Bubba136 Posted September 15, 2004 Posted September 15, 2004 I didn't mean "personal information" like name, rank and serial number. I meant an in depthl description of the problem. I meant enough of a description so we could identify and evaluate the problem. And, while I agree that we probably won't be able to help him directly, occasionally having someone to listen to you does help....and then again, there are people here like GBJ that are more experienced in working through issues with some people. Being mentally comfortable in your own mind is the key to wearing heels in public.
asdf174 Posted September 15, 2004 Author Posted September 15, 2004 Oh I don't mind discussing the problem at all. Basiclly I'm a 24 year old male thats never had a gf starting to think that I never will. Its an issue I've been having for years. I'm constantly complaining about it and constantly getting advice. I'm starting to think that I'm ugly and worthless to say the least. It just sux being the only one of your friends thats never been in a relationship or that has never had sex. Its getting to the point were I don't eevn see any point in my life to be honest. I'm seeng a doctor about the problem he says that I'm to shy. But what do I have to offer? My cloths aren't that sharp, I don't drive, I still live at home with my dad and I'm ugly. Just your everyday geek basiclly. The whole problem is just starting to drive me insane. It's all good. ~Arron.
NikkiHH Posted September 15, 2004 Posted September 15, 2004 I was stuck in a rut for some time too when I finished university three years ago - but I decided to take a chance and took a very different job in Scotland for a year (completely the opposite end of the UK to where I live!). It was really good to go somewhere completely different and do something completely different. I made a lot of friends and it taught me a lot about self reliance and confidence. I'd never had a serious girlfriend till then either. Like GeneBujold said in his earlier post, do something new or travel a bit to somewhere new... it certainly helped me get out of a gloomy period, and met some interesting people on the way. Nik
BobHH Posted September 16, 2004 Posted September 16, 2004 I still say go find a ballroom dance place and take some group classes. You'll meet people who are interested in dancing. Don't push it, just keep going and move out to meet some of them for social dancing. That's how I met my current girl friend. Look in the yellow pages or go online and search under "ballroom dancing."
TXT-1 Posted September 16, 2004 Posted September 16, 2004 man however low you feel Suicide is NOT an option I lost a friend in 1998 who hung himself later, TXT-1
asdf174 Posted September 16, 2004 Author Posted September 16, 2004 Yeah I would like to travel a bit. I would like to go to Ibaza. Then I wouldn't mind going to Hong Kong or Tokyo. It would just take me a while to save up the cash. I just wish I wasn't so shy. Yeah I know suicide is not an answer. Its just kidn of hard for me to see any value in me when no one else dose. Except for my computer skill. It's all good. ~Arron.
NikkiHH Posted September 16, 2004 Posted September 16, 2004 You can get dirt cheap flights between the UK and Ibiza on one of the low cost carriers, and some flights between the US and here are pretty low too. It's worthwhile checking out and making some definate plans to give yourself something positive to focus on. As a starter to help yourself, change your signature line to something positive, even something like "I'm going to get out there and see the world - starting with Ibiza!" Let us know how you get on. Nik
asdf174 Posted September 17, 2004 Author Posted September 17, 2004 Thanks. I think I'm giogn to save up and try to go thier for maybe spring vacation. I haven't had a vacation in a while. Yeah I decided to take you advice I got rid of that signature line. I haven't decided what to put in its place though. It's all good. ~Arron.
Fog Posted September 17, 2004 Posted September 17, 2004 I second that! Good advice NikkiHH. I was looking at your reply to my post and decided to read some more of what you'd written because the poor me, I'm ugly and can't get a woman came over so strongly. You've got to change the habits and thought patterns of a lifetime. They've been so strongly ingrained, but you have to do it. Getting rid of that line is a good first step, now replace it with something positive.
jim Posted September 18, 2004 Posted September 18, 2004 asdf174....If you don't pull up you're going to plow in. May I suggest a book that could be of help to you, re your personal growth,confidence and well being. It's a hand book of sorts and well worth a few of your hard earned dollars. This book has the potential to turn around your relationships and improve your dealings with all of the people in your life. So buy it, read it and follow Dale's advice. It's called: "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. best regards, jim
shyguy Posted September 18, 2004 Posted September 18, 2004 thats a good book Jim, I read it when I was in asdf's situation. Worth trying, and as everyone is saying, you have to unlearn those negatives ASDF and pull yourself up. EVERYBODY has good points and you need to make the most of yours. Write down 10 good things about yourself and keep reading them back to yourself, people will only see you as you see yourself, so see the good. He was so narrow minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes. Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly
Fog Posted September 18, 2004 Posted September 18, 2004 Great book, shame about the title. The book that changed my life though is Homecoming by John Bradshaw, together with about two years of counselling. It cost money, but more than that was the time and emotional effort. But, I just couldn't go on as I was, I just had to change my life whatever the cost. I was forty and defeated, my marage broke up, but all I heard about myself was "How do you expect that I want to make love to you when you're so fat & unattractive". I believed that about myself and that was how everyone else saw me. You've believed some nonsense about yourself and that's what you show the world, and it's time to stop!!!
asdf174 Posted September 21, 2004 Author Posted September 21, 2004 Thank you everyone. I think I will check out both books. Yeah I'm working on changeing my negative thought patterns. Its hard. But I need to pull myself up. It's all good. ~Arron.
NikkiHH Posted September 21, 2004 Posted September 21, 2004 good on you! You've made the right choice, now you just need to stick with it.
asdf174 Posted September 23, 2004 Author Posted September 23, 2004 Thanx for your encouragement and support. I'm going to try my best to stick with this. It's all good. ~Arron.
Heeluvr Posted September 23, 2004 Posted September 23, 2004 asdf everyone goes through a dry spell. kc has some of the best looking women in the world. how bout the mall off olivara? scoreboards near there? go out, have fun. the plaza is fast fashion & lots of things to do, you just have to get out & go. be the one that talks to the waitress when you & your buddies are hanging. or a great place is checking out at the grocery store. flirt w/ her as well. once you start talking a little more, you will realize that people respond in a favorable way & want to hear what you have to say. wearing heels out will probably get you looked at crazy, so save that for your woman & at the right time, let her know. its all good! heeluvr dont mean to be in your face, i have just read all of this & wish we could all help more. it sux to see someone in anguish.
asdf174 Posted September 24, 2004 Author Posted September 24, 2004 Thank you. I like hanging out in the plaza and westport area. It would be cool if I could go out in my heels, but like you said I would probaly just get looked at crazy so probaly is best to save that. I just need to work on my shyness like you said be the one that talks to the waitress when I hang out with my buddies, you know I just need to start talking more in general I guess. I'll get the hang of it in time. It's all good. ~Arron.
Heeluvr Posted September 26, 2004 Posted September 26, 2004 asdf thats a better outlook! start thinking positive. it is hard, i know. i am overweight but still can compete with my buddies because women listen to what i say. talking fashion with women is a good icebreaker as well. all the luck to you heeluvr
asdf174 Posted November 1, 2004 Author Posted November 1, 2004 I feel so fucking horrible right now. Just ignore this message. I'm just in one of those negative"I will die alone" moods today. It's all good. ~Arron.
Bubba136 Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 email Ellen-Jay. She has a sparkling personality and perhaps she can talk you out of your "funk." Being mentally comfortable in your own mind is the key to wearing heels in public.
Ellen-Jay Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 Good advice Bubba, you sweetheart! asdf174, honesty is what attracts women most, if a guy is honest about his sensitivity, his confidence etc then he will attract the right girl for him i.e the one that recognises him for who he is and loves those qualities. Whatever you do, do not compare yourself to your buddies nor envy them their gfs - your buddies are not you. It isn't easy accepting yourself, there is so much pressure to be perfect etc, ignore all that, once you are at ease with yourself the rest will follow. Ellen-Jay --------------------------------------------------- The shoes aren't sensible, so why is the talk?
JeffM Posted November 2, 2004 Posted November 2, 2004 A few people mentioned books. This one I would recommend. "Change Your Life in 7 Days" by Paul McKenna This is what it says on the back. How you can change your life in 7 days Most people can think of a time when their life changed in a just a few moments. Over the next seven days you will experience dozens of these moments, and the resulting changes in your life will positively affect your happiness, success and well being for years to come. Paul McKenna was a successful broadcaster when he realized that, despite his achievements; he was neither as happy nor as fulfilled as he wanted to be. By making a study of highly successful and effective people the world over, he discovered that success and happiness are not accidents that happen to some and not others. As he applied what he'd learnt, he dramatically transformed himself and his life, achieving financial freedom, international success and an ever increasing sense of well being. Now, Paul has distilled these core strategies and techniques of super achievers into an amazing life makeover that will help you to think and act more positively and confidently. And noticeably improve your life in as little as one week. In just seven days you will learn how to master your emotions and run your own brain- to have supreme self-confidence and become the person you truly want to be! Best wishes Jeff
genebujold Posted November 3, 2004 Posted November 3, 2004 Thank you everyone. I think I will check out both books. Yeah I'm working on changeing my negative thought patterns. Its hard. But I need to pull myself up. Study Aikido. Classes are held in just about every medium-sized and larger city in the world: http://www.aikiweb.com/search/
asdf174 Posted November 3, 2004 Author Posted November 3, 2004 Sorry it took me so long to respond I meant to respond yesterday but I was only online for real short periods of time. Thanks for the advice everyone. I'm feeling somewhat better today. (Despite what looks like another 4 years of Bush. Sigh.) The next time I go to Barnes and Nobles I'll try to look for "Change Your Life in 7 Days" by Paul McKenna. I do envy my buddies and get even get jealous of them a lot. Usually when we go out they have their GF's with them and I'm usually just left feeling like the odd man out. Witch I guess is somewhat true. I have a friend that’s a studies kung fu and is probably going to end up teaching here in about a year. He has been trying to get me to go to class. I tried going once for about two weeks and just couldn't get into it. It's all good. ~Arron.
Bubba136 Posted November 4, 2004 Posted November 4, 2004 asdf174, have you ever considered going to the doctor and having your system checked for specific diet and/or mineral deficiency? Sometimes these deficiencies can be responsible for depression and other deficiencies that cause you to be depressed. Being mentally comfortable in your own mind is the key to wearing heels in public.
asdf174 Posted November 4, 2004 Author Posted November 4, 2004 I've thought about it. That makes a lot of sense because I don't eat any veggies nor do I take any supplements. As a result I miss out on a lot of vitamins and minerals in my diet. So that could very well be it. Genebujold gave me a list of herbal supplements for me to try that might help with my depression. It's all good. ~Arron.
chris100575 Posted November 4, 2004 Posted November 4, 2004 You could try St John's Wort. That helped me through a bad patch. Chris
JeffM Posted November 5, 2004 Posted November 5, 2004 Or you could start eating a normal diet, 5 veg and 2 fruits a day as well as meat, organic grown if you can get them. The veg doesnt have to be cooked if you dont like it that way. lettuce, cauliflower, cabbage, carrots, squash, cucumber, capcicum and heaps more can be eaten raw as is or in a salad. And of course friut in all its forms from apples to melons. You just might find that your well being improves immeasurably just doing this. Then you wouldnt have to worry about taking vitamin supplements. Another suggestion for you, in fact a recommendation:- start taking responsibility for who you are and that starts with what you eat. But asdf I am not telling you what to do. It is your choice, to be as you are or do some thing about it. Jeff
asdf174 Posted November 5, 2004 Author Posted November 5, 2004 Yeah I need to eat more vegitables. I just don't like the taste of any of them and I have a really bad gag relfex to most of them. I eat corn and potatos. But I don't consider those true vegtiables. I do like fruit though. I like tropical fruits and citrus type fruits. PostPosted: Thu Nov 04, 2004 5:14 pm Post subject: You could try St John's Wort. That helped me through a bad patch. What is St John's Wort ? It's all good. ~Arron.
RPMindy Posted November 5, 2004 Posted November 5, 2004 Hey, Your pals are giving you sound advice. (liek Ellen-Jay's advice and jeffM, to name a few) Your diet can play a critical role in how you feel. Excersize also plays a critical role also in processing your nutrition and your self-image. I won't launch into a thesis today, the ground work has already been covered. The advice you've gotten sounds very on point to me. lastly, i was once given some great advice when I was very blue. I'll pass it along to you. people write their experience in words. your world responds to the words you use. no one knows you're feeling blue until you mention it. so, start writing a brighter picture for yourself and you'll get encouraged by the brighter feedback from everyone else. To me, that meant stop talking down about myrself when i met folks. when i stopped, folks got to be more talkative to me and i felt better. (plus i formed more meanigful relationships and contacts... but that's just me) I know this isn't exactly what you're going through, but hold on, there is a silver lining for you and it's closer than you think. Your fellow forum members have given you a gold mine of support. Keep your spirits up. RPM p.s. if you find there is nothing going wrong biochemically within yourself, then a healthy great diet and a nice workout will do a good part. getting out there and focusing on what you like to learn out there without pre-judging yourself negatively will do the rest. but, that is all i can say for now.
Recommended Posts