What Should I Do, I Need Some Beginner Advice

[FantasiArt]

I need some advice and it is really hard for me even post about this but I feel like I should get it out there. And what better place is there than here on this site.

Where do I begin? OK. Before I start my story I am a 26 year old male just recently in the past 8 months or so I was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome. On top of that I also have had epilepsy since I was 16. I also still live with my parents and I hate it. The last time I had a seizure was back in November of 2013 that was because since 2008 the doctor I had at the time thought it was just temporary and that I might not have them again but now I have to take pills for it again as it may never go away at this point.

 

OK. So now this where my story begins about my fetish for women shoes and it is more of a fetish for Women's High Heel Sandals, open toe shoes and women's Flip-Flops.

The first time I actually put on women's shoes was a pair of my mom's blank sandals when I 13 at the time and to this day I can't really remember why I even put them on. At that time Directv satellite was the thing and I had HBO, Cinamax, and showtime, well one day I was home a lone and there was movie on called American Beauty that to me I thought was a really weird movie at the time and I did not even know why I was watching it but I guess I was curious about what was happening in the movie. Anyway after I watched the movie I got a tingling feeling in my stomach and it wasn't a nervous feeling it was kind of an excited feeling maybe I was getting aroused I guess I was but for some reason out of nowhere I went into my parents room and I put on my mom's black sandals that she had in her closet. Since that day I would put on my mom's black sandals every chance that I got. I almost everytime that I was a lone wearing my mom's shoes I would masturbate and then after I did it I felt bad for wearing my mom shoes. As time went on and the more and more I did it this lead into me wearing my mom's and sister's clothes. I have 2 sisters but I really only at time would put on my older sister's clothes more than my mom's.

 

I did get busted twice for doing this, the first time I got caught it was because I left my older sister's underwear on the floor I was still 13 at the time. The second time I got caught I was either 15 or 16 at that time, this time I got caught because my older sister noticed somehow that I was messing with her clothes and underwear I also tried stealing a black pair of Rhinestone flip flops that she had. I was so stupid for even thinking about stealing her flip flops because she liked wearing those flips flops she would wear them all the time during the summer. My dad did buy me porn magazines to see if that would work but clearly it didn't. I still did it every chance I got when I was alone and no one was home. since then I just pawned it off as a phase at times thinking that it would all just go away but it hasn't. Every chance I get I still put on my mom's clothes and I sometimes will masturbate when I put them as I always have since I was 13 when this all started.  

 

Both my sisters are out of the house now so I don't put on there clothes anymore just my mom's sometimes but when I do it, it starts when I first put on my mom's heels and flip flops. I have to say that the style of women's shoes that I like are mostly the open toe kind. I like stilettos and flip flops especially the kind that look really girly. Over the years I had a lot of thoughts of wanting to buy myself a pair of women's shoes but I did not know how. I would every once in a while go online to look up a pair of shoes I wish I could buy, but it only made me feel upset that I still live with my parents. I got to the point where just three months ago I came across this site [ https://poshmark.com/ ] Poshmark, it is a site where women can sell new and used shoes and clothes that they don't want anymore. well one day I came across these wedge flip flops that I liked picture here http://poshmark.com/listing/Wedges-551951022de5127816010699 I really wanted to get them really bad but because I still lived with my parents i did not know how I would be able to buy them since it was buying online and be able to hide them from my parents.

 

I got to the point where I wanted them so bad I just bought them, it was the biggest risk I had ever did in my life. That was not where it stopped with just getting those I have chanced it 3 times after that where I now own 5 pairs of women's shoes. the best thing about it is that I was lucky all times I bought online from Poshmark and I thank god for that. here is a picture of the shoes I recently bought from the site [ http://poshmark.com/listing/Yellow-box-black-wedge-flip-flops-558b3004a4a62c39ea00071d ]. I also have posted picture of myself wearing the shoes that I have on my flickr profile http://www.flickr.com/photos/mastersun/ I have not taken pictures of myself wearing the black yellow box flip flops and a white pair of yellow box flip flops that I have but here is a link to what the white ones look like http://poshmark.com/listing/Sold-in-bundle-53a726d63a3efc61b421399c

 

 

so now that I told my story, I now need some help on getting the confidence to wear my shoes out in public I really would like to go out on my own and wear my shoes out in public but don't know how, it is already hard enough that I still live with my parents as I am 26 yrs old. I did mention that I do have Aspergers Syndrome and I have had seizures since I was 16 but I have my seizures under control with pills. since I have bought myself my own pair of women's shoes I have beeing having strong feeling of wanting to look more like a girl but I don't know how when I still live with my parents. Right now what I would like to do get to get the confidence to wear my shoes in public without being so nervous. part of me wishes I could tell my parents that this is how I feel but I am really nervous right now and I know it would kill my dad inside to know that this is how I feel. I am a really shy person as it is hard for me to talk to people without being so nervous but I kind of feel like if I had the confidence to wear my shoes out in public maybe I would not be so shy anymore.

 

I also would like advice on how to tell my family my mom, dad and my 2 sisters. Right now the only person who I think might understand is my older sister which she is actually a year younger than me as I am the oldest sibling in the family. I am so nervous about the whole thing but I am just glad that I was able to buy the shoes that I have online without getting busted by my parents. I have a lot on my plate but any advice or tips or whatever would be nice.

 

I would like to know how men on here deal with this issue and if you are a female any support or tips if you have any would be nice as well. I am open to talking about this here on this site as I know there are a lot of people here just like me and face this same problem.

[maninpumps]

All I can tell you is try not to have a seizure with your heels on . I am an epileptic to . I had one a few years back with a pair of 6in platform wedges . The female EMT told my wife at the hospital she really liked my taste is heels and the nail polish was great. When I came to in the hospital one of the nurses said" I would have broke my ankle in those shoes " and gave me a wink on the way out of the room. 

 I have had so many seizures the firemen and EMTs all know my address and the state has taken my driver's licence . Don't get hung up on the high heel issue because at the end of the day they are just shoes. I grew up with two older sisters two older brothers one younger brother and one younger sister . Yes,  there were seven children in our house growing up . I was caught in my sisters shoes several times and my sister gave me a pair of her old heeled sandals and showed me how to walk in them . The whole family knew about it to include cousins and they just let it go as if it were no big deal and they think nothing less of it either and I do cross-dress every now and then ,they know about that to.

Most people are more concerned about themselves than the other guy/girl . Have confidence and go with what makes you happy . Give the family a chance and you may be surprised and I would bet "Dad" will be more understanding than you think give him a chance.

My dad who was Vietnam vet never gave me any rude remarks about my choice of footwear and mom just wanted to know how high my heels were going to be with the pants she would hem for me . 

Good luck and don't feel alone we all have had to deal with our own issues . 

[Steve63130]

FantasiArt,

 

Your post was an interesting read, and since it's an obvious request for help, here's my advice. At the top of the list is honesty. You saw how stealing your sister's clothes got you into trouble. That was a lesson learned. So from this point forward promise yourself to be totally honest, with yourself, with your parents, and with your sisters. That will end your guilt, which is more to do with doing dishonest things than to do with kinky activities.

 

I would encourage you to have a serious conversation with your parents. They obviously love you and want the best for you. My guess is that they feel badly that you have mental and physical deficiencies that they feel responsible for, so they would probably do whatever they could to help you lead an independent life. I also presume that, at 26, given your situation, you may have trouble getting and holding down a job. You didn't say. But if you are still living with your parents, it's probably a financial and perhaps a safety situation. You can elaborate on that more if you want to.

 

Tell your parents that there is something in your life that is causing you stress and discomfort. If they're up to listening, and I'm sure they would be, tell them that, like most of us here on this forum, you have a passion for women's shoes (and other clothing), and you want the freedom to wear what you want to wear in their home. They're going to ask you if you're gay or transgendered, and again, you have to be totally honest with them. Tell them your situation, whatever it is. Admit to borrowing your mother's clothes in the past, apologize for it, and explain that if you had your own wardrobe of clothes you like, you'll quit messing with your mom's. I think the shoes you wear in the flickr photos look great on you, and you should be able to wear them out in public or in the house. If you had the freedom to do that, I believe a large part of your stress would disappear and you would no longer hate living with your parents.

 

Such a discussion with your parents could have a great outcome for you. It will take some guts on your part to have this heart-to-heart talk with them, but you really need to muster up the courage and do it, as soon as possible. Once you've bared your soul, shown them your stash of shoes and women's clothes, talked about your sex drive and personal feelings, you will not only feel better about yourself and them, but THEY will feel better by bonding with you and understanding you better. The outcome, I hope, will be good for everyone, and I hope to hear good results from you in the future.

 

Wouldn't you just love it if your parents and sisters would give you high heeled sandals for your birthday? How cool is that idea? Well, just tell them the whole truth and I'll bet you'll get what you want. Remember, it's all about honesty. You can't have relationships without it. Keep your eyes on the prize!

 

Best of luck to you.

 

Steve

[heels59]

As someone who has lived with lower grade symptoms of Aspergers all my life, I can tell you that your syndrome likely carries some obsession or at least fascination with tactile stimulous and textures. The "feel" of the clothes may be stimulating or relaxing to you on a level most people don't experience. It may help to explain this to your parents.

I agree that honesty is the only policy. In your situation you can probably just be open about your "thing" and expect people to accept that. Be a responsible and reliable adult in the important things and this quirk should be no big thing.

Don't pressure yourself or let others pressure you to be gay or full crossdresser, if your thing is just shoes. I experimented and pushed the edge and came back again.

[FantasiArt]

Thanks for the replies guys I kind of feel better just reading about you guys had to say about my problem. About My whole Asperger Syndrome I do get SSI for it I actually started getting it back in April. Part of why I get it is because of my Epilepsy as well but I do have my seizures under control with pills. Because of my Asperger Syndrome I do have a problem of finding me a job.

 

I also have to mention that I have 3 youtube channels I am into films so one channel I do videos where I do short film stuff http://www.youtube.com/user/Spyknock I go by my real name there Brandon Parker my second channel is my Tutorial channel where I teach people about software editing programs for making videos, how to use photoshop, how to build websites, and how to create your own music with the different types of music software that is out there. I pretty much teach people what I know about when it comes to doing things on the computer http://www.youtube.com/user/Mastersun88 MastersunTutorials is the name of that channel. My third channel is called MastersunGaming of course by the name I go by on that channel I do a lot of videos where I am playing many different games http://www.youtube.com/user/FantasiArt 

 

 

As for my sexual preference I prefer Women as I am 100% straignt since I was born male. Now I am not so sure how if I really want to be a girl at any point in my life but I do think about it a lot more so since I mustered up the courage to take a huge risk in buying myself a pair of women's shoes online from the site I mentioned Poshmark. I am kind of addicted to that site since I have been buying from there. I really do like having my own pair of women's shoes it makes me really happy. I would probaly cross dress a lot more often if I had the confidence to go beyond just getting my own shoes. I also have to get the confidence to go out in women's shoes before I even go that far.

 

I also want to mention that I have not had a girlfriend ever in my life yet. I know some of you will say that maybe that is why I do what I do wearing women's shoes and clothes, but I think that even if I ever do get a girlfriend I would still get the urge to want to wear women's clothes and shoes. Right now since I don't have the confidence to tell my parents and my sisters, when I do wear my shoes and put on my mom's clothes I masturbate after sometime when I wear them and after I do I feel kind of bad about it. I kind of get the feeling that if I had the confidence to tell my parents and my 2 sisters I bet it would stop and I would just cross dress fully if I knew that it was OK that my parents and sisters were OK with it I would not masturbate wearing women's clothing and shoes anymore I would just wear them because I love how I feel when I wear them and how I look when I wear them.

 

Here is why I am so nervous in telling my parents about this, I strongly feel that my dad would not accept it because he shies away from the thought of Gays and Lesbians because here is the thing my dad's mom was a lesbian for a period of time and when me and my sisters would go over to her house at times I could tell that my dad was kind of uncomfortable about it I could be wrong but it looked like he was. But right now my dad's mom is not dating anyone any more as she rather be by herself but that is her own personal choice my dad had nothing to do with it because he never told his mom he was uncomfortable with her being a lesbian. Before my grandma was a lesbian she was married to a man which is my grandpa and my dad's dad but he died when I was 7 years old part of it was because he drank to much and he was kind of unhealthy.

 

I really don't know if my mom would be accepting to the whole thing or now part of me thinks she might accept me but the real reason I am nervous about telling my mom is I am afraid she will get mad or laugh at me I don't know maybe I am just putting things all in my head. Really I think the best person I should tell first is my older sister which she is a year younger than me. I never really got into a fight with my older sister as we kind of were close but most of the time I stayed to myself because of my Asperger Sydrome.

 

So maybe after hearing about what a few more people have to say about all this I will eventually come out and tell my family.

 

I do go to a place where people have some of disability similar to my Asperger Syndrome so I might even try to talk to them about it but right now I just started going there back in February and I have not be able to talk to someone one on one yet. Right now I have have been doing is going through IQ testing and going to group sessions to help me with talking to people instead of just talking one on one with someone. I am not sure if coming out about this when I meet with the people in group therapy if you want to call it that, or not. 

 

The more and more I think about this the more and more I want to tell someone but I am just too nervous right now.  I am thinking that at some point I need to tell someone about this or else things for me and my life will just only get worse than if I continue to keep it a secret. I kind of wish I told my mom back then when I got busted twice because then I would not be in this mess that I am in now but at the time I was not really sure if it was just a phase or not. I can now clearly see that this is who I am and how I feel as I feel like I would be way more happier if I stopped denying to myself that it isn't how I feel but in reality it is how I feel and who I want to be.

 

Anyway I am so glad I came across this site I knew that there might be people out there like me but I never knew that someone with Asperger Syndrome is part of what can trigger or lead me into why I feel this way.  

FantasiArt,

 

Your post was an interesting read, and since it's an obvious request for help, here's my advice. At the top of the list is honesty. You saw how stealing your sister's clothes got you into trouble. That was a lesson learned. So from this point forward promise yourself to be totally honest, with yourself, with your parents, and with your sisters. That will end your guilt, which is more to do with doing dishonest things than to do with kinky activities.

 

I would encourage you to have a serious conversation with your parents. They obviously love you and want the best for you. My guess is that they feel badly that you have mental and physical deficiencies that they feel responsible for, so they would probably do whatever they could to help you lead an independent life. I also presume that, at 26, given your situation, you may have trouble getting and holding down a job. You didn't say. But if you are still living with your parents, it's probably a financial and perhaps a safety situation. You can elaborate on that more if you want to.

 

Tell your parents that there is something in your life that is causing you stress and discomfort. If they're up to listening, and I'm sure they would be, tell them that, like most of us here on this forum, you have a passion for women's shoes (and other clothing), and you want the freedom to wear what you want to wear in their home. They're going to ask you if you're gay or transgendered, and again, you have to be totally honest with them. Tell them your situation, whatever it is. Admit to borrowing your mother's clothes in the past, apologize for it, and explain that if you had your own wardrobe of clothes you like, you'll quit messing with your mom's. I think the shoes you wear in the flickr photos look great on you, and you should be able to wear them out in public or in the house. If you had the freedom to do that, I believe a large part of your stress would disappear and you would no longer hate living with your parents.

 

Such a discussion with your parents could have a great outcome for you. It will take some guts on your part to have this heart-to-heart talk with them, but you really need to muster up the courage and do it, as soon as possible. Once you've bared your soul, shown them your stash of shoes and women's clothes, talked about your sex drive and personal feelings, you will not only feel better about yourself and them, but THEY will feel better by bonding with you and understanding you better. The outcome, I hope, will be good for everyone, and I hope to hear good results from you in the future.

 

Wouldn't you just love it if your parents and sisters would give you high heeled sandals for your birthday? How cool is that idea? Well, just tell them the whole truth and I'll bet you'll get what you want. Remember, it's all about honesty. You can't have relationships without it. Keep your eyes on the prize!

 

Best of luck to you.

 

Steve

Yeah it would be nice I need to get the confidence to do so I think the best thing for me is to try and talk to a therapist personally about this first and then go from there. I am just so nervous to tell my parents the only one I fell a little less nervous about telling is my older sister but I still have to have enough confidence to tell her.

 

Anyway just to let you know I am 100% into girls I am not gay in anyway actually I like girls so much that I have a lot of thoughts about being a girl myself and at the same time falling in love with one. I guess if I was born a girl I would be considered a lesbian.

 

with my Asperger Syndrome I do get SSI for it. I am a really shy person when it comes to talking to people I try my best but a lot of times there are moments where I just can't do it so I just try to stay quiet but it is getting a little better and it would get even more better if I was not so nervous about wanting to dress like a girl and wear Women's shoes. I know I should not keep this feeling all locked up inside and denying to myself how I feel. 

 

If I was not so nervous about this any more I would go all out and dress fully like a girl but right now I need to have the confidence to wear my shoes in public first before I even go that far. Maybe telling someone and then my family is what I need to do. I am just glad I found this site it is helping me out some at least I can feel safe here.

[hhboots]

...  I am just so nervous to tell my parents the only one I fell a little less nervous about telling is my older sister but I still have to have enough confidence to tell her.

 

Anyway just to let you know I am 100% into girls I am not gay in anyway actually I like girls so much that I have a lot of thoughts about being a girl myself and at the same time falling in love with one. I guess if I was born a girl I would be considered a lesbian. 

... If I was not so nervous about this any more I would go all out and dress fully like a girl but right now I need to have the confidence to wear my shoes in public first before I even go that far. Maybe telling someone and then my family is what I need to do. ...

 

For telling the family - perhaps just start with talking to the sister (the one you feel most comfortable telling) and she can help you work on this with the rest of the family.  Telling someone you are close to is probably the best thing you can do at this point for many reasons.

 

On heeling out in public - the way I started, was by wearing less obvious boots and similar type wedge shoes, etc, and not too high either.  They may not exactly be the shoes you prefer the most, but they will attract a lot less attention than say peep toe stilettos or strappy sandals, etc.  Get yourself comfortable with doing that first before going any further, then see if you want to try the shoes you like in public.

 

As for cross dressing -  you would be surprised at the number of men that do that privately, far more than any one is willing to admit.  You don't have to feel like you need to take this any further than that, like going out publicly fully cross-dressed, unless that is really what you want to do.  Just get comfortable with experimenting with it on your own if you choose to.  Just because you like to wear heels and perhaps want to do that in public, does not mean you have to go any further with the rest of it in public, but that is totally up to you.  Everyone is different in that regard, so don't feel pressured to do anything you are not comfortable with, including heeling in public.   You can just keep all of it as a personal 'at home' sort of thing if that is what you want to do.

 

I have had similar thoughts cross my mind early in my life as you described above, regarding your desires to be more like a girl, etc, as I am sure many cross dressers, and those further on the trans-spectrum have had.  You just need to discover for yourself where you feel most comfortable.  I eventually ended up with the decision that I am happy with who I am, and I am a married man that wears heels about 50-60% of the time, with an occasional desire to cross-dress (at home only), and that's that...

 

Take it slowly and as others have said, be honest with your family.  Again, I do suggest starting with your sister, then seek her advice on how to proceed with the parents. Best of luck and keep us posted.  Your story is very interesting and I think many of us want to know how things turn out for you.  

[pebblesf]

Brandon

I'm real happy you found us here also, we are all here to support and encourage you. My life would have been in such a better state today had I found this site (yeah, I know, nothing like this existed back in the stone age).

I can only agree with what everyone has said, and certainly want to echo the advice of proceeding slowly.

Please know I fully understand how frustrated and confused you are, most of us have wrestled with the same conflicts.

I don't know a lot about your condition, but will also encourage you to put your health first, and never put yourself in a situation that might cause injury or set your mental journey backwards. Again, I understand your desire to be able to wear the heels you love 24-7.

I agree with you, I would approach your sistmer first, she seems like someone you can trust and will encourage you. The good news here is that your family already knows about your fondness for heels, even though your parents might be hoping it is a "phase". They have caught you with your sister's shoes, and I'm sure it has been the topic of discussion more than once. So, once you and your sister have chatted, you will see that she knows/approves and wants to encourage you to "be you". Once you are comfortable talkingwith your sister, and wearing your heels in her presence, you can move on to your parents. Perhaps it might be best for you and your sister to approach your Mom first, I know you will be relieved when you realize she already knows and just wants you to be happy. Your Mom might have the best advice/plan for approach your Dad. Parents just want their kids lives to be easy and happy, so they tend to be protective in an effort to protect us from hurt and ridicule. The good news is that times have changed since your parents (and I grew up). Things that might have been considered strange or taboo back in our day, are much more "the norm" today.

I'm glad you have bought your own heels, messing around with your sister's and Mom's stuff is sure to cause needless problems. But, I certainly remember messing around with my sister's/neighbor's/friend's boots, so don't feel badly about the past. I looked at your Flickr page and added you. I gotta tell ya buddy, you really look great. You are a very masculine guy, so the combination of masculine and feminine is a very powerful look that you have mastered! I am not ashamed to admit that I am very envious. Like everyone has said, your love of heels/feminine clothing is just that, don't read anything else into it. Sexual preference is a separate issue, one does not predict the other. I know you are confused, unfortunately this "confusion" is normal. You have not had much experience with relationships, and will figure out all that in time. I'm sure you have seen plenty of straight guys here, happily married with supportive wives, who love wearing heels/feminine gear. The fact is that many guys have great figures that really look great in feminine gear. It's all about how you feel about yourself in the gear you enjoy. Finally, please trust me when I say that the guy's/men who criticize us the most, are usually the guys who are secretly the most frustrated about their own identity confusion. The sexual/gender line is surely a blurred line.

OK, I have yapped enough, only repeating what everyone else has said. I'm very happy you found us, you are not alone buddy. Please stay in touch here.

Don

[FantasiArt]

OK here is what I have done about my issue since I last posted. I actually came out to my older sister that is a year younger than me, and she is cool with it. She did the normal thing as anyone would do she asked me why I like it and how does it make me feel when I wear them. I told her everything about how I felt and she said that no matter who I choose to be she will always love me for who I am on the inside and if I feel this way then there is nothing wrong with it. she really does love me as her brother and wanting to wear women's clothes won't make her hate me or feel weird to her at all. She did tell me that I can't keep it a secret from my parents anymore as hiding the shoes will only makes things worse for me.

 

Of course I am confused right now but in order for me to really know that is really how I feel I have to stop being so nervous and just tell my parents. I actually was only a little nervous to tell my older sister but at the same time I just felt like telling her. I am so glad I told her but I still have a lot of weight on my shoulders as I have not told my parents that I own 5 pairs of women's shoes. I really would like to try and wear my flip flops and my heels outside without worry the biggest issue I have is getting past my fear of telling my parents. I always knew it would be easy to tell my sister the only thing I was scared was that she would tell my parents. She is so nice and is the best sisters ever that as much as she wants to tell my parents she won't do it unless I tell her to do it or better yet she rather have me tell them myself. Right now I am just too scared to do it.

 

She told me that I have to tell my parents sooner better than later because things won't get any better. The longer I try to keep this a secret the more and more I will keep making this a problem and all I will be doing is wearing my shoes in closed doors or when my parents are not home. She told me that if I really want to wear my shoes outside then I have to come out to my parents sooner better than later. She really does support me in how I feel she knows she does not understand how I feel but she does not see me any different she really loves me as her brother and all she wants for me is to be happy. Now she did say that when I do get to the point that I do wear my shoes in public that yes it will be hard people might laugh at me or look at me funny but she said in today's society it is becoming more and more accepted and that there are more and more people out there that are just like me who have kept it a secret for so long.

 

We even talked about how Bruce Jenner Now Caitlyn Jenner just came out about wanting to be a girl. Really all she wants like I said is for me to be happy but first in order for me to even do that is I have to not be scared to tell my parents and right now I just don't know how to but I got to so that I can get the help that I need because I feel like I need to talk to someone about this but I just don't know how to get the confidence to tell my mom and dad.

 

The next step I am working on right now is trying to get my self to tell my parents and my sister is willing to help me in any way which I am so happy to have my older sister in my life she is so cool.

 

Brandon
I'm real happy you found us here also, we are all here to support and encourage you. My life would have been in such a better state today had I found this site (yeah, I know, nothing like this existed back in the stone age).
I can only agree with what everyone has said, and certainly want to echo the advice of proceeding slowly.
Please know I fully understand how frustrated and confused you are, most of us have wrestled with the same conflicts.
I don't know a lot about your condition, but will also encourage you to put your health first, and never put yourself in a situation that might cause injury or set your mental journey backwards. Again, I understand your desire to be able to wear the heels you love 24-7.
I agree with you, I would approach your sistmer first, she seems like someone you can trust and will encourage you. The good news here is that your family already knows about your fondness for heels, even though your parents might be hoping it is a "phase". They have caught you with your sister's shoes, and I'm sure it has been the topic of discussion more than once. So, once you and your sister have chatted, you will see that she knows/approves and wants to encourage you to "be you". Once you are comfortable talkingwith your sister, and wearing your heels in her presence, you can move on to your parents. Perhaps it might be best for you and your sister to approach your Mom first, I know you will be relieved when you realize she already knows and just wants you to be happy. Your Mom might have the best advice/plan for approach your Dad. Parents just want their kids lives to be easy and happy, so they tend to be protective in an effort to protect us from hurt and ridicule. The good news is that times have changed since your parents (and I grew up). Things that might have been considered strange or taboo back in our day, are much more "the norm" today.
I'm glad you have bought your own heels, messing around with your sister's and Mom's stuff is sure to cause needless problems. But, I certainly remember messing around with my sister's/neighbor's/friend's boots, so don't feel badly about the past. I looked at your Flickr page and added you. I gotta tell ya buddy, you really look great. You are a very masculine guy, so the combination of masculine and feminine is a very powerful look that you have mastered! I am not ashamed to admit that I am very envious. Like everyone has said, your love of heels/feminine clothing is just that, don't read anything else into it. Sexual preference is a separate issue, one does not predict the other. I know you are confused, unfortunately this "confusion" is normal. You have not had much experience with relationships, and will figure out all that in time. I'm sure you have seen plenty of straight guys here, happily married with supportive wives, who love wearing heels/feminine gear. The fact is that many guys have great figures that really look great in feminine gear. It's all about how you feel about yourself in the gear you enjoy. Finally, please trust me when I say that the guy's/men who criticize us the most, are usually the guys who are secretly the most frustrated about their own identity confusion. The sexual/gender line is surely a blurred line.
OK, I have yapped enough, only repeating what everyone else has said. I'm very happy you found us, you are not alone buddy. Please stay in touch here.
Don

 

 

For telling the family - perhaps just start with talking to the sister (the one you feel most comfortable telling) and she can help you work on this with the rest of the family.  Telling someone you are close to is probably the best thing you can do at this point for many reasons.

 

On heeling out in public - the way I started, was by wearing less obvious boots and similar type wedge shoes, etc, and not too high either.  They may not exactly be the shoes you prefer the most, but they will attract a lot less attention than say peep toe stilettos or strappy sandals, etc.  Get yourself comfortable with doing that first before going any further, then see if you want to try the shoes you like in public.

 

As for cross dressing -  you would be surprised at the number of men that do that privately, far more than any one is willing to admit.  You don't have to feel like you need to take this any further than that, like going out publicly fully cross-dressed, unless that is really what you want to do.  Just get comfortable with experimenting with it on your own if you choose to.  Just because you like to wear heels and perhaps want to do that in public, does not mean you have to go any further with the rest of it in public, but that is totally up to you.  Everyone is different in that regard, so don't feel pressured to do anything you are not comfortable with, including heeling in public.   You can just keep all of it as a personal 'at home' sort of thing if that is what you want to do.

 

I have had similar thoughts cross my mind early in my life as you described above, regarding your desires to be more like a girl, etc, as I am sure many cross dressers, and those further on the trans-spectrum have had.  You just need to discover for yourself where you feel most comfortable.  I eventually ended up with the decision that I am happy with who I am, and I am a married man that wears heels about 50-60% of the time, with an occasional desire to cross-dress (at home only), and that's that...

 

Take it slowly and as others have said, be honest with your family.  Again, I do suggest starting with your sister, then seek her advice on how to proceed with the parents. Best of luck and keep us posted.  Your story is very interesting and I think many of us want to know how things turn out for you.  

[pebblesf]

Great job Brandon! You must feel so much better sharing with your sister. I know she has recommended that you tell your parents, and she is right. What other conversations have you had with her? Talk with her about the instances when you were caught in heels, ask her about the parents' conversations about it, I'm sure they questioned/talked with your sister about it.

Next, I would talk with your sister about the best way of approaching your parents. What does she think about talking with your Mom first. I realize YOU must tell your parents, but utilize your sister's support when doing so. Plan out the parental conversation with your sister, it might be helpful to have her their for support (and to keep you from backing out).

I KNOW how tough this is, trust me. But, I also know you will feel "reborn" after the conversation, especially when it goes much better than you fear.

You can do this, get back to us after talking with your sister some more.

Don

[FantasiArt]

Great job Brandon! You must feel so much better sharing with your sister. I know she has recommended that you tell your parents, and she is right. What other conversations have you had with her? Talk with her about the instances when you were caught in heels, ask her about the parents' conversations about it, I'm sure they questioned/talked with your sister about it.

Next, I would talk with your sister about the best way of approaching your parents. What does she think about talking with your Mom first. I realize YOU must tell your parents, but utilize your sister's support when doing so. Plan out the parental conversation with your sister, it might be helpful to have her their for support (and to keep you from backing out).

I KNOW how tough this is, trust me. But, I also know you will feel "reborn" after the conversation, especially when it goes much better than you fear.

You can do this, get back to us after talking with your sister some more.

Don

I will have to wait and see I talked to her and she said just tell mom first then tell dad but I am nervous she said that if we have to she can face Time and we tell together. she wants me to talk to a consular about this because she feel like I am doing this for sexual pleasure when I told her about the whole thing. She believes that maybe it is because i am home a lone a lot and that I don't have a girlfriend could be the reason why I do it. She also said that maybe the reason I want to go outside in public wearing my shoes is probably because I am trying to feel the void of not having a girlfriend. a lot of what she told me could be true. I am home a lone a lot I don't have a girlfriend and I don't really get out much but I am on youtube and I do make a lot of videos mostly gaming videos. I found out that my problem is probably transvestic fetishism. I know that after I wear my shoes I tend to want to masturbate when I put them on then after I do it I like tell myself what the hell it is wrong but then again it could be because I have not told my parents that I am still doing this that it never stopped.

[Steve63130]

Brandon,

 

Congrats on telling your sister. That's a major milestone. It's a complicated issue, for sure, but don't try to over-analyze yourself - you'll go nuts. Everyone is different. Just accept yourself as you are, born with a "high heel" gene, like the rest of us here! Now take this whole challenge one small bite at a time. Your next task is to tell your mother. Get with your sister and plan how to do it. Maybe have your sister present when you have the discussion with your mother. Maybe have her tell your mother first. Whatever you decide is best, go and get it done. Once you have your mother's confidence, and I'm sure you'll have her unconditional love - parents are like that - you'll feel SO relieved. Make sure you and your mother discuss how you tell your dad, too. He has to know. Once you are out of this closet, you will be glad you took this major step.

 

Look at the end results: What you want is to feel comfortable wearing women's shoes (and whatever else), and not have to keep it a secret. The guilt is eating you up, so the sooner you get it all out in the open, the sooner you can relax and be happy wearing what you want in your parents' home. You'll no longer have the guilt, you'll have the freedom you would have if you lived by yourself, and you'll be much more in touch with your true self. Isn't that all worth going after? I think so.

 

Good luck!

 

Steve

[pebblesf]

OK-

Well I think you are saying your sister is not living at home now (away at school?), so the only way she could be with you while telling your Mom is through face time.  Is this correct? 

Seeing a counselor is always a good idea, for all of us!  Just kind of a personal tune up.  Nonetheless, for whatever the reason(s), you enjoy wearing heels.  This love of heels does not seem to be a fad, has been going on for many years, you have posted some great pictures online as well.  Again, I don't know much about your condition, but may I ask why you don't get out of the house much?  And, why do you think you have not met many women or had a relationship?  Please don't be offended, or afraid to say none of your business Don. 

Once you tell your Mom, she may want you to see a counselor, and help arrange that for you, which is a great thing.  Keep in mind that counselors are just humans like you and me.  You may need to meet with a few counselors before you find one you trust and can connect with. 

In any event, just seems like the next logical step is to talk with your Mom.  Remember, you are not telling her anything she doesn't already know, even though she might be hoping "it was just a phase".  Telling your Mom will remove a heavy burden from you, your family may or may not be open to you wearing heels around home.  But, once it is out in the open, they have to respect your privacy even if they are not open to you wearing heels around the house. 

Personally, I don't think this is "just a phase" for you, but that is just my opinion based on very little.  Speaking with a counselor can surely help explain and clarify things, and hopefully get you on the road to some meaningful relationships.  Perhaps you will lose interest in wearing heels after talking with a counselor, that is fine also. 

I guess this is a much more complicated issue for you than we can understand, but it just seems that talking with your Mom is the next step.  Don

[Steve63130]

Good advice, Don! I agree that seeing a counselor can help if Brandon finds the right one. I would just be cautious if Brandon's mother is looking for a counselor to "cure him" of his love for women's shoes (and other things), and I'm not sure that's the best approach or that it's even possible. But if the counselor does help Brandon see himself as a happier person, enjoying his shoes guilt-free, and having a great relationship with loving parents, that's a worthy goal. Let's hope his parents get counseling, too, so everyone can be on the same page. It's a complicated problem and the entire family is going to have to work on it together. But I think this story could have a happy ending.

 

Steve

[pebblesf]

Good point Steve, I'm sure the parents would love to steer Brandon towards a counselor that they thought could "cure him" of his love of heels/fem gear. 

[hhboots]

That is wonderful that you have been able to open up with your sister, it is an excellent first step.

 

I would be somewhat wary/cautious of the 'seeing a counselor' scenario.  I am personally not a big fan of them, but if you have a good counselor they can help you feel better about yourself and it will feel good to get things you have kept bottled up off your chest in an open dialogue, but a bad counselor will probably make a failed attempt to try to 'fix' you.  There is nothing to fix except that you do need to feel happy about who you are and understand there is really nothing wrong with how you feel. 

 

I think everyone has gone through some of this confusion you are having, in one way or another.  Having a strong desire to do something strictly driven by hormones, and then feeling guilt after, asking yourself "why am I doing this?"  It's fine, it's how we are wired.  We are all very different, but we all have a very common set of programming within us that makes us sometimes do things that make little sense. 

 

As for your parents, I think the other guys are right in that you should probably talk to your mom next.  She is likely to be the most understanding and will always want to protect you no matter what.  Of course I don't know your dad, but I know some dads can have very harsh initial reactions to this type of news, so you may want to save that conversation for later if you think that is the case.  Anyway, keep strong and let us know how things progress.

[FantasiArt]

I wish that what you guys say is what will happen but I feel like it will only get worse if I tell my parents. I want to and I would love to wear my shoes if I could. this isn't just a thing for heels it is a thing for all women's open toe shoes including sexy women's flip flops. I am not sure if I am trying to deny to my self that I like women's shoes because I don't want my parents to know or not. I am not sure part of me wishes that if my parents knew and they accepted this, I would go outside and wear my shoes with not even a care in the world what others would think of me. I also have to keep in mind that I have not had a girlfriend yet and that I have a thing for women's feet as I have a foot fetish. I wish that I had a girl who I was able to worship her feet. I can't lie I do like it when I put on women's shoes I just like it and can't really explain it I guess I feel good when i do it. I know you guys say that there is nothing wrong with wanting to wear women's shoes but if it wasn't then all guys would be wearing whatever they wanted without having any worries.

 

The reason I don't have a girlfriend is because I am a really shy person and that my Asperger Syndrome has something to do with it. Maybe you guys are right about this not being just a phase anymore that this is really how I feel but right now it isn't really a good time to tell my parents because they have an issue to deal with my younger sister who is 19 as she wants to get married to her boyfriend that she has been with for a year now. Both my sisters are out of the house and are living with their boyfriends.

 

My older sister either way loves me for me and just wants me to be happy I just don't know what to do and my younger sister wanting to get married just makes it even harder for me to tell my parents. Only I will know when the right time is but right now with the things that are going on in my life I feel like right now isn't a good time. I seriously believe that I need to talk to a consular a lone about this first. I don't know if this is something I am serious about I guess all of this is because I am just so scared to tell my parents. I kind of wish I was in Florida living with my older sister because then I would not have to worry as much. It does suck that I still live with my parents but what can I do, I just don't get enough money to get my own place and my parents feel like I am not ready to be on my own. 

 

I also don't get off on the right foot with my parents because of my Aspergers it just usually leads into a fight half the time with the things that I do and telling them about all this right now will just make things worse for me. I am going to try and speak out about this in my social classes that I go to every other Wednesday as even there it will be hard but I got to or I will never know what it will be like to wear my shoes freely as home or out in public. I already put a lot on my parents shoulders and telling this about this will just be another thing that they will have to deal with it and I don't want to put anymore on them then I feel that I already have done over the years.

 

I will see for now I it just isn't a good time to tell my parents. I am just glad my sister is cool with it and she is willing to help me in any way about all this but there is only so much that she can do since she isn't me and does not really know how hard this may feel for me as she isn't me at least that is what she told me.

[pebblesf]

OK Brandon, we hear you buddy. Now is not a great time to come out to your parents because they are not thrilled that one of your sisters wants to get married. I'm sorry that your older sister does not live closer, you say she is in Florida. Is there any chance you could go for a visit for a week or so? Your sister loves you, and wants the best for you, keep talking with her about wearing heels.

Your condition makes female relationships tough for you because of your shyness, I can sure relate to that. You mention a social group, anyone in that group you would feel comfortable talking about heels with? Being in that group, might you have access to some individual counseling?

I understand the wide range of emotions related having a fetish for women's wear and heels. I still wrestle with opposing emotions when it comes to my boot fetish, this is a very complex issue, and I just don't want you to feel alone. I realize you don't want to "burden" your Mom right now, but I worry about your emotional state. You are a young guy, who is wrestling with a lot of emotional and physical conditions. I can only imagine how concerned/upset you are about your fetish for women's footwear and other fem gear. Spend some time reading all the postings here, many guys/men enjoy wearing heels, you will read that most of the guys here lead completely normal/conventional lives, many are straight and married as well. Consider different styles of footwear just a fashion choice, just like choosing a brand/style of sneakers. Some guys like Adidas, other guys like Nikes, its all about what you like to wear and how a particular pair of sneaks (heels for us) makes us feel about ourselves.

The gender line is not the straight line that society would like us to believe it is. Wearing heels does not mean you are feminine or gay. We all understand that there are many gay guys in professional sports, there are also many male dancers who are straight. Some men have great figures that really look great in feminine gear, that doesn't mean they are gay. It's all about how wearing heels makes you feel about yourself. I'm guessing you like the way you look in heels, and you feel good wearing them. I think you look great in your heels as well, a very powerful look for you.

Promise us you will continue to visit this site, read the various postings and look at the pictures as well. Keep communicating with your sister, and seek out a counselor who you trust and can help you sort these things out.

Finally, keep in mind, there will never be a perfect time to talk about heels with your Mom. There will always be something going on in the family that seems more urgent than your interest in heels. Trust your Mom, she will understand and be able to talk about these issues with you without being overwhelmed. Again, she already knows about your interest in heels, this is not going to be a big shock for her.

Your Mom loves you and wants you to be happy.

Please stay in touch with us and take good care of yourself.

Don

[Steve63130]

Very well stated, Don!

 

Steve

[FantasiArt]

I am going to try and see if I can stay with my older sister and her boyfriend for a while since they are both cool with me wearing my shoes. I just found out that my older sister's boyfriend has an uncle that is gay now they both understand that this isn't about being gay and that I like girls 100% it is about my love for women's shoes and clothing. My sister told me that I can go hang out with her for 2 weeks and if I like it I can stay with her and her boyfriend for a while. I think this will be a really great plan as I will be able to be myself without having to worry about telling my parents or hide it from them. I am just not really ready to tell them right now or my younger sister. I just want to hang out with my older sister for a while since I know that she accepts me for who I am and doesn't have a problem with it. I kind of always knew that she never had a problem with me being who I am I guess that is why I was able to come out to her about my secret.

 

I am going to go and visit her in Florida in September I am so excited that I finally convinced my parents to let me hang out with my sister for a while. I have been talking to her a lot in the past few weeks and she told me that it would be best to just hang out with her for a while. Now I know going as far as wearing my shoes and even cross dressing in public might be really hard to do but for me as long as I am with my sister I would not be that nervous. I just got to get out there and do it, I believe that just being around my sister would help me out a lot in telling my parents one day I am still new to all this even though I have secretly been wearing my mom's clothes and shoes when she isn't home since I was 13. I am new to this because I have not been able to go as far as out in public dressing as a girl and wearing my shoes.

 

I really would like to explore cross dressing with my older sister and explore the female side of me that I have been holding inside me since I was 13. I really do like women's shoes a lot but I also would like to wear women's clothing as well. A lot of what has been holding me back is what might happen if I tell my parents but when the time is right I will tell them some day. As for now I think it will be best to be around my older sister who is OK with who I am and does not have a problem with it. I know it would be best to tell my parents but right now I just can't get myself to do it. I need to be around my sister for a while before I can get myself to come out to my parents that I am either a cross dresser or a guy that just likes to wear women's shoes but I am pretty sure that I like more than just women's shoes.

 

I will keep you guys updated on this as things progress.

 

I am starting to think that the reason i masturbate when I put on women's shoes and clothes is because I have to hide it from my parents but if I was with someone like my sister who does not care then I would not feel the need to want to masturbate at all because I would not have to hide it at all.

[robbiehhw]

My older sister was my first ally in all of this too My mom came around not long after but yay for big sis!