Perceptions

[Shyheels]

I stand corrected - at least one of my group wears heels apparently. And when I think about it she was the one most likely, a southern lady. I didn’t see her heels but she referenced them in a conversation we had while attempting to do a walk around  one of the lakes only to find it was flooded. She was not happy about getting her hiking boots wet as they are going back to America tomorrow and she’d planned to wear them in the plane, saying that she didn’t want to wear her heels in the airport and on the plane. From which I deduced she had brought heels and presumably wore them after hours.

And now that I think of it she was also the only one in the group that was familiar with the story about men in heels back in the 17th century …

[CrushedVamp]

I remember in the 1980's there was a segment on 60 Minutes about women... gasp... changing into sneakers to commute to work in the bigger cities then changing to their high heels. 60 Minutes was and still is a news show that featured longer running stories, about 20 minutes long instead of 2 minutes like most news shows. Anyway, I remember it because it was a huge deal back then. The women were like, "you wear high heels on city streets and in subways and on busses then and see how you like it", while the men they interviewed hated the new trend.

Those men would really hate the trend now... women just wearing sneakers all day, even in the office.

My wife lives in her heels, but it is actually other WOMEN who curtail her efforts far more than men. They tend to have snide words about her wearing them, going as far as to call her a "slut" for wearing them. I think it is just jealousy myself that they feel guilty for dressing like a slob, or insecure that her husband might look at my wife. I am not really sure, but by far other women make wearing high heels for my wife more of an issue than it really should be.

[pebblesf]

On 9/25/2025 at 2:21 AM, CrushedVamp said:

I remember in the 1980's there was a segment on 60 Minutes about women... gasp... changing into sneakers to commute to work in the bigger cities then changing to their high heels. 60 Minutes was and still is a news show that featured longer running stories, about 20 minutes long instead of 2 minutes like most news shows. Anyway, I remember it because it was a huge deal back then. The women were like, "you wear high heels on city streets and in subways and on busses then and see how you like it", while the men they interviewed hated the new trend.

Those men would really hate the trend now... women just wearing sneakers all day, even in the office.

My wife lives in her heels, but it is actually other WOMEN who curtail her efforts far more than men. They tend to have snide words about her wearing them, going as far as to call her a "slut" for wearing them. I think it is just jealousy myself that they feel guilty for dressing like a slob, or insecure that her husband might look at my wife. I am not really sure, but by far other women make wearing high heels for my wife more of an issue than it really should be.

jealousy for sure

[CrushedVamp]

1 hour ago, pebblesf said:

jealousy for sure

Of all the times we have gone out with her dressed up, and this includes such places as clubs, hockey games, fancy restaurants, etc; there was only once she felt uncomfortable around a man.

He was a very large man, in his 70’s at an expensive restaurant and just kept staring at my wife’s legs. I mean eyes locked on them, head down, eyes not blinking, staring for 45 minutes straight. It was just really creepy for her and I. But most times men just take glances because we typically dress nicely which is not often seen where I live. I get that and could care less, but this was just flat out creepy.

Not that I was too worried. You guys know me, my wife almost always wears an anklet and so do I, but my anklet holds a 9mm Kimber. :-)

I love guns so I always conceal carry… 

[higherheels]

@CrushedVamp

Thank you for the story about the interviews. I can't remember a time like this, since my working career it was either wearing heels all day or not wearing them at all. But I have to add that I never worked in a really big city.

The other part about the reactions of women and men, I absolutely agree on that.

If I get any negative reactions, it's always from other women. I would sum it up as: Men either enjoy the look or don't bother. Women either enjoy the look or they feel offended for whatever reason (some possible ones you already mentioned)

[Shyheels]

1 hour ago, higherheels said:

If I get any negative reactions, it's always from other women. I would sum it up as: Men either enjoy the look or don't bother. Women either enjoy the look or they feel offended for whatever reason (some possible ones you already mentioned)

I wonder if perhaps they feel threatened or challenged by the look. I think you mentioned once that there is an element of almost being an outlaw or renegade for wearing heels.

There seems to be very few neutral perceptions of high heels. As a writer and observer that’s one of the things I find fascinating about them - more than just footwear they’re a part of our culture, wrapped in mystique and complicated meanings. 

[higherheels]

3 hours ago, Shyheels said:

I wonder if perhaps they feel threatened or challenged by the look.

Yes, I think so.

 

3 hours ago, Shyheels said:

I think you mentioned once that there is an element of almost being an outlaw or renegade for wearing heels.

True. It's simply because almost nobody does it, at least in everyday situations.

 

3 hours ago, Shyheels said:

There seems to be very few neutral perceptions of high heels.

Never looked at it that way but you're right. It's pretty interesting actually how shoes or clothes in general can cause such reactions/feelings in people.

[Shyheels]

It really is! The more I read about fashion as a culture and the history of fashion the more I want to know. Heels are especially fascinating. They are such a paradox. On the one hand they are denounced as tools of the patriarchy, designed to hobble and objectify women for the pleasure of men, yet at the same time they are born with panache by many of the most powerful women in the world, leaders in business, politics, arts and entertain,ent who view their heels as symbols of empowered femininity, spend small fortunes on designer help and speak of the emotional lift and sense of empowerment that comes with putting on a pair of stilettos and string into a meeting.

Men are expected to admire - lustily - high heels on women but are told from birth they mustn't ever even think about trying on a pair themselves.

Who can't help but e fascinated by all this furore and taboo?   

Edited Sunday at 06:37 AM by Shyheels

[mlroseplant]

I think I get a lot less static from women about my shoes than I do from men. But, that's just from a purely initial reactionary point of view. That doesn't even touch the "would I date a man who wears high heels" question, and to me that question is irrelevant. Putting the shoe on the other foot, if you posed the same question to men, "would I date a woman who wears high heels" the answer to the question is a little more complex, but I bet there are a substantial number of men whose answer would be in the negative, based upon that fact alone.

[Shyheels]

Yes I agree. Heels are contentious. I have found that women are far more likely to compliment me on my boots while men merely observe - although to be honest I mainly seem to pass unnoticed.

with the exception of members here I find it far easier to talk about heels, and men in heels - me! - with women than with men to whom even the subject seems taboo

[higherheels]

It's really fascinating.

@Shyheels regarding the paradox you mentioned: I guess this all comes down to the point that heels are sort of a challenge. Everyone can walk in flats, but not everyone can walk in heels.

So one side sees this as a bad thing, and one side as a good thing. Both can be right.

[Shyheels]

Yes. I work from home - I'm a writer - and I often wear heels because I like to. It's my office and I can wear what I please. But I can certainly understand someone rebelling against the expectation that they wear heels - or some dress code requirement. 

I think you've touched on one of the joys of wearing heels - and the source of resentment. They are a challenge. Not everyone can do it, or if they can, are willing to put in the time and effort to make it look effortless. To do a difficult thing and do it gracefully and, what's more, make it look effortless, can certainly spark resentment among those who can't or won't do it. And that's more likely to come from other women. 

[CrushedVamp]

@higherheelsFor us it is hard to parse out people’s attitudes on whether or not it is just my wife wearing high heels, or because we dress nice.

It does not help that we live in a very rural area. Just so you kind of know what I mean, my town is comprised of 433 people living on 5 square miles of island. My state is the same size as Ireland, yet has only 1.3 million people. We have to drive 30 minutes to get to a town that has 2000 people, and a one and a half hour drive to get to a town with 30,000 people. So it is pretty rural here.

Most people here do not dress up, and by that I mean frumpy t-shirts/sweatshirts and jeans and sneakers. I believe a person feels as they are dressed so my wife and I dress nice, it is just me in dress pants with a button down shirt and dress shoes, while she is in a dress; often in high heels. So they see us dressed up and think we are just trying to impress people. But that is not us at all. In fact, I really dislike people who are fake.

The one time my wife wore high heels with jeans was at a local pizza place, and our waitress commented that “she had to hurry to get a check so we could go home and have “relations” because any woman who wore heels, that was what she was looking for”. The ironic thing was, we had five young daughters at the time and we had let the oldest babysit for the first time and just wanted a few hours alone on a date. I don’t even think we had “relations” afterwards. It just struck me funny that she thought a woman wearing high heels was expecting to do that. Kind of presumptuous, I thought.

Note: waitress did not use the word "relations", but rather the real word. Relations is used here only so auto-censors are not triggered.

[Shyheels]

That's an astonishing remark and presumption by that waitress, but kind of fits in with my impression of the sort of town and region you describe. Somehow, although you say she didn't,  I can readily imagine her using the term 'relations' - that too would be wholly fitting with my perceptions of the kind of prim folk who'd have those points of view.  

[higherheels]

@CrushedVamp

I feel the same. If I am well dressed I feel better than if I'm not. Simple as that. Of course if I'm getting my hands dirty on some work I just wear anything that's already dirty or worn out, but simply because I don't want to ruin my good clothes.

The story with the waitress is just...I don't know what to say. This again shows which presumptions are in people's heads.

[Shyheels]

For me getting dressed presentably  for work also serves a very practical purpose even though my office is just my kitchen table and an open laptop. Since I work from home it is easy and tempting to slip into lazy habits and be distracted but by making the effort to change into office clothes - nothing fancy, mind you - I send a subliminal message to myself that I am no longer at home but at my office, a place of work, where things get done.

One of the benefits of wearing heels is that they underscore this message. Nobody wears stilettos just to laze about at home! I put them on and not only do I feel as though I have come to the office, but they set up a jaunty creative vibe that carries me along and makes the writing go well.

[CrushedVamp]

21 hours ago, higherheels said:

@CrushedVamp

I feel the same. If I am well dressed I feel better than if I'm not. Simple as that. Of course if I'm getting my hands dirty on some work I just wear anything that's already dirty or worn out, but simply because I don't want to ruin my good clothes.

The story with the waitress is just...I don't know what to say. This again shows which presumptions are in people's heads.

Oh exactly!

I can get pretty grubby, and that is the whole point for us. When we are not doing that, and out for dinner, groceries or church, we want to look nice. We want that separation. It really does not take that long to take a shower and then put on nice clothes and get that, "I just feel better about myself" feeling.

The ironic thing is, for most things I have learned that what we think other people are thinking about us is completely wrong. They actually don't notice anything because most people are so self-absorbed in their own problems and motivations. But it is NOT that way with how you dress. People notice and often make wrong assumptions on those motivations on doing so.

For my wife, she wears high heels because in her previous marriage her husband was short and if she was to wear them, she would have been taller than him so he forbid her to wear them. It is not that way with me, so she has a lot of them. In fact, at one time, she belonged to (3) shoe of the month clubs. That is where you subscribe to an online shoe-store, they look at the styles she has bought in the past and send her a new pair once a month. She has 15 days to either keep them or send them back. But now she only belongs to one as we have a much smaller house. In our old house, she had her own walk-in closet we called her "shoe barn".

[mlroseplant]

My own sense of style has gotten quite a bit more casual in the last 10 years. When I first started wearing heels in public, I felt obligated to be dressed up as a part of that look. I went through a period of wearing a lot of sport coats with button down shirts when I was outside of work. That was unusual for this town, but not rare. Remember, this was before Covid. People actually used to dress up for office jobs and maybe stop by the grocery on the way home. Were I to dress the exact same today, I would be much more of an outlier, heels or no heels. It is no wonder that my tailor friend lost her job at Mr. B's, which is a men's clothing store. I assume it still is, anyway.

[higherheels]

12 hours ago, CrushedVamp said:

In fact, at one time, she belonged to (3) shoe of the month clubs.

I've heard of such clubs for books, but I didn't know that these exist for shoes also, very interesting

[CrushedVamp]

42 minutes ago, higherheels said:

I've heard of such clubs for books, but I didn't know that these exist for shoes also, very interesting

Try looking up:

Shoe Dazzle

Just Fab

Hello Stiletto