hiddenheels
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Posts posted by hiddenheels
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Haven't had the chance to do anything funky recently, but am still thinking about those experiences, and am hopeful that in the future I will be as "careless" about what other people think as I was on those days. I'm trying to adopt the slogan of Nike "Just Do It".
But yes, have to be careful to make sure the "happy wife, happy life" thing remains true...
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While I obviously noticed that some of my heels have the heel directly under my own heel, while others have the heel at the back of the shoe, I don't have a preference either way, have really comfy shoes of both types.
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I personally don't like to make noise... So actually prefer quiet shoes.
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Bought some new boots a few months back, worn them a few times, and now on one boot the 4" heel is a bit unstable, moving back and forth. Tried to super-glue it but no luck. Tried to search around on the 'net, but couldn't find anything useful. Any tips on how to fix this? Or how much they would cost to fix professionally? They're great boots... Thanx.
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As the title says, where do you guys buy shoes in Canada? I try the usual suspects, Spring, Aldo, Le Chateau. Outside of that, I'm not familiar with places, or online stores. Any tips? Size 11 (women's) is usually good for me. Looking for proper street-wear stuff, not pron shoes... Thanks.
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11 hours ago, p1ng74 said:
I believe there are a few contributing factors to this. First, there are still a lot of men who think the ideal masculine look involves baggy, rectangular clothes and big goose feet. Second, boots are trending up anyway, and seem to be a vehicle for men to explore something different. Chelsea boots are starting to bring in cowboy boot design features to people who would never buy real cowboy boots. Seems to be just part of slow evolution of style. Third, big chunky heels are a relatively “safe” unoriginal choice as it has a vintage-retro reference to the glam rock look.
Most men play it very safe and are followers, not creators, when it comes to what they wear. There are many here at HHP that are well beyond that.
While I agree that those styles are seen as more masculine, I would be super-happy if it became more popular to wear chunky high heel boots, cowboy boots, or whatever, as it's still a step closer to high heel stilettos.
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4 hours ago, jeremy1986 said:
Tonight my wife wasn't feeling well, and fell asleep on the couch, not unusual. I got the kids arranged, and eventually to bed, and decided to have a shower myself. While doing so, considered choosing to heels to wear afterwards, seen as everyone was asleep, and my wife as well. So I chose some wedges and took them downstairs by hand. Turned out my wife had woken up and we chatted a little, she clearly saw the wedges in my hand, but didn't say anything. I had them next to me on the floor as we had a snack and chatted for a while longer, but did not put them on yet, as she had mentioned that its hard for her to see me wear heels (Oh well... ) so out of respect, I did not put them on while she was hear, but she has gone to sleep now, and on they go! I really like these, a great fit, very comfy and a cute look too!
Did your wife react in any way? Can you elaborate what you mean by "it's hard for her to see me wear heels"? My wife tolerates it, but clearly said she doesn't want to see me wearing them while we're both at home. I imagine if I have issues dealing with this, then it must be even harder for her...
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I came across some inspirational quotes that I really need to heed myself. Would make this journey so much easier... Hope it helps others:
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I'm going to post my outings in this thread, just to share.
A few things about me: Have been married for a long time, with kids. My wife knew about my heels before we got married, but was never supportive, and eventually all heels became hidden (hence my alias) from view, we didn't talk about, I didn't wear it in front of her, nothing. Recently the topic came up, and the conclusion was that she said is OK if I go out periodically, she might join once in a while. It's slowly been improving, I showed her my heels, we discussed them, etc, but she doesn't want me wearing them at home. I'm used to that, so it's OK.
Traditionally, 50% of my outings have been at night, with noone around, lasting about ~30 minutes. 50% of my outings have been to parks, or other more-deserted locations, during the day, hoping noone would be around.
I usually wear jeans which cover the heels, and the heels vary depending on my mood. I much prefer boots, or ankle-boots, so it's almost always that. I have never ventured into a store or anything like that. Now I'm working hard to change that...
More recently however, I've been getting really angry, sad, anxious, etc, most of it I am convinced is because of my inability (self-imposed or otherwise) to wear heels out. These emotions have been really difficult, and have preoccupied me greatly. I am getting really fed up with it, and have decided to try to challenge myself a bit and try to wear them outside. This is all recent, and has been happening in the last 2-3 months...
OUTING
A while ago I had to go downtown for work, and was in a huge mood to wear heels. I decided to take the required cloths with me, and a ~3.5" ankle boot that looks professional, no platform. After I was done with my work stuff, I quickly changed... Jeans covering almost the entire heel (about 1" was showing), and off I went. Broad daylight, with your general downtown population moving about, roads, etc. Put in headphones and walked around downtown, looking into stores, just browsing. Obviously lots of people saw me, but I was having fun. Didn't bother me who saw, and I didn't hear, was busy listening to music.
Once I was done walking around, I walked too far from the car, so I decided to take the bus back. Got on the bus, in heels, sat down, and paid no attention to anyone. Was a bit self-conscious, but it was great. This was the first time I went out in public, ever, in broad daylight.
I had a blast, still processing the experience.
Cloths were: jacket, white shirt, very dark blue jeans, and black ~3.5" chunky heel ankle boots. The outfit I think worked perfectly.
OUTING
A few days after the above adventure, I got another chance. Was near a shoe store that I don't get a chance to go to often. Was coming home from a work-thing, and wanted to challenge myself. After my work-thing, I got changed, put on very long jeans, and a pair of 4" stiletto boots which I simply love. So comfortable. The heels could barely be seen.
I got out of the car, shuffled around a bit, battling my thoughts, but then decided to just go for it. Ventured into the mall, past some coffee shops, and into a large department store. I looked around a bit randomly, just enjoying that I'm there in my heels. Then walked around the mall for a few minutes before making my way to the shoe store. I looked around, found nothing of use, then walked around the mall for a few more minutes and out to the car. The entire thing took 30 minutes or something, but it was broad daylight, with lots of people around, and I loved it. I was just a bit self-conscious.
Cloths were: dress-shirt, black sweater, long blue jeans, and black 4" boots. I think it looked OK, upon reflection the outfit could be improved, but am still trying to figure that out.
OUTING, OUTING, OUTING, OUTING
A few days after the above adventure, over the course of ~2 weeks, I had the chance to be alone during the day once in a while for some hours to do my own thing. I wanted to challenge myself again, and wear heels. This time I decided to go to a coffee shop and grab a drink & some food, and work. So I did just that, picked a coffee shop that was far enough away from home, packed myself into the car, and went. This time I was quite self conscious in my brown wedge ankle boots, and long jeans covering most of it. While standing it was OK, the heels weren't showing, but when sitting I'm sure they were. I tried it out before going to the coffee shop and the jeans would ride up if I sat down, so I assume people could see some of it. But I sat down, enjoyed my drink, ate a bit, and worked on my laptop. Spent about an hour there. Got to repeat this 3, maybe 4 times over the course a few weeks. Quite enjoyable, but doesn't beat the above two adventures.
Cloths: Varied, but long blue jeans with 3" wedge ankle boots covering most of it.
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The above outings might show progress, and they are huge progress compared to what I was doing a year ago, or further back. But I am still very much conflicted with this heeling thing, and I am sure these emotions will not go away for a while yet. I am trying to challenge myself, and in the process wear my heels, and so far so good. I am still very uncomfortable showing photos or URLs of the heels, or myself. I love it when others post photos of themselves in coffeeshops, etc, but I am not comfortable with that, for various reasons.
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This echoes what I feel perfectly. I also feel like a deviant, defective, etc, quite often. Waiting until late nights, then sneaking out, not wanting anyone to see me.
I am definitely not an expert day-time wearer, having gone outside only a few times. Have gone to the park, and felt bad, have gone to lots of parks and the feeling doesn't improve. However, I've found that quite often what helps me immensely is a sense of purpose. Meaning, for ex, "I have to go buy X", and when I'm in that frame of mind, then I've gone out in heels a few times. I find that then I'm focused on what I need to do ("buy X"), as opposed to how everyone is (not) looking at me.
I always think, if a cop were to pull up beside me, and ask "what the heck are you doing", what would I say? Going to the park, feeling like a deviant, I would have no answer, the focus is the shoes, should I say "Just out for a stroll in my heels"? Now, if I *am* going to the park, I take a camera (giving me a purpose - to capture wildlife photos, for ex). Going out for a late night walk, I take my usual backpack ("I'm just going home from a party or something"). Going to a store, to buy X, I would have an acceptable answer, and how I'm dressed is not their business.
To me, each outing now has a purpose, sometimes it's completely irrelevant or made up, but if I bump into anyone who asks, now I have a ready answer, that has nothing to do with heels. The heels are "just there". No one has asked, but in my mind it has a huge difference. Feeling like a deviant vs. actually feeling completely content with myself.
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Hello Everyone. Although I'm newly registered here, I've been reading this forum for the longest time, and have been following many of the threads.
I am finally trying to deal with my thing with heels such that I can wear them "normally". I am getting more general confidence in life, more mature, etc, which is helping. I am hoping I can translate that to wearing heels outside. I am not comfortable with the idea of going to work in them, or having friends/family know about it. My wife has known since before we got married and there's a lot of baggage there. Although the heels were kept hidden for the longest time, she's more comfortable with them now, which is helping, although I still perceive this as walking a mine-field with her (which might or might not be true, only time will tell, so far it's all positive but the negativity between us over this topic in the last years is hard to overcome).
Very often I think that life would be so much simpler if this need wasn't in me. But at the same time, I love it, and it gives me a great joy/thrill that I would just love to embrace to the fullest extent possible. Quite often this is very confusing. Other times I feel very sad or angry that "I cannot do this" (at least the task seems insurmountable) as freely as I wish. Other times I feel ashamed for looking so out of place. I am not interested in "ladies" cloths, just heels, and I love the look of jeans with heels, so when I wear heels it's with jeans, usually covering all but a bit of the heel. I really love that look... I feel great, and think I look great, but when I look in the mirror, again confusion, as the image doesn't match anything expected (i.e. stereotypical male/female).
Oftentimes I'm a mixture of confused, angry, sad, etc. It's exhausting. I've been to public areas (stores, coffee shops, etc) in 3" wedges, 4" chunky-heeled booties (they are so comfortable!) and others. No bad experiences, and I remember each and every outing. Have some amazing boots, some so comfortable I want to wear them for hours. I'm hoping once I get my wardrobe figured out, I'll have more flexibility, but for now I have a few outfits which I like, and am trying to take every opportunity to wear heels outside. This comes maybe once every few weeks though... In the meantime, I'm struggling with these mixed feelings and perceptions of who I am, how I want to portray myself.
Although I've accepted the fact that this will not change in me, I am very much struggling with how to express myself so that everyone is happy.
I assume this is normal, but would love to hear some of your experiences regarding the inner struggle, and how you overcame it, if you did. Thanks.
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I'm sorry that my original post wasn't that clear. My wife is OK to accompany me for short walks at night, and has told me that if I want to go out alone, at night, then she's OK with that. She's OK with me wearing them at home for very brief amounts of time, but that doesn't do anything for me, so I don't... Half reading between the lines, half explicitly said, she would probably be OK with me wearing heels in a more crowded place, assuming the chances of running into someone I/we know is 0.
That would be my preference as well, as I am not comfortable with others I know knowing.
There are two topics I am hoping to explore here with everyone, and in the process come to some sort of grips with me wearing heels. I have already accepted that I am wired the way I am, and that will not change. Now I am trying to figure out how to let this out. Would prefer to post this in the "For the guys" section.
I appreciate the welcome, and am hoping that my thing for heels, once a major taboo topic around the house, doesn't have to be...
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Recently a lot of anger has surfaced in me, not in relation to heels, but in general, about some things life has thrown my way. I've found that quite often the anger helps in overcoming any reservations about wearing heels outside. Contributes to the "F all this negativity, I want to live my own way", and out the heels come and off I go. Once I'm back, it's a lot of the confusion usually comes back...
Thank you Cali for the encouragement. One thing I've tried to take away from my lurking on this forum is how everyone here dresses. I'm trying to look masculine, don't care for skirts or anything else from the ladies' side of the store. Trying to combine heels with my regular wardrobe has been a challenge, but I think I'm getting better...
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I don't know when this forum opened, but I'm sure I remember being on this forum 20 years ago! Been lurking here ever since, but the immediately environment surrounding heels (specifically mine - as opposed to my wife's) was quite hostile. While I always had some heels hidden, they were kept hidden at home. I did venture outside once in a while, when possible, but it was quite rare. Again, hostile, hidden, etc. Thus there's a lot of baggage associated to my thing with heels. But it never disappeared.
More recently my wife and I have been talking about deep stuff, and the topic of heels came up. She told me she knows I have some at home, encounters them once in a while (which I assumed), and told me that she's now more comfortable with me wearing them, and we can go outside for a short walk if I want. We did this a long time ago, and it is one of the huge strains on our relationship, it had such a negative impact between us, so this was quite a turnaround. We've gone outside one night so far, and she was OK with it. She's however not comfortable with me wearing them at home. At this point, given my ingrained compulsion to keep this hidden from her, I don't mind.
Longstoryshort, this need for me to wear heels, out and about, has not gone away. In fact it is much stronger now than before. I am also much more relaxed about it, and really don't give a hoot about what *random* people think. So I'm starting to venture out to coffee shops wearing wedge boots. Going for short walks when possible.
I'm slowly trying to open up with this, shed my ingrained secrecy, and some shame... So slowly, would like to contribute here too. Good folks here, and although you've not noticed me, you've helped me a huge amount! Thanks for that.
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Hello
in Hellos, Goodbyes & Introductions
Posted
Very true. I have found that nowadays when wearing heels, I just look down and think "they're my shoes", and am getting used to not seeing them as "weird" or "women's". I guess I am getting used to the sight of me in heels, even though I've been at it for ~20 years and have always found it weird. Now, not so much.
I look around the world and there are people of all shapes and sizes, and all of that doesn't matter, if it's a woman, doesn't matter what shape or size, she can wear a heel and not be stared at as a freak. So guess what, F that, what I have between my legs should not dictate what I can wear on my feet.