shyguy Posted May 2, 2004 Share Posted May 2, 2004 spot on He was so narrow minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes. Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba136 Posted May 2, 2004 Share Posted May 2, 2004 And the circle remains unbroken! Being mentally comfortable in your own mind is the key to wearing heels in public. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeffM Posted May 2, 2004 Share Posted May 2, 2004 And one to tell you all that you left one out, the one who says they are called light globes not light bulbs. Bulbs are those things you put in the ground and which in time produce flowers. Globes are spherical objects. Jeff Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shyguy Posted May 9, 2004 Share Posted May 9, 2004 A guy walks into a shoe store and asks for a pair of shoes, size 8. The obviously well trained salesman says, 'But sir, you take an 11. 'Just bring me a size 8.' The sales guy brings them, and it takes three salesmen to get the shoes on his feet. One to hold him in the chair, one to hold his foot, and one to work the shoe horn. Finally, with his size 8 shoes the man, stands up in obvious pain, and starts to walk towards the cashier. The salesman says, 'Sir, why are you torturing yourself? You need size 11.' He turns to the salesman and says, 'I've lost my job, I've lost my house to the IRS, I live with my mother-in-law, my daughter ran off with my best friend and got pregnant, and my son just told me he was gay. The only pleasure I have left is to come home at night and take these shoes off.' He was so narrow minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes. Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sscotty727 Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 I just read this on a joke site, but it could work! "I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Shoe Posted May 12, 2004 Share Posted May 12, 2004 A teacher had a class of 4 year olds on their first day at school. In order to break the ice she decided to sit them in a semi-circle and ask them their names and their fathers' professions. The first kid called Toby said that his father was a buider, the second child was called Emily with an engineer for a father and the third said that his father was a gogo dancer in a gay bar and takes his clothes off in front of hordes of gay men for money! Rocked by this revelation, she decided to start the others off on some colouring and take the child to one side and ask him if he was telling the truth. To this he replied that it was a lie and that the truth was that his father played football for Chelsea but he didn't want the other kids to laugh at him! Graduate footwear designer able to advise and assist on modification and shoe making projects. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hoverfly Posted June 16, 2004 Share Posted June 16, 2004 Hello, my name is Hoverfly. I’m a high heel addict…. Weeeeeeeeeee! 👠1998 to 2022! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeffM Posted June 16, 2004 Share Posted June 16, 2004 I saw a whole lot of these plastic signs, the triangle ones that usually have a brick in the middle to stop them being blown away, a few weeks back on the side of the road. On both sides they had this message. Parliament Week, with a date underneath. The only thing was that the second E in week was over written with the letter A making it read Parliament Weak and the date was 1 June to 31 May. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
genebujold Posted June 16, 2004 Share Posted June 16, 2004 xdf d Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
genebujold Posted June 16, 2004 Share Posted June 16, 2004 On one morning a man named Farly, Spread a ripe layering of barley. The baker did say, "with this spreading of hay, were you trying to parley with Marley?" Farley answered that day, from the barley in which he lay, and said, "Marley I've parleyed on barley!" The baker did say, on that fateful day, "Because you're parleyed with Marley, "I must take your dubloons, "to the convent at noon, "By means of a bar near McFarley's" The baker want away, but his wife did stay To prove trios were better than a forey... When the baker returned, his family did spurn His gambling habbits at McFareley's. Said his wife of pastee, and his daughter of thee, "There are far to many Marley's you've parlayed!" So sad the man went, feeling selfiish and spent, To the village of his youth in Von Carley The mayor did say, in her curious way, "Farely, you may parley in Von Carley!" So Farely did parley, his ways in Von Carley, to the dissappointment of his wife back in Marley. Till one day they met, in the land of Harley, and rode off in bliss amidst the barley. The mayor of Von Careye, his wife from the barley, and the man who now ran Von Marley, All gathered their way, to add and to say, "Best to you, old sod, on your Harley." Feeling evil and spent, both lavish and went, the rider did best to parley, The fact that his Harley from his parley in von Marley amidst barley was cute for a while... But his retort a first among the curious burst showing Von Carley Harley retorts from Farely were really from Marley. You, know - I really don't know of a good way to finish this - just seemed like a fun threat at the time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeffM Posted June 17, 2004 Share Posted June 17, 2004 INNER PEACE I am passing this on to you because it has definitely worked for me, and we could all use a little calmness in our lives. By following the simple advice I found in an article, I have finally found inner peace. The article read: “The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started". So I looked around the house to find all the things I had started and hadn't finished. Before leaving the house this morning I finished off a bottle of red wine, a bottle of white wine, the Baileys, Kailua and Wild Turkey, a cheesecake, a block of chocolate and a packet of Tim Tams. You have no idea how bloody good it feels... so pass this on to others you feel are in need of inner peace! Any one ever been there done that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Shoe Posted June 17, 2004 Share Posted June 17, 2004 An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money. After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office. The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, "$165,000". The president was curious and asked her how she had been abl e to save so much money. The elderly woman replied that she made bets. The president was surprised and asked, "What kind of bets?" The elderly woman replied, "Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square." The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that. The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, "Would you like to take my bet?" "Certainly", replied the president. "I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square." "Done", the elderly woman answered. "But given the amount of money involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 o'clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness." "No problem", said the president of the Bank confidently. That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet. The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the president's testicles were square. The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly. The president was happy to oblige. The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked the president if she could touch them. "Of course", said the president. "Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure." The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied, "Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Bank of Canada!" Graduate footwear designer able to advise and assist on modification and shoe making projects. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robert Posted June 17, 2004 Share Posted June 17, 2004 :rofl: :rofl: Boots, fascinating footwear http://s70.photobucket.com/albums/i103/Boots_1956/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jim Posted June 20, 2004 Share Posted June 20, 2004 It's been about 10 years since my last visit to DC,my sister was there last week and sent me this pic. Things seem to have changed abit... jim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shyguy Posted June 20, 2004 Share Posted June 20, 2004 Excellent pic :rofl: He was so narrow minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes. Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba136 Posted June 20, 2004 Share Posted June 20, 2004 Yeah, I remember the White House looking that way. It was back in the early 1990's when that Democrat from Arkansas was President. Being mentally comfortable in your own mind is the key to wearing heels in public. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeffM Posted July 7, 2004 Share Posted July 7, 2004 In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?" "Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test." "Triple filter?" "That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to filter what you're going to say. The first Filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?" "No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it and..." "All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the Filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?" "No, on the contrary..." "So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, even though you're not certain it's true?" The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued. "You may still pass the test though, because there is a third filter - the Filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?" "No, not really..." "Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True, nor Good, nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?" The man was defeated and ashamed. This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem. It also explains why he never found out that Plato was shagging his wife. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sscotty727 Posted July 7, 2004 Share Posted July 7, 2004 I don't remember if I posted this here before, but it is worth a second posting if I didn't. (Note sure outside the US, but they have a bunch of comercials here with the "Hey, is that a Hemi?" tag line). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
genebujold Posted July 8, 2004 Share Posted July 8, 2004 This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem. It also explains why he never found out that Plato was shagging his wife. It's amazing what high and mightiness causes us to miss! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
genebujold Posted July 8, 2004 Share Posted July 8, 2004 I don't remember if I posted this here before, but it is worth a second posting if I didn't. (Note sure outside the US, but they have a bunch of comercials here with the "Hey, is that a Hemi?" tag line). Looks like US plates to me! And US driving... And US architecture... And US disregard for the property of others... And US... Hey - I'm not knocking the US - I'm just laughing at one of my own! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Shoe Posted July 8, 2004 Share Posted July 8, 2004 Apart from the plates and the architecture, it could be over here too! LOL Graduate footwear designer able to advise and assist on modification and shoe making projects. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba136 Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 It appears that the car came to rest inside (and outside) of a "pre-manufactured home" -- a home that is built by placing two mobile homes together side by side. Being mentally comfortable in your own mind is the key to wearing heels in public. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Shoe Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 I read a thing in the paper today about a guy who crashed into a house in the same way. The only thing is, he did it a year to the day after the first time he did it to the same house in a car that was the same colour! Like I said, it happens here too! Graduate footwear designer able to advise and assist on modification and shoe making projects. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-Nation Posted July 10, 2004 Share Posted July 10, 2004 He was interviewed in his sick bed by the local TV news up here in Yorkshire, and he said to the reporter that he had "...been driving 40 years, driving lorries, buses etc [all on his provisional licence] and I'm a better driver than you!" I think the evidence suggests otherwise! Emma Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba136 Posted July 11, 2004 Share Posted July 11, 2004 better perhaps before stopping at the pub for a few? :rofl: Being mentally comfortable in your own mind is the key to wearing heels in public. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Shoe Posted July 11, 2004 Share Posted July 11, 2004 Two philosophy students were talking and one said:" Have you read Marx?" The other replied "Yes, I think it's the whicker furniture!". Graduate footwear designer able to advise and assist on modification and shoe making projects. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kneehighs Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 A guy anxiously walks into a sex shop and runs up to the salesperson at the counter and explains his situation,"Hey, I'm going out of town on business for a few weeks and my girlfriend, is like borderline nympho. I'm not sure what to get her." The salesperson said, "Let me show you my voodoo dildo." So the salesman turns around and from high atop a shelf, he pulls down a box, about the size of a shoebox, in varnished wood, with elaborate floral engravings on the top. Then he opens it, and wrapped in soft, red silk and velvet, is a dildo. The the salesman says, "watch this." And in the tonality of an experienced drill sargeant says, "Voodoo dildo, DOOR" And magically, the dildo lifts itself out of the box and through the thin air proceeds to fly right into the key hole on the door. And then it starts thrusting in and out, and in and out (he, he, when i used to be "single" I'd layer in the sexual metaphorical parrallels to prime my date's emotionally). Now the guy's jaw drops to the ground and as he watches in amazement, the salesman in the same military confidence says, "Voodoo dildo, box!" And instantly, the voodoo dildo flys from out of the keyhole right back into the box from which it came. And after some haggling and negotiating, the guy leaves with his chin up and a brand new voodoo dildo under his arm. So he leaves on his business trip and now his girlfriend is alone. And after some time alone, and not wanting to give into the urge but feeling the pressure mount from within (he, he) she stares at the voodoo dildo once, gives it a double take, and finally gives in with the command, "voodoo dildo, my p$$$y" And as expected, it mysteriously does it's job. Entering into her with poised elegance and thrusting with equally graceful rythm, she is in bliss. But then she realizes she doesn't know the command to get the voodoo dildo out of her. So in a frenzy of desperation she manages to--despite the constant gyrating of her hips and thighs--get to the phone and dial 911. "I have a voodoo dildo stuck in me, please help" To which the 911 attendant replies, "Yeah right, click." So in a persistent effort to get this thing out of her, she wobbles over her garage door, and writhes her way into the seat. She drives as if she was drunk, with gyrating hips and thighs and all, she makes way down the highway to the hospital. Weaving in and out of her lane, when not but a moment later, She sees blue and red lights in her rearview mirror and realizes she is being pulled over. The officer walks over and taps on her window and she rolls her window down. "Ahem, excuse me miss, but what could possibly cause you to drive like that?" "I swear to you officer, it's my voodoo dildo!" To which the officer exclaims, "Voodoo dildo my ass!" Feminine Style . Masculine Soul. Skin In The Game. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Shoe Posted July 12, 2004 Share Posted July 12, 2004 Heard it before but still worth a :rofl: Graduate footwear designer able to advise and assist on modification and shoe making projects. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shyguy Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 oldie but goodie, worth repeating Kneehighs. Now for something completely different It ain't fair, guys. When we're born, our mothers get the compliments and the flowers. When we're married, our brides get the presents and publicity. When we die, our widows get the life insurance. He was so narrow minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes. Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asdf174 Posted July 21, 2004 Share Posted July 21, 2004 Here about the new Pirate movie? Its rated RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! It's all good. ~Arron. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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