mlroseplant

1 minute ago, crw321 said:

Thanks for useful comments. I'm actually around London alot so agree with outer areas & mingling in busy areas. I just wondered if there were a specific pub where  i might bump into heeled guys. I'd be keen to me guys who wear 4 inch heel ankle boots. I'm not too daring though!

Haha, good luck with that! Although I have never been to London, I have been publicly heeling for over 7 years, and I have yet to run into another guy wearing substantial heels (over 2").

Other than that, welcome to the site! We are not quite unicorns, but we're close. In all reality, you don't really have to be all that daring to wear heels just about anywhere, certainly not the ones pictured in your initial post. I would think that in London, or any larger Western city for that matter, you will go quite unbothered just about anywhere. Just stand up straight and smile!

To shift gears for just a moment, here's an update on the Alaïa sandals I bought, mentioned last week in the "new shoes" thread. To recap, they are very nice, and pretty much just what I wanted, but a little tight. I have now worn them 3 times, and they're loosening their grip a bit. I think they'll be fine after a few more wearings. On the first wearing, which only lasted about 30 minutes, they were tight to the point that it was difficult to get them on. Upon the second wearing, I applied a good amount of water to the parts of the one strap that is tight (right around the outside toes) and wore them for about 2 hours, plus walked a mile in them. That helped a lot. The third wearing, pictured below, did not involve a lot of walking, but was about 3 hours. They are still snug, but much different than a week ago. I think if I keep on them, they will actually become comfortable.

I would love to reply to this at length, but alas, it is late Sunday night, and 4:30 Monday morning is approaching rapidly. Give me a couple days to reply. Hang in there!

On 6/21/2019 at 9:44 PM, hiddenheels said:

I don't know when this forum opened, but I'm sure I remember being on this forum 20 years ago! Been lurking here ever since, but the immediately environment surrounding heels (specifically mine - as opposed to my wife's) was quite hostile. While I always had some heels hidden, they were kept hidden at home. I did venture outside once in a while, when possible, but it was quite rare. Again, hostile, hidden, etc. Thus there's a lot of baggage associated to my thing with heels. But it never disappeared. 

 

More recently my wife and I have been talking about deep stuff, and the topic of heels came up. She told me she knows I have some at home, encounters them once in a while (which I assumed), and told me that she's now more comfortable with me wearing them, and we can go outside for a short walk if I want. We did this a long time ago, and it is one of the huge strains on our relationship, it had such a negative impact between us, so this was quite a turnaround. We've gone outside one night so far, and she was OK with it. She's however not comfortable with me wearing them at home. At this point, given my ingrained compulsion to keep this hidden from her, I don't mind. 

Longstoryshort, this need for me to wear heels, out and about, has not gone away. In fact it is much stronger now than before. I am also much more relaxed about it, and really don't give a hoot about what *random* people think. So I'm starting to venture out to coffee shops wearing wedge boots. Going for short walks when possible. 

I'm slowly trying to open up with this, shed my ingrained secrecy, and some shame... So slowly, would like to contribute here too. Good folks here, and although you've not noticed me, you've helped me a huge amount! Thanks for that.

Although I've been on here in modern times for a number of years, I was also part of the community from 20 years ago, back when it was Jenny's High Stiletto Heels. I didn't wear heels back then, but I do now. Hopefully, I'm one of those people who helped, even if in a minor way. I started wearing heels in public about 7 years ago, and though it doesn't seem like a big deal now, it sure was back then. I do not have a really supportive wife in that regard, but a tolerant one. That helps a great deal. She won't go everywhere with me in heels, but she will go most places, and now doesn't think about it too much. Good luck to you in the future, I'm sure there will be ups and downs, but eventually the ups will prevail.

As many of you may already know, I have a special place in my heart for thong-style high heels. The trouble is, not only are these one of the hardest styles to find, they are at the same time one of the hardest styles to fit. At one time, I had several pairs of sandals in this style, but for one reason or another, I am now down to two pairs, and neither of them is in a condition to be worn out in public. I am looking for some replacements, but here is the problem: Everything I find in this style is either 1) a kitten heel or low wedge, which I cannot abide--I want at least 4 inches, or 2) a fetish shoe, which is unacceptable for a number of reasons.

I've had some thong heels over the years that were quite nice, but it seems that each had a fatal flaw. I had some Michael Kors stiletto thongs, about 4", which were absolutely gorgeous and comfortable as well. The only problem with them was that the thin leather straps were so buttery soft that they stretched way out within a couple of months, and eventually made the sandals unwearable. I had some Anne Klein block heeled thongs about 3 1/2" high which looked rather nice and fit well, but they had these giant medallions which dug into the tops of my feet after only a short time. That problem never did resolve itself, and plus they were just a little on the low side for my taste, so I ditched them. I had some thong sandals by Reiss, also with block heels that were a bit higher than the Anne Kleins, but unfortunately they were about 1/2 size, if not a full size, too small, and although otherwise perfect in every way, I had way too much toe overhang to ignore. I have it in my notes that if I ever run across a pair of the Reiss sandals in a larger size, snap them up! There were others also which I had to get rid of for one reason or another.

The main problem with fetish shoes, for example from Pleaser or other such brands, is that even if you find models that don't have huge honking platforms, they all seem to be designed with the dreaded toe overhang built right into them on purpose. That seems to be a "thing" in that particular fetish community. Yuck! I won't put up with it! I want sandals I can wear every day, not some fashion-challenged weirdo's fetish. And I'm going to blame that on the guys--I don't really see a woman doing the toe overhang thing because she thinks it looks good.

Pictured below are one of the two remaining pair of thong heels I have left, the BCBGirls Sarong model. This is my second pair. The soles of the first pair split completely in half eventually. The model is so old, that even the unworn pair I managed to find is peeling severely after only a few months (they are not real leather). I need to find something else! By the way, the padding inside the sandals is to address fitment issues, not comfort issues.

On 6/18/2019 at 7:29 AM, pebblesf said:

Well, these boots are right up my alley also, thanks for pointing them out!  I'm not worried about elegance or designer aspects, just that they appeal to me....I wear my stiletto boots quite a bit, the heel tips have already been replaced twice.

If money/convenience were no object, I would probably wear stilettos a lot more. For the same reason you mentioned, I only wear stilettos on special occasions nowadays. I mean, the occasion doesn't have to be that special, but I don't wear them out and about normally simply because I get tired of constantly replacing heels. Even with hard rubber tips, I only get about 6 to 8 miles out of a stiletto tip, compared to 40 or 50 miles out of a heel like the one pictured above.

The color palette I approve of heartily. The cargo shorts? Ehhhh, not so much. As always, feel free to ignore my opinion.

2 hours ago, JeffB said:

It's kinda ironic that I've been less about heels of late. Rare are the times these days when I wear anything higher than three or four inches while I've come to love lower heights and even flats. For me, it's all about the complete outfit, and what I wear doesn't always require or need high heels, the shoes are no longer the be all and end all, just an accessory that finishes an outfit, and that's perfectly fine by me.

I think it is good that everyone has his own different interests, and one's tastes are bound to change over a period of time. I know that your tastes have changed, not only with heel height, but with shoe style as well, and then later getting away from caring about heels so much compared to total outfits.  There are a lot of guys on here who only like to wear boots year round. Can't for the life of me really understand that one, but I get it. I'm sure that many people can't understand why I like to wear mules whenever possible, even in the dead of winter.

The larger point is, it would be nice if we males were afforded a broader range of clothing choices without feeling like the local freak. I think p1ng74 is trying to find a glimmer of hope that things may be changing, and there's no doubt that they are. I still haven't met another guy in heels randomly, but on the other hand, I haven't been mocked in public for a very long time now, and the last time that happened was in the mountains of northern Georgia, so it doesn't hardly count, does it? However, it is difficult to see that our mode of dress will be considered normal in my lifetime. Not in the way that male earrings and heavy tattooing on both sexes have more or less become standard fare.

15 hours ago, p1ng74 said:

While the malefashion sub has 158k subscribers, it is being curated as the enthusiast, avant-garde side of male fashion, which is still the only reason heels have not been thrown out.  It's interesting listening to the controversy and fashion nerds' opinions on the different contexts where they feel heels are appropriate vs not.  Meanwhile, there is still quite a lot of progress to be made before the broader world (at least the way I define it) starts to have even general awareness and thought of the concept of men in heels.  

 

There is a context where heels are not appropriate? Seriously, I don't really have beater heels anymore, I've quit wearing heels in situations where I might really mess up my shoes. I really want to wear very high heels to Disneyland/World someday, which most would consider inappropriate. The problem is, I don't really want to ever visit Disneyland as it exists today, and I certainly don't want to pay their asking price for that "privilege."

I also agree with you that outside the "fashion nerds' " world, there is very little awareness that maybe men could wear heels. In the construction world, I hear a lot of the opposite opinion. Then again, I wouldn't want to see 90% of those guys in heels, either. That would look terrible! Maybe a couple three inches of chunky heeled boot might be ok, but certainly not the sort of thing I wear on a daily basis.

Not really bad advice, if a bit generic. Perhaps I am a bit jaded because I've been immersed in this stuff for so long, but most of it is obvious. However, Tip No. 5 is a bit of a puzzlement, and it's not the first time I've seen it or something similar. Lead with your thighs. What does that even mean? Two sentences later, it says lead with your hips. I challenge anyone to take a normal step without moving their entire leg, and your foot is of course always going to be "leading," by physiological necessity. Furthermore, the only way to keep from bending your knees is to have good ankle flexibility, and in very high heels, perhaps extraordinary ankle flexibility.

I think this advice is not bad, but it's very poorly explained. Perhaps what they mean is that you should walk with core muscles engaged, so that not only are you stepping forward, but you are actually pushing off with the trailing foot through the glutes while extending the leading foot/leg forward in a fluid motion, relaxing the ankle for a moment so as not to bend your knee and look totally goofy in your 5 inch heels, all while tightening the abs, but relaxing the lower spine.

My explanation wasn't any better was it? That's because it's like trying to explain to somebody how to ride a bicycle. It can't really be done. You just have to go do it and figure it out.

18 hours ago, p1ng74 said:

It’s getting kind of warm though - I’ll go casual but you can’t get me out of boots:

Meanwhile, I couldn't help but notice that boots with shorts seemed to be a theme for Raf Simons today:

https://nowfashion.com/raf-simons-menswear-spring-summer-2020-paris-27800

Although I'm not a big fan of shorts with boots, your outfit looks better than any of the sloppiness presented in the Raf Simons link you posted. Them boys don't look bad, they just need to get some clothes that fit them!

8 hours ago, p1ng74 said:

Next pair of boots will definitely be mostly brown.  Will have to wait until Christmas sale though... 

Sounds like that will give new meaning to the phrase "Slower than Christmas."

My latest pair of sandals is somewhat unusual for me for a couple of reasons. Number one, they are not mules, which I usually prefer, and number two, I paid quite a bit more than I am usually willing to pay.

I regularly browse ebay, usually looking for certain things (like more mules or clogs), but every once in a while something just catches my eye. When I saw these Alaïa sandals, I knew I had to have them. Thick straps, just the right tan color, high but not too high wooden heel, and just a look of quality about them. However, I then noticed they were Alaïa, so I was afraid to look at the price. I think they initially wanted 175 USD for them. Not too bad, but after getting my Jimmy Choo pumps and being somewhat disappointed with them, I wasn't going to pay nearly 200 bucks with shipping for just a whimsical feeling. However, I did put them on my watch list, and there they sat for several months, being listed and re-listed without selling. Finally, they dropped the price down to 110 USD, and at that point I offered them 85. They let them go for 96 USD plus shipping, which as I recall was about 15.

I surely shouldn't have done that, but it was a months-long process, and I thought they could be a rather practical addition to my collection. And the fact is, I just really liked them. They spoke to me. A few days later, the reason why shipping was 15 smackers became obvious. They came in the bulkiest, fanciest shoebox that I've ever seen in my life. I don't know if the box is covered in actual leather (I think it's imitation), but the little belt that holds the thing shut is real leather. Affixed to the box is a tag that reads "Barneys New York, Size 8 1/2, $975.00." JESUS, I thought to myself, I've hit the Big Time here. And then, a second later, who the f*%& would pay a thousand dollars for a pair of sandals? And then not wear them?

Anyhow, on to the particulars: 4 1/2" heel, a sort of tiny platform, but it's not really a platform, just a very thick leather sole, of the thickness you'd find on a men's dress shoe. It's arranged in such a way that there is about 4 1/4" of effective difference between ball of foot and heel. The heel itself I have no idea what to call. It's not really a block heel, not a cone heel, just a tapering, wooden heel that slims down to about 7/8" by the time it reaches the ground. Super nice. Now for the bad news: They're a little tight. However, I still have hope because they are real, thick leather straps and they didn't even have any signs of toe prints on the insoles, and hardly a mark on the heels, just a little scuffing on the leather sole. They look like they were worn once or twice to some sort of special event. Therefore, I have every confidence that they will stretch a bit over time. I will not be using the Steve Method to stretch these (wearing them in the shower). I'll just have to be patient and disciplined and wear them for very short periods of time frequently.

Nice collection you've got there! It is rather nice to have permanent and organized place to put one's shoes. I built some shelves in my basement a few years ago to house my approximately 60 pairs, and I don't know how I got along without them. What I find is that when I can see them all, I wear them all more regularly. Conversely, if there is a pair that I haven't worn in a very long time, it's easier to realize why and possibly cull that pair. I just did this two days ago, in fact.

I don't have mine organized quite as well as you have yours, but there is some method to my display. I've got mine organized with a winter section and summer section, and then there is dressy to casual within those categories. Every year or so, when the mood strikes me, I will do an actual written inventory. It is interesting to note how my tastes have changed over the past 7 years.

THERE'S a shoe I can enthusiastically get behind. Definitely something I would wear myself! 

It also looks as though there wouldn't be any drawbacks to these as far as practicality, because they pretty much look like oxfords with the heel cut out. In other words, you aren't going to kick these things off accidentally. Those of you who are unsure about mules, I would recommend this style to try first, though maybe not quite this high for your first pair!

Speaking of height, @Jkrenzer, I can't really wear anything quite that steep at this time. My limit is about 4 1/2" with no platform. It's not that I can't balance and walk in 5", it's that I don't have the ankle flexibility to not look like an idiot when wearing something that steep. Have you always been able to do it, or did you have to work at it over a period of time?

12 hours ago, p1ng74 said:

@mlroseplant the first thing I thought of your Jimmy Choo platforms is how enormous they make your feet look, especially compared to the slim strappy styles you usually show us.  It initially captivated me in sort of a Stefani Germanotta armadillo shoe way.  I usually find that heels make feet look smaller, and it’s interesting to see pumps having the opposite effect here.  

Maybe that's what seems a little off. I don't completely hate the look, but I much prefer my Nine West Plantera pumps, which have a slimmer heel (but not stiletto) and slightly smaller platform. It was an experiment, anyway. I have always thought that those extremely high Miguel Jones cowboy boots suffered from the same issue.

11 hours ago, jeremy1986 said:

Maybe it's a combination of the chunky heel along with the wide pants?

Actually, the pants are quite slim for men's suit pants, and they are that way because my best friend and shoe buddy made them that way for me. I wonder if I tried them with normally cut men's pants if it would balance out the chunkiness of the shoes.

Thanks for the replies and encouragement, @bluejay and @Pierre1961. OK, I've manged to jam the rest of my pictures into a file size that will hopefully fit. To briefly review, the above picture (in the previous post) was suit and tie plus Jimmy Choo suede pumps. Photo No. 1 here is a closer view (taken behind the lectern at church, by the way) of the pumps. They are my first true "designer" heels purchase, and it's something I may never do again. I paid the princely sum of about $200 with shipping for them, and then didn't realize I'd bought from a seller in Ukraine. Well, everything turned out OK in the end, except that these are never going to be a great value per wear item. They are my highest heels, coming in at just a tick under 6 inches (a tick meaning like 5 15/16"--still can't claim I own and wear 6 inch heels) with 1 1/4 inch platform. They are not terribly difficult to walk in, but they are lower cut pumps, so I have to be extremely careful not to lose a shoe. I really like how they look, but I don't see me wearing these things all the time. It was a bit foolish to wear them to church without a test run someplace else first, but I got by with it.

Photo No. 2 is my boot cut dress pants with Nine West Dancecard mules. I think they'd probably look better with slimmer, shorter pants. Photo No. 3 is a behind-the-lectern closeup. Heels are 5 3/8" with 1 1/8 platform. Very comfortable sandal, but a bitch to get on and off right at the moment.

Photo No. 4 is my skinny dress pants with Michael Kors Sommerly wedges, coming in at a much more terrestrial 4 5/8" with 1 1/8" platform. These pants were inexpensive, and are what I imagine some boring chick would wear to an office job. Doesn't say much for me, does it? At least people are always excited to see my shoes.

It has been mentioned several times that I do not provide enough photographic evidence of my fashion sensibilities, and I suppose there's a reason for that. I just don't feel it's very interesting. I haven't really changed all that much--I might have a few more wrinkles than last year, I might have a few more gray hairs, and I still don't have the abs I've always dreamed of. Furthermore, I don't think my style has evolved very far. I am still wearing mostly women's clothing (suits excepted), but you wouldn't necessarily know it just from looking at it. Perhaps the shoes have gotten a bit more daring, and certainly taller, and the pants have gotten a bit narrower, but I don't feel like I'm doing much of anything too different than when I stepped out of the house wearing high heels for the first time just over 7 years ago. I particularly don't know what to do with tops. I pretty much have three modes: 1) Full dress shirt, usually with a tie, 2) polo shirt, which may or may not be from the women's section, they aren't all that different from each other except for size, and 3) plain crew neck t-shirt, although I have many colors which most guys don't wear. And that's basically it.

Nevertheless, I have gone to the trouble of having several photographs taken, or tried my hand at the self-timer, which is always awkward, especially when you get caught by your wife. "What the heck are you doing?"

"Uh.  .  . nothing."

"You are a very silly boy!"

Ummmm.  .  . yes.  .  . Yes, I am."

So these are the last three weeks of outfits I wore to church on Sunday. The first one, featuring my never before worn by me Jimmy Choo suede pumps, is obviously in a suit and tie. It was the last week of school for the kids, and the last Sunday of what I call my "winter" church clothes. The next two outfits are my "summer" church clothes, and basically the only reason it changes is because I own a heck of a lot of sandals I like to wear out, and I still don't feel it's proper for me as a guy to wear sandals dress more formally. And besides that, me and my dad and a handful of old men are the only ones who still wear a suit to church anyway. So now you know.

The second outfit features my Nine West Dancecard mules, in dusty rose with a sort of a cork-esque heel. I'm just not sure about the boot cut pants. They fit well, but I'm not sure I like the look anymore. They used to be a staple of my wardrobe.

The last outfit, captured by the aforementioned self timer, features my Michael Kors Sommerly wedges, which unusually for me, are NOT mules, and they are shorter than 5 inch heels. The last time I wore them, the strap dug a hole in my ankle, but this time, they didn't seem to bother me at all. Weird. Also featured here are women's dress pants, which are stretchy tight. I wasn't feeling all that fat on that particular morning, so I just rolled with it.

P.S. Evidently, not only has the file size been restricted, but the total of all files uploaded at once has been restricted to about 1/3 MB. Therefore, I guess you only get to see one picture for now. I already downsized it mightily, or so I thought. An even better reason I don't feel bad about not sharing pictures. I think I'm done taking photos of myself for a while. Back to ruminating.

It is an effort on my part to promote the wearing of our favorite footwear. There is just so much negative publicity associated with heels these days. Like I said, it was a completely spontaneous thing, outside of my normal character. But who is going to take over wearing heels when we are gone? Got to recruit any way we can, I say!

8 hours ago, Jkrenzer said:

You have small feet. 

She may have wanted them, but it's an odd offer. Plus many people cringe at the idea of wearing anothers shoes. I wouldn't take it bad that she ultimately didn't accept, initially she was being spontaneous but given the time to think it over I'm not surprised she declined. By the way, were going to leave the store shoeless?

Yes, I do, but they are proportional to the rest of me! My hands are not particularly small, but I have always thought they looked big and meaty compared to the rest of me.

I agree with you, it WAS an odd offer, and completely out of character for me, it was just one of those things that hit me at that particular moment. Strangely enough, the girl did not seem to be uncomfortable at all once we got talking (it probably helped that I was known by all in the nail shop, and also I had my 10 year old son with me). The encounter was somewhat longer than what I documented above. I am also not surprised by the ultimate outcome, plus I would have missed the shoes a little bit, but not that much.

And yes, I had planned to leave the store barefoot. That's why I left the initial conversation and got my shopping over with first. I've been kicked out of stores for being barefoot before, which is kind of BS, but that discussion is probably beyond the scope of something called hhplace. HA!

As long as this thread is resurrected, I've just thought of a question. How are those to walk in on slick surfaces, such as polished tile floors? I have a particular grocery store that I can't wear certain shoes into until I get around to replacing the heel tips with rubber, unless I want to look like a complete fool. I would think those metal tips would skate right out from under me, and leave a huge mark on the floor in the process of it rising up to meet me. Except for that one fear, I rather like your idea. Permission to steal it and use it?

I had an interesting experience yesterday evening. My wife sent me to the local Walmart to purchase a couple of things, and to make a delivery of a few odds-and-ends to the Nail Shop Girls, who run a nail salon that is inside Walmart. Before I made my purchases, I went to the nail salon to make my delivery. While I was there, a customer, a young girl, who was most probably high school age, but possibly college age, said "Oh, I just LOVE your shoes! I want them! Where did you get them?"

I was wearing 4 inch Coach wedges/mules in patchwork gold uppers and dark brown bottoms. I bought these at least two years ago on ebay, and I wear them occasionally, but they're not my favorite. So I said to the girl, "What size are you?"

She replied, "8 1/2."

My eyes widened. "What an amazing coincidence! I am also size 8 1/2. I will give you these shoes if you want them. Would you like to try them on?" She blushed bright red and didn't know what to say. I told her, "I've got some shopping to do, I'll be back before I leave the store."

I went and did my shopping, which took some time, but she was still there when I came back. I said, "I'm done shopping now, and I'm serious about the shoes. Would you at least like to try them on? The gal that just did your manicure, whom you know as Diane, I know as em Dung. We have been friends for ten years. She'll tell you I'm the real deal."

"Eleven years," Dung corrected. "We have known each other for eleven years now."

"See, she even remembers better than I do!"

After some banter back and forth, the girl turned down my offer, explaining that she had no place to wear them, an excuse that I always find rather amusing, because there I am in Walmart, of all places, wearing heels. I pretty much expected her final answer, but I really would have given them to her if she'd wanted them.

I can't imagine that Dung didn't say anything to my wife about that little exchange, but if she did, my wife hasn't mentioned it to me.

7 hours ago, kneehighs said:

Honestly curious.  What does therapy do for you that yoga can't?  

Chiropractic techniques are specifically designed to manipulate your bones back into proper alignment. Now that I have a neutral position to start from, I find it much easier to keep my body in proper alignment for yoga poses, particularly those involving outstretched legs. As far as pain management, there really wasn't any real pain to begin with, so the difference is subtle (to me, anyway). My doctor told me that I am fairly unusual in that I showed up at his office before I was completely incapacitated in some way. I wish I had a picture of that x-ray to show!

I really haven't felt like writing lately, but I suppose I should report on my visit to the chiropractor. I decided to seek medical care because I've been having a slight amount of trouble with my left knee off and on for years. I have always suspected it was not really a knee problem, but what do I know? As it turns out, I was at least partially correct. My hips are way out of alignment, which causes my spine to take a wonky turn (it's really quite dramatic on the x-ray, even to a layman), which then affects the rest of me, including my knees. After two weeks of therapy, I must say I can definitely tell a difference in my yoga practice, and I think that I walk much better in heels than before. Knee still hurts a little though. I'm not expecting miracles. It will take a while. The good doctor advised me against wearing high heels (twice), which I suppose he feels obligated to do, but we did not talk about it in great detail. If he brings it up again, I suppose I will have to tell him off a bit, but he hasn't mentioned it for a while. I'm not complaining, though. He's a super nice guy, and really seems to know his stuff.

Nope, never had a guy ask, but it seems unlikely that it would even be possible as I have the smallest feet by far of any guy I know. I have recounted a story at least once elsewhere on this site where a drunk girl wanted to try my shoes and could not even stand up straight. And then on the other hand there's my long time shoe buddy, who doesn't even bother to ask anymore when she spies a pair of mine she's never seen before. Of course, she's 3 sizes smaller than me, but still manages to look better in my shoes than I do. 

On 5/8/2019 at 7:35 AM, Foxyheels said:

I think language is very important and it appears to evolve at a rapid pace. I haven’t been on the forum for a long time and things have changed massively for me personally and I believe in society since I was last here.

it is far more acceptable I believe now for anyone presenting as male to wear heels, the battle is being won.

i do agree though that the goal is to be at a point where anyone can where what ever they personally chose and “acceptance” should not be a debate.

Ain't no question that things has changed in the last decade. I've been publicly heeling for 7 years, and I haven't gotten any grief by the general public for several years now. Of course, I live in a small town, and perhaps everyone is just used to me now.