radiodave Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 Hello all, my wife and I had lots of discussion over the last week related to our differences, and we've both agreed our impending split is for the best, but we both very much want to be friends despite our differences. Maybe the married life wasn't for us, but we don't want to sever ties, so she still wants to do things together, support each other, and still be the best of friends. In a way, we agreed that trying to be partners was taxing for both of us; we felt a little like living in a box, so since we're going back to being single, we're both happy with our decision. One of the things we talked about was my fascination with high heels, and while she's not really turned on by them, she agrees they are part of who I am. She supports my wanting to try other articles of clothing, such as dress pants and skirts, so she gave me some sizing tips to look for a pair of women's dress pants. She was out of town Saturday and part of yesterday, so I was out looking at new homes to move into, but did some shopping as well on Saturday. I went up by Aldo at the mall, and ducked in to see what they had. I saw these and couldn't pass them up. http://www.aldoshoes.com/eng/storeSection/redirect.cfm?sectionID=b2c/style/productDetails.cfm&itemID=65389854&&var=d&ckey=UK&colorid=97 Really impractical I'm sure, but the lady at the store seemed very encouraging when i asked to try them on. No smirking or indication that it was something unheard of in that store, and she commented that the ankle strap was cool. She even commented that I could wear a 39 when the guy behind the counter usually has to get a 40 (interesting, I wondered if she meant he had to get a 40 in women's or men's styles). Anyway, she encouraged me to try them both on, and recommended a cushion to help keep my feet from sliding and to add some padding. Good experience overall, and she earned her commission. I was wearing my sneakers and jeans for this part of the outing. After I did some house hunting and the day was winding down, I finally had a moment of extreme confidence and a feeling like "I don't give a darn". I had brought my boots I bought recently. http://www.hhplace.org/discuss/guys/9231-who_has_bought_some_new_shoes-26.html#post155533 Now these were obviously not going to be very discreet, but I decided to test the waters at the mall for real. I put them on, took a walk through a good chunk of the mall to the food court, and ordered a bottled water (hey, it was a long day and I was thirsty). Sat down for a while, and drank my water. The result? Hardly any reaction. No long stares, laughs, or anything untoward. I suspect some of the sales folk at Macy's and at the cell phone kiosks noticed, but nobody stared much. A 10-year old boy (just a guess) at the food court looked down, then up, then down, but didn't do anything else. A teenage girl and her boyfriend were seated in there, and I could see her covering her mouth trying to stifle a smile, while trying hard to look the other way. Ah well, I figured there would be at least one teenage girl, but considering she was the only one who showed any reaction, I was pleasantly surprised. I just kept smiling. Even while I sat in the food court, the cleaning crew and other folks sitting around didn't give any reaction. On the way home, I stopped by Kohl's to look at what I could find in women's pants, but decided I was on a roll, so I wasn't going to take off my boots. One guy was sitting in the entry way and had a surprised look, but he seemed to be looking up at me and not at my boots. I smiled back and said hi, but he didn't say anything. None of the women shopping around me gave any reaction at all. I found two pairs of dress pants; the long style with the straight legs that despite my 6' height are still long enough that they practically have to be worn with high heels. I went over to the men's fitting rooms (no signs on either one, but I figured I'd better not assume they were unisex). Still no reaction, and if anybody else in the men's section noticed me unzipping my tall boots, I didn't care. Nobody at the checkout even seemed to notice, and I may as well have been wearing my sneakers. Once I got home, I tried the pants with my new Aldo sandals, and I like them a lot. The sandals fit me perfectly, and the pants complement them nicely. Even my wife thought it was a nice look, and is completely supportive of my wearing them. I told her about my outing with my boots at the mall, and she congratulated me for finding the confidence to be myself and not let others keep me from doing that. She went on about how not long ago that would have been unheard of for me, and she's happy to see my confidence building. Sorry for the long post, but I wanted to say how "liberated" I feel. I was feeling pretty bummed last week because my wife thought we should go our separate ways, and I was not looking forward to having to move again and being alone, but even after this short time I feel so much better about our decision. I found some houses I really like, and I'm glad to still have such a supportive friend in my wife. We may have our differences, but I'm lucky to have met someone like her. I'm thinking not too many ex-wives still want to be best friends, but mine said she'd be very sad if we couldn't be. No problem there, I'm only too happy to still have her in my life, and for her to be so supportive of my exploring new things, even if we are different and living apart. In closing, I can say that my wife and the many posters here have helped encourage me to realize that you can't let other people or society dictate who you should be. You gotta be your own person, or you'll be miserable. So for you guys who want to wear what you want, don't be afraid of what other people think. Be confident. I know it's easier said than done, but it can be done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thighbootguy Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 Radiodave – I’m glad you were able to make an amicable decision with your wife. It sounds like you are starting over but with an uninhibited view of yourself and a good deal of confidence. Much luck in the future. I dream of a world where chickens can cross roads without having their motives questioned. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
radiodave Posted March 17, 2008 Author Share Posted March 17, 2008 Thank you, Thighbootguy, I appreciate it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shyguy Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 That's a great positive story RD, glad you managed to keep a friend. Even better that you found the confidence to go out and be yourself in heels. Hope you find a great place to live, with your positive attitude I can't see you doing anything but. He was so narrow minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes. Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
billyb Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 Dave Sound like you are doing good and I hope the best for you and keep on heeling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thedesigner Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 i split from my ex who was anti a while ago, and my soulmate now likes me as i am, and even shows me or buys for me, heels she knows i'd love. So dont get down bout it, but be open and presume from day 1, so there's no 'you never told me' stuff. Nice heels from aldo, i like the black fades to grey patents they have now... Keep 'em high ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fastfreddy2 Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 Great thread. It's a little sad the two of you have suffered with the pressure of being so close, but maybe with a little more space, the two of you will remain best friends. Your day out sounded really good. For the most part, pleasantly uneventful, AND you got some shoes and trousers you liked. I'm pleased for you. ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roniheels Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 It sounds like the two of you are moving in a positive direction. I am so sorry for your breakup but it sounds like she is a good woman, especially to remain on a friendly basis with you and have an understanding of your feelings for wearing high heels. I enjoyed reading your posting and it sounded as though you had a fun day out and about. Keep up that great attitude of yours. Good luck and I hope the best for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thighboots2 Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 Radiodave, It may be worth you and your wife putting your divorce on the back burner and just do your own thing for a while. As you both intend to stay friends then the outcome will go one of two ways. Either one of you will find a new partner and then that will seal the fate of your marriage, or you will both find that after a while you really do want to be together as so you wont have wasted a lot of money on lawyers and so on. If their is no pressing rush (ie you wife has not someone ready to move right in) then a trial seperation may be just the ticket. The way you are painting it to us suggests a very adult and amicable arrangement has been sought. A refreshing change from the usual war that divorce seems to be. The more you can sort and agree for yourselves, the less the lawyers can do for you as it is in their interest to create division and disharmony. I don't know about the US, but here in the UK, if a couple want a divorce, then they can do the whole thing themselves without the aid of lawyers at all. I have known of married couples not ever living together, but living next door to each other. They both have their own space and can do their own thing, but get together regularly, just the way good friends do. Who knows where it all leads, but rushing to the court is not always the best course of action. Good luck to you both. You'll have all the support you need from us here. Simon. Are you confusing me with someone who gives a damn? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bootking Posted March 18, 2008 Share Posted March 18, 2008 Dave, having just passed my 10th Independence Day (March 15th - from a very bad marriage), I am very glad for you that you do not have the bitterness and rancor that I had (and have with the ex - only minimized due to total lack of contact). Keep contact with each other, give each other sufficient space and however it goes, it goes. But having a bad marriage didn't sour me on relatinships or marriage as I did remarry almost 4 years ago. Leaving on good terms is an excellent way of doing it. Good luck! It's all about the heel! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
radiodave Posted March 19, 2008 Author Share Posted March 19, 2008 Thanks all, and we haven't set a date to actually go through the formal dissolution. I'm working on buying a new house right now, and even a dissolution has some fees that don't need to be spent right now. We already settled on who is keeping what, and what to do with what's in the bank. Simon, you make a good point about couples living apart and still getting along swimmingly. Even one of my coworkers mentioned that a couple he knew had divorced, and eventually ended up moving back in together! Not likely to happen in our case, but even if we end up living miles apart we'd like to remain friends, and if we somehow grow back together, then so much the better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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