Girlfriend of heel wearer

[manololover]

I've been seeing a guy for about 9months, and from the start he told me he enjoyed wearing high heels, but that not many other people knew. I was a little shocked, but decided not to let it put me off as he seemed like a nice guy. I didn't mention the subject for a while, until a few weeks later I asked a few basic questions, like how long he had been doing it for, and what were his shoes like, he was happy to answer my questions and seemed glad of my acceptance. Over the next few weeks my curiosity got the better of me and I asked more and more questions until, as ridiculous as this sounds, I had enough courage to ask to see them. I was worried seeing them would put me off him as it would make it more real, at this stage I think part of me still wanted to deny what he was doing, I'd not known anyone who had done this before. Seeing the shoes didn't put me off though, and my love for shoes got the better of me, and as soon as I saw them I forgot all about there being anything unusual about him wearing them, and tried them on without thinking, conveniently we happen to be a similar size. I wasn't, and still am not a fan of all of the pairs he has, I prefer all of the pairs I own to his, although this is to be expected as I bought mine because I loved all 60 odd pairs. It took me perhaps 3months or so to ask him to put a pair on in front of me, and when he did I was suprised at how little I reacted, they just didn't look that bad. I know my boyfriend is incredibly glad of my acceptance, as am I as he's a lovely guy, however I still get moments where I think of it as weird and find myself pleased I have shoes I consider to be much better than his, but I hate these feelings. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I could overcome this? As I don't want to find myself using at as a point to argue with him in future. I know I seem very accepting of what he does, and on the whole I am, there have even been many times in the past 3months when I have worn his shoes when we have been.....intimate... although I'm just not ready to have him wear them at this time. just think I need someone to talk to about it, as I don't feel I can talk to anyone I currently know, as my boyfriend is reluctant to tell anyone about his habit. manololover

[dr1819]

You bring up some good points, manalolover, and welcome to this board, where most of the members are men, most of us are straight, and most of us enjoy wearing heels of various styles and for various reasons. It may seem weird, but that's simply because it's unusual. When people encounter the style and manner of dress found in other cultures, they've labled it as everything from weird to sinful, even though many of those come from others visiting Western civilization. Men have worn heels on and off for about 500 years, since they were first developed to keep horsemen's feet in the stirrups. Owning horses was expensive, a status symbol, and people quickly learned that men who wore heels were rich enough to own a horse and to have custom-made shoes. The term well-heeled came about as a result, and heel wear among men increased throughout the ranks of nobility and the wealthy. It died around the time of the French revolution, but returned in the 70s, and is coming around again, mainly not as a mainstream fashion, but simply as an acceptable form of fashion. Heel-wearing men have graced the runways at various fashion shows throughout the last decade, and the idea is slowly taking off, with a few designers even specifically making heels higher on their men's shoes and boots. Simple acceptance is a very loving thing to do, and goes a long way towards making a relationship work. Good luck, and I look forward to reading your replies!

[Thighboots2]

Well put dr1819.

All I could add is keep your Manolos strictly for you

TB2

[chris100575]

Hi Manololover I think your acceptance of your boyfriend's heels will just be a case of getting used to the idea of him in them and seeing him wear them. It does depend on how he feels about the shoes though. In my case, the vast majority of the time I'm just wearing high heeled boots with my normal male clothing. A couple of my friends know about my heels and are completely OK with it, because I'm exactly the same guy when I'm wearing them, just taller! Any time I do occasionally venture into other feminine things is strictly in private. Things might be different if he wants to wear them while you're being intimate, but this might not be the case just because he likes you to wear them. Given the choice between a girl wearing heels while we're being intimate or wearing them myself I'd vote for them on her every time. If he just wants to wear the shoes around the house, then familiarity will probably help. If he can behave as though everything is completely normal while wearing them it'll be easier for you to come to the same viewpoint. Let us know how you get on. Chris

[kneehighs]

...I know my boyfriend is incredibly glad of my acceptance, as am I as he's a lovely guy, however I still get moments where I think of it as weird and find myself pleased I have shoes I consider to be much better than his, but I hate these feelings.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how I could overcome this? As I don't want to find myself using at as a point to argue with him in future. I know I seem very accepting of what he does, and on the whole I am, there have even been many times in the past 3months when I have worn his shoes when we have been.....intimate... although I'm just not ready to have him wear them at this time. just think I need someone to talk to about it, as I don't feel I can talk to anyone I currently know, as my boyfriend is reluctant to tell anyone about his habit.

manololover

Hi manolover, I absolutely adore your user name, wish I had come up with something that fancy myself Perhaps I'll change my online name to Jimmy Shoe

I actually applaud the courage it took you to post your situation here. Your reaction is understandable and common to many. We have, however, seen progress both in commercial and fashion sector tolerance within the last 4 years: Nine West in the last 3 years just introduced a size 12 line and Zappos has increasingly expanded their size 12, 13 lines. Naturally, its probably not just women that are keeping these size expansions in operation either. In the fashion sector, there seems to be a growing consensus that a thick heeled, round toe boot is adaptable to stylish male attire. (that doesn't mean a stiletto can't be stylishly presented though). In general, as the worlds tolerance and open mindedness grows, you will probably find stronger support for your open minded tolerance. Most importantly, you'll find a warm set of supportive friends here, always willing to hear your voice and lend you a hand in times of need.

In the end, it boils down to strength in your personal convictions. Sometimes its healthy to question your beliefs, and if you find that despite the occasional "growing pain" that makes you question your acceptance of your man in heels, you are still open minded afterwards, then perhaps your were just living through what is a natural growth process for anything in life.

What specifically about your shoes could make them better than his?

[manololover]

dr1819 Thank you very much for your information. As a shoe lover I am familiar with the history of heels but hearing such things is still a comfort. Thighboots2 I fully intend to keep the manolos to myself, I completely accept my boyfriends choice of footwear, and he has now tried on a number of pairs of mine, however this hasn't included my manolos, jimmy choos, or loubotain's, as I can't even bear the thought of a risk of them being stretched. Chris100575 You speak the truth, now i have seen him in them several times they become less obvious to be, although they make him well over 6ft 4. Kneehighs There is a quality difference in the shoes we wear. I'm sure there are people that would argue against me, but there is nothing like the feeling of a pair of jimmy choos. it is infact something i recommed everyone try. it isnt just me either, i know i have several pairs he prefers to his own. I hope I am not misunderstood in any way, I have completely accepted his heel wearing, I don't necessarily find it werid, how could I when he simply loves what I love most, but sometimes I'll just have a thought about them that I don't like, that heels are my thing and if he does it to then maybe I don't have a thing, do you know what i mean? Manololover x

[hoverfly]

Hay!! What"s wrong being over *6'4" in heels??? *I am 6'2" with out them, you should see it when my GF wears heels!! She's tall as me flat footed. Heels are just as special to him as it is to you, contrary to popular belief men can have similar feelings about such things. It's that feeling of intimacy that the shoes brings is what bugs you.

[jo]

>> ...there is nothing like the feeling of a pair of Jimmy Choos. It is infact something I recommend everyone try. <<

Now that is interesting. You said "everyone" not "every woman".

I agree. I tried a pair of Louboutin stilettos last year and they were amazing, but not the style that I was actually looking for..

[manololover]

jo- yes i said everyone, if a guy likes wearing heels its something he must try x

[dr1819]

Manololover, upon re-reading your post I think I found the nugget of truth: " I still get moments where I think of it as weird and find myself pleased I have shoes I consider to be much better than his, but I hate these feelings. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I could overcome this?" Just to clarify, you haven't a problem with him wearing heels, but you struggle with him wearing yours? Or is it you hate the fact that you consider your heels to be better than his? If the former, just set boundaries. If the latter, skip on your next pair and just buy him a pair, instead!

[Danielinheels]

You've certainly gotten past the hardest part, by far. It's just a matter of WHEN you will become fully comfortable at this point. Just continue to lend your support - it will become natural, eventually. Him being 6'4" in heels isn't squat - I'm 6'4" without them. Regardless of the fact that I can become 6'7" or taller (depending on the shoes), I still wear heels because I enjoy them. I developed a liking for heels well before my growth spurt took place.

[kneehighs]

...I have completely accepted his heel wearing, I don't necessarily find it werid, how could I when he simply loves what I love most, but sometimes I'll just have a thought about them that I don't like, that heels are my thing and if he does it too then maybe I don't have a thing, do you know what i mean?

Manololover x

je comprends

You are definitely not alone in these sentiments. The High Heel Club is traditionally an exclusive Female Members Only Club. Perhaps your bf just wants to be a Part Time Member?

[Dawn HH]

Manololover:-) What a great name for your posting and it is a pleasure having a high heeled open-minded gal posting with us. Welcome to the Forum---it is going to be fun reading your posts. I have been wearing heels for 59 years now and still enjoy wearing them each day. Cudos! Cheer--- Dawn HH

[chris100575]

Manololover: I completely agree that you should keep your expensive shoes for yourself. I can't afford Manolos and Jimmy Choos, but still treasure my favourite pairs, and would hate to think of them getting damaged or stretched. I'd think that if you told your boyfriend that they were for you only, and the reason why, he'd understand. As for the heels being your thing, with the exception of the expensive ones couldn't it be a shared thing? I recently told my cousin (who's more like my sister really) about my heels, and she likes the fact that we have another shared interest, and that I can appreciate why she loves shoes so much. Chris

[LE752]

Hi Manololover, I WISH my boyfriend would tell me about his shoes. I know about them, and know where he keeps them, but I know if I confronted him directly he would freak out. Maybe one day...

[crotchboots-m]

but then again,if you dont ask you will never find out

[terayon]

Hey manololover Just wanted to say that I think its awesome that your being so open minded and accepting with your boyfriend. As a fairly young guy who just recently (3-4 months ago) told my girlfriend that I like to wear heels, I can certainly appreciate how akward it can be at first. It sounds like he really likes you a lot and must care about you, or he wouldnt have told you something like this. I know I waited almost a year before telling my girlfriend and it was one of the tougher things I've ever had to do. Like you, she's been pretty cool about it and doesnt seem to mind. Unlike you however she isnt a shoe lover at all....I can barely get her to wear heels, although we're working on that. She randomly went out and bought her first pair just last weekend I think the most important thing is to just be patient and discuss any concerns you may have with your boyfriend. The more you talk about it and see him wearing heels, the less tabboo the topic will be, and Im sure it will allieviate some of your concerns. I think that just keeping an open line of communication is paramount, the minute eithert one of you suspects the other of hiding something, your both going to be on the defensive and this will only compound the problem. good luck and welcome to the board

[manololover]

hey thanks for all the advice its all very much appreciated. its definately something i get more and more comfortable with over time. i dont really think i would be anything less than accepting, but maybe thats just cos i think this guy is really something special so ill accept anything he does, but then again it might just be cos i love shoes. really quite liking his latest pair of hhs, may have to borrow them a lot. take care x

[Shafted]

A great read, manololover. Here's hoping your new found common ground make for a wonderful and long lasting relationship.

[dr1819]

Well, you see? Now that you know it's not so strange after all, you're over the hump. Good luck to you, manololover.

[Rockpup]

Manololover: Well, if your are concerned about the lower quality shoes in his collection you could offer to help by shopping with him for a couple pairs of good shoes that fit him and his style. This way you are not worried that he would have better shoes, but instead shoes that fit 'him'. *shrug* Other then that, make sure to stay open and honest with him. If you are concerned about limits you may do good to discuss them with him. He already knows you are accepting and care for him, in exchange he should be accepting of your limits as far as when/where he wears his heels. My b/f isnt much into heels, so I limit what I wear so I do not make him uncomfortable. I do have a pair of Marc Jacobs 2.5" heel rubber boots I use for yard work though. Seeya jim

[Guy N. Heels]

So what is the problem here? It sounds like you two are getting adjusted to each other's likes and dislikes, just as any relationship requires. Perhaps you two could start discussing specific styles, colors, and heel heights that you'd like to see on yourself and on the other. I also like the idea of you taking your guy shopping for shoes. Perhaps you could offer him some pointers on quality and fashion. I don't see any real problem here. Good luck!