dr1819

Sounds fine, Admin. This is a better place for it. Fog, I do hope you stick around, knowing that the only reason I began this was because something happened to me. Thinking back, had I known Aikido then, I would have been better prepared, although I may still have been able to prevent it. The reason I chose Aikido is because I'm a peacemaker, not a fighter. Unlike the other martial arts where the aim is generally to disable your attacker, generally through intense pain or physical damage, the principle of Aikido is to "protect your attacker." You disable him through a superior knowledge, understanding, and practice of leverage and use non-physically-damaging holds which are quite painful (although only so long as the hold is applied - once you release, there's no more pain). Whether we like it or not, hate crimes and other crimes do happen, and usually to those who're different. Most often it's racially motivated, but gays have for years been the target of hate crimes, and as more men begin wearing heels, we may be targets, too. I intended my original post as an essay of my thoughts concerning self-defense, nothing more. I certainly wasn't out to insight riots, and I'm by no means the kind of person who tends to get into fights. I've only in four since birth, and all were attacks on me: Two in childhood, one in college, and one twenty years later as an adult. Some people never get into fights. Some people have been in dozens. I'd say I'm pretty average for an American.

Parents are indeed responsible for their children. But that doesn't mean that they need to be snooping around behind the kid's back (engenders suspicion and paranoia) or kicking down the kid's door on any whim or caprice. For crying out loud, I was willing to give my dog more respect than that.

I understand that! Yup. Here, Fido....

Of course the main principle is to not exceed the heel height in which you're the most comfortable. Do that and you're miserable. Remain within that and you'll be quite happy.

eww, i dont get it.... why do ppl buy used shoes? Yeah theyre ok, theyre kinda cute - even if a guys gonna wear them, but, used shoes? no matter how good you clean them someones sweat, smelly feet germs are still gonna be soaked into the soles of those shoes and when you sweat your sweat mixes with their sweat and all sweat becomes one. Yuck, just buy them new. Payless has boots like that brand new for like 20 us dollars.

you dont know if they have some nasty foot fungus thats soaked into those shoes.

But as I always say, to each their own.

Melly

Nothing Lysol and about 24 hours of drying out time can't cure...

Why the over-emphasis on used shoes, Melly? Is it really that important so as to derail the thread?

Latest update... I told my mother. Never realized she could ever have such a dull attitude as THAT! She was worried, and said that people would laugh at me, that wearing "women's" shoes is not "normal" for a man, that "are you a transvestite?" question, and stated that this ridicule would cause isolation. I answered that hiding my true self and desires could do this WAY faster and stronger. I also told her that those who could poke fun could be some silly youngsters (and I don't care about them), and many women could compliment me. My mother told me that she didn't see any men wearing heels in the street, and I replied "I think many guys love heels, but they're hiding their passion because of the fear of ridicule- I don't!". I can understand her fears, but damnit, I've been working hard enough to gain more confidence, I did it (and still do) and I ain't gonna surrender! Momma says that these heels themselves are too thin to support my weight (I weigh ca. 80kg) and they could be acceptable if they were thicker. I wonder what she'd say if she saw TBG for example. Well, I began considering taking these booties to a cobbler for a heel change, or perhaps wearing them at a fancy dress party. No matter how hard my attempts to calm my mother down were, I didn't succeed in convincing her... yet. I'm gonna talk to her today (she went to sleep so that I had no opportunity for a longer talk) and tell her that men in 16- 18th century wore heels as tall as 12cm, and women can wear whatever they darn please (including ties and wingtips) whereas guys have a very narrow sartorial choice and I want to change this in my case. Oh, and I'd tell her about strict dress codes for females in 19/20th century and women wearing pants before this garment was embraced by mainstream fashion. Or guys with earrings. I think I should appeal to her sense of justice and tell me if this double standard is fair (I suppose that this question would knock her out). If she knew English, I'd definitely direct her here.

Wonderful, Tubehead! I read through your post in detail, and can't find a single thing against which I would recommend from your line of reasoning.

In otherwords, I support your conclusions and your directions 100%.

Hello Marco and Dr. Shoe -

Thank you for the warm welcome. It has taken me some time in getting here. I did not want to step on Gary's precious toes, however since he has assured me we can share this as well, I am delighted to be here!

Katherine

If he's assured you that you're welcome to share this world, then by all means, you're welcome here!

My previous girlfriend shared many of the sentiments you expressed herein. We're still exceptionally close friends, for which I'm exceptionally grateful. Thankfully, my preference for heels had nothing to do with our breakup, and I found that to be a surprising twist.

I'm very glad you're realizing that what's in a person's heart is not somehow ameliorated by how they clothe themselves. I've known greats who clothe themselves in rags, and rats who clothe themselves as would kings. Clothing does not make a man, but it's what's in his heart that defines his being!

Your acceptance of your husband's penchant for heels has warmed my heart, and has given many of us hope.

Thank you.

Aye, there's the rub, isn't it? Some women respond with a "you do? Well then let's go out and buy you another pair" while others sign the cross and you never hear from them again. Most women fall somewhere between those extremes, and some initial disbelief is usually a part of their response. Having read through most of the posts and dealt with these issues over the last five years of this website's existence, here's an amalgem of what seems to work the best: 1. Honesty is always the best policy. If you hide it, and she finds out later, she'll wonder what else you've been hiding. 2. Do tell. This goes hand in hand with honesty, but I have to say this, in all honesty - if you're uncertain as to her reaction, and you know you can go without, then go without - why add unnecessary friction in your marriage, or risk worse? If you feel like you can't, then simply tell her, "honey, I have this thing for heels." Then, let her ask the questions and be honest in your responses. 3. If you feel like she'd be ok with it, then just tell her! This is pretty much self-explanatory. In all, put her above your heel-wearing. I don't care how sympathetic a woman might be. If she thinks you're putting anything above her, even if it's your Superman comic book collection, Monday Night Football, an excessive sports training regimen - it's bad ju-ju. Most women don't want to be the center of attention, but they do want to feel like they're the apple of your eye. So if you want to strengthen the relationship, re-focus on the apple! Selfish indulgence is a killer in most relationships, whether that's preoccupation with the job, a hobby, or street-heeling. If you want her in your life, focus on her, not heels. Mention your interest, to be sure, in keeping with the honesty aspect, but make dang sure she knows, through your actions and words how much more she means to you than a pair of shoes. Otherwise, she's likely to think, "He care's more about his heels than he does about me" and she'd be perfectly justified in thinking that. Just some observations to ponder from someone who's "been there, done that."

JSpikeHeels, what a wonderful post, filled with a fairly well-balanced series of life experiences. All of us have got to make the choice as to whether we're going to work within society's expectations or blast through them willy-nilly. Ususually the latter is like investing in risky stocks - more return, but more risk. I think a healthy approach involves evaluating what we're willing to loose, then going no farther, and fostering that which we value the most. That said, and nothing more...

This is from another thread. It retains relevance there, but I'm requoting it here, as here's where it belongs. I'll also be posting a link there, to here, as a redirect. In this day and age, occasionally the difference between being a victem and a survivor involve the following, and the key thing to remember is that SIZE DOES NOT MATTER. Only technique, and training. I've seen 134 lb aspirants take down 243lb football players on a regular basis. It's not "mind over matter," but rather, "physics over brute strength."

Because we tend to be different, we need to know the tools of our to defend ourselves, if the case arises. Fortunately, I've had that happen absolutely 0 times while wearing heels, but I have had it raised once while in sneakers, jeans, and a t-shirt. Needless to say, I lost (they were better prepared than me). I lost $35, about 4 hours of consciousness, 2 days due to convalescent leave, and about the next 20 hours of on-duty time until my brain started working normally again. Even then, I had periods up to 8 months hence where I'd be overwhelmed, and it wasn't pretty.

Fortunately, the brain has a wonderful way of healing itself, provided the vitamins, nutrition, and mental exercise are present, and I test even higher on tests today than I did then.

Back to the story:

Stuff

To put not quite too fine a point on it, I was a diver (springboard) in high school, lettered in it, beat the crap (self-defense) out of the badass in school when he accused me of cheated in a game of no-pads, no-holds-barred football in the snow (he outweighed me by 35 lbs), but no one could tackle me (as I'd bicycled everywhere the past 10 years). He accosted me, I broke his jaw, and since he was the HS ringleader, I was never screwed with again. Wow - amazing what a 119 lb guy can do.

Same thing happened in college, exactly four years hence, but at a fraternity party, although the circumstances were merely my trying to retrieve the BYOB cooler that I'd carried into the establishment earlier. Instead of being helpful, the football player they'd hired as a "security guard" attempted to beat me to a pulp. He did lay three damaging blows on by backside before I a managed to break his jaw.

Folks, it's self defence. If he'd been concentrating, ONE blow from him could have ruined my day, permanently. A broken jaw heals. Ruptured kidneys don't fair so well.

He was fine and back in the game next fall (6 months later). It took me nine months before my right kidney regained normal function. One more hit on his part and I would have lost it.

I'm NOT a "scrapper," having been in just three fights in my 43-year-old life, one on Jr. High, one in College, and one that I lost (I was mugged) in a popular vacation spot.

All I'm saying is be prepared to talk yourself out of fights in the first place (perhaps 40 times), be prepared to run the other times (perhaps 4 times), and be prepared to take care of yourself the rest of the time (just 3 out of 47 times).

Taikwondo, is a wonderful non-agressive martial art which can protect you greatly without you having to learn how to break bricks with your fists. It's ideal is "protecting the attacker," and it's not about overpowering - it's about using the laws of physics to defeat his overpowering attack strategies.

And it works. After studying Aikido for less than a year, I encountered a guy who was a supposed black belt in Taikwondo, last summer, in 2005. Guess what folks, he was dang fast. I definately had a fight on my hands. He was actually upset that I interefered in his "acquisition" of another pilot in his outfit (she thought he was a creep). When he followed her home, I followed him, and when he accosted her, I intercepted and said in my unmistakable martial arts form, "Uh, no, I really don't think you ought to be going there with her."

The usual response with "why not?" and "Who do you think you are?" were replied to with my name and "her friend," and "please leave now."

The next few seconds are confusing, as his attack was with lightening speed, but as I had nothing to loose and everything to impress, I was somehow able to thwart his attacks, after which he asked me, "which martial art do you study?" I replied, "Aikido." He asked what belt I am, and I replied, "No belt, for I'm a beginning student." This really pissed him off, for he launched into another series of attacks, most of which I was able to slightly deflect, reducing broken bones to mere bruises.

He and I stood.

I said, "Take whatever sense of macho you have and go home. You're not going home with her. Neither am I. What's happening here is that you're going home intact, and so am I. If you can't accept that, I'm calling the police, and began punching in the code to the police on the cell phone."

He was a pilot under contract to the US government, didn't want to loose his job, etc., so he held up his hands and conceeded.

The bottom line here, folks, is that it takes a calm head to win a fight, and it certainly helps if you're properly trained. The best training is track, for if you run faster, or for longer than the other guy is willing to chase you, you've won. The next best training is in learning to deflect (not defeat) other means of attack, and for that, I recommend Aikido, as it's perhaps the best out there. This is particularly addressed to those of you who fear hate crimes because you, as a man, choose to wear heels. Always err on the side of caution, never believing your skills will keep you safe, for there are always ways of circumventing martial arts (guns...).

Instead, be smart, be safe, and be conservative. It'll never harm you to train in Aikido, as it's good for the bones without damaging the joints, great for flexibility, and is the one martial art which grants you the greatest liklihood of defending yourself to the best extend in the shortest amount of time.

Caveat - expect to study for a year or more before the results mentioned above are realized. But benefit also holds true - you'll be in much better shape and capable of defending yourself after a year than you were before.

Stuff

To put not quite too fine a point on it, I was a diver (springboard) in high school, lettered in it, beat the crap (self-defense) out of the badass in school when he accused me of cheated in a game of no-pads, no-holds-barred football in the snow (he outweighed me by 35 lbs), but no one could tackle me (as I'd bicycled everywhere the past 10 years). He accosted me, I broke his jaw, and since he was the HS ringleader, I was never screwed with again. Wow - amazing what a 119 lb guy can do.

Same thing happened in college, exactly four years hence, but at a fraternity party, although the circumstances were merely my trying to retrieve the BYOB cooler that I'd carried into the establishment earlier. Instead of being helpful, the football player they'd hired as a "security guard" attempted to beat me to a pulp. He did lay three damaging blows on by backside before I a managed to break his jaw.

Folks, it's self defence. If he'd been concentrating, ONE blow from him could have ruined my day, permanently. A broken jaw heals. Ruptured kidneys don't fair so well.

He was fine and back in the game next fall (6 months later). It took me nine months before my right kidney regained normal function. One more hit on his part and I would have lost it.

I'm NOT a "scrapper," having been in just three fights in my 43-year-old life, one on Jr. High, one in College, and one that I lost (I was mugged) in a popular vacation spot.

All I'm saying is be prepared to talk yourself out of fights in the first place (perhaps 40 times), be prepared to run the other times (perhaps 4 times), and be prepared to take care of yourself the rest of the time (just 3 out of 47 times).

Taikwondo, is a wonderful non-agressive martial art which can protect you greatly without you having to learn how to break bricks with your fists. It's ideal is "protecting the attacker," and it's not about overpowering - it's about using the laws of physics to defeat his overpowering attack strategies.

And it works. After studying Aikido for less than a year, I encountered a guy who was a supposed black belt in Taikwondo, last summer, in 2005. Guess what folks, he was dang fast. I definately had a fight on my hands. He was actually upset that I interefered in his "acquisition" of another pilot in his outfit (she thought he was a creep). When he followed her home, I followed him, and when he accosted her, I intercepted and said in my unmistakable martial arts form, "Uh, no, I really don't think you ought to be going there with her."

The usual response with "why not?" and "Who do you think you are?" were replied to with my name and "her friend," and "please leave now."

The next few seconds are confusing, as his attack was with lightening speed, but as I had nothing to loose and everything to impress, I was somehow able to thwart his attacks, after which he asked me, "which martial art do you study?" I replied, "Aikido." He asked what belt I am, and I replied, "No belt, for I'm a beginning student." This really pissed him off, for he launched into another series of attacks, most of which I was able to slightly deflect, reducing broken bones to mere bruises.

He and I stood.

I said, "Take whatever sense of macho you have and go home. You're not going home with her. Neither am I. What's happening here is that you're going home intact, and so am I. If you can't accept that, I'm calling the police, and began punching in the code to the police on the cell phone."

He was a pilot under contract to the US government, didn't want to loose his job, etc., so he held up his hands and conceeded.

The bottom line here, folks, is that it takes a calm head to win a fight, and it certainly helps if you're properly trained. The best training is track, for if you run faster, or for longer than the other guy is willing to chase you, you've won. The next best training is in learning to deflect (not defeat) other means of attack, and for that, I recommend Aikido, as it's perhaps the best out there. This is particularly addressed to those of you who fear hate crimes because you, as a man, choose to wear heels. Always err on the side of caution, never believing your skills will keep you safe, for there are always ways of circumventing martial arts (guns...).

Instead, be smart, be safe, and be conservative. It'll never harm you to train in Aikido, as it's good for the bones without damaging the joints, great for flexibility, and is the one martial art which grants you the greatest liklihood of defending yourself to the best extend in the shortest amount of time.

Caveat - expect to study for a year or more before the results mentioned above are realized. But benefit also holds true - you'll be in much better shape and capable of defending yourself after a year than you were before.

I'd say no difference, unless the heels rose above 2 inches, after that, it was a girl's world.

Thankfully, no more, as these are now offered in up to 13.

dr1819,

I only agreed that the forum was "too busy". My only real gripe is that the layout does not adjust to the width of the browser window as the other forum did.

Well, I am sorry, Lindsay. As with all change there are gives and takes. I think the takes definately outweight the gives, even though we might have to give up one or two of our favorite features of the old board to gain the benefits of the new one.

By the way, I personally never experienced the automatic resizing feature you speak of. Even though I use a resolution set at 1162x864, larger than most, I'd often have to scroll sideways to see the images in larger posts. I'm more at home with the narrower lists, as it eliminates the scrolling. As a nostalgic anecdote, it reminds me of the C-64 BBS days, where 40 characters was the limit!

Thank God those days are gone! The current limit is more than twice that, but still accomodates 90% of the member's screen resolutions.

That's a good thing.

Almost forgot to tell my story of what I did for Halloween! Our company decided to wear costumes to work on Halloween. The e-mail said "highly encouraged but it's up to you." About half did. More than a few of the women were cleopatra, a village wench, or something similar. I wore my black skirt (my favorite) with one of my wife's old belts, a blouse, a bra, and nails. Soft peach color. For heels I wore my pair of black, 3-1/2" stack heeled black suade boots from Payless. Yeah, cheap, but they're a bit more comfortable than my others. I didn't bother with the makeup or wig, but did bring a razor to work so I could shave again after lunch. It went over pretty well - lots of laughs.

Like this beauty!

May be that they are sending their high heeled male models only on the "catwalk" because of the rumor in TV and the international rainbow press. Provocation sells. Nevertheless every fashion show with male high heels wearing models says to publity: That's IN for guys!

They may also be doing it from feedback from the retailers, which do report sales trends. And one interesting trend being reported is that half of the larger sizes are being bought by guys.

It's an untapped market, and the designers are trying to tap it.

The problem is, I think you're right - they're designing feminine-looking heels for men, when feminine heels for men are already available. What they should do is design masculine heels for men, like those of the Harley-Davidson line, which I'd wear in a heartbeat anywhere, if they just came in my size!

I'd be up for any of them!

I recently got my new boots from New Rock.

If you go to the skirt section of my website, you can see me in them.

http://www.jonrowlinson.com

I must confess to like Barretts though. They must get loads of guys buying girls shoes from them and the staff are really clued up with them.

I'm a new member so my profile is not finished yet

By the way - welcome aboard! Always nice to have more members.

I think as long as male heel wearing is associated in any way with "gender," then it will never be seen as anything other than a way for some men to express their sexual confusion. As for the talk about platforms not being real heels, men wore cuban heels in the early 1960s and 1980s. Wayne Cochran wore 4 inch heels, electric blue suits, and a huge blonde pompadour in the early 1960s. My point is that heels for men will never be regular until those who wear them as a style separate themselves from the "genderly confused", who are the main ones promoting the idea that men wearing heels are wanting to be women.. Note the myspace page linked below:

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=4100637

The page belongs to someone who admits to wearing skirts. He also admits to wearing heels. He is not "genderly confused," he even has a girlfriend who is a pin-up type model. Check some of his links on the friends list.

I'm not at all confused about my gender. I'm a man living in a man's body who nevertheless thinks (as identified on several different gender identity tests) more like a female than a male. And I like wearing skirts and heels, too, with the occasional dress. Right now I'm in a black polo shirt, jeans, and a pair of black two-strap RSVP wedges with male underwear. Oh, and two of my nails are painted with Revlon's Pure Pearl (020).

I found it interesting that the guy identifies as a glametalpunkdustrigoth. I wonder what the "dustri" means.

I have no desire to be a woman, nor do most men who wear heels. But some do, and that's ok, too, just as some women want to be guys.

Do Zappos post to the UK?

Chris

Strangely, no. I'm not sure why, as they'd enjoy a booming business.

Here's a quote from their website:

Q: Do you ship to addresses outside the United States?

A: We ship to all US States and Territories. Sorry, we do not ship internationally at this time.

However, there are drop shippers in the United States which will tranship the items for you. Essentially, they receive the item and will ship it to you for a shipping and handling fee.

I've never used any of them, so if someone knows of a good one, please chime in.

Another option is to just go with ankle boots and either long pants or tights underneath the shorts or skirt.

It did for me.

I'm surprised, as others reported having the same issue.

I'm not sure what you mean by "the layout is totally different," as it's almost identical to the old board. Same forums, same threads in those forums, etc. The top menu (Home, Discussion Forum, etc.) is slightly different, requiring you to go Home to access your private messages, but by and large, phpBB (the old software) and vBulletin are almost identical in design, especially compared with the layouts of other software found on other popular bulletin boards, such as The Fashion Spot. Those layouts are significantly different.

My two favorite boards for the last several years have been this one and another than runs vBulletin. I found this one first, and had absolutely no problem with the other one, which used to use phpBB, migrated to vBulletin due to it's significantly better featers.

I know that you'll quickly adjust, and hope you find your way around.

If you're frustrated because you can't do something you used to be able to do, please note that here and we'll help you find the solution!

Yeah - and the last pic is the most amazing, as I could swear his foot is about 8 inches below the surface of the street!

Heely, non-heely - who cares? We're talking HEINLEIN, here, the first gender-bending SF writer on the planet. He's welcome on all threads!

Gee, Fog, this thread is a sharp departure from previous posts. Nothing wrong with it - just wondering if everything is ok back on the home front?

To westerners who are, Asian culture is a real shock that may require many months to overcome.

Months? Try years, and I'm fairly open-minded.

By statistical analysis, Graham's lifestyle is not "unconventional" at all. Men have worn skirts for perhaps 50,000 to 200,000 years, and heels for the majority of the last 500 years (most of the time since heels were invented). A full two thirds of the men on this planet have worn unbifurcated garments on a regular basis in the last year.

I see nothing unconventional about it, except within the context of very myopic fashion trends. Guys in skirts, heels, and both, is more than a growing trend. It's a norm exercised by men around the world for millenia, and is still being exercised today (heels being the more modern exception, but certainly being worn by men, as well).

Never invade. Do it with the childs consent. If the child is keeping something secret, it doesn't mean they're doing something wrong. Talk to the child. Don't go through their things. A child will respond better to questions than they would an invasion of privacy.

Respect and privacy are not earned. They should be given freely to all.

Wow. Beautiful! Clear, succinct... Wow! You do have a way with words, Lindsey.