Tricks to buy shoes

[sscotty727]

For those of us that are still nervous and shy about buying shoes, I have a idea that might make things easier. This worked for my wife to buy my shoes, but it would probably work just as easy for me to buy them. Before we went into the store, I went online (most places, like Payless, have an online website as well as their store) and I picked which shoes I wanted to buy. I then wrote the item number, shoe name, size, etc on a piece of paper. Then when we went in, we read the shoe list off the paper. This easily give the illiusion that you are just simply following a list buying for someone else. I know alot of you out there just ask the clerks and try them on in the store, etc, but there are still some of us that are still shy about buying them. This is one way that might help. Please give comments back and share any ideas you also have. Thanks, Scotty

[Heelfan]

No, no, no, no, no! You're missing a great part of the fun. Listen! Years ago I used to lurk around shoe shops with my heart thumping, and funk any real honesty with the sales staff. I'd end up doing all those tricks of pretending they're for my wife or my daughter, or ordering them over the phone to await my collection in a box etc. All that's happening is you're crucifying yourself needlessly with embarassment and self-doubt. What cured me was an episode when I was lurking around surveying likely shoes in a large ladies' outsize shop in Oxford Street London. In walked a very gay but very cheerful guy, who, bold as brass, began trying-on all the sexiest and highest heels with total gay abandon. As he sat there surrounded by heaps of high size 9UK stilettos, an admiring 'fan club' of shop staff gathered around him. He was obviously a regular and the whole thing was EXTREMELY NICE AND FRIENDLY, mainly because he exuded niceness, friendliness and confidence. He struck up a very friendly and interesting shoeie chat with the salegirls. and all concerned were THOROUGHLY ENJOYING THEMSELVES. As Firefox says, that friendly approach can be really great fun, much more so than nervously stealing around the edges looking all guilty and suspicious. From that time on, I've done it his way, and it's MOST ENJOYABLE, and yes, it's half the fun! Have a laugh and a joke with the salesgirls, ask them what they think of the shoe or the colour or whatever. No-one calls the police or frog-marches you out into the street. Some friendly banter with the staff has become one of my favourite parts of buying my new shoes and I wouldn't miss it for the worlds! Just go for it, otherwise you'll never know what you're missing! Cheerfully yours, Heelfan

[sscotty727]

Hi Heelfan, I might eventually get to the point where you are, but right now I am still trying to get used to the idea of wearing the heels outside. I live in the USA on the east coast where people tend to be VERY conservative (it was a major event for me to wear toe rings and anklets outside). I don't fear being arrested, however since I have two small daughters, I do worry about how other parents might look at me in the comunity, I am sure there are alot of other heel fans out there that know what I mean. Also, I am taking small steps, I am not ready to go out full blown in stelleto heels and a dress to go shopping. I was just trying to offer advice to others in the same position of where I am in how they can buy heels and not be so nervous. I don't disagree with your approach, I am only saying that not everyone is at that point yet. I don't know if I will ever be at that point where I can go in and try them on and just chat with the salegirls. Like I said, I don't know how it is in the UK, but in the east coast of USA (except for maybe New York and FL) things tend to be alot more conservative. Can others offer their opinions? Thanks, Scotty

[Firefox]

Well, why not try the list thing if you are somewhat nervous? I'm sure it could help Try to see is as a first step to break down barriers of buying though. I was in Camden (London) yesterday with a board member and he'll verify I couldn't prise a number of willing assistants, both male and female, away from me even if I'd used a crowbar My trick or tip would be to wear heels when shopping, as I was today. In this way, it immediately signals you are interested in that type of shoe and are not some time waster. The assistants fall over backwards to help you and always exhibit top notch politeness.

[Highluc]

I don't know how it is in the UK, but in the east coast of USA (except for maybe New York and FL) things tend to be alot more conservative.

Can others offer their opinions?

Thanks,

Scotty

I'm just back from a week in Dallas Texas and had no flats with me and wore and tried heels in the busy weekend shopping malls during their post summer sale days. I again had no problems and don't understand how you can be bothered by other ones' presumable conservatism. Be yourself and show coordination in your outfits and shoes , all the rest is imagination. To see the heels I wore during that week (in male or andogynous mode) check out the September 2003 diary entries on my website. The shoes shown are the only ones I had with me.

[sscotty727]

Actually I have bought shoes (even pumps) myself, just always nervous when I do it. (One time I could barely sign the receipt). Lately I let my wife buy them for me, but I was just trying to pass on some advice to others that might be nervous too. As far as trying them on in the store, I don't know if I could ever do that. I never thought I would be going out wearing ANY time of heel either. And 2 years ago I got myself out in toe rings, so never say never. I just meant to say not everyone is at the point of being able to go all the way. I appreciate everyones advice though. Scotty

[loveheel]

Hi Scotty, Like you I am an East Coaster. Actually, the Boston area, which is super conservative (Kind of like they stepped right of the Mayflower). But I have had very nive reactions, just like the kind of interactions with sales people Heelfan and Firefox describe. This is just too much fund to pass up. The shoes I buy in those stores always have that special thing going for me. I know what you are saying about kids and their parents. As a rule I don't shop for women's shoes in the town where I live or very close buy. My daughter goes to school here and I would not want her to get any repercusions or teasing due to my hobby. Just go and do it. Here is EXACTLY how it usually works. I browse the shoes. Someone comes and asks if they can help me. I ask if they have a particular shoe in a size 10 and 11. When the girl (or guy) returns with the shoe, I ask if I can try it on (Sometime they even askme if I want to try it on !). Noone blinks an eye. Half of the time that is it. The other half I strike up really fun conversations with the sales people about shoes. Thrust me, you don't want to miss this. I have met the girls that have over 20o pairs of shoes. There is a reason they work in a shoe store. They LOVE shoes. Good luck with it. Thanks for sharing your stories on the board.

[sscotty727]

Thanks loveheel. I might eventually try on the heels in the store itself, I am still having fun right now wearing the heels. A week ago I didn't imagine myself doing even that! So give a newbe some time to work up the courage!

[007]

Scotty - Just to let you know you're not the only one out there. I know EXACTLY what you mean! Oh my God - I'm a 'lurker' and never even realised! The piece of paper method is tried and tested here too - although buying UK7, I had to try on a size UK9 loafer afterwards, to prove to myself they would never guess as the shoe size was so different! I only left with the 4" heels!!

[Yamyam]

I appreciate that nervousness is a problem, but as long as you seem confident, it'll be fine. I've had several wonderful shopping experiences, where I've had long conversations with staff and once or twice with other shoppers. The only one where I thought 'what am I doing?' was in my local Barratts. I was the only person in there, I think, with two staff on. They ended up both helping me as I bought a pair of boring work shoes and a pair of PVC knee boots with big heels! I even got some money off for spending so much at one go! I think that practice will get you over the nervousness. After that, you'll have much more fun buying and wearing your heels!

[heellovr79]

Over here on the U.S. west coast, it's a bit more relaxed when it comes to guys buying heels. I, when they used to fit me, would buy my heels at Payless, in person. And nobody said a word to me when I selected my shoes or when they rang up my findings. But they don't have sexy enough shoes for me, now that I wear a size 13 US. Now, I buy them online, and I wish they wouldn't be so discreet in their packaging. I have no shame in letting others know that inside the box is a pair, or two, of womens shoes.

[sendra45]

Hi, This is my first post, I live in Swindon and even though it is quite a big Place, there are still a great deal of folk stuck in their ways, I have had a quick loook around other posts and I cant find anybody recommending Argos Additions, This is a very subtile way of buying shoes, they to ladies shoes up to size 10 and they will take back anything that is not right, easy, no lurking required. The thing is.... even with all of your encouragement, there are still going to be some of us that cant go and buy shoes from a shop, even Brantano! where they must see it all the time, I work close to brantano and quite often pop in on a lunchtime, and I have never seen a man trying on a pair of ladies size 10, so it is not that much of an everyday thing. anyway, this is a grat site and good luck to all of you. Nigel

[Firefox]

Hi Nigel. Unfortunatley I heard on the grape vine that Argos Additions is going out of business to be swallowed up by Catalogue giant Great Universal. They weren't making money. I didn't know they did up to 10's. The biggest I have seen is a UK 8 although they may do 10's in some styles. I bought another pair in Top Shop/Faith in Oxford Street recently. I got chatting with the attractive assistant and she told me they had quite a few male customers. I'd say it's always worth trying them on even if they don't fit properly as you can judge if that pair could be modified to fit by stretching for example.

[genebujold]

Having worn heels in public (broad daylight) as a guy for several years now, I, personally, am no longer worried about walking into a store and trying on a pair of heels or two - I often have to take my own heels off, first!

Nevertheless, I think it's perfectly acceptable to "size up" what's available at a store before going in. Not only does this save time, but many of us are far less public about our heel-wearing - and that's perfectly ok!

I don't wear heels on the job - as a consultant, it's not understood by most clientelle, and would hurt business.

Nor do I wear heels around others whom I know are opposed to the idea. Church comes to mind...

But I've few qualms about wearing heels in public on my own time, especially in a tasteful fashion that doesn't scream "drag queen" or some below-the-ankle portion thereof.

Because of this, I rarely receive stares in public when I wear heels, and often receive complements, particularly from the more enlightened feminine half of our planet.

One of my favorite complements went something like this:

"Hi, um, do mind if I ask you a question?"

"Sure - fire away."

"Uh, I'm just wondering... why you're wearing heels. Is it for some kind of promotion?"

"No - I just enjoy wearing leather boots with jeans, and I like wearing something with a little more heighth than the usual 1/2" heel found on most men's boots."

"Oh, ok. You know, they actually look very nice on you!"

"Thank you!"

After that, she actually tried to pick me up, but I declined, as my significant other wouldn't have thought too well of me...!

Back to my point, though - it's perfectly ok for men to wear whatever they want to wear, and at whatever level of comfort (with respect to public exposure) they wish.

Just like some people don't like others telling them what they can't wear (heels), others don't like being told they have to "strut their stuff."

Wear what you're comfortable wearing - regardless of whether that comfort revolves around fashion or public opinion.

[genebujold]

Re: Buying heels in Boston...

Yes, they are conservative there! And the size selection reflects it (almost non-existant, even in stores that carry larger sizes online).

But I did find a nice pair of leather boots, much like these from HILUC's website:

By the way, HILUC - you and I are both posted on Jenny's website! (I'm under "My Philosophy By Gabrielle" at ). Good to finally get to say "Hi!" to you!

http://freespace.virgin.net/firey.fox/story.htm

Since then, I found a pair leather boots with narrower heels that I usually wear (3.75") and rounder toes (comfort!). I wear them pretty much everywhere and with everything throughout winter. Warm, comfortable, fashionable, and under long jeans (black or blue), they rarely draw more than an occasional glance.

[Bubba136]

genebujold wrote:

I don't wear heels on the job - as a consultant, it's not understood by most clientelle, and would hurt business.

Nor do I wear heels around others whom I know are opposed to the idea. Church comes to mind...

As a consultant, also, I'm familiar with what genebujold is saying. However, while not wearing high heels on the job or to church, I do wear more conservative women's shoes with lower heels (not over 1½" ). Actually, it is hard to tell that the Penny Loafer style are woman's shoes unless you look at the lable. I've not worn a pair of "men's" shoes in years.

[Firefox]

Well I'm a consultant and I wear heels on the job. I think how people take it depends on where you are in the world. It certainly doesn't affect business in and around the UK. I've never lost any clients. In fact I've developed lots of new ones; they're interested in the great service we provide, not what's on my feet. It could well be different round Boston way though. I've heard some parts of the States are very religious or something like that. What a shame they let irrelevance affect their judgement as business is about service, not red herrings.

[KrisS]

I found this site a few weeks ago, joined a few days ago and I guess it's time to jump in and participate. Like someone said in another thread, I'm a crossdresser from the knees down, although I do enjoy thigh highs. I have been buying women's shoes for many years and gave up a long time ago trying to come up with an excuse, so I would just ask the clerk if they had size 10 in these white 5 inch stilettos (or whatever), say I'll take them and pay. They thought what they thought. Secretly I hoped they knew. I didn't try anything on in the store for years. Toronto is a pretty open minded city with a large Asian population. It's interesting that I have been in several stores in the downntown area operated by Asians and they have been very helpful and pass no judgement. In one store I just picked up a pair of pumps and the older gentleman said "We have your size, would you like to try?" He had such a selection I guess he figured whatever my size was, he would have it. So I tried them. His twenty-something daughter went on about how great they looked and how well I walked. I've never had a problem up to 5 inches. I've never tried higher. Her comments made my heart pound and not from nervoussness. Another store showed me a pair of nice 4 inch gold sandals and again just assumed they were for me and showed me a chair. It's been the same in 5 or 6 stores. Now the suburban malls I'm sure are different but maybe I shouldn't pass judgement either. Anyhow, enough for one of my first posts. Everyone has to find their own comfortable way of making the purchase., and I sure know how nervous that can make me. Kris

[jo]

Buying some 4.5 inch heel boots just a few yards from where I work, just the other day, I solved the problem by simply sending a short text message to my mobile phone with the required size and a see you later comment before going to the store. When in the store, I just looked over the styles until I found the one that I wanted, at which point the sales lady suddenly appeared right by me to help. I just said, Oh, yes, I want some of these, umm, let me find the information about the size, dug my mobile phone out of my pocket, scrolled to the appropriate message and handed the phone to the lady to read it. She picked out a pair, went to a side cupboard and quickly retrieved the box for them. She placed the boots in the box, scanned the barcode on the box end, and put the full box into a carrier bag. I paid some money, waited for the receipt, and just a minute later I was on my way. Easy, and just a very few seconds elapsed where a co-worker may have spotted what I was buying, had any been around (none were).

[Firefox]

Ingenious! Like Kris says if you can make yourself feel comfortable that's the important thing. I'd like to think all these dodges could be stepping stones to actually trying them on on the shop and buying in the normal way though.

[jo]

Oh, i do sometimes try on in store. Just that this time, it was literally one minute walk from where I work. Too risky.

[Firefox]

Sure, you have to consider all angles depending on circumstance. I do think trying on is very important if they are going to fit more or less. With heels there is much more to consider in the fit than with ordinary shoes.

[loveheel]

Firefox is absolutely right. You can't really go by size alone. I found that in women's shoes sizes seem to vary even more than in men's shoes. Maybe that is because there is more variety of design and how th foot fits into to the shoe. I now really like the experience of trying on shoes in the stores and getting advice from the sales people. This is to the point that when I see shoes in a self service store that I like I still go to a store where they serve me to buy them ! It is just so much fun

[BobHH]

No tricks. I bought some nice, leather 5" stiletto ankle boots today, after trying them on in Maya's store in Hollywood. Not too many people about, but I didn't care, anyway. What I didn't do, but maybe should have, was try some neon stiletto platforms in the store with all the young girls! They don't quite come up to my size, but I could have tried them anyway. That would have been a scene, some old guy trying on those gaudy stripper shoes! Wish I was young again, but better late than never, I guess.

[JeffB]

A long time ago, I used to do what scotty did, writing down item numbers, sizes, colors, the whole lot and taking the info to a store to make my purchase. In the beginning, it take time to develop the courage to not only buy women's shoes in public, but wear them as well. Not to call myself an old hand at this, but these days, i just go into a store (what few I find that carry 13 wide), pick out what I want, try them on then buy, plain and simple. I'm comfortable enough in my own skin to do this in the open and not care what others may think, or say about me. Life's too short to worry over such unimportant things. Bottom line, if you want to buy what you want, you just have to go and do it! :-D

[sscotty727]

Actually my wife has been helping me buy my shoes. I did order some boots online (size US 11) and they were a perfect fit. I am much more comfortable wearing the heels in public (I actually wore my 3 1/2 inch boots all day) than buying them. I can buy the shoes/boots no problem, it is more the trying them on in the store I would be too nervous to do, atleast right now. Maybe someday.

[genebujold]

Don't worry, Scotty - one of these days you'll get there!

[Dawn HH]

Sscotty727:-) The wife and I go into the shoe stores and check out whats for sale and if we find something that appeals to me, we discuss it within ear shot of the salesperson. We are discussing if Dawn would like that particular shoe or boot and I always end the conversation with the statement that they are returnable if Dawn wouldn't like them for any reason. About that time the salesperson will come over and ask you if they can help you. That's when you can shoot them the size and style and color. When the shoe or boot comes into our hands, I take one of the pair in my hands and the wife takes the opposite of the pair in her hands and we inspect them and make a decision that we will take them with us. We have even come back on another day and exchanged them for a different size after trying them on at home and as far as we know, no one has tumbled that Dawn isn't an actual girl. The wife would be too embarrassed to have me try shoes or boots on in the store while she is sitting beside me, and I'm not ready to go in by myself to try them on in the store. Just another way of buying shoes or boots that someone on this board might want to try. Of course, there isn't any problem with ordering a large size which might tip off the salesperson as I wear a size 7½ in a shoe and an 8 in a boot and both in a medium width which is a normal size range for a woman. So far we have been successful doing this and haven't had any comments or odd looks from the salesperson and have never been asked if I would like to try them on. cheers--- Dawn HH

[genebujold]

Works great for you, DawnHH (and I'm happy for you!) but the rest of us large-feet must use other tactics.

[Dawn HH]

Genebujold:-) I DO realize that the foot size can be a problem in locating decent looking and fitting women's shoes. God decided that I should be one of the "lucky" ones and declared that I should have a normal "ladies" sized foot so that I could be a more convincing crossdresser. (Or so it seems). Like William Jefferson Clinton, "I feel your pain". Seriously, I DO REALLY feel your pain and have thought about what I would have to do if I were in that same position. But, that is as far as WJK and I go together as I certainly am a completely different person than he is. (Thank goodness). Hey---just my opinion! Cheers--- Dawn HH P.S. I am constantly on the look-out in my travels just in case I would find women's shoes in larger sizes, as I would certainly be the first one to let everyone know.