crossed that her final reaction will be the former rather than the latter. Good luck.

[BobHH]

The latest developments with the new girlfriend: I wore a pair of black platform stiletto slides around the house while she was visiting last week. I didn't think she was paying much attention, but later she asked me whether I felt sexy wearing them. I replied that yes, some, but mainly they felt very good to walk in and wear, and were comfortable. Her response was that she thought they were VERY sexy! The future looks promising!

[w6ish]

i'm reading with a lot of interest your adventures introducing your heels to your new lady friend. reminds me of those early days when i was introducing my 6 inch heel collection to my then, lady friend, now wife. the first time she visited me at my place, and this was very early in the relationship, she saw 6 pairs of heels lined up along a wall in the bedroom. we were off to the races in a very positive way after that. looking forward to hearing more of your story.

[Nate]

I can somewhat sympathize with your plight in sharing with your girlfriend. While my story is somewhat different. But, I think the most important thing is that you don't waste too much time in letting her get to know that part of you. My girlfriend is... well... <ahem> tolerant of it. But, I do have a question for you: What would be the ideal situation between you and her as far as your fetish goes? Would you want her to help you pick out shoes to wear? Just how involved would you want her to be? Just simple tolerance? Or an active interest? Myself, I would SO very much love to have my girlfriend take an active interest in my heel wearing. I wear around the house every once in a while, and it seems to me like she's just simply tolerating it. I only wish I had the courage to try on women's heels in the stores, so I could take my girlfriend with me and have her help me pick them out. I just wish that it turned HER on as much as it does me.

Good luck! I'll be following this one closely. :-)

[new_look]

i think the same. my girlfriend is cool and encourages me to do what makes me happy, and likes the look, but no turn on whatsoever. i wish it turned her on like me, but to her they are just shoes

[BobHH]

Further developments! The girlfriend and I went to Frederick's last weekend, and she bought two pairs of the clear stiletto heels, one pair with the small, 1/2 in. platform and one with the almost 2 in. platform. She was impressed with how much taller she was with the platforms, and how comfortable they were. I was giving her advice in how to walk in them, which the sales girl agreed with and echoed. Don't know what she thought! The girlfriend asked whether I was going to buy some for myself, but I said "No, I don't need any more!" Maybe later. She left the shoes at my house, but we have been very busy and the opportunity to wear them has not arisen. The girlfriend was also impressed with my chrome nail polish, especially with silver slides. I suggested I go for Red Rocks next time, and she said she thought that would be sexy and she would do the same Her doctor has just found a serious medical problem, and she is very worried. I hope and pray for the best. I couldn't stand to lose another one

[genebujold]

Bob - Terrific progress!

But I'm so sorry to hear of a potential medical problem. I've gone through that with my own wife about six years ago, and that's no fun!

Hang in there, though - she needs you. The best thing you can do for her is to be there for her.

[loveheel]

I only wish I had the courage to try on women's heels in the stores, so I could take my girlfriend with me and have her help me pick them out. I just wish that it turned HER on as much as it does me.

I hear you. My wife knows about my heels and tolerates them, but takes no interest. She is actually slightly worried about the space they start to take up in the house. It would be so much fun if I could convince her to go shopping with me for shoes, but I don't think that will ever be. I guess we can't have everything. We have many other good things in our relationship, and at least she is tolerant of my heel wearing 9and also believes everyone else should be tolerant of it). She wants me to educate my 8y-old daughter in the matter, but I haven't had the courage yet.

[BobHH]

Well, I changed nail polish to Rouge Revelry - a somewhat metallic red shade from Revlon. The salon did the job. The girl friend picked the color, and did her toes in the same color. Daring for her! We wore our heels together for the first time, but she did it for only a little while. It was in the house. I think she is a little hesitant or shy about it, yet. I asked her if she felt sexy with them on, and she said "Yes." She then asked me if I felt sexy with mine. Yes, but it didn't lead anywhere, at least not yet. Her usual wear is blade heeled ankle boots, only about 2 or 2.5" heels. One thing that did happen was that we were fixing dinner in the kitchen, me in 6 in. platform slides, when my son came home unexpectedly. No time to do anything except ignore him. The girl friend said he saw the heels and looked at them and the polish, but nothing was said. He had plenty of opportunity to see them a few years ago when the BW, his mother, was still here. And, I care less all the time. Will have to wait for the weekend for more developments.

[BobHH]

The concern in January about the girlfriend's tumor was negative - there wasn't any. But, she did have surgery for one last week, which was relatively minor. She was back to the doctor this morning, so I will find out later what he said. I took her to "my" salon last Saturday for a pedicure, which she really liked. Her friends thought that was nice of me. We now both have Red Rocks by Ravlon polish. Will change to chrome in a few weeks for a trip together to Hawaii. She is still skittish (nervous) about my wearing heels in public with her. She doesn't want me to do that - says she will pretend she doesn't know me!

[Rockpup]

Bob: thats good news about the tumor, too bad about her comment that she will act like she doesnt know you if you wear heels on the trip. Maybe it will be an excuse to shop for 'acceptable' heels while on the trip? Jim

[Bubba136]

Bob, that is good news about the tumor. At least she knows about your desire. She does have an opportunity to disengage if she decides its not for her. No damage done...like it would be if you were married. If she decides to stick around, she will adjust over time. I'd bet on it. (any fallout from the son seeing you in your heels back in February?)