Perceptions and Expectations

[JeffB]

I'm of the belief that one reason society as a whole has more than a bit of a hard time accepting the notion of high heel wearing men mostly boils down to "perception" and "expectation". If what I'm about to talk about is old hat to veteran members of HHP, please bear with me as I want to address my words to rookies who are new to this site and/or have yet to venture out in public. Here's my definitions for those two terms:

Perception: Men who wear women's shoes or any item of women's clothing in public are either gay, weird or perverted

Expectation: Men are expected to look and dress like men at all times, anything less than that devalues them as men

For well over a century, if not longer than that, perception and expectation have ruled the day in the minds of the majority of society when it comes to men and what they can or can't wear while in public. People as a whole have had those two "tenets" as I call them pounded into their heads from infancy to the point where it's become gospel. While women can freely wear anything they want from the men's side of the store and no one chides them even a little bit, society looks at us oddly or treat us with derision or even revulsion when we sport women's shoes and/or clothing, and it's mostly because of perception and expectation. While some here wish for universal acceptance of what we do, I realize that will never come to pass due to perception and expectation, but then, I for one have never sought acceptance, I simply wish to be accorded the same level of respect as everyone else when out in public, regardless of how I'm dressed.

Battling perception and expectation is, in some cases a difficult struggle for us, which explains why some of us are closeted and either unable or unwilling to venture out in public. I fully understand that rationale. I can also imagine that some of us probably feel no small amount of frustration, perhaps jealousy of women who can wear whatever they want from either side of the store while we're limited in our choices because of those merciless twin opponents. We seek to break the heavy shackles of comformity unofficially established by society, by being freestylers, we want to wear what WE like, not what society insists we wear because of perception and expectation, so we beat back those twin devils and thumb our collective noses at them. Each and every time I go out on a jaunt, I'm giving perception and expectation the middle finger because I'm defying how society perceives me and what it expects of me. And that's a good feeling.

In the end, I've found that the best way to defeat perception and expectation is to both look my very best and act with class when in public, in my case, I demand more of myself while out in the worldwide fishbowl because I wear skirts on my outings, and I view that as a challenge. If you exhibit style and pride in yourself, you put the germ of an idea in the heads of everyone around you that perhaps we, as freestylers aren't the odd ducks society has perceived us as being, and that we don't have to be lemmings and look like everyone else. That should be the goal, or at least, the mindset of everyone here.

[Gary]

JeffB, I agree 100% with your evaluation but I would also expand it: Society is not very understanding of any group or individual that cannot be understood. If one strays from the accepted path and seeks to blaze their own trail, they are labeled non-conformist. Society may even "fear" them, based upon what the different behavior may be. It's kind of ironic that the trait of making one's own tracks (or possessing a certain "vision") is a trait admired of true leaders. If a majority of people buy into your vision, you gain acceptance. Look down through history at labels thrown upon people or cultures that are considered "different" and see how they fared in the society of their day. So where do we go with this? I agree with you too that actions speak louder than words. So when I venture out, it's always knowing that we all may be labeled on how I conduct myself out on the street. If I can change one persons opinion, I consider that a win for our side.

[Bootking]

In the end, I've found that the best way to defeat perception and expectation is to both look my very best and act with class when in public

and that we don't have to be lemmings and look like everyone else. That should be the goal, or at least, the mindset of everyone here.

Society is not very understanding of any group or individual that cannot be understood. If one strays from the accepted path and seeks to blaze their own trail, they are labeled non-conformist. Society may even "fear" them, based upon what the different behavior may be.

Jeff and Gary, very, very well said! In a nutshell, we are trailblazers and as we are being "different" we need to be mindful of that.

[Iamme]

Jeff, what you say is absolutely true. The trick to it is to be confident and have fun with whatever you are wearing. People have a nose for sniffing out the weak. If you don't act confident at all and keep looking around you if no one notices, you will have much more chances of getting weird looks and such than when you are having confidence and walk with your head held up high. I am building things up at the moment. I went out with stockings under my pants to run some errands recently (though I made sure no one noticed) and I regularly wear womens panties under my normal guys attire. I'm not ready for heeling out and about yet, but when I am, I'm going to do some shopping with my girlfriend!

[johnieheel]

Thanks for that Jeff. I think one of the main reasons, if not the #1 reason what motivates me to wear my heels in public is the same thing that most kids dress the way they do or wear earrings, hoops, green hair, gothic style etc, and thats simply resentment from all those things you just talked about. I want someone to see my heels in complete disagreement so much that an image is planted in there brain so deep that they can't stop talking about it to there friends and family where as I truly believe that most of them would reply " nothing wrong with doing what makes you feel good. To each his or her own" Now, the only reply I have to someone like that if ever asked why or had a comment about my shoes is, DO NOT JUDGE ME BY WHATS ON MY FEET BUT WHATS IN MY HEART. If possible, my father would probably be rolling over and over in his grave if he knew his only son wore high heels. So I'm setting out to change that idiotic way of such a narrow minded way of thinking that has been drilled over and over in our brains since childhood and loving every minute of it. Thanks Jeff! Merry Christmas to you and all here. Wear your heels proud and with an idea of a new way of thinking toward others who dare to be different from this year on! Look into the heart, not at the clothes, etc.

[JeffB]

Thanks for your opinions, everyone. I hope more members will chime in with their thoughts on this topic which I feel affects everyone here in one way or another. Gary is correct when he stated that society as a whole fears whatever it doesn't understand, and we as freestylers are a wild card that doesn't fall into any particular category or label. I for one don't want to be labeled as anything but "human". That's all I want. Period! However, to the ignorant or uninformed, we are undeniably different, and for that reason, we fail to meet the "expectations" the public has placed on us as men because we choose to wear what women usually take for granted. And because we don't meet those expectations, we are seen by some in a less than flattering light. As for perceptions, try this on for size. If a woman were to dress from head to toe in men's clothing, say a heavy flannel shirt, overalls, work boots and a tool belt strapped around her waist, but doesn't bind her breasts or slap on a fake moustache, is she seen by society as a crossdresser? NO. However, if a man were to dress from head to toe in women's clothes, say a dressy blouse, a knee length skirt, high heels and a toting a purse but doesn't wear a wig, makeup or sport fake breasts, is he seen by society as a crossdresser? YES. That, my friends is the monster of perception which, in ways is far worse than expectation, and that is the mindset we have to defeat because it's perceived that women can wear men's clothes but men CAN'T wear women's clothes. I've been out and about wearing skirts, heels and carrying a purse, but I do so very much as a man, I don't hide that fact, and yet, I'm sure people I've encountered in my travels considered me as being a crossdresser while a teenage girl in said flannel shirt, overalls and workboots was considered as being cute. Unfair? You bet your stilettos! But that's perception at work, folks, and that's the beast we have to slay. Expectation can be dealt with, but perception is the real adversary, the minds of millions and millions stuck fast in the rock solid concrete of ignorance, linking clothing with gender and/or sexual preference. Like I've said previously, when out in public, we have to look our very best if we're to change those minds, even if it's just one mind at a time.

[Maximilian]

I completely agree Jeff. Well said. Unfortunately we live in a world of double standards. What one person/group/country/gender can do is unacceptable to others. As pioneers of freestyling, all we can do is to show the people surrounding us that a man who adopts a feminine fashion style can look sharp, whether he only wears heels or goes for a more total look. It only takes a few people to start spreading the word about their encounter with a man in heels who suprisingly looked pretty good. A positive encounter for them could change the minds of people who haven't even seen it but had a very negative idea about it before. The funny thing is that a small and select group of people in key sectors are the ones who shape the perceptions of society regarding fashion and personal appearence. If these people were to decide tomorrow to give the thumbs up for men in heels, then it won't be too long before society is much more accepting of the idea of straight men in heels, skirts etc...

[roniheels]

I answered a similar post a few moments ago in this section concerning acceptance. I am more concerned about my happiness than public acceptance. I am happy wearing high heels and the way I dress while wearing them and you can perceive what you like and think what you like but I am happy with myself as I am and that's the bottom line.

[Bubba136]

I answered a similar post a few moments ago in this section concerning acceptance.

I am more concerned about my happiness than public acceptance. I am happy wearing high heels and the way I dress while wearing them and you can perceive what you like and think what you like but I am happy with myself as I am and that's the bottom line.

So did I. In fact, my comments follow roniheels'

[JeffB]

Bravo to roniheels and Bubba136! I too don't worry or care about public acceptance because I know deep down in my heart that it's pretty much a pipe dream. All I can do, and have done is to look and act my very best while in public and present a proper and tasteful image that says a man who chooses to wear women's shoes and/or other items can be perceived by those openminded enough to do so as something other than an oddity.

[scrappycoco]

One thing I have found in venturing into the world of heel's is this. My partner was poking good fun at me one day and he said "I bet you get a lot of guy's looking at your leg's when you are wearing a skirt and heel's." Now I have never thought about it like that. After sometime it kind of made sense. I have asked a few diffrent women why the where heels if they do and I got a lot of diffrent answer's. One said cause I have to, to witch I said why? She really didn't have an answer. I had another tell me cuase they make her leg's look better. One said cause that's what the like to wear. So there are a veriety of reason's as to why women I work with wear heel's. When my current partner poked fun at me I said this "I don't wear heel's to get a women to look at my leg's. If she does great! If she doesn't oh well! I wear heel's for a few diffrent reason's. One cause Im short and want to be taller than my wife. Two cause men's shoe's are ugly. Three cause that just what I felt like wearing that day. I then told him if someone would make heels and skirt's for a man that I could aford to by I wouldn't have to by from the women's side, but since they don't I guess I don't have a choice.

[shortskip]

Jeff B wrote: I for one don't want to be labeled as anything but "human". That's all I want. Period! That's the term of these days during christmas. And I hope that even there is a day that then human are openminded enough to respect each other equal witch colour he/she/it has. So at that moment I will be much more easier to take the clothes you want. THAT'S ONLY CLOTHES! Resuming the words I've reading in this thread for me it's the main order to tell everybody about the things to accept everybodies peacefull ways to be a human . Merry christmas to all a a peacefull happy new year Shortskip

[sscotty727]

Here is an interesting one. My wife wears my old dress shirts around the house ALL the time. Yet I think she would have a major problem if I were to try to wear hers or say one of her bras (forget I am much bigger than her though;). Yes there is a double standard.

[Dawn HH]

This is a great and thought provoking thread and I agree with all of the comments expressed here. We have to fight another foe breifly mentioned here and that for us is "Double Standard". The ladies don't have to fight him, but we do. Unfortunately the world is double standard on a lot of things. Unfortunately for us men, that is. I have been battling him for just about all of my life and he seems to win most of the time. With all of your help we can defeat him together. So put on your suits of armor with the spiked heels, pick up your whip and lets have a go at him and see if we can win this one for the gipper. The more we wear our heels, the more double standard will back down. besides that, armor looks great with high heels. That gives us one outfit that the ladies hasn't stolen from us except for that one lady way back in history. You know who I mean, don't you? Well here's to 2010 when we defeat double standard and attain the standard that we can wear anyrthing from both sides that we want, anytime we want, and anywhere we want just like the ladies have been doing for a very long time. A very Merry Christmas to you all and a very different 2010 for all Cheers--- Dawn HH.

[malinheels]

Hi guys i'm currently sitting here in front of the computer wearing a choc brown light weight knee length skirt & cork heel with 1/2 inch platform sandels and i'm wearing a multi toned green hawwian shirt i've just come back from the bank Where i stood in line waited to see the teller & conducted my business no comments, no looks,not even a glance onward & upward mens liberation cheers malinheels hey by the way anybody interested in meeting up in melbourne australia in the new year send me a pm or check out real life meetings section cheers again