yozz

You could have a look at duoboots.com They go to rather wide. Y.

I think those shoe sizes are just to cater for the vast differences that can be found throughout the market.

I'm around 5'11 and take a EU41(UK 7). My wife is 5'9 and takes a EU42 or 43 depending on brand. My Mother-in-law is 5'10 and takes EU39/40, while my wife's best friend is somewhere near 5'4 and needs an EU44/45 (UK10!) For added irony, her husband is 5'3 and has UK4 (EU36) feet.

Genetics has this wonderful way of just having fun with standards!

Chris

As a man you are really in trouble with a size 36. Unless of course you shop in the woman side of the store. I think it is kind of degrading to have to go to the children section. My problem is not quite as bad. I have a size 39 (at 1.80m) and my wife has 42 (at 1.75m). Since I switched to the other part of the shop, I do not have any problems, even though there I often need size 40. My wife though shares with me the dislike for mans shoes, so she has a harder time finding nice shoes. Fortunately there are more and more women with big feet, so things are becoming easier with time.

When a shop is really targeting to men, they also have size 44, 45, 46. But those shops are mainly on the internet. (or fetish shops). Probably it sells much better by internet, because the vast majority of men that wants to buy them, does not dare to buy them in a store, and definitely not try whether they fit.

Y.

Welcome Poohbah, Just remember, it isn't a contest. Wear what you feel comfortable in. Y.

This is around for quite some time already. There are various products on the market that are aimed at men for which they replace the first letter by an m. I think this is totally ridiculous. Just buy what you think looks good and feels good. Never mind the name. You will find quite a few things if you go a bit through the old threads. Y.

When you are talking size 42, this is in principle still for women. My wife has size 42 and in the past she had a very tough time finding shoes. It depends where you are though. If you come in Germany and you go to a shoe shop in Berlin, you may find shoes to size 43, but a shop of the same chain in Karlsruhe (more in the south west) has its shoes only up to size 41. Of course, quite a few of the 40+ sizes are probably bought by men, but I do not think this is a hidden market strategy. The shops that intentionally cater to men usually carry sizes up to 46. Most of those are on the internet (see for instance hogehakken.nl). In Amsterdam we have ashop (Straver) that sells shoes in nonstandard sizes (like mens shoes to size 52) and many years ago I was there with my wife, and I asked who were buying the very large size women shoes and the answer was indeed: "mainly transvestites". This was 17 years ago and at that moment free style fashion was less known than now. Hence, anybody with some cloths from the other side of the shop was called TV. I do not think there is a strategy. It is just that women are getting bigger feet and the industry is slowly catching up. Y.

Hi hhlvr72, Welcome to hhplace and the many people who have shared your predicament. If you have no idea what the reaction of your wife will be and you want to try it out, take one microstep. More than a year before I told my wife I got her used to the idea of me wearing tights. This went kind of by accident. I had some irritaion problems between my legs and I told her that at home I preferred to not wear heavy pants. So one day the bright idea was to try out -just to not be cold- what some warm tights would be like. Of course, considering the possibilities here, it had to be a success. This is one way to turn a necessity into a virtue.... Considering that it made me comfortable, my wife thought also that it was a good idea that at home I walked around like that. They were 120 denier and opaque, but they really were comfortable. Over the year I started wearing them more and more under my pants when going to work. By the time I told her I was rather jealous about her nice high heel boots, she was already fully used to the idea of the tights and that those at least did not make me gay. Of course, maybe at the shoes department you can be a bit slower as well, but that depends on the circumstances. If for instance you have very small feet, it makes often sense to shop for some very neutral shoes in the women department. That avenue is not open when you have very big feet. I am not saying you should do exactly like I did. I just want to indicate that it can be quite a project, and that you have to be creative and use whatever opportunity presents itself. There are those who advocate the 'hard line': be direct and upfront. But as you indicate, you run the risk of a very adverse reaction, and you may not be prepared to pay that price. That is why I think it is better to try little steps and see who things develop. Just in case you are curious how my story ends. I told my wife and of course she started to ask the canonical questions: whether I was gay, whether I wanted to become a woman, etc. And I told her no on both and she realized that her knowledge about it did not change who I was and I was still the same person whom she loved. Later she also started seeing the developing pattern and that she had been wondering at times but could not really say what it was exactly. She has fully accepted things and we like to go shopping together. In short: happy end. If you are careful, probably you can have a happy end as well. Y.

There are many different sizing tables on the internet. Some are good and some are, let us say, different. It is rather likely they just plucked one from the internet and have no idea how good the table is. In that case they only know one sizing: their local sizing, which would be the European sizing. In other words: you have to know what your European size is, independent of their table. Of course, you should make a remark about this. That you have done it this way, and why. Usually it is better to do this before passing on the payment details. At that moment they are very willing to answer your e-mails. The best is indeed to use a table that also gives measurements in cm. But you will have to compare a number of tables to make sure you didn't have a bad table. It is a bit of work, but worth it. And then, there is always the risk that they pass on shoes made in another country, and that they do not convert the sizes correctly. You are never 100% safe. Ask what their return policy is in case it does not fit. Maybe it is a good idea to have a FAQ about how to buy shoes by mail. What to pay attention to, etc. Y.

everyone means everyone,unless i am mistaken in my interpretation of the english language

Yes, but some of the girls may not be here to discuss high heels with the boys. What I understand is that there is a fair percentage of the girls that is less than enthusiastic about men in heels. So they stay in their own corner. Nothing wrong with that.

Y.

The alternative to making the heel shorter is...... But of course, put a little platform under the toe part! That is much easier. Y.

Hi Figaro, Welcome on this friendly site. If your wife understands you, you are a lucky man. You will have many happy moments in the future. Playing/shopping together with shoes and fashion creates a strong bond. Y.

The past years I have bought only in the women department. I have rather narrow feet for a man, but in women shoes they are rather normal. And much more choice, more elegant etc. I just have to select reasonably neutral boots for my work. If I don't there will be an international gossip circuit. This may influence a few things. Better hang in there till my retirement. But there are nice flats or almost flats as well. A few cm heel in a neutral appearance I have no problems with. Y.

Marrying these days is a joke, I have heard people spend up to 20 to 40.000 on a wedding. why bother, to a woman it is wearing a big white silly dress and having a man the way she wants him to be.

It is entirely up to yourself whether you want to start out with financial ruin or not. When my wife and I got married, it was absolutely not like that. And we were both happy with it. And we still are.

Other people like the idea of having an enormous party once in their life. It is their choice.

If you value your freedom, find a person who will feel the same way. Live together for a few years to see how compatible you are and then, one day you just go to city hall. That is one way. This first living together was an advise by the father of a friend of mine, who was a divorce lawyer. He told his son not to marry till they had first lived together for at least a year.

Actually, I am more interested in how the original story of this thread develops.

Y.

I Have never gone out with more than 4 inches. At home I have two pairs of heels (one in my avatar) but after a while I get uncomfortable in those. Outside would definitely not be nice. But 4 inches I can handle quite well, except for at the Dam square here in Amsterdam which has nasty little cobble stones. Those are bad with any type of shoes. Seems that some people in the city government are quite nostalgic and like to cover more and more places with them. Y.

To add a fifth point: 5: Outside you walk to get somewhere. Inside you just step around a bit. This different type of walking makes also a big difference. In my experience your steps are much shorter inside. With heels that is quite important. Y.

Back to the original problem. I think it is rather easy for people to say that if the gf does not act positively wrt heels one should `dump' her. We are talking about a relation that goes on for quite some time already and clearly also has some very good aspects. The biggest problem on hhplace is how to manage when a gf is not positive towards heels. What can be salvaged? Can she be `converted'? What did we do wrong when telling/showing her? Of course, some cases will end in a breakup. But not all. And as long as there is a chance, do not give up too easily. If in all other respects she is really the gf for you, it is more than worth trying. I do not believe there is a single piece of advice that holds for everybody. There is no magical formula. We can only tell what we think, or what we did ourselves, but that is most likely different from your case. A theme that seems to come up frequently is that she is afraid what others would think. This is not to be ignored, because humans are social animals. It does give a possibility of compromise though, provided you can limit your heeling to indoors, or limit the outdoors heeling to rather inconspicuous block heels that are not too high. This is for instance my situation. If on the other hand you have an uncontrollable urge to go out in red 6 inch spikes, there is a serious conflict. The best advise seems to be that you have to talk. Discuss the problem. Spend some time together on the internet researching it, so that she will understand what is happening. If she really loves you, she should be willing to understand the situation, even if is counter intuitive to her. In the end she may still reject it and you may still have a fundamental difficulty, but at least she takes her decision based on knowledge. And as Tech mentioned using other words: don't teach her swimming by throwing her in the deep end. Y.

Funny because the vast majority of goods have absolutely no gender in the packaging. Nothing on boxes or packaging to say "Womens socks"...

I was once in a department store where they had a section marked "womens bras".

I had the strong urge to ask where the mens bras were but could not find anybody to ask.

Y.

I do not think school uniforms would make the problems disappear. Then there would be boys who would want to come in the girls uniform. But indeed, a uniform would for many parents be much cheaper. My sisters reaction to the discussion about school uniforms was one of "Very nice. then they will not have that contest of expensive brand name clothes". Y.

Karen and ecohh, I have never heard of an epilator before and I'm intrigued. Do you recommend a particular brand or have any tips on picking one out? I just ran a Google search and found that epilating works a lot like tweezing and would last longer than shaving. Sounds worth trying on my legs!

I am not Karen or ecohh, but I use an epilator already for 9 years. The one I use is by Philips. It comes with some contraption that allows you to cool down the skin before the epilator proper goes over it, but I do not use it. I tried it once and saw no benefits. It came with three heads: one for epilation, one for shaving and one for defoliation.

First time you use it, it may hurt a bit. Also depends on which hairs you try to remove. The ones on my toes are still rather thick and you feel rather well that you take them out. The ones on the legs are far easier. After a few times you hardly feel it. At best it tickles a bit. If you try to do your armpits, it does hurt the first few times. After that it gets a lot better and indeed, it looks tidy for much longer than when you shave.

If there are other parts you want to do you have to collect your own experience.

Y.

I would try to seek eye contact. If made I would make a 'visual compliment' and leave further reactions to him. Y.

I think it looks fine. This idea of not mixing sounds rather silly to me. Anyway, I one bought sweaters which they were selling both in the men department and the women department (and I bought from both in different colors), so how does that count? And tastes differ. What looks good to one may not look good to another. Sometimes I see women in outfits where I think: "how can they possibly do that?", even though it is clear that they are happy with it themselves. This last thing is what counts. If you are happy with it, it gives you the feeling of confidence, and that make you radiate `you'. If you do not want to radiate `woman', and you wear those shoes, I would definitely not wear a sweater that is very feminine, independent from what side of the store it comes. Y.

Happy new year to all and may the year involve a lot of nice shoes. Y.

If she ever finds out and you get in a discussion about it, you can say that she liked you for years while you were like this and she did not know. Since she found out, you did not change. You are still the same person she liked so much. This was the attitude of my wife when I told her. Of course she was a bit confused, but that lasted not much more than half an hour. Then she put the above reasoning together and decided things could be a whole lot worse. Actually now she likes it because we can go shopping together for clothes and shoes. That is much more fun. Did you ever look in a shoeshop and watch husbands sitting there waiting for their wifes? 100% misery. Very amusing to watch. And that is what she will not have to go through when she accepts you for what you are. Of course she will have to be prepared to listen to you before you can use arguments. I wish you much strength when the event comes to pass. Y.

I think that legs with stockings look much better than without. The color will depend also on the color of the shoes. If you like dark stockings, you will have to select sandals that go well with it. But I see absolutely no principle that says that this cannot look good. You just may have extra work doing the shoeshopping Y.

I have never gone beyond 3.5". I have a manual transmission and I rarely walk on heels that are much higher than that anyway. I usually do not have any problems with it, but there are some shoes that I think I should not drive with. They have a tendency to make your foot slide sideways which may be bad in emergency. Y.

Another two cents worth: The keyword is: "act normal". Behave like you always behave when you go out in your (until now) regular shoes. Looking like you own the world while you never looked like that before, won't work. You will be out of place. Just be your normal self and go about your things. Y.