just discovered my boyfriend wears women's shoes...

[sscotty727]

This is incredible and I'm contributting to it...

This thread started just a few days ago and has now 4 pages of posts.

I don't know if the people taked the cause of our friend le752 or if every man here in the board wants a girl/wife that thinks like her, but this thread is amazingly a record. Maybe I'm wrong...

Well, she came to the board with a question and asked for some advice. Alot of us gave our opinions (although not all agree with each other, but that is what you normally get, various opinions).

Is that a problem? Would you rather of us just ignored her and not tried to help her out? Isn't that the purpose of the board or did I miss something?

[heelsRus]

This is incredible and I'm contributting to it...

This thread started just a few days ago and has now 4 pages of posts.

I don't know if the people taked the cause of our friend le752 or if every man here in the board wants a girl/wife that thinks like her, but this thread is amazingly a record. Maybe I'm wrong...

Well, I for one would like a wife like that :-).

I'm not too surprised at the messages as there are a lot of very helpful people on this board. We'd all like to help a lad out who has the same interest as us.

[Shoeiee]

Hello LE and welcome to the HH Place!! I've been a member here for several years but haven't posted very much. Been mostly a 'lurker' with the occasional inspirational moment :-) This is one of those moments I guess :-) I am one of the fortunate few who has a VERY supportive wife. We just celebrated our 5 year aanniversary and can say we've done the whole time in heels! I told her of my love for heels the day we met. I was blunt about it because my love for heels ruined a prior relationship and I wanted it out in the open before anything happened between us. I tell you this story because as you approach your boyfriend with his love for heels it might be useful for you to consider how welcome it was for me to have a woman who accepted my love for heels. High heels have become an integrated part of our life. My wife has strongly supported my wearing high heels both privately and publicly since the day we met. She recognizes that this is part of me. This knowledge has given us a very strong relationship and understanding of each other. As a man with a strong love for high heels, it is initially very difficult to accept this while still considering ones masculinity. It took several years for me to come to grips that this is just part of me, having nothing to do with my sexual preference or masculinity. It does however, have everything to do with my individual comfort, and my wife has done everything she can to support this. Without her acceptance of my desire to wear high heels I would probably still be hiding them from everybody and everything. But she has given me the confidence and courage to walk proudly, both privately and publicly, wearing up to 5in. stiletto heels. These days I wear heels almost exclusively. Usually more moderate styles as 5" stilettos are even far fetched for most women. From what I;ve read, you're willing to accept your man wearing high heels privately around the house. I strongly urge you to tell him this openly and without reservation. Don't dance around the subject. Just tell him. I sincerely believe that he will appreciate it more if it is done this way. And if your suspicions are wrong it could be an introduction to him of something new and exciting!! As for him venturing out, most men do not have the courage to step outside of their house wearing something as feminine as high heels, but he may have that desire in the future. If he does decide to wear heels in public, let him. It shows that he’s comfortable with his sexuality and with his woman. And as for your comfort level, support him and he will support you. There’s nothing you should be ashamed of. Likewise there’s nothing he should be ashamed of either. They're only shoes! Well that’s my 2¢ I hope that this will provide you with the courage to just come out to him and let me know how you feel. Trust me, it will make a world of difference in your relationship. Skirting the issue will only make him hesitant about accepting his true desires. Likewise if it makes him hesitant about accepting his true desires, it will definitely make him more hesitant about confiding in you with those desires as well. Happy Heeling!! Shoeiee

[Guy N. Heels]

Hi there le752, and welcome to a forum where both men and women can discuss wearing heels. You sound like a savvy young gal, so there's no point in beating around the bush. So when did you start wearing heels and why? More importantly, assuming you didn't fall and hurt yourself, how did you feel about wearing heels? More than likely you felt pretty good about the shoes, the new perspective of increased height, and how others responded to you. Well most of us guys felt much the same way when we first tried on heels. In my case it was pure curiosity as to how my mother could manage to walk and balance on those skinny heels that led me to try on a pair of her's when I was about 10 or so. The very first thing I was amazed to discover was the fact that her feet were nearly the same size as mine. Then the next thing was the remarkable new look and feel of walking in heels. In short, I really liked it. Better still, when my mother saw that I really liked to wear her shoes, she was willing to lend me a pair that I could wear. Well now I'm a very long way past 10 and my health will not permit me to wear the really nice 4" heels I have in my closet, but I do still wear wedgies up to 3" sometimes. I just plain like the look and the feel of 'em. So about your guy - it really doesn't matter how tall or how old he is, if he likes heels that's his thing. Unfortunately, most people still don't accept the notion of men in heels, especially in the business world - even though men actually started wearing heels before women. So unless your man is independently wealthy, he's probably only going to wear his heels on week-ends or when he goes out to clubs. Now if you like the notion of him in heels, why don't you gently encourage him? You could try taking him to a shoe shop on the pretext of buying yourself some shoes and then suggest that it might be interesting to see what he would look like in a similar pair. Or you could even ask if he had ever wondered what it would be like to wear heels? I'm sure that a smart girl like you can think of a number of ways to approach the subject. The main thing is to let him know that there is nothing for him to hide and that you are okay with him in heels. But whatever you do, don't let him know that you've been snooping around his computer or in his house. Make very sure that you both are comfortable about this matter before you let on as to how you found out. I wish you both well, and keep on stepping, -- Guy N. Heels

[flavio]

Dear sscotty727 It's not a problem at all!!! What I wanted to say is that this is a record! A lot of (good) posts in a very short time period. It's interesting how the subject of Le's acceptance of her bf is good for us. And, sure, it's very very good to see that the forum is alive and everybody wants to help her. Thanks to everyone that still here and posting. A LOT! Congratulations to le752 that is trying to manage things with her bf. All I want to say is go slowly and don't miss what life has best, because it's short.

[sscotty727]

The problems come about when people read what they want to see and not what is actually asked and then respond in kind. First of all, LE never said she knew 100% if her BF wore heels. Only that he bought a pair in his size. Granted, this is strong circumstantial evidence that he is buying them for himself, but it is also possible he is buying them for a friend, co-worker, or even a gift for someone else. Until he fesses up or she catches him wearing them, it is only circumstantial. Also, she never said she was into him wearing heels or wanted him to wear heels. In fact, she said while she is "ok" with it, it isn't really a big turn on. So before we all go nuts and give her suggestions on ways to get him into heels or have her suggest him to wear heels, let's respond to the actual questions. #1, Does he actually wear heels #2, How does she get him to let her know one way or the other #3, How she can let him know she accepts him IF he infact wears heels, NOT how she can get him to wear heels. Another thing, she said while she does wear heels, she normally doesn't wear thin heels or very high heels. This was done as an excuse to made a wager with him to wear the heels. Again, she didn't say it was a ruse to get him to wear them, but a way to give him an opening to see if infact he does want to wear them and to open up to her to that fact. Please take the time to actually read the questions/issues posed here and answer them, not assume things or interject your hopes/wishes onto the person.

[wineanddine]

I tend to try to not over analyze things but instead look for the obvious. I might hear a noise in the middle of the night and find a man I don't know in my living room with a sack and a flashlight. I may not know for sure why he is there but most likely he's robbing me. My point is that based on the sites he is visiting and ordering 2 pairs of heels that fit him I think LE can proceed on the assumption that it's more than just a coincidence and he has some serious interest in wearing and or viewing high heels. Since he bought in his size I'd vote for wearing. Based on her earlier postings I trust her judgment to proceed however she sees fit. Good luck, we've all been there. Wineanddine

[sscotty727]

WD, My point is circumstantial evidence and assumptions don't always equal facts. Your illustration of an unauthorized person entering your house is different in that it involves a life and death senaro. LE's situation reflects a potential long term relationship. Making assumptions in that regard can lead to not good results if not handled properly. I will give you another illustration. Several years ago when my wife and I were dating and not married, I did read "men's" magazines. My wife (GF at the time) didn't have a problem with that, BUT felt if I was able to read them she should be able to read women's versions. I agreed. The problem is she was very shy and having them mailed to her house (she still lived at home) was not an option. SO, I went into the store and bought her Playgirl. Now, someone standing behind me could see that and make an ASSUMPTION that I was gay (or atleast bi) if I am buying Playgirl. I had no wedding ring on at the time so all the "evidence" would point to I am buying the magazine for myself BECAUSE I am gay. Of course this is a good assumption but very wrong factually. Since anyone seeing me buy the magazine did not have ALL the facts, the ASSUMPTION was wrong. Until LE knows her BF is infact into wearing heels (and I agree the evidences points very strongly to that), she should not proceed the way she would if she knew for a fact that he does. In other words, asking him to wear heels, telling him she is turned on by guys wearing heels, buying him heels, etc is not a good idea UNTIL she knows for a fact that he does wear them. Now once she confirms the assumption, sure. Buying him heels, going shopping together for them, suggesting they go out together in them (if she is even ok with being in public with him wearing heels, that is her comfort level), all that is 100% fine and correct. My point is, at the time she only has circumstantial evidence and not facts that he infact wears heels or desires to wear heels. Just because we all wear and enjoy wearing heels, don't assume ALL guys that like seeing heels want to wear them. Scotty

[sscotty727]

I was thinking about this more and would like to go over another point on this. Let me illustrate how dangerous jumping to a conclusion can be.

Let's take my buying Playgirl magazine example. Let's say I am buying them for a shy friend and not my GF. Someone that knows us sees me buying them and she tells my GF. My GF makes the assumption I am curious about being with another man. She is openminded (like LE with the heels) so she decides she is going to support me in this and sets up a 3some to surprise me. I come home to find her and another guy waiting for me to have "fun". Of course me not being gay or bi am very turned off by this and it ends the relationship.

Do you see where taking action on an assumption where you don't have all the facts can lead to disasterous results?

Now if she would have just confronted me with "Hey, a friend of mine saw you buying Playgirl magazines the other day, what is up with that?" would circumvented the entire thing? I would have explained the buying them for a shy friend, and a VERY bad situation would have been avoided.

Again, we need to be VERY careful of advising someone when you don't have all the information and making leaps in assumptions can lead to very bad results.

Being a programmer, when something goes wrong in a program I write, I might have a gut feeling of what went wrong, BUT I have to consider ALL senarios that could also cause the same result and then proceed on testing them out. As I test I can elimiate some and then finally confirm which senaro is the one that did it. But until then, I can't start changing code based on what I think the evidence points to without confirming it. I think that is why I take a "get all the facts before taking action" approach.

Going back to LE and her BF's situation, even if he is buying the heels for himself doesn't mean he wants to street heel in them. He could be just curious how they feel. He could be buying them for some prank he and some friends are going to do (is he in college or a fraternity, maybe for a sporting event like the hoggettes in Washington who cross dress for the game only?). It could be for a 1 time event. It could be he wants to wear them to bed and nothing else. The list is endless. THAT is why I think she needs to 1st confirm if they are for him and his level of interest BEFORE she starts just going out and pushing him into wearing heels in public. The end result could be a quick end to the relationship.

Scotty

Le then wrote....

le752

Comfy Loafer

Comfy Loafer

Joined: 13 Mar 2006

Posts: 14

Post Posted: Thu Mar 30, 2006 4:50 pm Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi guys, yes I've been quiet lately. Just soaking this all in. Scotty, I think you are right about not pushing any more. I still believe he enjoys wearing high heels in the privacy of his own home, but he has not taken any opportunity to tell me that on his own.

I am very concerned about doing something to screw up this relationship. We have been together almost 8 months and I think we're both happier than we've been in any other recent relationships. (I can say happier than any other relationships) I'd marry him today if he asked me--did I just say that?-- (or if I wer one that could do the asking), and part of me wonders if he thinks along the lines of "how will I hide my shoes if we're living together?" "what if we got married and she finds out about the shoes," or "I wonder if she'd still want to be with me if she found out about the shoes."

By bringing it up in passing I'm trying to let him know that it's not a deal breaker. But as you say, I don't want to act on an assumption that might screw things up.

As for the frat thing...he was (I guess technically he still is) but that was over 10 years ago.

I don't want to imply that I am turned on by him in heels (I think if I actually ever see him in them it will take a bit of getting used to).

I will tell him about the freestyler I ran into today and see what he says. (No heels, just flipflops with silver-painted toenails and a jean skirt). I have seen many of your fashion photos, and I must say this guy needs a lesson! Ripped denim skirt with a tshirt with arms cut out muscle-shirt style, and a bandanna on his head. We were in Tuesday Morning (a discount housewares store for those of you outside of the U.S.). All of the employees are little old(er) women. It's also not in an area of town where this thing is the norm. They were taken aback by this guy, and I could tell they were trying to get a reaction out of me as I was talking to him in line, but I didn't acknowledge it. The only thing about this guy that annoyed me was the stuff he was talking about...going on and on about how God is omnipresent and we shouldn't need money, and rattling off several word-based acronyms, half of which I couldn't understand.

Ok, so that's off topic, but that's basically what I'm going to describe to my bf.

As for those shoes I ordered, I didn't get the opportunity to dare him to wear them. I've been leaving them at his place (so he can try them on if he wants, and because I don't have anywhere to wear them right now) but basically I've just been walking around in them (getting better too!) and letting him admire them.

[Guest]

Hi guys, yes I've been quiet lately. Just soaking this all in. Scotty, I think you are right about not pushing any more. I still believe he enjoys wearing high heels in the privacy of his own home, but he has not taken any opportunity to tell me that on his own. I am very concerned about doing something to screw up this relationship. We have been together almost 8 months and I think we're both happier than we've been in any other recent relationships. (I can say happier than any other relationships) I'd marry him today if he asked me--did I just say that?-- (or if I wer one that could do the asking), and part of me wonders if he thinks along the lines of "how will I hide my shoes if we're living together?" "what if we got married and she finds out about the shoes," or "I wonder if she'd still want to be with me if she found out about the shoes." By bringing it up in passing I'm trying to let him know that it's not a deal breaker. But as you say, I don't want to act on an assumption that might screw things up. As for the frat thing...he was (I guess technically he still is) but that was over 10 years ago. I don't want to imply that I am turned on by him in heels (I think if I actually ever see him in them it will take a bit of getting used to). I will tell him about the freestyler I ran into today and see what he says. (No heels, just flipflops with silver-painted toenails and a jean skirt). I have seen many of your fashion photos, and I must say this guy needs a lesson! Ripped denim skirt with a tshirt with arms cut out muscle-shirt style, and a bandanna on his head. We were in Tuesday Morning (a discount housewares store for those of you outside of the U.S.). All of the employees are little old(er) women. It's also not in an area of town where this thing is the norm. They were taken aback by this guy, and I could tell they were trying to get a reaction out of me as I was talking to him in line, but I didn't acknowledge it. The only thing about this guy that annoyed me was the stuff he was talking about...going on and on about how God is omnipresent and we shouldn't need money, and rattling off several word-based acronyms, half of which I couldn't understand. Ok, so that's off topic, but that's basically what I'm going to describe to my bf. As for those shoes I ordered, I didn't get the opportunity to dare him to wear them. I've been leaving them at his place (so he can try them on if he wants, and because I don't have anywhere to wear them right now) but basically I've just been walking around in them (getting better too!) and letting him admire them.

[sscotty727]

LE, I think you have the right approach! Just keep leaving subtile hints (unless you somehow work up the courage to just straight out ask him). In time he should hopefully become more comfortable, and if he does wear them as you suspect and tells you about it, then I think it will work out fine. If as everyone says here, he is into heels, well, working up the courage to tell you is just as hard on him as you (consider he might think you would reject him and leave him over that!). When I told my wife-to-be, she didn't initially think she could handle it and broke off with me too.....but that only lasted over night. The next morning she called me and got back with me:) Been together for almost 20 years now. Good luck! Scotty

[Danielinheels]

Hey Le,

The time is approaching for your newest shoes to come in. You can tell your b/f that you saw a guy in a shoe store, trying on different women's shoes. In fact, you can use my stories - found here:

http://hhplace.org/hhboard/viewtopic.php?t=5757

There's a try-on story on each page - as you can see, I tried on some gender-neutral things, and some very feminine things. Anyway, you can tie in elements of appearance to help him to not feel shy about it (ie: he was nicely dressed, groomed well, wasn't afraid to ask the sales ladies' opinions, and some of the stuff looked really good on him).

Perhaps that will help out a bit. You could say something like this,

you: You know, I saw something pretty cool the other day...

him: What's that?

you: While I was out running errands, I went into a shoe store really quick to look around - there was this guy next to me trying on different women's shoes! He looked like a business-type guy, but there he was, just trying on shoe after shoe - flats, heels, sandals, everything - as if nothing was wrong. He looked like he'd done it before, and to be honest, a lot of the shoes looked nice on him.

and from there, work the dialogue according to the mood - challenge him, re-iterate how neat the guy in the shoe store was, etc.

[sscotty727]

A few more non-pushing ideas could be to either 1) Devise a Halloween costume where you dress like a guy and he dresses like a girl. Complete his outfit with heels. I am sure you could convince him for 1 night (it's just in fun for Halloween) but don't force him out of the heels after. Let him decide when to take them off. or if you don't want to wait that long 2) Do like a few others said happened to them on here. Go out somewhere in high heeled shoes (perhaps descrete mule/wedges, or if you get boots your going to have to get yourself a bigger size so they would fit him as well). After a while you can "complain" that your feet hurt and just jokingly say "too bad we can't switch shoes for a while so I can rest my feet". If he goes for it, then again, let him then decide when to switch back. Neither of these ideas are telling him you want him to wear heels all the time nor are they suggesting your turned on by him wearing heels. Both give him a situation to wear them and also the opportunity to wear them for as long as he wishes. Based on how he reacts, you should be able to better gage if he is into wearing the heels or if he bought them for some other reason.

[Guest]

Ok, so this as well if my first time doing this and well I have to say I am at a loss. I have been with my guy now for over 2 years and we have been married the last 5 month. Before we got married and he left to start his new career he dropped the bomb on me that he liked to wear womans boots. I was shocked to say the least! I come from a conservative Christian home and so does he. WE met at church we both volunteer in the youth group together I was blown away. I was not sure what to make of it. I was hurt. The man that I loved and knew I wanted to marry was that into boots. I found out even further that it is a sexual thing. I knew he liked it when I wore boots and heels he would go on and on and on about them but I had no idea. I said this is something we really need to work on and figure out what the root of this is. I asked him to see a Christian counselor to get some insight on this. He said that he udnerstood his situation after going to a a couple counseling sessions and that he no longer wanted to wear boots and destroyed the only pair he had. Well, now here we are 5 months into being married and a year after he first told me and he wants me to buy him boots becuase it helps his love language physical touch. I don't know what to do. He is so into these boots that he want leave me alone about me wearing them. He has this thing for leather and skin that I could never graspe or even try to wrap my mind around it. I need help. I love my husband but for me this is out there. Can I get some help. I really dont' know what to do. There is not really anyone I Can talk to about this. It is very personal and private and do not want to share it with friends or family due to the nature of this.. I would love any advice. Please for a wife that loves her husband and wants to save her marriage. I need some help.. Thanks so much. Dena please feel free to e-mail me.

[jo]

See duplicate thread: http://www.hhplace.org/hhboard/viewtopic.php?t=6097 for answers to the post immediately above.

[Guest]

I just wanted to let you guys know that I found his shoe stash. I didn't get a good look at it, but Friday night I had some alcohol-induced bravery. He was downstairs doing the dishes and I quietly opened up the door to his attic/storage space. There was a black duffle bag on top of a box, so I quickly unzipped it and stuck my hand in and grabbed...a round toed high heeled shoe. I didn't pull it out, just zipped the bag back up, turned out the light and quietly closed the door. I managed to get one of the heels I bought on him for a few seconds, but I didn't push it any further. I just continue to point out sexy heels on other women and let him tell me I should get some of my own.

[want-hh]

Haha, sounds like a thriller movie. Haven´t read much, but when I told my GF about me wanting to buy hh shoes it was a relief and felt great. That was another thing that made us bond a step up. Luck

[sendra45]

I just wanted to let you guys know that I found his shoe stash. I didn't get a good look at it, but Friday night I had some alcohol-induced bravery.

He was downstairs doing the dishes and I quietly opened up the door to his attic/storage space. There was a black duffle bag on top of a box, so I quickly unzipped it and stuck my hand in and grabbed...a round toed high heeled shoe. I didn't pull it out, just zipped the bag back up, turned out the light and quietly closed the door.

I managed to get one of the heels I bought on him for a few seconds, but I didn't push it any further. I just continue to point out sexy heels on other women and let him tell me I should get some of my own.

Hi,

So, you were right then!

He did have a stash. I was rumbled by my wife as well.

Well done, now you know he has a thing for heels and a small collection, you can concentrate on his feelings without worrying if you are wrong about his heel thing!

At least you have chatted to us and seen that he is not the only one and that you would not be the first girlfreind/wife to live with one of us.

How you go about getting him to come clean is another thing altogether.

Best of luck.

[jmc]

Sounds like he really needs to become acquainted with this board!

[Guest]

Hi Le, I've been reading through the posts so far, it sounds like it's going well. At least now you know he's got a shoe stash. I think there's been some good advice - don't rush things, if he gets to know you, and knows how understanding and open minded you clearly are, then I'm sure he'll open up one day and tell you how he feels. He's a lucky lucky man! Let us know how you get on... and of course we'd all love to hear about your shoe collection too. Bob.

[BoyLegs]

Hi Le, First, I hope to find someone who is as understanding as you are. I think that you're going to both be a lot happier if your boyfriend takes ownership of his desires. This is a hard thing to do, especially in front of another person. There are shame issues, trust issues, issues up the wazoo. You are the person who can best judge the pacing that feels right for both of you. Let him know that you're there for him and you accept him. Have him take you shoe shopping. When the timing is right, let him know that you want to see him in heels. Make sure he knows you accept it, not just tolerate it. And be prepared, because once he actually lets the air in, he may want to wear shoes and talk about shoes every waking moment that you're alone together for about two weeks after you've hit saturation. Good luck

[dr1819]

I love him dearly...

That's pretty much the end-all, be-all of it. I wish I could expound, but I'd due for a chess game downtown with some friends of mine. Almost all are males. Most don't wear heels. Some males do wear heels, but not very often.

All are bright, capable members of the human race in all respects, and most of them are married!

Heel on..., and don't let the powers that be convince you otherwise that heels haven't been a part of male wear for several hundred years...

[DeSalto]

Hi Le752, Why don´t you just ask him (with some alcohol-induced bravery, if you want): "Have you ever thought about wearing a pair of heels? I would love to see you in heels, as a dare. Would you do it for me, just for fun? DeSalto

[Guest]

About the whole "I'd love to see you in heels thing"... I can't say that I'm super crazy about seeing him in them, and I don't want him to believe that it's going to turn me on, BUT I don't want him to be uncomfortable. It is interesting to see how he reacts to guy-heel references. We were watching the new show "Teachers" (NBC, U.S.) last night and one of the teachers was talking about Louis XIV. He said "When Louis decided that he liked the way his calves looked in boots with high heels, what did other men do?" A student said something like "Kicked his ass?" and the teacher responded "No, they all started wearing high heels too." My BF laughed loudly and wiggled his foot. (Imagining those shoes on your feet hon?? )

[dr1819]

Men have worn heels since... ...they invented them several hundred years ago. It's currently a women's fashion, but over the last five years, I've seen scores of guys wearing heels downtown. Just tell him you found his heels in the attic, love him anyway, and would he like bacon this morning or grits? In other words, no big deal, if it's no big deal.

[sendra45]

Okay, sorry for Hijacking everybodys posts, but thanks to JMC the text is now back in order, sorry, for popping things in your bits, but at least the story is up to date, nigel