benno Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 http://shyness-social-anxiety.com/self-esteem/cool-clothes-insecure.html I just read this and thought it makes some great points. You have the power to do as you wish. 1
Walkonit Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Great article - Thanks. I have have found it oh so true.
roniheels Posted October 6, 2011 Posted October 6, 2011 Excellent article. There is so much good information and advice within it.
wood&metal Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 < Guilty... Never frown because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.
Irishwolf Posted October 7, 2011 Posted October 7, 2011 Wow, thank's for sharing that. The entire web site looks like it will be a terrific resource.
shirazmn Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 I think this can fit in here. A few days ago I was thinking that everytime I wear heels I'm concerned about how people see me. And I'm not alone, given that in almost every "story" about heeling you can find things like "nobody gave a second look", that means that the heeler has spent time looking at the reactions. So, I thought, I could just play with it. I'm usually a shy person, but I could just wear some shorts, electric green tights and some queery golden ultra high heeled shoes ad assume that everybody will be looking at me. That would probably solve the problem because people will not expect from me anything but what I'm doing there, being out of the crowd. Following this thought, yesterday I bought some jeans in a style that could go with my heels. If I give other people what they want to see, if I show them that my heels are just a part of my style, then there is nothing left to be shy for. That would be ME for THEM, and that's it.
SleekHeels Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 That's interesting. I really don't make much on an effort with "guy clothes", not because of shyness but just because I don't identify with the vanity and "god's gift" attitude that's often associated with the sharply-dressed guy. On the contrary when I make the effort with heels and nice, coordinated outfits (from the women's department) then I feel good about myself because it feels great to be looking good with none of the "male ego". As for overcoming shyness, I think confidence comes firstly from being happy with you inner expression, and then from choosing surroundings where that expression will be, if not accepted or liked, at least tolerated. If you like it, wear it.
Dr. Shoe Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 OK, here goes: "Pull yourself together! What makes you think that anybody actually really cares how you live your life or what you wear? Why do you think that you are such an important part of other peoples' lives that they actually give a toss about what you do? Yes, if you were to wear funny clothes then people may laugh, if you wear clothes that challenges their morality you may get comments but these are not because they care about you it's because they only care about themselves. They only care about where the next pay check's coming and when. They only care if they have enough of an overdraft to be able to fulfill their own selfish, tiny lives. It is arrogance of the highest order to believe that your individuality is going to provoke a reaction. Why should it? If you neighbour were to go down the road dressed as a bumble bee, would you be bothered? of course you won't. You might laugh, you might assume he's on his way to a masquerade or a party, but once he's out of sight he's old news. see him in his costume a second or third time then you might start to doubt his sanity, then you might feel sorry for him and refer to him as the 'eccentric who lives next door.' But what about someone trying to set a new fashion? Would you feel sorry for someone who routinely wears heels with a nice tasteful and well co-ordinated outfit? No you wouldn't. You might say 'give him his due, he does have style even if it's clothes I'd never wear'. Most likely, once the novelty's worn off you probably wouldn't notice. I was walking up the road once and I heard 2 young boys saying 'look, there's that funky bloke in his high heels!' I was stopped by a big black guy who looked down at my outfit and goes:"Hey! looking good!', in both cases they were the sort of people I felt should have been laughing at me, instead they were admiring me. What I'm going to say to you is, if you want to wear your heels, do so! No one else cares if you live or die so why should they care what you have on your feet!" Graduate footwear designer able to advise and assist on modification and shoe making projects.
yozz Posted October 8, 2011 Posted October 8, 2011 Of course the Dr. is right. It is also fully in line with the original article. The article never suggests the other people are actually thinking what you think they are thinking or should be thinking. The only difference is that the Dr. suggests an immediate change of attitude and the article suggests a more gradual approach. Many people here have suggested such a gradual approach as well: start with some block heels of a few centimeters till you are comfortable with them, then move up a bit, etc. Of course it is up to you how fast you want the process to go, if at all. If for instance your SO disapproves strongly, it is not a fictitious problem. Y. Raise your voice. Put on some heels.
Charlie Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 I've found these work well. lol http://tinyurl.com/44tlpu6 Oh, you meant 'my' view... lol Charlie Everything I say is a lie!.......I'm lying
Guest Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 I might have been self conscience before, but now I'm confident to know that I dont need to care what anybody may think one way or the other about the way I like to dress when I go out, I figure that life is way too short to be concerned for that.
JeffB Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 I might have been self conscience before, but now I'm confident to know that I dont need to care what anybody may think one way or the other about the way I like to dress when I go out, I figure that life is way too short to be concerned for that. Bravo! I couldn't agree more! I don't want to LOOK like a woman, I just want to DRESS like a woman!
Dr. Shoe Posted October 9, 2011 Posted October 9, 2011 Of course the Dr. is right. It is also fully in line with the original article. The article never suggests the other people are actually thinking what you think they are thinking or should be thinking. The only difference is that the Dr. suggests an immediate change of attitude and the article suggests a more gradual approach. Many people here have suggested such a gradual approach as well: start with some block heels of a few centimeters till you are comfortable with them, then move up a bit, etc. Of course it is up to you how fast you want the process to go, if at all. If for instance your SO disapproves strongly, it is not a fictitious problem. Y. This is great if you actually want to wear low block heels... Graduate footwear designer able to advise and assist on modification and shoe making projects.
SleekHeels Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 I was walking up the road once and I heard 2 young boys saying 'look, there's that funky bloke in his high heels!' I was stopped by a big black guy who looked down at my outfit and goes:"Hey! looking good!', in both cases they were the sort of people I felt should have been laughing at me, instead they were admiring me. So basically you had preconceptions about people but they changed your perception of them through how they behaved towards you... so there is hope that at least some people are receptive to having their views changed. Whilst I agree that "It is arrogance of the highest order to believe that your individuality is going to provoke a reaction", I think would also be arrogant to reduce everyone else to a selfish automaton incapable of an intelligent reaction; sure that's what society seems to be trying to turn us all into sometimes, but a lot of people aspire to something more than that. I think that behaving as polite and decent human beings (in general, but specifically when we're wearing our heels) is what earns us a positive reaction, the heels are just coincidental. We can't change the world but we can influence the identity we project in our interactions with people, just as they can influence our perceptions of them. Surely we define our heels just as much as our heels define us. If you like it, wear it.
crotchboots-m Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 didnt read it...for me its mind over matter...they dont matter,so i dont mind
yozz Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 This is great if you actually want to wear low block heels... Well, the idea is to move up and slowly make it narrower if that is what you like. I thought that was implicit. Y. Raise your voice. Put on some heels.
Dr. Shoe Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 So why not wear your high narrow heels right off the bat? Also, some people don't like block heels... Graduate footwear designer able to advise and assist on modification and shoe making projects.
yozz Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 So why not wear your high narrow heels right off the bat? Also, some people don't like block heels... Well, the essence of the original article was to take it slowly. Of course, if you can handle it mentally to flip mode from one moment to the next, there is no need to worry about intermediate steps. But the article explained, the way I understood it, that this can be very painful and in that case a slow way is called for. Y. Raise your voice. Put on some heels.
Dr. Shoe Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 So basically you had preconceptions about people but they changed your perception of them through how they behaved towards you... so there is hope that at least some people are receptive to having their views changed. Exactly. But i don't think people like that are the minority though, at all. I would wear my heels (and later cross dressed) around Hackney in East London, one of the roughest boroughs in the UK, I also lived on what was said to be the toughest estate in Hackney. I never, ever had a problem. Whilst I agree that "It is arrogance of the highest order to believe that your individuality is going to provoke a reaction", I think would also be arrogant to reduce everyone else to a selfish automaton incapable of an intelligent reaction; sure that's what society seems to be trying to turn us all into sometimes, but a lot of people aspire to something more than that. Yes but an intelligent response is a positive anyway, even a negative comment will be better than name-calling and sometimes they might even be humourous. I think that behaving as polite and decent human beings (in general, but specifically when we're wearing our heels) is what earns us a positive reaction, the heels are just coincidental. We can't change the world but we can influence the identity we project in our interactions with people, just as they can influence our perceptions of them. Surely we define our heels just as much as our heels define us. That's exactly my point, heels are coincidental. Most people won't notice and out those that do most won't be bothered. I pass 1000s of people every time I go to town and I don't think anyone even notices that I'm not a real girl, I certainly don't get any comments. Graduate footwear designer able to advise and assist on modification and shoe making projects.
Dr. Shoe Posted October 10, 2011 Posted October 10, 2011 Well, the essence of the original article was to take it slowly. Of course, if you can handle it mentally to flip mode from one moment to the next, there is no need to worry about intermediate steps. But the article explained, the way I understood it, that this can be very painful and in that case a slow way is called for. Y. Yes but the point of the article is that it's only painful for the person doing it! I must admit in retrospect I started with 4" blocks but that's because they're what I wanted to wear anyway. Had I not liked blocks I don't think I would have worn them. Graduate footwear designer able to advise and assist on modification and shoe making projects.
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