A short wearing story....

[Dawn HH]

Shyguy:-) WHAT GREAT NEWS!!! Even after you broke the high heel mules in, they still hurt Mrs. Shyguy's feet. I'll bet you were quite surprised to find that she had put those mules in with your clothes for you to find. That sort of makes up for returning the pumps that hurt your feet for getting mules that fit and are comfortable. It sounds like a good swap to me. Isn't it funny how things turn out for the good at times? This time you won the battle, but the war isn't over yet. There may be a few battles left, but you are definitely progressing with this problem. Now you can see the advantage of being very patient and moving slowly and compromising as so many of us have advised you to do. It's paying off little by little. The fact that she won't let you wear them outside may be solved at a later date as she is still solving her hurdles slowly one by one, and cudos to you for letting her do so at her own pace. Once again---CONGRATULATIONS!!! Cheers--- Dawn HH

[morpho]

shy guy, i really feel happy for you, these maturity you reach in your relationship is going to give you lots of stisfactions, i wanted to ask you the question that perphaps you had respond before in other postings but iwant to ensure this, your wife knew about your passion of wearing (not just liking) after marriage? and how long after marriage, now i know that you made your step forward to wear them infront of her this time with those shoes you showed, and then with the others, The purpose of my question is that i want to ensure a strategy for me to my wife, so i can know when it would be the best time to take advantage of the situation and make a step even with whatever but going toward to hheels of course, even i dont want to wear them infront of her, but at least i want in the future she would know and then i dont have to hide, (but i have to for some time more), i cant go straight to her and tell her because she would not understand this way, even if she is open minded she would take it bad and my profile for her. She would modify in an incorrect way, she would think im gay or someone different what i am which has nothing to do with this hobbie, the stereotypes would poison our relationship. so...if i would introduce my passion of wearing in a smooth way by an accident or something like these that in the story of intro i would be discovering a satisfaction, perphaaps is the best option but of course i would like to hear more thoughts and ideas. maybe more stories like yours .

[shyguy]

An admission of failure on my part today. We were going out for a meal, and I put on the shoes from the first post of this thread. Well after some discussion my wife readily agreed I could wear them. Although very stealthy womens shoes, I chickened out. Partly because mrs shyguy although agreeable had some doubts she hadn't expressed, partly my own fears. Have agreed that I will go to Tesco (supermarket) shopping with my wife and wear them there next week, so we'll see then.

[Dawn HH]

Shyguy:-) After checking out the pic of your shoes again, I don't see any reason to be dragging your feet, (No pun intended), and you should put them on and get out and start street-heeling in them. I don't think you will have anything to worry about when wearing those shoes out and about. Cheers--- Dawn HH

[shyguy]

Thanks Dawn and Emery for your comments. It was, as stated, a bit of me wimping(although I do know they wouldn't notice a womens shoes, especially with the longer jeans I was wearing) and a little of my wifes reluctance, she says "it's up to you" when she means do what you want, but she isn't completely happy with it. We have talked some more about it, and the supermarket trip looks like it will be a go.

[dressboots]

Interesting progression. My wife and I have not talked about it in along time but I now know we need to. She does not mind me in them around the house or in the shop but out in the world, no. I have posted before she does not mind low heeled styles such as equestrian boots. That is my small step forward at this point.

[sscotty727]

Emery, That you and your wife are both into heels and positive, that is GREAT! I think I speak for alot of guys here that I envy you. Shyguy, I am probably closer to your situation. My wife tolerates it but she isn't for it to be honest. If it were up to her, I wouldn't wear them at all. There have been times she downright hasn't wanted me to wear them (more in the past now) and I didn't, but now she is more in the mode of accepting and tolerating them. I think as long as I don't go too wild a style, or am TOO obvious to the general public, she has less objections. I am saying this to you because you may never get to the point Emery is, I wish we all could, but truth is that not all women are INTO men wearing heels. But you could with going slow as you are and with alot of nurturing, get to the point I am with love, tolerance and acceptance. I say if she is willing to let you go out in them, accept it and go for it. I think once she relaxes and sees people aren't so negative as she fears, she will be less objectionable. Good luck and good job! Scotty

[Dawn HH]

Dressboots:-) Sometimes it is hard to convince the ladies that street-heeling is harmless and in most cases unnoticed, and can be fun for both the man and woman involved. Mickey68 goes along with everything except she said that she doesn't mind the chunky heels, but if I wore stilettos she would not be seen out in public with me. So I have no problem with that as I can't wear stilettos anyway and must wear chunky heels. Problem solved. Your wife allows you to wear equestrian boots out in public. You have your foot in the door, so to speak. (Pun intended). Wear the equestrian boots and she will see that everything is O.K. When she is comfortable with that, raise the heel height---and so on and so on. Shyguy:-) You might be a step ahead of Dressboots in the fact your wife will let you wear them out to the supermarket. Don't let that opportunity slip by, guy! Take advantage of it and when she sees that everything is alright then take the next step. (Again, pun intended). Mickey68 and I have been to the supermarket countless times together and no problems. I quite agree with what Ssotty727 said in his last post whole-heartedly. He is on the right track and has been able to make some small progresses in the past. Come on, guys---as the British might say---"Keep a stiff upper lip and carry on". Cheers--- Dawn HH

[shyguy]

OK today was the day, and it's done. Went out around the diy superstore in womens shoes. No comments no one noticed. All good fun and exciting. And my wife reminded me about wearing the shoes, which was nice.

[Heelfan]

Well done SG! Join the street-heelers club! Maybe we'll see you at our UK Heel-Meets as time goes on. They would sort you out and give you the remainder of your confidence in one hit, as for so many other newcomers! By the way, which pair of shoes was it that you achieved your supermarket debut in? Cheerfully yours, Heelfan

[shyguy]

it was the the pair of shoes that started this thread off which I wore today, very stealthy but good confidence boost for me and mrs shyguy.

[genebujold]

Your wife allows you to wear equestrian boots out in public. You have your foot in the door, so to speak. (Pun intended). Wear the equestrian boots and she will see that everything is O.K. When she is comfortable with that, raise the heel height---and so on and so on.

Dawn HH

Here's a couple pair that might do the trick, from Pierre Silber. Both are $99 each. The first is available in a very wide range of sizes, the second only in size 10.

Good luck!

http://us.st8.yimg.com/store4.yimg.com/I/pierresilber_1794_19614383 http://us.st8.yimg.com/store4.yimg.com/I/pierresilber_1799_57883942

[BobHH]

The girlfriend said, recently, that she didn't understand why I wore spike heels to work in the house or when watering, etc. outside. She said she takes hers off to do those things. My reply was that I don't get to wear them out and about, so I wear them as much as possible here (but not for heavy work), plus they feel good. She objects if I threaten to go to the mall with her while wearing platform stilettos.

[Dawn HH]

BobHH:-) I don't wear stilettos or platforms, but when Mickey68 and I go to the mall I wear my high heeled boots every time. Cheers--- Dawn HH

[genebujold]

The girlfriend said, recently, that she didn't understand why I wore spike heels to work in the house or when watering, etc. outside. She said she takes hers off to do those things.

My reply was that I don't get to wear them out and about, so I wear them as much as possible here (but not for heavy work), plus they feel good. She objects if I threaten to go to the mall with her while wearing platform stilettos.

Have you found a lesser heel to which she wouldn't object?

If she says "no" to these:

Would she say "yes" to these?

Or these?

Or even these?

At some point you'll find a bona-fide woman's shoe which she will accept you wearing while you accompany her to the mall. When she realizes no one went "ewwwww!" half a dozen times during several visits, that will lend credit to your reports that you've wandered the mall in moderate heels like the kneeling lady, above, with similar results. She may then let you try... not the moderate heels, but the next level.

If she's at all worth hanging on to, take it easy! Give her the time and space she needs to get used to the idea. Accept the fact that it could be many months before your first "allowed" to wear a woman's shoe with her while out on the town. The more she realizes A) you're worth holding on to (something else you have to work on in addition to the heels bit), and a man wearing heels isn't such a big deal after all, the more she'll let you "do your thing."

The concept is this - whether it's an individual or an entire society matters little. What matters is that both react to change pretty much the same way. A little change, no big deal. Moderate change, they're hesitant, but ok. Major change, and you've got a fight on your hands. Massive change, and there is no fight - there's merely absolute denial, usually accompanied by threats or actions of rejection, including divorce (individuals) or jailtime (societies).

It's just the way the human brain is wired, probably having something to do with the preservation of special (specie-al) traits from the dawn of life. The same is true with animals. Chimps / apes who're significantly different than the group or who don't quite fit in are usually shunned from the group, sometimes violently, although rarely with deadly results. But there's no question that the violence rate against the GLB population exceeds that of the general population.

It's just basic psychology.

The good news is that you can use psychology to your advantage!

Try asking her if you can wear something very benign when you accompany her to the mall, something that doesn't make noise (clack! clack!) and that wouldn't be mistaken for a high-heeled shoe.

If she says "no," then don't bring it up again, but do wear it around the house for, oh, say, about two months.

Then, just accompany her to the mall wearing the benign shoes.

She'll probably have become so desensitized she won't even think twice. If she does, replace them with something acceptable to her, but go back to the mall wearing the benign shoes. If she asks about it, tell her you completely forgot you had them on (if true, if not, skip it, but never, ever lie!), but that the reaction from the crowd was - no reaction. No one noticed. No one cared. How about a back rub?

The principle is this: Most women who object to their husbands / boyfriends wearing heels is that they're really objecting to the rejection they feel they would receive from friends and family. A lot of their identity is wrapped up in you, and that's something you want to protect, not confront. If you confront it, it will just scare them, then anger them, to the point where they'll seriously reconsider their relationship with you.

But if you use the principle of "systematic desensitization," you'll eventually win them over. The key is to never be a threat to their sense of self-worth or identity, but rather, be such a supporter of her that you largely replace friends and family as her primary source of self-worth.

At that point, with deep trust established, what you would like to wear on your feet will matter far less than your relationship with her.

Be careful, however, as there's a tremendous amount of responsibility that goes along with being in that position - you really must be a person capable of being trusted, for the most valuable commodity on the planet - the heart of a woman - will then be in your care. Any major violation of trust will break her heart - and, subsequently, yours - and the road to recovery will be very long, and very arduous. It's always better to never to allow yourself to get to the point of breaking hearts in the first place, and if you follow the few key principles I've outlined here, it's quite easy.

The bottom line is, direct confrontation won't work, but the right road to follow is by building trust and establishing your relationship while subsequently demonstrating that it's not as big a deal as she feared.

Good luck! And please let us know how it goes.

[JeffM]

Interesting point here Gene when you say

The same is true with animals. Chimps / apes who're significantly different than the group or who don't quite fit in are usually shunned from the group, sometimes violently, although rarely with deadly results.

I dont know if you know the budgerigar, a small parot like bird.

It comes in a range of colours from the usual green/yellow to blues and white, found in inland Australia.

http://www.geocities.com/australianbudgerigarsociety/colourpictorials.htm

In the wild it is the green/yellow form and it will kill any of the other colours if they are born into the flock, which is why they are not seen in the wild. The other coloured birds are born in captivity.

Like wise with crows if you caught one and stripped its neck of feathers leaving the white band of skin around the neck the other crows will kill it.

So some animals do go to extremes when they feel threatened by another of the same species that is different.

Just thought I would throw that in.

Jeff

[genebujold]

Yeah, thanks, Jeff, for thowing that one in the ring. I used to raise Budgies as a kid, and you're right - they were particularly territorial. Our brains, however, are more than a thousand times the size of a budgie's. Do you think it's possible that we can overlook, nay, understand that the societal differences aren't a threat to our species, overall? After all, that's where the antimocity originates. I think it's possible, provided we don't overdo it. if we do we run the risk of massive rejection. If we don't overdo it, we will experience gradual acceptence.

[shyguy]

Gene is right about pushing slowly. That's how it worked with my wife, from no way not ever to her saying "how would you like to wear these womens shoes out today?" and now I even got her saying she'd like me to be able to try some shoes on in the shop (she liked some boots we saw and I often break the shoes in for her as they are tight across her feet) and she wanted me to try them first before buying.

[shyguy]

Thanks for that story, made me smile Emery. Although I have found myself carrying a purse (i take it you mean what we in the UK call a handbag?) for my wife and forgetting about it while walking around, but not whilst in womens shoes too.

[Dawn HH]

Shyguy:-) From "No way-not ever" to wanting you to try boots and shoes on in a shop first before buying them for her and then breaking them in for her? BOY!!! It sure sounds like you have made some great progress with your wife. I guess all of the advice that all of us here at the High Heel Forum have been giving you is starting to pay off in spades CONGRATULATIONS SHYGUY!!! "We Have Come To Save The Da-a-ay"!!! ( MIGHTY MOUSE---With a twist). You may have to change your name from Shyguy to "HIGH HEEL MAN". Sounds like a new crime fighter in the neighborhood. Tee-Hee-Hee! Cheers--- Dawn HH :rofl: :rofl:

[shyguy]

Yeah we both have reservations still, so "high heel man" is still just a figure in your ever fertile imagination DawnHH but who knows what the future will bring

[Dawn HH]

Shyguy:-) No one knows for sure what the future will bring. Think positive, go slow, and keep trying to breathe life into "High Heel Man". You never know what might happen, but keep trying to make it happen. Don't ever give up. Hang in there. Your mind can be as fertil as anyone elses can be. Cheers--- Dawn HH

[shyguy]

Well I went out again in those shoes(Friday), to the supermarket on my own Mrs shyguy suggested I wear them (I think she has realised a way to get me picking up groceries for her). I'm still building my confidence so won't be wearing stiletto thigh boots with shorts to the shops yet, but it's a start. Now waiting for the Autumn /Winter catalogues to arrive to see what's available in boots if Mrs shyguy is agreeable to any. Watch this space. EDIT And again Saturday, Mrs Shyguy brought down my heels for me to wear to the shops with her. She says it doesn't notice at all they are womens shoes so she's happy with it.

[Dawn HH]

Shyguy:-) PROGRESS! PROGRESS! I SEE PROGRESS! A big CONGRATS to both you and Mrs. Shyguy. Keep a stiff upper lip and carry on! Cheers--- Dawn HH

[genebujold]

There you go...

[Dawn HH]

HEY!!! Let's all give both Mr. Shyguy and Mrs. Shyguy a great big hand!!! Cheers--- Dawn HH

[shyguy]

Thanks DawnHH but this wasn't a triumph for just 2 people. All the people on this board have helped me build the confidence to do this. This applause belongs to all of you. And I'd like to thank my manager, my parents, the guys behind the scenes and.......

[JeffM]

Shyguy I am getting a sense that Mrs Shyguy likes you wearing heels more than you do. She seems to inventing reasons for you to do things that will allow you to wear heels. Better watch out soon she might not let you wear flats any more. Jeff

[Bubba136]

Shy Guy, are these the shoes you are wearing out and about these days?

[shyguy]

Yeah, those are the shoes I'm wearing out regularly now, Bubba. Just working on Mrs shyguy to allow me some boots with a slightly higher heel, but got to slow down and let her get fully used to this first. Jeffm, that's not quite the case yet, Mrs shyguy still has doubts (and I'm still not too confident about going higher or more feminine outside yet either) but she has been putting those shoes in front of me every time we go out (without our kids around anyway as we both agree they shouldn't see me in shoes which they know were mums). Mrs S thought that I wanted to wear womens shoes at every opportunity because of my eagerness at first, so she was trying to be supportive