hiddenheels

Since the lockdown, I've been unable to wear heels, family is at home 24x7. This sucks, and the anxiety has kicked in a few times. My wife can read my moods and asks when I'm down, why I'm down. Based on our past interactions I've started telling her about how I would like to wear them a bit more and I'm not able to thus am a bit upset. In the last little bit this has led to some more discussion between her and I, and it's clear that she's not supportive of me wearing them in front of her or outside. Although she says she doesn't care if I wear it into a store, the attitude of how she says it clearly indicates that that's not the case. So it's been tough, and not only have I not been able to express myself for the past 8 weeks, I've also made backwards progress with my wife. This topic will never be resolved between her and I.

As a side-note, she knows I love it when she herself wears heels to go shopping or something, that has not happened in a very long time. I've given up caring what she wears.

While I understand her points on how this should not be a ruling factor in my life, or our lives, the inability to express myself as I wish it to be is difficult. She's also said that a relationship is compromise, and she also makes compromises. I agree with her on this. So, I'm going to have to settle into not doing anything until this thing is over, and I can get back to work. Once some semblance of normal returns, I am hoping to have some time to be able to do this on my own, even if it's stopping by some coffee shop or store periodically.

Disappointing, but do not see much of a choice but to go at it alone. In the meantime I'll try to deal with my anger on this.

On 4/1/2020 at 2:56 PM, Kjones92 said:

In summary my goal Is to wear heels (and womens shoes in general) in public on a regular basis,skirts, leggings .and painted toes, e.t.c.But presenting as a guy, not fully crossdressing. However I intend to keep wearing guys clothes and shoes too, I just want fashion freedom If anything.Although the excitement I felt the past few days makes me want to only want wear womens shoes almost all the time.

 I'm still going through inner conflict with this behaviour and thinking of stopping sometimes, none else knows if this. I don't know if I can stop now, and get rid of the desired. I come from an African background and this behaviour would not be tolerated. I'm  screwed,  This is a can of worms  that shouldn't have been opened. But sometimes I really want to stop. But feels too good and exciting.

This is a tough problem, but you're not alone. I've also been struggling with this for the past 20 years, at least. Some good days/weeks/months, some bad ones. If I have to chart my progress, then initially it was curiosity, and some amateurish outings, explorations, discussions with my wife. Although this never ever ever went away, I suppressed it for years, hiding things, and not discussing it with my wife. Resentment built, both towards myself, my desires, both in myself and my wife around this topic. About two-three years ago, as I matured I guess, I started exploring these desires more and more. I started going to parks, whenever possible. Started slowly opening up to my wife about this, and although she doesn't understand, and doesn't want to see me in them, as a "theoretical discussion" she's OK. "Out of sight, out of mind" for her, but at least I can open up to her. I've started buying proper jeans, slowly going to coffee shops, a few random mall visits, some grocery store visits, and over the process have become more comfortable with myself. The shoes, and the overall look, is starting to lose some of the weirdness, and at least to me, looks acceptable. I keep telling myself, if women can wear whatever, so can I, gender equality and all that. If someone ever does ask about my heels (and so far noone has), my response will be: "I support gender equality, and am walking the walk, not just talking the talk". Most recently I've started exploring skirts, and that's a lot of fun and cause of more confusion.

Now, this all might sound great, but I have regular ups and downs. Just a few days ago I had a major down, has happened multiple times recently, where I'm just not sure why I'm battling this, thinking something is majorly wrong with me, why can't I be "normal" (whatever that is), life would be so much easier if this didn't exist in me, I want to apologize to my wife for putting her through this... But the desire to dress as I wish is just in me. It's not going away. It's been too long for it to be just a simple obsession. I want to dress the way I want to dress, while still looking male. I have no ability or desire to present as a female, I like my stubble and how my body looks like, I do not wish to change that.

I noticed a lot of the same sentiment in your description of what you're going through. It does get easier, and more "normal" (at least to youself). Keep it up, and keep posting. Vent your frustrations here.

One thing I did notice was a change not to look at this as something weird, but as pushing my own boundaries and comfort levels. Trying to push myself out of my comfort zone. Whenever you do that (for whatever reason) you get more resilient and stronger. I view each outing as a personal challenge, just like spiders or public speaking, you're afraid of it, until you do it over and over and your phobia slowly disappears. Yes, each outing is hard, but that only makes me stronger.

On 4/2/2020 at 8:35 AM, Cali said:

I was looking for my punch tool yesterday and found these Steve Madden stilettos sitting in a shelf, hidden by clothes.  I had forgot I even had them, but glad I had.  They fit great.  Off to the 8-step commute and work.  We're now working from home until May 26. And there is talk that it may be extended to July 31. 

Those are some awesome heels! Love them!

On 4/2/2020 at 6:49 AM, ohnoberty said:

Today I will be wearing Guiseppe Zanotti whilst WFH. 

Wow, these I want!

Lucky people here, I can't wear any heels at home. Makes it tough to enjoy heels...

1 hour ago, Pierre1961 said:

Yes ,of course. You can make a custom order. Get ready to pay something as 280 $. And be patient as the production is stopped because of that coronashit 

Wow... Those shoes look so awesome. Probably not $280 awesome, at least on my budget, but still... Nice!

1 hour ago, p1ng74 said:

I would say 2" block heels are within norms for male fashion - keep rocking them.  Glad you were able get a chance to walk around.  

Probably pushing the boundaries a bit, but I'm trying to make a compromise, and do what I can, when I can. My favorite height is 4", that's just what I find most comfortable, but that would have been too much trouble at that time. Would have needed a different pair of jeans and all. :(

That does look nice and comfortable! I'm home with the entire family locked into a single place. Doing this is impossible, and being in boring cloths is a bit frustrating, and definitely no fun.

With the virus, outings have disappeared. But I did have a chance a few days ago to go to a store. Left home, dressed in my usual guy cloths, but took my 2" chunky heel boots with me. They look like dress shoes, but have a bit of a heel to them. Changed into that in the car, and went into the store. The jeans do not hide the shoes one bit, but whatever. It was only a 2" heel. Didn't have any problems going into the store, or browsing or shopping. Was just a tad bit self conscious. Even ran into someone I know, but nothing was said. At least I was able to do a tiny bit of heeling, it's a rare opportunity nowadays...

Been a while... With the lockdown opportunities are impossible to come by, so movement on this front has to be put on hold... At least I can spend some time reading about it, and trying to figure out in my head what it is I really want to do. 

I did have one outing a week or two back which it looks like I didn't post about. Was able to go out, it was dark already. Recently I bought a red plaid mini-skirt (my all-time favorite look). Black pantyhose, 4" stiletto heel boots, white T-shirt and black jacket. The look was simply amazing. The skirt very comfortable. It took a bit of effort to get out of the car, but I ended up walking around several blocks, including by a large road, for 30 minutes. It was dark, and I was stressed out of my mind for the first 5 minutes or so. Then I started relaxing and enjoying it. It was an amazing experience...

The skirt looks something like this:

4 hours ago, Pierre1961 said:

I have these ones. Not original Doc Martens. A copy from FSJ shoes. 

16 cm heel. 2 cm sole size EU 43. Very easy to walk in

Wow... Are those still available for sale?

My goto shoes? With kids and family at home 24x7, wearing anything remains a dream... Withdrawal symptoms are showing up.

Those are some killer heels! I doubt you'll ever get rid of the butterflies with those. But then again, do you want to? :) Isn't that part of the thrill?

That's a nice casual look! I also would be curious about reactions...

6 hours ago, Cali said:

I have US women's size 10 and sometimes I fit a size 11 (Jessica Simpson for example) with the exception of pumps...pumps just don't fit period. I have had many women ask me where I get my shoes and you see the disappointment (and envy) when I tell them I have size 10 feet and can buy from everywhere.

How many women have feet larger than US 11? I try for US11, but can handle US10 most of the time. It is great, but wished my feet were just a bit slightly smaller as not everything goes up to 10/11.

4 hours ago, maninboots said:

Well I’ve just had my last visit to Costa for a while, they’re closing the sit in part and only serving take aways from tomorrow, wore my snake print stilettos shoe boots this evening, you can see them further back in this thread, sat and had a lengthy conversation with a middle aged woman about corona virus, chatted for a good half hour and no mention at all about my footwear, she must have noticed, they’re not exactly inconspicuous but didn’t feel the need to say anything, finally left to collect the wife from work, going to miss that place for a while 

I'll also have to take a break, with everything closed and the entire family at home, it's difficult to disappear for a few hours.

9 hours ago, platformman said:

Hi

i wear skirts and heels as a guy, I have absolutely no interest in looking like a woman. I firmly believe in men’s right to wear whatever they want and by openly dressing as I please, I am helping in my own small way break the social conformity that is totally artificial. Plus it feels amazing to wear a lovely skirt and heels when going about my business!

Completely agree! That's what I'm striving for, but have a lot of work to do for myself...

Thanks for all the votes of confidence, and support! I will definitely take it slow as the chances for me to explore won't be there for the next few weeks or more. Since my venture to the store, I feel much more relaxed and less anxious, about this, and in general. That was fun! Seriously.

I'm hoping to have some time and just explore the styles at home, see what works well, and what doesn't. I've experimented around a bit, and certain outfits were "OMG, this looks amazing!" to combinations that were just OK. Need to take some photos so I can remember what looks good.

Regarding shaving, I can't. It's not something I would like to do, nor can I. My wife would definitely ask questions, and it would be even further from the masculine image she's trying to preserve. I did not like the look of my somewhat-hairy legs with a skirt, and started looking at tips on YouTube. Found one video talking about using skin-colour tights under pantyhose to hide hair, which I was able to try out, and it works amazingly well. Put on the opaque tights, and then either brown or black pantyhose, and it looks exactly like a nice clean shaved leg. It was a good tip, works very well for me! So that's what I did a few days ago.

The last few days I have been surprisingly calm. The anxiety has left me. I don't have any specific plans for going out in the near future, so I'm just enjoying being content...

Thank you everyone for the encouragement.

SUCCESS! Was going to go to a coffee shop yesterday morning, wearing a light-brown mini skirt with dark brown ~2" heeled chunky boots, and a dark brown jacket, but just couldn't get myself to do it. So I tried again this morning. Same getup as yesterday, was going to go to a coffee shop, but again couldn't get myself to do it. I figured I'll hop into Walmart for some quick things, but sat in the car trying to calm myself. Finally ended up driving to the same store I was last week, where I bought a bunch of skirts for next to nothing, thinking I'll go through their collection systematically in detail and see if I missed anything good. By this time I was finally able to calm myself, so got out of the car, milled about for a few minutes, and headed into the store. The mall was still quiet, it was just opening up. Went into the store, went to the clearance section and spent a good 30 minutes looking at their skirts. I picked out ~10, went to the fitting room to try them on, and ended up buying 5 of them, for ~$16. So, spent about an hour total out and about in daylight in something which was clearly a skirt. Was quite freeing! No one commented or really gave it a second glance. Once I got going, the stress left me and I was quite enjoying it. They are very comfortable! And it was good to be able to be myself...

I did take a photo, but apologize, I am really uncomfortable sharing photos.

Have been trying to wear one of the skirts out in daylight, but even when I had the chance, I didn't have the courage. Feelings of being a failure come back... Not just a failure to wear what I want, but thoughts of "why am I doing this to myself"... If life were a rollercoaster, at the moment I'm headed down...

21 hours ago, balletboot said:

It's been a little while since I've posted but I'm still here. Still trying to get out when I can. Today was one of those days!

Finally have some nice weather its 60 and sunny today and I wore my aldo wedge sandals out to pick up some things from lowes, ate lunch at the bar of a local restaurant and did some grocery shopping. 

Boy have I missed getting out in my heels

That outfit does look great!

10 hours ago, SkirtDude said:

It's so easily done! Whilst waiting for a new skirt to arrive (much longer pencil for work), I stumbled into a thrift shop, and ended up with a blouse and three skirts! 2 of which fit, so not bad. The blouse fits like a glove. Looking forward to seeing pics! Next skirt is a new skater skirt, a first for me amongst pencils and A-lines 

Haha, agreed that it "just happened"! For a price that low, I couldn't resist.

12 hours ago, jeremy1986 said:

Sounds like the confusion is clearing up

Enjoy the new items!

Thanks for pointing that out to me, it does seem like the confusion is clearing up, yes... How I could broach this to my wife, I have no idea. Even the heels cause a lot of fuss and stress, I can't even imagine the reactions if I keep pushing it with her. Sigh...

8 hours ago, w6ish said:

not that i wear this outfit regularly but i certainly look forward to when the climes become warm enough that we can!  March has arrived thank goodness so we can start the tan in a few weeks!  for now though i have to stay with the fun jeans and the Cupid boots.  i'm going out tomorrow night to visit a new crowd and i know my 6 inch heel boots will cause a fuss!  i look forward to it!

Oh wow! That would take a lot of guts for me to wear!

Just read your intro message from a few years back. Very sorry to hear that this is how it is turning out. Totally can see both sides, as I've been through what you're going through, although not quite "it's me or the boots", but it has caused a massive amount of stress between us. I also wish the desire would go away in me, but I've purged, ignored, suppressed, ignored more, to no avail. I now have more heels then ever before, a lot more than she. If your choice really is that binary, then there isn't a lot of choice. I would choose my wife for sure, but fortunately for me there's a bit of a middle-ground. She's also suggested counseling to me, but I don't think that'll solve anything. I believe it to be similar, but not quite the same, as like going to counseling for being "gay" (or whatever sexual preference), it's "just in you", and no amount of talking or understanding will remove that.

What I would probably do if faced with your choice is either throw everything out, or put it away in storage, so it's not a "threat" (to the wife). Then slowly, talk it through. Just like you, as a result of this, she pretty much no longer wears heels, and I've come to accept that, although it is sad... I understand she's said that it's an abomination, but hopefully a middle-ground could be found. For me, she's OK if I wear it out periodically without her. My desire is a lot stronger, and I would like to wear it a lot more, but "happy wife, happy life".

I'm expending my energy by shopping. Went to a second-hand store a few days ago and bought another two skirts, one which fits really nicely as is, and another which I'm taking some scissors to, I have something planned for that. :)

Today, wasn't planning on buying anything, but happened to have 30 minutes to kill at a mall while I waited for someone. Walked around, and found a store that looked like it was going bankrupt (it wasn't), but they had a massive section of super-cheap stuff. I ended up buying three brand new skirts, a denim mini-skirt that looks like it's torn for like 5$, a white mini-skirt and a beige one for 2-for-5$. All fit perfectly. Also found a pair of heels, they look sort of like running shoes, but have a stiletto heel and the front is pointy. I think it looks amazing. I have no idea how, but ended up paying ~22$ for the entire collection! All brand new stuff, lots of variety. Will have to go back when I have a bit more time. Will try to post pictures when possible.

On 2/25/2020 at 5:24 PM, p1ng74 said:

It’s way too much too fast.  I’m suspending most of my shopping activity for a while and give her a chance to breathe and let her have a voice in all this.  She’s a bit shocked that I have interest in fashion and doesn’t quite know what to make of it.  

Sorry to hear that! But I guess you are excited by this, while she's not so excited by this transition. So you spend a bunch of energy on this topic. But remember, progress is progress, even if it is slower than expected...

7 hours ago, Puffer said:

I was somewhat surprised to read the online comments (so far) on the article.   Almost all condemn the concept of  unhealthy/ugly/outmoded high heels and consider CL's promotion of them as merely his blatant attempt to sell expensive shoes.   A common theme was to ask why CL doesn't wear them himself if they are so good.   There were very few in favour of him or heels in general.   But I suppose this is just another example of opponents being more energetic and vociferous than supporters.

Agreed. Many people say heels are uncomfortable, my wife included. But to me, yes, there are uncomfortable heels, but there are so many that look great and are comfortable! Just because they don't like it doesn't mean that noone likes it.