Steve63130

G'day, Heelguy, and welcome back. We've missed you. Wow, what a story, but at least it's pointing to a happy ending, and that's important. You've obviously gone a lot further than many of us in adopting feminine clothing besides just shoes. The farther you stray (I would have used the word deviate, but that has bad vibes) from the norm for male apparel, the greater your chances of encountering people who cannot handle it. Your father's behavior was unfortunate, but your love for each other seems to have won out and patched up the differences. I hope you continue to bond and work together, and he comes around to changing his view on men in clothing marketed to females. Get him a pair of heels in his size to wear and enjoy! Tell him what he's missing out on! In retrospect, although you can't replay the video, more communications and a few baby steps might have eased the shock. You kind of hit your dad with a heavy sledge hammer, and he was totally unprepared for what he saw. Parents have expectations for their children and your photo was way off his radar screen. You might want to ask him what goofy styles he wore back in the 70s and 80s. That ought to knock him down a rung on the ladder! Good luck, mate. Keep being true to yourself, but remember to honor and love your father! Maybe we can meet up next time I'm in Melbourne (possibly 2013). Steve

You may be challenged in some ways, but speed is not one of them! If you'll pardon the pun, you've made great strides, and I'm proud of you, Erica! You're a great example of how people can overcome disabilities! S

Wish it were closer, SF. I'd love to join you! San Francisco isn't on my itinerary any time soon. Hope to get back there one of these days! I hope you get some takers and have a successful get-together. Steve

JeffB - the last link doesn't work. Looks like Payless took it down. Congrats on the new shoes! Steve

Wear black pantyhose. Steve

SleekHeels, Very good advice. Searching for that common ground and agreeing to the boundaries could be a good first step, and a way of bonding with his mother. It can shorten his mother's "learning curve" at the beginning, and perhaps put her mind at ease that LAL will not suddenly show up in full feminine clothing. Anything he can do to allay her fears is a positive step forward that can open doors to his dressing the way he wants eventually. But he still needs to take it very slowly and stay within her comfort zone. Steve

The other day in an airport I saw a woman walk by in black 3 inch heeled slingbacks. She was wearing a skirt and I could clearly see her shoes. I did notice the strap on the left shoe had slipped off and was crunched under her foot. The right strap was still on securely. She was a bit overweight, but not grossly so. I thought the look of her left shoe was sloppy and unattractive. Steve

Tom, Please let me explain better. My logic is that his mother has a vision of her son dressed in very feminine clothes and shoes and is repulsed by it. She hasn't considered any possibility that there is a middle ground of "conservative" heels, women's bootcut jeans, women's shirts, and underwear that LiveAndLearn (LAL) might wear and look great in as a guy. If she is exposed to this kind of outfit at first, and is accepting of what she sees, then LAL can push the envelope slowly from there. It's like getting a foot in the door, so to speak. If LAL were to suddenly come into his mother's presence all decked out in femme clothes and stilettos, that's his mother's expectation and it would definitely be the wrong thing to do. So I advocate a slow and steady approach that is considerate of his mother and yet allows him to wear clothes for the gender he prefers. I can relate to my own experience. When I first showed my wife my stash of heels, about 3-4 years into our marriage, she was understanding, but didn't ever want to see me wear them around her. I very slowly pushed the envelope, starting with flats, clogs, loafers, and boots with conservative heels maybe 2 to 2.5 inches high. I was very careful to communicate with her and keep within her comfort zone, but to push the limits of that zone as much as possible. Baby steps over many years have allowed me to wear heels undreamed of a long time ago. It's that continuous exposure, constant open communications, and unconditional love that has made her more secure and made me more confident of her support (or at least tolerance). So I think with that strategy, LAL can begin at once to condition his mother to the changes ahead and keep her in her comfort zone, as he pushes the boundaries of that zone. I hope I've explained my strategy better. Do you still disagree with it, Tom? Steve

My left foot is flat and my right foot has a low arch, not much. I can't do very high heels. My toes just don't bend enough. But I am quite content with 3 to 3 1/2 inch heels. They are a good height for easy walking, and my feet don't look too small. I don't have a desire to go higher, although I do have a pair of 4" Naturalizer Daquiri sandals with a 1/2 inch platform that's fairly easy to walk in. Steve

LiveAndLearn, You have a golden opportunity here. You have your mother's unconditional love. All you need to do is push the envelope VERY slowly. Start with conversation. Tell your mother how much that love and acceptance means to you. She'll be more relaxed. Begin to wear very conservative heels (low, block heels) in front of her occasionally. Let her get used to it, especially if you keep your clothes well coordinated, making it a good look. The more exposure you give her the more quickly she'll adapt. Keep the channels of communication open and keep talking to your mother often about your choice of clothing. Ask for her opinion on what you wear. Bond with your mom and give her every assurance your love for her won't waver, but you want your own space to do your own thing. She'll love you for it. And you can get away with more and more! Just watch her body language and don't push too fast or she'll be uncomfortable. Good luck. Steve

Samcar, There is a middle ground. You could wear heels that were not so feminine in appearance. Loafers, clogs, and boots with 2" block heels would give you more of a heel than men's shoes and might be fun to wear. You don't necessarily have to wear 5" stilettos. Consider something more conservative that would not be noticed or ridiculed, and it will help build your confidence while providing a bit of fun. Steve

Isn't it hot wearing boots in this weather? My feet would burn up in boots. I'll take sandals until October! But I do compliment you on the look and on your courage to go out streetheeling in those heels. Bravo! Steve

Interesting outings - thanks for sharing! You must have acted pretty confidently, and as many of us have preached, that's the key to success. It's much more fun to be out and about enjoying the freedom of wearing the heels you like, instead of hiding them inside and feeling constrained. The more men are seen wearing heels in public, the faster we can educate the unwashed masses. Steve

Pattianne71, That's a great story! Thanks for sharing it. Sounds like you had a cool lab partner; i'm sorry the relationship didn't last, but it must have been fun while it did. As Kneehighs and others have demonstrated time and again, attractive shoes can be a chick magnet for the right chick! Steve

Tell your parents about your heel wearing and then you won't have anything to hide. You'll feel relieved and unstressed, and when you wear them at your new home, if they pop in, they won't be shocked. Honesty is the best policy, and if your parents love you, as I hope they do, they won't care. Ask them about the stupid looking styles they wore when they were younger! Good luck! Steve

We were with friends from Helsingborg who knew their way around Copenhagen, and we knew we'd be doing a lot of walking, so I didn't even try to wear heels that day. I was in rubber clogs. This was back in 2005 before I ventured into serious public heeling. I'd love to return to Scandinavia one of these days. We loved every minute of it.

She knows, doesn't really like it, won't wear heels herself, but doesn't stop me. We went to three stores shopping yesterday and I was in bootcut jeans, royal blue polo shirt, the black Aerosoles Platonic sandals in my avatar (3.5 inch heels) and barefoot (mistake - sheer nylons would have been more comfortable for all the walking we did). I also had on a bright copper nail polish on toes and fingers. She was quite comfortable with me, but a year ago that would not have been true, so that's pretty supportive if you ask me! Gotta love her! Steve

Yes, I've been there and you're right, but look at the great practice you get learning to master walking in heels there, and it's free, not counting transportation costs (to get there) and the great bakeries that lure you in! lol Steve

On the morning of July 4 I decided to wear red, white and blue. I picked a red t-shirt with white lettering. In fact it was the t-shirt from the Walk a Mile in Her Shoes event from last year, so there is a big white high heel pump silhouette on the front. With the red and white shirt, I wore navy women's short shorts and my Naturalizer Daquiri sandals with 4" stacked heels in natural canvas color (off-white). My wife and I were eating breakfast and all of the sudden there was a knock on the door. I got up to answer it dressed as I was, and it was a couple who are close friends of ours on their way to the parade. I think I detected an iDrop from her, but no questions as to the heeled sandals. We chatted for a while, then the guy said he had something to show me in his car, so we walked out to the back yard, in full view of anyone passing by in the alley, and in fact a car did pass, but I didn't see if the driver noticed me. My friend and I stood there for 5 minutes talking and I don't know if he noticed my heels or not. Normally I'd wear these heels with long bootcut jeans, but today my legs and feet were in full view. We walked back to the house, my wife came out and they all walked to the parade downtown (a block away). I had a project I was in the middle of and didn't go - and it was way too hot for me. When my wife returned later, I asked her if the couple asked her about my sandals, and she said no. So there you go - even our close friends don't really care what shoes I wear! I was amazed, but very happy to wear openly around more friends, and ecstatic that my wife didn't raise a fuss when I answered the door and when I went outside dressed in shorts and heels. I really love these sandals and I want to thank Bluejay again for inspiring me to buy them. I plan to wear them a lot. They are just really comfortable and my feet feel so good in them. Steve

Most of the shoes in Naturalizer and Aerosole's line-up are available in 12M, which is what I wear, although for sandals, clogs and other backless shoes, I can often fit into an 11M. Those brands are good quality, usually less than $50 on sale, and widely available, both in stores and online. The companies seem to be male-friendly as well. Steve

Pumps, I like those shoes, and you don't have to apologize for wearing 2 inch (5 cm) heels. If someone else doesn't think they're "real heels" because they're not over 4 inches (10 cm), that is a subjective call. To others, like me, they look like real heels, and I'm glad you're wearing them out in public. It doesn't matter how high the heel is - it's the fact that you are bold enough to wear women's shoes with heels as a guy in public that is important. Keep up the good work, and continue to educate the public that a guy can look good and confident in women's heels. Steve

E, you're such a tease! Steve

Busy places like shopping centers are much better for heeling if you don't want to be seen. People are busy with their own lives and don't have time to do a lot of people watching. Just watch out for teenage girls who giggle a lot. Steve

That's stupid. Why didn't they put him in heels? LOL Steve

stilletoboot, While this forum doesn't demand perfect English skills by any means, it would make your posts MUCH more readable if you would use some punctuations. It's not asking too much to request that you please end your sentences with a period and start the next one with a capital letter. It will go a long way to making you understandable. Please don't make us struggle to have to read your posts. Thank you for your cooperation.. Steve