hiddenheels

14 hours ago, Tech said:

1 massive life lesson I learned. "The only person who gives a crap about what you are wearing when you are not at work is you!"

Some guys get it right and look great, most get it wrong and look dreadful, and people will notice, laugh and move on with their lives, and still not care.

That's what I'm finding out. However, I really do try to make my outfits look coordinated and professional. I do some research, and then experiment until I get something I'm happy with. Might not be to everyone's tastes, but I think it's OK.

14 hours ago, Tech said:

If you're keeping this a secret from your wife, you need to change that, and fast! Otherwise you going to end up a single guy, over some poxy footwear.

Seen guys make the wrong choice soooo many times, its sad. But have also seen guys make the right choice, and work things out.

But dont make it "A thing". If you make it "A thing" and "I have something to tell you" then your making footwear into a huge problem that it isnt.

Most womens biggest fear seems to be "First the heels, then the skirt, then something else, then the sex change...

While I agree with you in theory, I do not in practice. We've had that chat, she knows about the shoes, seen them, but doesn't want to deal with them or see them again. We've discussed it to death years ago, then things blew up, and had to keep it out-of-sight-out-of-mind. Over the years the issue has resurfaced multiple times, and has always ended up blowing up in my face. This is not something that will happen with her, so there is no way to "work things out".

22 minutes ago, mlroseplant said:

Another point of contention is whether we frame this passion we all share as a hobby. The dictionary definition of a hobby is an activity or interest pursued for pleasure or relaxation and not as a main occupation. Which, technically, might describe many of us. It might even describe many women who also enjoy collecting and wearing high heels. The question then becomes how much mere footwear is ingrained into our very being.

Yeah, my other "hobbies" never gave me these many problems or this much anxiety. I didn't have to power through these many issues/worries/discussions, etc. So I would say hobbies have much lower personal cost. It's more of a compulsion, and although you can give up the physical actions, I don't think you can give up the attraction and thoughts around it.

3 hours ago, Pierre1961 said:

No business trip at the moment because of that virus. 

So a short publicity heeling in order to keep on training 

i have been to a sport shop for some small flashlights,then took some gas at the station and ended up with 2 books from the bookshop. 

Here is the outfits I wanted to try from a while. The city is a small city ,could say in the middle of nowhere.

I thought the“local people”there could be very surprised. Not at all. 

Very nice! Congrats. How high are those? They look quite high...

2 hours ago, Jkrenzer said:

Good for you. Not a fan of the platform you pictured. Why you just don't show what you were wearing baffles me, especially on this sight. The boots imaged are clownish, love to see what you actually wore.

Have had my wife accidentally come across some of my posts on the internet, discussing heel wearing, and she freaked out. So security is high... Unfortunately. I really wish I could share more.

These are the boots. Tried to find it on Amazon, but it's no longer for sale.

Decided to try to wear a pair of black pointy toed 5" stiletto ankle boots, sort of like the below image, but without the platforms (but including the red bottom - they look amazing, bought from Amazon, some Chinese brand). Was wearing my work getup, dress pants, etc. Wanted to gauge my anxiety. This time I had none. Parked, got out of the car, walked in the mall, bought some stuff, went to the other side of the mall to a coffee shop, bought some drinks, sat in the food court and worked, then went back to the car. Then I had to do some stuff I couldn't wear heels for. Some hours later, same getup, browsed around a thrift store. No anxiety.

I can walk comfortably in them, although need more practice to keep going for long. But felt fine, no one said anything. 2" of the heels showed when standing.

So no anxiety. OK... Really want to figure this out, and get rid of it... Thanks for listening.

EDIT: Removed the boots I originally posted, to be replaced by the actual boots I wore:

4 hours ago, pebblesf said:

You are so right, always look at the style first...  I love many different styles of boots, but am extremely particular at the same time.  I try to buy only leather boots, and do my best not to buy from China, but that seems near impossible these days...

You're right in that leather ones are the best. They're just much nicer in quality...

6 hours ago, RonC said:

The "combat boot", if they truly look like the ones in the photo, are quite obviously high heeled, feminine styled footwear.  To me, a knee high boot with a "near stiletto" heel doesn't seem to be much of a difference from these.  If I had the nerve to walk about in a skirt and the combat style boots, I wouldn't think much about the thinner heel knee high boot.  I think you've already reached the point where that shouldn't be that big of a step, as you've already pushed the limit as to what you feel you can wear.  That said, I still do understand the difficulty in doing what you are doing, and applaud you for how far you've come!

Not sure why, but to me the two are different, and I'll practice a bit more before doing the knee high boot. Looking back, it was quite fun.  

Maybe I should drink a bunch of water before heading out in the car, maybe that'll give me another urgent reason to get out of the car when I get to my destination.

Brand name, don't really distinguish, I look at the style first. So whatever opportunity there is to grab a good pair of shoes, I take it, regardless of brand name. Have BCBG which I really really like. I have a bunch of Le Chateau from their clearance stores a long while back, some of which are really awesome shoes. Some Aldo, again clearance, but one of which is my "goto" right now. Some stuff ordered online, so Chinese which also works fine. My other "goto" is from a small clothing store here. Never bought Steve Madden, nor Onlymaker or any other styles, I have way too many shoes as is so really tend to stick to the bargain hunting...

Before I say anything else, I realize now I missed out an important point in my original post. The "combat" boots (I think that's the category they fit into) I'm talking about have a 4" heel, sorta like this:

Very much appreciate the sincere comments! It's been a tough few days, as I planned my outing outfit exactly, and noticed that the anxiety was very severe. Was planning on going out today, but after reading your responses, I realized that I might be pushing things a bit too much. So at the end, I swapped out my tall boots with the above combat boots, which I've worn outside with a skirt before. Similar to the last time, I sat around in the car for a long while, before I was able to stop thinking and get out of the car. Once outside, I had no issues with confidence, went to the food court, ate, did some shopping, went to another mall, did some more shopping. I might need a bit more time to adjust to heels/hose/skirt. Just wearing a 5" stiletto heel boot under my dress-pants is fine, did that multiple times without problems. Also did skirts without heels multiple times without problems.

Much appreciate the help. I think what I had in mind was a bit too much, and need some more "practice".

In the store, I was a bit self-conscious, mainly about the heels. The skirt I forget I'm wearing it. Overall the trip went well, no one said anything, although I know I got some looks. I will try to get a picture, but I couldn't find a decent mirror in the malls.

11 hours ago, RonC said:

For most of my married life, my wife did wear the shoes I liked.  In fact, I was the one that bought a good portion of her shoes.  While that did keep my desire to wear myself on low, it did not stop it completely by any means.  So the simple answer is, no.

Agreed. It helped for me, a lot. But I gave up, and now wear the heels myself.

On 12/13/2020 at 8:43 PM, Abitodd said:

Hello everyone,

I am new to forum and was a small-time lurker.  I decided to post as I am trying to build my confidence and understand myself a bit more.  First let me tell you all about about myself.  

I am 32 and male.  I struggled with gender identity throughout my life and still do to this day.  One thing I can say for certain is that I do enjoy wearing feminine clothing and heels while in the comfort of home.  I am actually married to a wonderful woman who actually accepts and does not mind.  Everyone on her side of the family knows and has seen me in heels.  The problem is to this day I have not really opened up to my side of the family and have not really worn heels out in public beyond late night walks not far from my apartment complex door.

I wanted to post and get opinions on how I can build the confidence to wear the heels in public.  How I feel I have already got some acceptance through my new family, just not sure if I am ready to show society.

Definitely understand what you are going through, although my situation is slightly different (can't do it at home, wife not supportive). My first preference is heels, but recently have explored skirts which are quite fun. It's winter, so some leggings or something would also be needed for the skirts. That's how I went out today. Heels, hose and above-the-knee skirt. Yes, was very very nervous and sat in the car much longer than I wanted. But compared to where I was 6-8 months ago, this is huge. I'm trying to remind myself to take it one day at a time, one step at a time, slowly. I would recommend the same for you. Slowly. Venture outside in the night. When that's comfortable (or even before that!) go to a park during the day. With hindsight, I'll say that heels in parks will stand out because people don't wear heels in parks, and it's much more common to wear heels downtown or in malls, and yes, I actually feel more comfortable in heels where heels are usually worn.

So to build confidence, suggest you push your boundaries one step at a time. If you check out my other thread you'll notice I'm struggling with this same thing, so you're definitely not alone.

I would like to "go big" once before the holidays. Would like to wear a mini-skirt with 4" knee-high almost stiletto boots, male stuff on top. I won't pretend to be a woman, don't want to, just want to wear what I want without pretense. 

Love the outfit I have in mind. However, although I've gone out in similar outfits in the past a few times, the boots were combat boots, or were hidden underneath jeans. So I think this one is a bit more daring. Right now, just thinking about it gives me serious anxiety. Sometimes I don't care, and just go for it, sometimes I'm completely up in my head, and can't get past my ingrained cultural role and what should be my "correct" presentation.

Does anyone have any tricks on overcoming this? Is it just practice-makes-perfect?

For me, it was when I was ~13-14 that I remember the attraction, but it wasn't until I was ~18 that I bought my first. Been struggling with my own acceptance for decades, and I'm just finally starting to accept and embrace that "this is me".

Had a chance on Monday to visit two malls and a store for some mundane things. Was out and about for maybe an hour? Was coming home from work, so was in my work getup. Changed shoes into the same pair of 4.5" stiletto heels, the same ones from last week. I think they go wonderfully with my dress-pants and masculine getup, heels are covered but about 2" show. Anyway, walked around the stores, bought stuff, the shoes are super comfy. Bought a pair of 4" heeled combat boots in a store, the three sales ladies definitely noticed the shoes when I walked in. Went up to one of the sales ladies so she could get what I wanted, the other sales people suddenly had something to do and dispersed.

It was a lot of fun. Shoes are comfy, I felt great. I had no trouble getting out of the car.

11 hours ago, RonC said:

I keep my heels in my car, so I can occasionally get out to a store for some heeling (which I happened to do last night.)  But the time is limited.  When I was still employed, I worked at home, and my wife worked in an office, so I had plenty of opportunities to wear heels all day at home, and I miss that.  My feet now let me know that I don't get to wear heels very often (as well as medication that I take that causes foot issues), as the ball of my feet will begin to ache after a pretty short time when out walking around.  

:( I hear you. I had a similar setup before the virus, and had plenty of time alone at home, but no more. Whatever time I am out in heels always seems to be too short.

22 minutes ago, chesterx said:

I had my 1st real experience with High Heel pain a couple of weeks ago. I have been trying to keep my legs in heel shape by wearing them for any little trip I take, even if its as mundane as running to the corner store to gas up for the week, as long term outings have not been available for quite some time. One such quicky was to Lowes for a flashlight replacement bulb & some batteries. I was wearing those Jessica Simpson pumps i adore so much, they are now nicely broken in. Spent about 30 minutes browsing after finding my bulb then left for home. I drive past a Walmart & decided i wanted a batch of their ranch wings, as i get a craving for them on occasion. I'm a bit ashamed to admit I parked at the furthest entrance from the deli section just to avoid dealing with the bell ringers, plus it would give me a little extra walking time. As soon as I stepped into the store i got that "Oh $%@" feeling, as the floor seemed slick as grease to my heels. I'm sure you guys have been in that situation before. The only way i could manage to stay upright was to walk stiff legged, with a shorter gait. As i made it into the deli i knew i was in trouble, & had to st down on one of the display tables for several minutes. I asked one of the deli workers what was wrong with the floor, she said they had been switching from AC to heaters & back again every other day & the humidity was nuts in the store. By the time i got back to my car my calves were done with me, i could not have gone another step. I spent several minutes rubbing the knots out of them. Good lord that was awful...

Wow. I never understood why they make the floors slippery. I have the same thoughts when entering a store: "let's see how this is, and PLEASE, let me not slip".

On 11/29/2020 at 5:16 PM, RonC said:

 Most everything she wears is a "comfort", nearly orthopedic style.  It has been a difficult pill for me to swallow.  As I've stated in the past, I am at a point where I feel it is too late to share my desire to wear heels, so my ability to do so is quite limited, especially since she is now home all day as well.  I'm trying hard to get past my issues but admit I am struggling.

I'm sorry to hear this. But at least it's an excuse for her to not wear heels. For you, are there really no opportunities? I had to make some opportunities on my own, stop along the way coming home from work. I feel for you.

---------

The other day I had to go shopping for food. Had a chance to wear my new 4.5" heel stiletto heeled ankle boots, under pants. The outfit I think worked perfectly, and everything was manly, except for the shoes. Parked, got out of the car immediately, and did my thing. Visited a few stores and bought what I needed, spent about an hour or so out and about. It went great! No problems walking, the shoes are super-comfortable. No one said a word. I was very comfortable being out and had no problems getting out of the car. The shoes were obvious though, easily noticeable when walking.

----------

The day after, I had to buy some more stuff, but this time was able to dress a bit more "interesting". I decided to wear a red pleated mini-skirt, dark black leggings, my 4" combat boots, white shirt and black jacket. I think the outfit looked great. I'm driving along, and notice myself feeling really anxious. I parked, and the anxiety would not go away. Felt like throwing up. Had to sit around for a while and calm myself down. When I was calm enough, I got out, walked into the store. Had to buy some shoes (work-shoes, no heels). So went in, looked around, grabbed some shoes to try on, and tried them on, spent about 30 minutes there. When I calmed down, it was quite fun! I ended up going to 3-4 stores/malls to get all the stuff I needed. After the first "get out of the car" moment, the rest was no problems. No one said a word.

In one of the stores, by the entrance there was a lady, she looks me up and down, and proceeds to tell me the return policy. The way she did it gave me a chuckle.

I'm not sure what to do with the anxiety...

For the latest trip, this is the look I was going for:

Except white shirt, not black.

8 hours ago, mlroseplant said:

It's funny you should mention Instagram, because I was just thinking of that minutes before I read your post. I realize I'm not saying anything new here, but Instagram is just not really representative of the real world. If you were to glance through my Instagram feed, and keeping in mind that I don't really "Follow" much of anybody, it would look like many women wear 4 and 5" heels all the time in their everyday life, out and about. We know empirically that this is far from the case. Instagram is essentially a fantasy land. Sometimes quite entertaining, though!

An aside: I had to look up the word "Insta-thot." Had a good laugh about that one.

That's partially because Instagram, like all social media platforms, curates the content for the user. It soon picks up on the fact that a lot of images are for "models" or heels, and thus starts to present that to you. Then the sample on Instagram vs the real world starts to be different.

In the real world, I also barely see heels (say, 3" or higher) outside. In the office, once in a while. In the malls, rarely. Of my many visits to the mall recently, I've only seen a woman be dressed up "nice" once, and I had higher heels on than her at that time.

It's Black Friday here, so lots of online sales. I've looked at a few, just in case there's something really good. Stores still in business carry tons of flats. Stores going out of business carry lots and lots of heels for sale.

Sucks.

9 hours ago, Puffer said:

I agree about the perception of comfort, and that skirts/kilts have some established precedent amongst males - but then again 'high heels' are not totally feminine, even in more recent times.   I think that acceptability in public does depend to some extent on degree and appearance - a skirt (of any style) can scarcely be hidden or disguised, whilst modest non-stiletto heels (say up to 3") attract very little attention even if visible, whilst anything higher and/or slimmer can be largely covered.   On the basis that nearly all footwear has some form of 'heel', it is surely easier for a man to push against the heel-height ceiling than to wear something around his legs that consists of one clearly-visible tube rather than two?   I continue to admire your courage - and don't let me stop you! 

Love the "one clearly-visible tube rather than two"! :) So much bother is made because of "one tube" less than expected. haha

You make some valid points on visibility. And I do agree with you, thicker heels, even in the 4" range, will not really visible, and I'm starting to treat it as such, meaning I'm relatively comfortable outside in them. Stilettos require a lot more attention, and are a lot more visible (and fun). Still working on that.

I'm shy. Always have been. It has taken a lot of work to overcome this, and get used to being in front of people. I still really don't like to be the center of attention. I'm using these excursions to also challenge myself and get used to being criticized (or at least perceived to be criticized, since no one has actually said anything - aside from one complement on my skirt by a woman). I think my confidence is improving, and I'm trying to apply that to all aspects of my life, not just the way I (want to) dress.

8 hours ago, Puffer said:

Don't you think that wearing a skirt is more extreme than wearing heels?   I am certainly not suggesting that you shouldn't wear a skirt - just that it is surely more obviously feminine apparel than heels (outside Scotland, anyway!).   I can 'risk' a public outing in discrete heels but I don't think I have the courage to wear a skirt, much as I might like the idea of doing so.

Interesting... I actually view the heels as more feminine. There are cloths that look sorta like skirts in different cultures, so at least there's some evidence of men wearing them. And I assume most people would argue that they are comfortable, whereas most people (not me) would argue heels aren't comfortable, so it's harder to come up with a good excuse for wearing heels.

I actually had no huge difficulty wearing skirts, whereas I've been struggling with wearing (without showing!) heels in public for decades now.

[I realize you don't need an excuse to wear whatever you want, I'm trying to formulate my thoughts and this is the best I can do]

12 hours ago, mlroseplant said:

I spent most of my life thinking that. Finally, I came to the conclusion that if I don't wear the stuff myself, it ain't gonna get worn.

That was a pithy statement, and probably would have been most effective if I had hit "Submit Reply" and been done with it. But I didn't instead. You see, there's more to it than Who Wears The Pants In The Family. Let's dissect this for a second. "I wish my wife would dress like that." Without going into great detail, I was once married to a woman who did dress "like that." In the end, it's impossible to live vicariously through someone else. Which brings me to the first part of your statement, which is, "That's what I wanted to wear." [emphasis mine] And that's where you finally end up. Good luck to you.

Wow. Very profound! Need to think about that!

I'll say, reflecting back, I do agree with you. The "liberating freedom" I felt during that trip was massive.

51 minutes ago, Puffer said:

I agree.   I've always had an 'interest' in heels - initially as an observer and admirer of the women who wore them but with a growing desire to 'try' them for myself, which was not realised for many years and is still largely unfulfilled.    Meanwhile, most of the women I have had a relationship with have worn heels to some extent, although - and this will hardly surprise you, dear reader - never to the degree or with the enthusiasm that I would wish.   And, in the case of my first wife and my present wife, with growing reluctance coupled with the firmly-expressed view that my 'interest' (even just as an admirer) amounts to a perversion.   The question remains as to whether I would be satisfied if my wife and other women in my circle were active heel-wearers?   My honest answer is 'not entirely' - the desire to wear heels myself will not be eliminated although I think it would be less marked.   After all, as Confucious may have said (but probably didn't): 'The poor man is unlikely to be satisfied because he sees others with wealth around him!'

Again, food for thought, for me. And I share your experiences with the "perversion" part. I'm sure that most people who see a guy in heels assume he's gay, or sick or something. I don't get why...

But, “Be the change that you wish to see in the world.” (Gandhi), so I'm trying...

-----------------

I couldn't resist. Went out shopping again. Similar outfit as above, but with a more casual (denim) mini-skirt. Pulled up to a store, sat around, and at the end decided not to go in. Went to a close-by thrift store, and after ~30s got out of the car. Again, as soon as I'm on my feet (toes? they were 4" heels 😁 ), I'm good. So walked in, checked out the shoes, skirts, and a few other things I was interested in, and left. Ended up buying one mini-skirt, one that I knew I had to buy as soon as I looked at it. With a bolstered confidence, decided to go back to the first store and try again. On the way, changed into the skirt I just bought (again, love at first sight). Parked, immediately got out, went in. Was in the store for ~30 minutes. Felt super comfortable. Heels clearly showing. I think I looked good.

No one said a word.

I know there's a great discussion in another few threads about some threads going off topic into cross-dressing. I hope the fact that I was wearing mini-skirts is OK, and I can keep reporting the outings. I'm hoping that you can see I still think heels are a necessity.

I bought some mini-skirts recently, and there was one that I was really itching to try out. Spent a few hours, over a few days, putting together some outfits that I thought worked well. Essentially dark, barely-see-through, pantyhose? Leggings? I don't know... Anyway, black mini-skirt, black leggings, red shirt and black jacket. I was debating the shoes. I recently bought a 4"-heeled combat shoe which I love, it's awesome. That's what I wanted to wear. The style was perfect, and I wish my wife would dress like that. However, I have never gone outside with heels in obvious display. Yes, wear heels under boot-cut jeans covering the heels. Yes, gone to coffee stores, sat around, where the heels were visible as I was sitting. But not to stores, or anything really public.

Some days ago, I wanted to go do some Christmas shopping, and it was an opportune time do some heeling. Put on my outfit, and drive to the mall. Last minute, in the car, sort-of chickened out, and put on my ~2"-heeled running shoes (they look like running shoes but have a bit of a heel to them). Went into the stores, walked around, and was hugely self-conscious. Not because of the skirt, but because of the shoes. I think they matched fine, but I really REALLY wanted to be wearing some proper heels. It was fun nonetheless.

I've been stuck on this, mentally... So, a few days ago, decided to try again, similar outfit, but with my combat boots. This time I again sat around in the car for a bit, not sure why. Eventually got up the courage and got out of the car. Once on the move, I'm fine. Went into the stores, shopped around some. 4" heels easily on display.

I'm sure some people stared or couldn't process, but whatever. No one said anything. I'm still flying high on the experience. This was awesome!

Oh wow... 6 months flew by? Things have been busy! I haven't been here a lot, but a lot has changed. Back in March, before this virus, I had a lot more time available to myself. Let me clarify, I *had* time available to myself in private, whereas now it's a rarity. So a lot less opportunities at home, and a lot less time to ruminate about wearing heels. As such, I adapted and was forced to make opportunities. Before March I went to a coffee shop once every few weeks, and did a few stints like go downtown for a few hours in heels. I was on my way to being comfortable in heels, but the changes due to the virus have amplified things. The face-mask helps a lot, as it's harder to tell who I am and thus I feel comfortable not being recognized closer to home.

Over the last few months I've worn my heels, usually 4" chunky heels, sort of like a combat boot, under jeans, countless times to all sorts of stores. Even bought some heels while wearing heels. A few times, coming home from work, in dress-pants, I didn't feel like changing into jeans, so wore my 5" stiletto boots underneath. The length of the pants was perfect, the styles matched perfectly. OK, I was a bit nervous about this. One day I stood in the parking lot, and didn't end up going in to the mall (wasted too much time standing around). Second day, I went into the mall closest to the store I wanted to visit, this time I went in to the store, walked around, and went home. Third day, I went to the same mall, same cloths, went in, walked to the other side of the mall, checked some stores, and walked back to the car. About an hour long visit, it was early evening, lots of people. I felt very comfortable in my cloths and skin.

Another day I went to a coffee shop in white jeans, dark red shirt, black jacket, and black 5" not-so-thin heeled boots. Think it looked awesome and professional. Sat around for a few hours, ate lunch, and worked.

I'm now finding opportunities to stop by stores on the way home, about two three times a week at least I get a chance to do some public heeling. Christmas is coming up, so it's a good opportunity. :)

So far 0 comments. I noticed some people looking, but again, if I saw a guy (or even a woman) in heels, I would also look more closely, so I didn't take it personally.

Have also worn mini-skirts a few times to a few malls, that was also fun. But I didn't get to mixing skirts with heels yet...

I'm liking where things are going.

On 6/13/2020 at 9:25 AM, Cali said:

Since this pandemic started I have greatly limited my trips into the "real world", spending only several minutes a day in "public". I have also been very busy working from home, so my interactions with people have been minimal.  Yesterday I was standing in line to get into a store. There were two women sitting in different cars talking across the parking lot. (Turns out they each had boyfriends/husbands in the store already.)  First one got out and shouted " I wish I could still wear heels like that, I just love it". When she got back in the car, the other woman got out of her car and shouted she just loved my style.  My interactions with people has been limited since March, so it nice when you get unexpected compliments.  Stay safe. Stay at least 4 inches higher.

What was your outfit like?

Love the concluding "Stay at least 4 inches higher." :)

On 4/17/2020 at 6:59 PM, Jkrenzer said:

I don't like extended toes, they drag when walking. 1969 however are great heels. Have a dozen pair of tbe almond shaped toe stilettos. 5.25 inch heels and incredibly sturdy.

Close up of the shoes just submitted on legs contest

I'm thinking of this "style" as well. Specifically thinking about the idea of showing a lot of unshaved leg with pumps. I'm not criticizing, but am curious whether you like it or not? I've found it works OK with some shoes, but not others? Love the heels though!