Are we good friends to our friends?

[wood&metal]

This question came about in my head after thinking about Johnieheel's "guy friends" threads.. Many of us seem to be concerned about what our friends might (or might not) think if they found out we like to wear heels.... So I started to ask myself.... "Am I really being a good friend to my friends by keeping my heel wearing, quiet..?".. Some of us do wear heels in public, and given the chance that we may run into one of our friends or other acquatinences while we're out...Heck.. I've been 800+ miles from home and ran into friends from my own neighborhood in a fast food joint, just by odd chance... I'm just like the rest of us here ( I think).. I love my friends.. One like the brother I never had...All I want is to be accepted for who I am... Shouldn't we confess to our friends that we do wear heels?... Are we less of a friend because we keep our heels secret?.. Something to ponder....

[Majo]

You have an interesting point here, Wood&metal. I would put some things in separate ways: First, I wouldn't let guilt merge in between my relationships, with my friends, or with anyone. I don't see how it can help. I'll be as good friend to them heels apart; and I believe that's what counts. On the other hand, maybe I'm a bit self conscious and not that sure of myself for putting the issue up-front. Street heeling has given me the experience that it's not a big issue and that we are more "self conscious" that people can reject the whole thing, than what it can really happen. If the situation goes in the way that I was to tell my buddies/teammates about my heeling, I'll do so. We -my group- are pretty open minded despite we are all in the adventure/off-road/mechanical affairs.

[danielp6406]

A very good question Wood&metal ... and not easy to answer. I asked myself exactly the same question a while ago and my answer was clear. I am wearing heels for ME, not for my friends. They don't NEED to know. I have many friends but only a few know I like to wear heels. I told them because I knew they were open minded and they have no problem with it. Would not do the same with others because I know they would "freak out" a bit. The decision to tell or not to tell is yours. Would you like to tell your friends because this way you would be able to wear heels when you visit them ? May be this is the real question you should ask yourself ?

[Majo]

In my case, Daniel,

"Would you like to tell your friends because this way you would be able to wear heels when you visit them?"

would break my compromise with my wife regarding "not in front of the kids". So that might work as a good excuse -not a good reason, ok-.

[roniheels]

There are many things I know about my friends and there are many things they know about me. I'm sure there are many private things I don't know about my friends and there are private things they don't know about me. But we are still friends. As I said in a previous post, when I ran into a co-worker in public while I was wearing stiletto high heels, I acted naturally, cordial, and casually and we parted and we went about our business. There is nothing I can do to prevent whatever he is thinking about me. And, needless to say, I can't hide anything. When I saw him at work the following week, nothing out of the ordinary was said and it was business as usual. I have always respected everyone's privacy and I hope others will respect mine.

[wood&metal]

I was also thinking about the "grapevine" effect...as in, heard it through the grapevine... For me, it's really unavoidable to be out and about running into people I know... I can't hardly go out to eat at my favorite restaurant without running into someone.. I'd rather my friends hear it straight from me than from someone else.. "Oh MY GOd!.. I saw so & so at the store the other day and he was wearing heels".....that kind of crap... I guess either way, it's like opening Pandoras box.. I think I know my friends well enough to know who would stick with me, and who would freak out... I'm almost certain that my former Girlfriend, who I no longer speak to because I told her about my heels; has told some of our mutual friends in the business side of my life.. Then again, judging by her reaction, maybe she was too embarassed to tell anyone...Who knows... As for wearing heels when I go to visit, get together, ect.... In all honesty, I never really thought about that... I probably wouldn't wear heels at those times unless it was a night on the town or something to that effect, and even then I probably would not out of respect for my friends who might not appreciate undue attention that sometimes happens (its rare).. I may bring up the idea of guys in heels with one or two of my close friends...Not as in out-right telling them, but more like poking around to see what they think about the whole concept...

[HappyinHeels]

I have read Wood & Metal's piece and given this some thought. A true friend is one whose loyalty stays with you because that person LISTENS and does not JUDGE. If someone, whom you have known for a long time, suddenly becomes critical because of what you put on your feet, then their "friendship" was conditional from the start. Such artificial people need to be relegated to the dumpster of irrelevance. It takes such an enormous amount of energy to hate and mistrust others and even more to continually carry that nonsense around to poison the rest of the world. It is so much easier, and pragmatic, to absorb the myriad of beings in the world and accept them AS IS. It is the most basic of human foundations-to live and thrive being taken at face value and treated with common courtesy and respect, nothing more or less. I, for one, feel enriched by the experience of "listening" and interacting with our forumers here no matter which corner of the planet they live in. To Wood & Metal in Florida my frosty mug in Wisconsin is raised--Forward you go on life's journey, striding confidently in heels and boots, because this is what liberty has given you. This is YOUR journey and let nobody take that away! HappyinHeels Freedom rocks when freedom is excercised.

[johnieheel]

Very good ? wood&metal. I hid this thing most of my life and finally got so irritated with myself about keeping something so special to me which is and has always been apart of me in the closet. In the last 10 years, up until now I have managed to tell everyone I know and those I just meet about my heels and how much I like wearing them. Yes, I have visited friends wearing heels and they have came over my house and visited while I was wearing heels. Also have ran into many of them out in public while wearing heels. Nothing has changed between us at all. After I explain a little that I just don't like mens shoes and it IS only shoes, they forget all about it and it goes right back to a couple guys shooting the bull. Thank you w&m for bringing this up. I do understand others feelings on this subject. It's not the easiest thing to do for most of us. BTW every time my daughter and her bf come over, I'm also in heels. No big deal. She still gives me a big hug and kiss on the cheek with I love u daddy when she leaves, not even thinking whats on my feet. I guess I'm a lucky man to have that. and blessed.

[aussieheels1]

wood&metal.... i often ponder the same things but kinda came to the decision that friends often come in different categories and not everything has to be shared with everyone and still be considered a close friends of mine or to them...... just because someone know that i like heels doesn't make them a close friend.... people here on the boards know each other (kinda off) and that we all love heels but that doesn't automatically mean that they are your best friend.... i suppose i would think of a close friend as someone who will accept you no matter what (even if they don't know about it).... put the shoe on the other foot (i know... cheap pun).... if a friend come to you and tell you something that is out of norm and normally not acceptable by your standards (doesnt have to be the extreme here).... is your first reaction to accept them or to never be seen with them again? if it is the later, then I would think that you don't consider them a close/good friend.... i suppose what i'm saying is, a true friend will be supportive of you no matter when they find out... and i don't think the issue is whether you decide to share it with them up front or not.... however, i think the bigger issue with not sharing is probably with spouse/kids etc... Johnieheel... i really look up to you in the fact that your immediate family (and everyone else) know about this part of your life..... i can't seem to do it and i'm feeling extremely guity about this (rather than with not sharing with friends).... i'm actually quite worried about them finding out either via other people or walk in on me when i have them on or find my hiding spots etc... to me, that may be even worse then being up front with them... but at the same time, i'm finding it extremely hard to be up front (and can't decide whether I want to or not..... eg kids are young, society pressure etc - the usual stuff)....

[xaphod]

Hmmm Some of the ex-squaddie types that I associate with running ex-military vehicles and communication equipment have decidedly non-open minds. I will not tell one of them because he has already made it it pretty plain that he barely tolerates a couple of the transgenders in the clean-room at work. The other, an ex-territorial and ex-solicitor is more open minded. He and his wife are trying to make time in their schedule to drive 200 miles to see me and stay for a few days for the local music festival. I now have far too many heels to hide so they will be told that I cross-dress on occasion, and they are liable to find female attire around the house. Xa

[lorriette]

I have two friends of some 40 years standing. They both have known for the greater part of that time, and each have their own views and advice. Since it is my aim to be honest and open, newer friends are let in, if they hadn't already noticed, when an opportunity occurs. Once you do anything on a regular basis, others will notice and word get around, so chances are that a lot folk already know, but choose to ignore or let be.

[new_look]

an interesting question and i initially read the question a different way to what everyone has answered so far. Everyones reply has been whether we think of our friends as good friends. To the question - are we good friends to our friends. Well i read that as to If i wore heels around some of my friends and say we went somewhere, what does he think of me as a friend. Put it this way, for those of us who are quite concious about what others think or say when we go out and wear heels, what would my friend be thinking if he had to walk somewhere with me in heels. Would he be embarrased because people would assume we are then gay, or be laughed by HIS other friends for knocking around with 'that wierd bloke who wears heels'. How good friends are We to THEM. It might be one thing for them to be fine if thats my choice and be cool with it, but they might be uncomfortable around it in the street feeling the same insecurities as much as some of us might be. Just my thoughts on how I read the question

[danielp6406]

An excellent thread with good replies and different views. I like it

[hhboots]

As I get older, I tend to care less and less what people think and feel more confident to show this side of myself. However, I am probably not in a place in my life just yet where I can be completely open about what I do. I am fully open with the wife, but I have younger kids that I am not ready to be totally open about it with. I do wear somewhat discreet/androgynous heels around the kids at times, so they probably know a lot more about it than I am willing to let myself believe. As for my job, it just doesn't feel right to do this there. I feel it could damage my prosperity/reputation at the workplace. I am not ready to risk my career and supporting my family comfortably, just for the sake of being able to wear heels all day. However, I have come a long way in the last 10 years and am now doing things in public I never would have done back then. So in another 10 years, who knows how far this will go. So with all of that, while I do heel in public a few times per week, I keep it very seperate from my work and my close friends, for now anyway.

[Pam]

My heeling been shared with just a select few. I don't believe that sharing a passion for high heels has any correlation to the quality of a friendship. There are many personal things, many much less controversial, that I keep close to my chest. That has been my personal decision. It's not an issue of trust, comfort, support or openness. To me it's simply a matter of preference and privacy.

[wood&metal]

Thank you all.. You have given me some other points to think about... Johnieheel said: "I hid this thing most of my life and finally got so irritated with myself about keeping something so special to me which is and has always been apart of me in the closet." That pretty well sums it up for me too, Johnie... On the plus side.. I ran some errands tonite in my 3.5" heel Fyre boots, and it was totally un-eventful...

[Dawn HH]

Wood & Metal:-) This has been the most thought provoking read in a long time and has brought up quite a few points that might never have come about if you had not brought it up in a question. Cheers--- Dawn HH

[sharpLeather]

Hey chaps. New here, and thought I'd add my piece to this discussion. We all conceal things from our friends. Some more than others. It all depends on what you're most comfortable with, and if you think they'll understand. To wit: I was put in an interesting situation a few years ago. I broke off my relationship with my modestly accepting girlfriend at the time, and suddenly found myself in a position where she had decided to start informing all my friends about my love of heels. Well, actually she only informed one. A close friend of ours that I had already told (without my ex knowing). My ex believed that I had broken off with her, to pursue a relationship with this mutual friend (female). Of course, the spin she gave on this was a lot more... convoluted, and used it to try and besmirch my character. In the interim, this friend contact me and informed me as to what was going on. Not sure as to what extent she was willing to push this behaviour, I had a hard decision to male. In the end, I decided that it was best to tell my closer core of friends about it, and a handful of outer friends. This way I could avoid any attempts to use it to manipulate my relationships with shared friends. After all, we'd been together 8 years and pretty much all mutual friends in that time become joint friends. I was surprised by the responses I got. Most of our friends tended to be women, and the male friends I had, had known me for a lot longer anyway. The women responded the best. Most of them smiled at first, and gave a 'Really'? response in almost odd excitement. The men however, were a little bit unsure as to how to respond. But when it came down to it, to many of them I'd been we'd been confiding elaborate sexual discussions for years. So next to the advice I'd given many of them about shaving their balls, or surprising your their wives and partners with costumes and handcuffs, really.. the heels became a bit of a nothing. Eventually most people forgot about it. I'm very honest with most of my women friends these days, and a handful of my male friends know too. The trick is to pick who. However, my current partner finds it interesting, but also would find the idea of others knowing rather mortifying. She insists that I never wear them out. But she also says that she is very accepting of them around the house.

[Marion]

I really appreciate that my best friends take and like me as I am. As a feedback, I try to respect them and avoid situations that (I think) could be (too) embarrassing for them, like wearing too feminine shoes / outfit if we were to go out in public, especially when we're only two. I don't want they could feel embarrassed because of other (narrow-minded) people could think of us as a couple of gays.

[new_look]

marion that was what i was trying to put across in a way. we might decide to be brave and stuff the world to bear white 6in stilettos in public, but our friends may not be so ready to join in with it too