Post Your Jokes Here

[hoverfly]

Here is one from an e-mail that I got. > >A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says "I'll serve > >you, but don't start anything." > > > >A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't > >serve food in here." > > > >A dyslexic man walks into a bra. > > > >A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and > >says: "A beer please, and one for the road." > > > >Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this > >taste funny to you?" > > > >"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home.'" > >"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's not > >unusual." > > > >Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my > >electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, > >I'm positive..." > > > >A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's > >cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? " "Well," says > >the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and > >examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm > >going to have to put him down." "What?... because he's cross-eyed?" > >"No, because he's really heavy" > > > >I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't > >find any. > > > >Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a > >fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't > >have your kayak and heat it too. > > > >What do you call a fish with no eyes? A f sh. > > > >Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and > >says "dam" > > > >Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other "I'll man the guns, > >you drive" > > > >Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before. > > > >Sacred cows make the best hamburger. Mark Twain > > >

[j-turbo2002]

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, “Hey, why the long face?” A fat woman and a duck both walk into a bar at the same time. The bartender asks: “Hey! Where did you get that pig?” The woman replies: “That’s not a pig – it’s a duck!” The bartender replies: “I know that – the duck is the person that I was talking to!”

[Yamyam]

A bear walks into a bar. He goes over to the barman and says "I'd like a pint... and a packet of crisps, please." The barman asks "Why the big pause?" The bear replies "Don't really know, I've always had them." ---- A woman walks into a bar and asks the barman for an innuendo. So he gives her one.

[Julietta]

Groan - you've been working too damn hard Yam xxx

[Bubba136]

"Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too." :rofl:

[Bubba136]

This story appeared recently in our local newspaper. It happened about a month ago in a little town in Louisiana, and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it is (reportedly) real. A man was hitchhiking on a very dark night in the middle of a thunderstorm. The night passed slowly and no cars went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he saw a car slowly creeping toward him, ghost-like, out of the gloom. It slowly reached him and stopped. The man got in and closed the door, realizing that there was no one behind the wheel. The car slowly started to move again. The man was too terrified to move. He saw that the car was slowly approaching a sharp curve. He started to pray silently, begging for his life, sure that the ghost car would go off of the road and he would plunge to his death. Just before the curve, a hand appeared through the window and turned the steering wheel, guiding the car safely around the curve. Paralyzed with fear, the man watched as the hand reappeared every time the car reached a curve. Finally, he gathered his strength, jumped out of the car and ran to the nearest town. Wet and in shock, he went into a bar and his voice quivering, ordered two shots of Jack Daniels, and told everyone about his frightening, supernatural experience. Everyone became silent as they realized that the man was sane and not drunk. About half an hour later, two men entered the bar and one said to the other, " Look Boudreaux, that's the idiot that rode in our car while we were pushing it"!

[Bubba136]

Renfro was from Alabama and was a hard-shell Southern Baptist. He loved to sneak away to the race track. One day he was there betting on the ponies and losing his shirt when he noticed a priest step out onto the track and bless the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race. Lo and behold, this horse -- a very long shot -- won. Renfro was most interested to see what the priest did the next race. Sure enough. He watched the priest step out onto the track and, as the horses for the fifth race lined up, place a blessing on the forehead of one of the horses. Renfro made a beeline for the window and placed a small bet on the horse. Again, even though another long shot, the horse the priest had blessed won the race. Renfro collected his winning and anxiously waited to see which horse the priest bestowed his blessing on for the 6th race. The priest showed, blessed a horse, Renfro bet on it, and it won! Renfro was elated! As the day went on, the priest continued blessing one of the horses, and it always came in first. Renfro began to pull in some serious money, and by the last race, he knew his wildest dreams were going to come true. He made a quick stop at the ATM, withdrew big money and awaited the priest's blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on. True to his pattern, the priest stepped out onto the track before the last race and blessed the forehead, eyes, ears and hooves of one of the horses. Renfro bet every cent, and watched the horse come in dead last. He was dumbfounded. He made his way to the track and when he found the priest, he demanded, "What happened, Father? All day you blessed horses and they won. The last race, you blessed a horse and he lost. Now I've lost my savings, thanks to you!!" The priest nodded wisely and said, "That's the problem with you Protestants... you can't tell the difference between a simple blessing and the Last Rites."

[Dr. Shoe]

A middle-aged millionaire and his equally middle-aged wife were having a meal in a swanky restaurant when a gorgeous voluptuous model came across to their table and gave him a full open-mouthed kiss. As She sashayed away, she said: " See you later." And he replied that he would. "Who's that?!" Said his wife. "That's my mistress!" He replied. "That's it! I'll divorce you!" She said smugly. "That's no problem, but just remember that'll be the end of eating in fancy restaurants like this, no more shopping trips to Milan, no more brand new Benz in your driveway and you will be reduced to only one home." After a few minutes silence an old friend walked in with a dolly-bird on his arm. "Who's that with Jim?" Asked the wife. "That's HIS mistress." Her husband replied She looks her up and down for a minute and says: "Well, ours is prettier!"

[JeffM]

Be sure you read to the end of this one. One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They each grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement, he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer looked down the well, and was astonished at what he saw. As every shovel of dirt hit his back, the donkey did something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed, as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off. The Moral: Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles are a stepping stone, we can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up! Remember the five simple rules to be happy: 1. Free your heart from hatred. 2. Free your mind from worries. 3. Live simply. 4. Give more. 5. Expect less. O.K., that's enough bull shit.... The donkey later came back, caught the farmer out in the field and kicked the shit out of him. Then he went over to each of his neighbor's farms and kicked the shit out of them too for helping. The REAL Moral: When you try to cover your ass, it always comes back to get you

[JeffM]

From the State where drink driving is considered a sport, comes a true story From the Sunshine Coast, Queensland. Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a local neighbourhood tavern Late in the evening the officers noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the car park for a few minutes, with the officers quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five vehicles, the man managed to find his car which he fell into. He was there for a few minutes as as as as as as 4 patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a Fine dry night), flicked the indicators on and off, tooted the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained stationary for a few more minutes as more patrons left in their vehicles. At last he pulled out of the car park and started to drive slowly down the road. The police officers, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a Breathalyser test. To his amazement the Breathalyser indicated no evidence of the man having consumed alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said "I'll have to ask you to accompany me To the Police station this Breathalyser equipment must be broken." "I doubt it," said the man, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."

[JeffM]

A woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the gates. She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw her and began calling greetings to her "Hello, How are you! We have been waiting for you! Good to see you." When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, "This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?" "You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told her. "Which word?" the woman asked. "Love." Peter said. The woman correctly spelled "Love" and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven. About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him, while he visited the dunny. While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived. "I am surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you been?" "Oh, I have been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her. "I married that beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And then I won first prize in Lotto. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a huge mansion. And, my lovely new wife and I travelled all around the world. We were holidaying in Switzerland and I went skiing today. I fell and hit my head, and here I am. What a bummer. How do I get in?" "You have to spell a word," the woman told him. "Which word?" her husband asked. "Czechoslovakia." Moral of the story: Never be smug with a woman, there will be Hell to pay later.

[JeffM]

A retired gentleman went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. After waiting in line a long time he finally got to the counter. The woman behind the counter asked him for his drivers' license to verify his age. He went through his pockets but couldn't find his wallet. He apologized to the woman and said he must have left his wallet at home. "I'll have to go home and come back later". The woman said, "Unbutton your shirt." So, he opened his shirt, revealing lots of curly silver hair. She said, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me." She went ahead and processed his Social Security application. When he arrived home, the man excitedly told his wife about his experience at the Social Security office. She said, "You should've dropped your pants. You might've gotten disability, too.

[JeffM]

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears. Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, cuddly medium sized ones on a shelf a little higher,and huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall. The woman is surprised that this guy would have collection of teddy bears, especially one that is so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side. She turns to him....they kiss...and then they rip each other's clothes off and make hot steamy love. After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?" The guy says, "Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."

[JeffM]

George W. Bush is hanging out with the Queen of England. He asks her: "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give to me?" The Queen says: "Well, the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people." Bush frowns and replies: "Well, how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?" The Queen takes a little sip of tea and says: "Oh, that's easy. You just ask them to answer an intelligence riddle." The Queen pushes the button on her intercom and says: "Please send Tony Blair in here, would you?" Tony Blair walks into the room and says: "Yes, my Queen?" The Queen smiles at Tony and says: "Tony, answer me this, please. Your mother and father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?" Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair says: "Well, that would be me." The Queen smiles and says: "Yes! Very good. Thank you!" Back at the White House, Bush is a bit puzzled. He asks to speak with Vice President Dick Cheney. "Hey Dick, answer this for me, would you? Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?" Dick Cheney frowns and says: "Geez, I'm not sure. Lemme get back to you on that one." Dick Cheney goes to all his advisors and asks everyone he can but no one can give him an answer. Finally, he ends up in the men's room and recognizes Colin Powell's shoes in the next stall. Dick shouts over to him: "Hey Colin! Can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" Colin Powell flushes and yells back: "Hey, that's easy. It's me!" Dick Cheney smiles and yells: "Thanks!" Cheney goes back to the Oval Office and tells Bush: "Hey, I finally figured out the answer to that riddle! It's Colin Powell!" Bush gets up and angrily stomps over to Dick Cheney and yells right into Dick's face: "No you idiot! It's Tony Blair!"

[Bubba136]

That's a cute joke, JeffM. But the version I heard was between AlGore, the Queen and Bill Clinton. -- I believe that it would be much more probable to be between Algore and Clinton

[007]

Two birds!

One standting on a perch.

Says "Can you smell fish?"

http://www.meyposters.com/content/Poster/HIGH_HEELS-0004_large.jpg

[Dr. Shoe]

We have all heard of "Behavior Transference" where pets develop the personality of the owner. ie. an aggressive owner will have an aggressive dog. Scientists investigating this phenomenon got three dogs, one belonging to an accountant, one to an orthopoeadic (?) surgeon and one belonging to a trucker and gave each a pile of bones. The accountant's dog arranged them in columns and totalled them up, the surgeon's dog reasembled them into a skeleton and the truckers dog ate all of his, shagged the other two dogs then went to sleep by the side of the road.

[Bubba136]

Just Fred A cop stops a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. Since he's in a good mood that day he decides he might give the fellow a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. So, he asks the man his name. "Fred," he replies. "Fred what?" the officer asks. "Just Fred," the man responds. When the officer presses him for a last name, the man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. "Tell me Fred, how did you lose your last name?" The man replies, "It's a long story so stay with me. I was born Fred Dingaling. I know, funny last name. The kids used to tease me all the time. So I stayed to myself. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, finally got my degree so I was Fred Dingaling, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream. Got all the way through school, got my degree so I was now Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS. Got bored doing dentistry so I started fooling around with my assistant. She gave me VD. So, I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS with VD. Well, the ADA found out about the VD so they took away my DDS so I was Fred Dingaling MD with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD. Then the VD took away my dingaling so now I'm just Fred." The officer walked away in tears laughing

[JeffM]

We all know those cute little computer symbols called "emoticons," where : ) means a smile and : ( is a frown. Sometimes these are represented by :- ) and :- ( respectively. Well, how about some "assicons"? Here goes: (_!_) a regular ass (__!__) a fat ass (!) a tight ass (_*_) a sore ass {_!_} a swishy ass (_o_) an ass that's been around (_x_) kiss my ass (_X_) leave my ass alone (_zzz_) a tired ass (_o^o_) a wise ass (_E=3Dmc2_) a smart ass (_$_) Money coming out of his ass (_?_) Dumb Ass There is also a drawing of E mooning but it doesnt show properly in the preview so I have deleted it. Jeff

[Dr. Shoe]

Saw this in the Mail yesterday. Car Repair Service. Free collection and delivery, try us once and you'll never go anywhere again. Our experienced nanny will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals and smacks included. Dog for sale. Eats anything and is fond of children. Semi-Annual Christmas sale. Three-Year-Old teacher require for pre-school. Experienced preferred. Dinner special - Turkey £2.65; chicken or beef £2.35; children £2.00. Mixing bowl designed to please cook with round bottom for efficient beating. For sale: Antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and big drawers. Now is your chance to get your eyes pierced and get a second set free. We do not tear clothing with machinery, we do it carefully by hand. Great dames for sale.

[Robert]

:rofl:

[JeffM]

Hi all thought you would enjoy this Subject: Ever wonder where we are headed EVER WONDER where we are headed... ...why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? ...why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? ...why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"? ...why "abbreviated" is such a long word? ...why doctors call what they do "practice"? ...why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98? ...why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons? ...why the man who invests all your money is called a broker? ...why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food? ...who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor? ...why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes? ...why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? ...why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box ? ...why sheep don't shrink when it rains? ...why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together? ...if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress? ...why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe? AND... In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods. On a Myer hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair). On a bag of Chips: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?) On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....) On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion). On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)! On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...) On packaging for a K-Mart iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?) On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.) On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???....) On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?) On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.) On Nobby's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash!) On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?) I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one: On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?) Jeff

[JeffM]

Then thought you might like this Shit may just be the most powerful word in the English language. You can be shit faced,shit out of luck or have shit for brains. With a little effort, you can get your shit together,find a place for your shit or decide to shit or get off the pot. You can smoke some shit, buy some shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit, and tell others to eat shit and die. Some people know their shit while others cant tell the difference between shit and shineola. There are lucky shits, dumb shits,crazy shits and sweet shits. There is bullshit, cow shit, chicken shit and horse shit. You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, or duck shit when shit hits the fan. You can give a shit, not give a shit,ask me if I give a shit or serve shit on a shingle. You can find yourself in deep shit, or happier than a pig in shit. Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit and some days are just plain shitty. Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit, and there times when you just feel like shit. You can have too much shit, or the right shit, the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit. You can carry shit, have a mountain of shit, or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle. Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit, other times you swim in a lake of shit and come out smelling like roses. When you stop to consider all the facts, shit is the basic building block of creation. and remember once you know your shit you don't have to know anything else. You can pass this along to others but only if you really give a shit. Jeff

[Robert]

...who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?

I saw this on a London Bus a few years ago :

"Bonzo improves digestion day by day!"

[Bubba136]

and, you might add ---"lower than whale shit."

[azraelle]

Reminds me of the company memo about "anyone who feels they need some more Special High Intensity Training, should feel free to talk to their supervisor about their need for more S.H.I.T...."

[Bubba136]

A farmer had five female pigs and, as times were tough, he had determined to take them to the county fair and sell them. While at the fair he met another farmer who owned five male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50. Now the farmers lived sixty miles away from one another, so they each agreed to drive thirty miles and find a field in which to mate their pigs. The first morning, the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5 a.m., loaded he pigs into the family station wagon (which was the only vehicle they had) and drove the thirty miles. While the pigs were mating, he asked the other farmer, "How will I know if they are pregnant?" The other farmer replied, "If they're in the grass grazing in the morning, then they're pregnant, but if they're rolling in the mud, then they're not." The next morning they were rolling in the mud, so he hosed them off, called the other farmer, loaded them again into the family station wagon and proceeded to try again. The following morning, in the mud again! And the next morning, MUD again! This continued all week until the farmer was so tired that he couldn't get out of bed. He called to his wife, "Honey, please look outside and tell me if the pigs are in the mud or in the field grazing." The wife looked out the window and then yelled back, "Neither. They're in the station wagon and one of them is honking the horn."

[ILuvHeels]

Beer Troubleshooting A friend of mine e-mailed me this... :( S=SYMPTOM F=FAULT A=ACTION S- Feet cold and wet. F- Glass being held at incorrect angle. A- Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling. S- Feet warm and wet. F- Improper bladder control. A- Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training. S- Beer unusually pale and tasteless. F- Glass empty. A- Get someone to buy you another beer. S- Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights. F- You have fallen over backward. A- Have yourself leashed to bar. S- Mouth contains cigarette butts. F- You have fallen forward. A- See above. S- Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet. F- Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face. A- Retire to restroom, practice in mirror. S- Floor blurred. F- You are looking through bottom of empty glass. A- Get someone to buy you another beer. S- Floor moving. F- You are being carried out. A- Find out if you are being taken to another bar. S- Room seems unusually dark. F- Bar has closed. A- Confirm home address with bartender. S- Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures. F- Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations. A- Cover mouth. S- Everyone looks up to you and smiles. F- You are dancing on the table. A- Fall on somebody cushy-looking. S- Beer is crystal-clear. F- It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up. A- Punch him. S- Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear. F- You have been in a fight. A- Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them. S- Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in. F- You've wandered into the wrong party. A- See if they have free beer. S- Your singing sounds distorted. F- The beer is too weak. A- Have more beer until your voice improves. S- Don't remember the words to the song. F- Beer is just right. A- Play air guitar.

[Robert]

:rofl:

[Bubba136]

Here's something to curdle your stomach: Some Wal-Mart customers soon will be able to sample a new discount item -- Wal-Mart's own brand of wine. The world's largest retail chain is teaming up with E&J Gallo Winery of Modesto, Calif., to produce the spirits at an affordable price, in the $2-5 range. While wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to throw a bottle of Wal-Mart brand wine into their shopping carts, there is a market for cheap wine, said Kathy Micken, professor of marketing at Roger Williams University in Bristol, R.I. She said: "The right name is important." The top 12 suggested names for Wal-Mart Wine: 12. Chateau Traileur Parc 11. White Trashfindel 10. Big Red Gulp 9. I-da-ho Grapel 8. Domaine Wal-Mart "Merde du Pays" 7. NASCARbernet 6. Chef Boyardeaux 5. Liberty Street Red <darn I thought that was a hooker> 4. Chateau des Moines 3. I Can't Believe It's Not Vinegar! 2. World Championship Riesling 1. Nasti Spumante Any other suggestions?