Can anyone help me

[HighHeelLover86]

Hi to everybody, I was hoping that yall could help me piece together some things ok. I have been enjoying heels in some form or another since I was around 6 years old. I have done the whole crossdressing bit in the past but have had no intrest in that for a few years and I don't really see that as something for me in the future. The only thing I wear now that can be described as feminen is high heels. I have worn them in public occasionally but not very often at all. I do have some sexual desire linked to heels but not all the time. That is odd to me since I always figured it was one way or another. I mean you can't have a fetish only part of the time can you? I am confused as to where this is going and how to react to it so I hope yall can give me some feedback and (for lack of a better term) diagnose me so to speak. I look forward to your replies.

[wineanddine]

You seem pretty normal to me. Heels around the house are sexual for me for the most part, the few times I've been out in public they don't seem that way to me at all, just enjoy wearing them. Welcome to the forum Wineanddine

[HighHeelLover86]

Thanks wineanddine its just that I have a habit of classifying EVERYTHING so it makes sense to me to know exactly what all of this is and possibly how it came about in the first place. idk I just can figure out why I like this so much. lol

[Thighbootguy]

HighHeelLover86 - Welcome to the forum. I don’t think you will find anyone on this forum that considers your “condition” too much different than theirs at least one time or another. When I started wearing boots it was a sexy thing but now they are just my boots and there isn’t any sexual excitement when I wear them. Oh once in a while maybe, but most of the time they are just another pair of shoes. When I look in a mirror I like the look I see and I go with it. When I go out, I know I’m dressed differently than most folks but I’m confident in my look and don’t give it much of a thought. It’s always good to try to understand why you do what you do but too much of a good thing becomes a bad thing. Be aware of what you enjoy doing. If it doesn’t hurt anyone else, go for it. As iloveboots advised me, “You only get one shot at this life, you might as well enjoy it.”

[larry]

Larry here and yes I understand the part time fetish thing well. My first time wearing my older sisters stilettos was about age 13. The sound of the heels clicking on the slate and hardwood floors, The feel of the nylons on my legs and feet, My reflection in the full length mirror. WOW! It was overwhelming. As an adult I wear nylons and stilettos around the house 4-5 days a week. Its mostly a comfort thing. Wearing hose and heels during sex is a mind blower. Yes my wife understands, She has a thing for heels herself. Part time fetish? Why ask why? I love everything about womens shoes, The sight, The touch, The smell, Its all so erotic.....larry.

[shrimper]

In REAL life nothing is ever just one way or the other. I am straight and I love to wear ladies shoes even though they look like he** on me. I may go six months to a year without, then all of a sudden go on a spurt of wearing them every day. It all depends on what else is going on in my life. Tastes can change over time also. There was a time I didn't like wedge heels but now I do. Relax and enjoy your special gift.

[dr1819]

According to modern psychology, wearing an article of clothing intended for the opposite sex is called "transvestism," while sexual arousal associated with the practice is called "transvestic fetishism." The first is not considered abnormal by the DSM-IV, the so-called "Psychologist's Bible," but the latter is. Personally, I find that the DSM-IV has gaping holes when it comes to the transgender community. Take for example homosexuality, which was listed as deviant in the DSM-IV until the late 1970s. Why group orgies with other men is not considered deviant while sexual arousal brought on by wearing a pair of heels is considered deviant is utterly beyond me. My diagnosis: You're fine. In fact, most men are aroused by heels - that's why women wear them! The fact that you also choose to wear them is irrelevant, and considering the fact that men wore heels for more than half of the last 500 years, I'd say wearing heels is, over the long term, a normal activity for men. Just because it's currently not an often-indulged choice of fashion is irrelevant. Neither were gauchos two years ago, but some women wore them. Does that make them deviant? Of course not. My advice: If you enjoy wearing heels, then by all means wear heels, and don't worry about what others think. Most people follow the herd, anyway.

[HighHeelLover86]

Thanks for all of the positive feedback guys. Although I admit I wouldn't expect anything less from this site. My biggest problem is the fact that I would love to wear them out more but I live in what is known as the bible belt of the US. I sure you can determine why I fear going out in them. We have more conservatism in this part of the US then the whole rest of the country. Lots of old conservative money and lots of people who would be just plain mean. I guess yall have heard all of this before site probably half of yall at least have done this for years. I'm just finally starting to accept it and act on it so.... By the way I would also like to get some of the womens reactions and advice as well but I accedentally posted the original question in the wrong place. How would i go about rectifing that without having to repost the whole thing.

[HighHeelLover86]

Also what do the pics like (comfy loafer, 5" spike heel) mean. Are the part of the site or can I load a different pic?

[dr1819]

HighHeelLover86, I wore a pair of 4" Franco Sarto hh boots with a near-stiletto heel to visit the arch in St. Louis, and I wore both a pair of strappy sandals as well as a pair of 4" heeled boots to several establishments in Little Rock and the boots in Atlanta (three nights, two establishments per evening). No worries, mate. What I wouldn't do is go to a bar that's attended by mostly regulars, as that's bordering on a mob crowd to begin with. Nor would I walk in there wearing a pear of 5" pink FMPs. But I think a pair of lower-heeled, preferrably block-heeled, boots would be fine. Guage the reaction with the lower stuff. Gain the support of the bartender/owner. Or go to places where alternative fashion is the norm.

[Dawn HH]

HighHeelLover86:-) I think that if you are reading this Forum, then there is nothing wrong with you and you are as "normal" as anyone else on here. We all like heels to one extent or the other, male or female. Wearing them out in public as a male is just loads of fun and you should get in on all of the fun that you can. Remember---you are only going this way once in a life-time, so you should not miss out on the chance to have all of the fun that is available to you. Just put your heels on and go about doing your chores in public and don't worry what others may think about you while you are doing it. They won't give 2 hoots and a holler anyways. Have fun. BTW---Welcome to the Forum. Cheers--- Dawn HH

[jmc]

First -- Welcome and greetings. You have not expressed anything that has not gone through most of our minds at some time.

The little pictures are the board's way of commending you for posting. Being this is a board about shoes we shouldn't run around here barefoot -- so the admins put the post ranking system in effect. As your post count grows you graduate to higher and more interesting heels. The original announcement is here: http://www.hhplace.org/hhboard/viewtopic.php?p=31#31

[chris100575]

I have the part time fetish thing for heels too. Mostly I just enjoy wearing them in the sense that they're pretty and fun to walk in, but if I'm in the right frame of mind it can be sexually exciting. I wouldn't worry about it, as Dr1819 said loads of guys are turned on by heels, if you enjoy wearing them as well as seeing women in them then it's just crossing over a bit. Chris

[dr1819]

I have the part time fetish thing for heels too. Mostly I just enjoy wearing them in the sense that they're pretty and fun to walk in, but if I'm in the right frame of mind it can be sexually exciting. I wouldn't worry about it, as Dr1819 said loads of guys are turned on by heels, if you enjoy wearing them as well as seeing women in them then it's just crossing over a bit.

Chris

Thanks, Chris - I appreciate your candor.

One must remember that shrinks take their cue from society. If the society as a whole thinks cannibalism is ok, then it wouldn't be listed in the DSM-IV. As mentioned in another thread, caftans, pareos, and sarongs are all MEN'S clothing in most parts of the world, but are marketed exclusively to women in the Western world. As such, most people in the Western world think a man wearing a sarong, for example, is cross-dressing, but it's not, as more men wear sarongs throughout the Pacific islands than women do throughout the Western world.

As for heels - invented in Europe by men, for men, worn by men between around 1500 (and clear evidence exists several thousand years earlier in other cultures) and the mid-1800s, at least half of the last 500 years.

Cross-dressing?

Sorry, but no - I just don't buy it, and rail against the idiots who wrongly believe it is.

[HighHeelLover86]

Again I thank all of you for your feedback. I suppose I just needed to make sure of some things you know. I am so new to wearing them for any length of time that I can't walk effectively in anything higher than 3" lol. I would like to be able to wear higher ones but I don't want to be "stuck in heels" permanently. How high do you think I could go before I couldn't walk flat-footed.

[dr1819]

So long as you approach increasing heights very gently (I recommend anything over three inches in quarter-inch increments no more often than once a quarter), AND you routinely wear lower heels and flats (ie, you wear heels less than half the time), I think you should be able to wear the equivalent of a three-inch heel on a size 8 (US) foot without any problem. Payless has a great size/length conversion you can use to find your own ratio. Any higher than that, however, and some men and women have had problems, mainly bunions, a very painful and abnormal development of the ball of the big toe.

[asdf174]

This is an interesting topic. To me I think this basiclly just comes down to what your own values are and if you think you can be ok with it. I personly see nothing wrong with it. And I like high heels from both the fasion perspective and as well as the feitish thing and that is ok. I mean there are worst fetishes out thier like goat play for example . Its not illegal, dosen't hurt anyone it is just a little outside of what I guess what you would call the "norm" and then from there it is just a matter of how much you care. And building up confidence if you want to wear them in public. The whole fetish I think is kind of interesting I found an interesting topic on it on Talk Sex with Sue whatshername. http://www.talksexwithsue.com/fetishes.html and I like how she sums it up at the ends. If this is a harmless fetish then you have to decide how you feel about it. Can you accept and tolerate this behaviour, or is it starting to bother you and interfere with the other dynamics?

[Danielinheels]

Thanks for all of the positive feedback guys. Although I admit I wouldn't expect anything less from this site. My biggest problem is the fact that I would love to wear them out more but I live in what is known as the bible belt of the US. I sure you can determine why I fear going out in them. We have more conservatism in this part of the US then the whole rest of the country. Lots of old conservative money and lots of people who would be just plain mean. I guess yall have heard all of this before site probably half of yall at least have done this for years. I'm just finally starting to accept it and act on it so.... By the way I would also like to get some of the womens reactions and advice as well but I accedentally posted the original question in the wrong place. How would i go about rectifing that without having to repost the whole thing.

Hi and welcome.

Even in the deepest of the deep south, there are places where you could wear whatever shoes you want scot-free. Old-time diners are also a good spot - I once visited one just to get out of the house, armed with a laptop computer, a bit of cash, and my black mary-janes (I guess you wouldn't say I was "armed" with these), I went in, ordered my food, and took out my laptop to finish playing a game. For awhile my jeans kept the shoes fairly concealed, but as I adjusted my body when my food was ready, I stuck my leg out, and the entire shoe was exposed.

The ladies' conversation switched from something politics-related to how they used to wear stilettos back in the days, wearing high heels now (these ladies were at least in their 50s), different shoe styles, etc. I know I was the cause of the subject switch, and thinking back on it I should have engaged them. But yes, diners with a high number of female staff would be a great place to publicly break ice.

[dr1819]

The key thing, asdf174, is underlined: "In other words, a fetish is when an individual is sexually aroused by a specific object or objects and is generally unable to achieve sexual satisfaction without that object being present." - From your link to Sue's comments.

Unless they're keeping big, deep, dark secrets, I don't think that fits most people here. Whether heeled or not I've had no problem in that department, although I have found somewhat increased arousal when the element's been present, regardless of whose wearing them (me, her, or both).

But honestly, I prefer just good, clean fun the old fashioned way (naked, beneath the sheets).

However, whatever floats your boat, and I agree with you - just because something's outside the bounds of what's statistically normal, provided it's voluntarily engaged in by those old enough to understand the issues and repurcussions (adults), with no collateral damage, go for it.

What I didn't like was her advice that fetishes are that deeply rooted and unlikely to change. Nor did I like her advice to "Be gentle, but be very clear that you are not comfortable with the fetish and you are ending the relationship."

What a moron!

That's the same pedantic nonsense that's ending far too many marriages, and underscores her terrific understanding of the DSM-IV and modern psychology, but her incredibly poor understanding of human sexuality, reality, and simple biology.

What "Dear Sue" forgot to mention is that MOST people, both men and women, have one fetish or another. Let's face it folks, we're sexual beings. It's raring inside of us and sustains our contributions to the genetic pool. The non-sexual beings never made it to the bedroom, much less the next generation. With all that drive we, as human beings, will, at some point in our lives, associate sexual connotation with some innanimate object, whether it's mom's heels, a schoolgirl's dress, or for women, bulging biceps, washboard abs, immaculate dress, nice manners.

Our brains are HARDWIRED to do this, folks. That's how we perpetuate the species. The only difference between us and animals in this regard is that we have a lot of man-made items around us. Is it any wonder we imprint on them from time to time? Of course not - it's normal, as some of those man-made items have come to symbolize things which our social mores forbid us to entertain (ie, it's usually covering so we're not running around naked). Thus, everything from corsets to dresses, to heels, a tux, sport cars, hosiery, etc. - you name it, became a stand-in for what we couldn't immediately attain - sex.

These things became a fetish.

NEWSFLASH: Fetishes are NOT the product of decrepid minds. They're the product of conservative societies which tend to repress natural tendancies with artificial trappings (various coverings) AND when combined with healthily sexual individuals within those conservative societies who're busting to express themselves the way their genes are telling them to without crossing too many societal boundaries.

The victorian era was known for it's neck to toe covering. In response, it was also known for it's corsetry, heels, and prominant bustlines.

Repression begets response, and when one can't always have the original item, fixation on the response usually occurs - a fetish.

Turning around and further repressing that society by calling a fetish something bad, or encouraging a break-up in response to a fetish (which is a normal brain imprinting), is just ridiculously stupid.

Baby ducks are hardwired to imprint on the first thing they see, whether it's mama duck, a rowboat, or an ultralight (great movie about this, by the way...).

Men and women are hardwired to imprint on anything of a sexual nature. I believe God intended it to help us bond with our first mate. The problem is society has so warped itself that first mates are rarely our long-term partners. We're taught never to take the first thing that comes along, to try the merchandise, to, in essence, fail in the first dozen relationships, so that by the time we do finally marry, we're no longer able to tell which way's up or down, much less to imprint upon our current mate. Is it really any wonder divorces have soared past 50%?

DUH!

And the psych spooks keep trying finger-licking thumb the societal aether in the DSM-IV.

What they need is a biologist to go through the DSM-IV and rip out every page that describes normal animal behavior, which would certainly reduce publication costs a considerable amount. While they're at it, they should re-write anything dealing with sexuality, as most psychologists seem to have studied other people's reports about sex, but also seem to know very little about it themselves, and if someone's behavior crosses a DSM-IV guideline, it's "breakup time."

yeah, like ripping little joey and dana away from mom or dad is healthy...

Yes, this is a rant, but I think it's a good one, with good motivations, namely, to shock the reader into realizing that modern psychs know a lot less than they think they do. I hope it's worked. While psychologists are good at getting help for people with certain problems, they often cause more harm than good in other areas.

And yes, as a lay marriage and family therapist, I've undergone some serious psychoanalysis. It took me four people before I found one who actually had a clue, a former Army officer (of fairly high rank) who simply knew and understood people because he'd worked with so many in so many different environments throughout his 30-year career, that when he retired, he got his degree in psychology, obtained his license, and began a very productive practice.

[chris100575]

Again I thank all of you for your feedback. I suppose I just needed to make sure of some things you know. I am so new to wearing them for any length of time that I can't walk effectively in anything higher than 3" lol. I would like to be able to wear higher ones but I don't want to be "stuck in heels" permanently. How high do you think I could go before I couldn't walk flat-footed.

Getting stuck in heels isn't so much to do with the height of the heel, it's to do with how much you wear them. I've been wearing heels between four and five inches for years, and now have a six inch pair. Unless you're planning to wear them 24/7 you should be fine. As a guy I'm guessing you wear flats more often than heels anyway, so you're not going to get stuck.

Chris

[dr1819]

Hi to everybody, I was hoping that yall could help me piece together some things ok. I have been enjoying heels in some form or another since I was around 6 years old. I have done the whole crossdressing bit in the past but have had no intrest in that for a few years and I don't really see that as something for me in the future. The only thing I wear now that can be described as feminen is high heels. I have worn them in public occasionally but not very often at all. I do have some sexual desire linked to heels but not all the time. That is odd to me since I always figured it was one way or another. I mean you can't have a fetish only part of the time can you? I am confused as to where this is going and how to react to it so I hope yall can give me some feedback and (for lack of a better term) diagnose me so to speak. I look forward to your replies.

Addendum: Most men have some fetish association with heels, or women wouldn't still be wearing them.

As a wearer, so long as it's not disrupting sigificant relationships, then it's find with respect to US psychological "morals." (the term is very losely defined).

Bottom line - just wear 'em and enjoy 'em. Women do, and they do our clothes, too.

Why shouldn't we?

[Dawn HH]

Right you are, Dr1819. Cheers--- Dawn HH

[Guy N. Heels]

Hi to everybody, I was hoping that yall could help me piece together some things ok. I have been enjoying heels in some form or another since I was around 6 years old. I have done the whole crossdressing bit in the past but have had no intrest in that for a few years and I don't really see that as something for me in the future. The only thing I wear now that can be described as feminen is high heels. I have worn them in public occasionally but not very often at all. I do have some sexual desire linked to heels but not all the time. That is odd to me since I always figured it was one way or another. I mean you can't have a fetish only part of the time can you? I am confused as to where this is going and how to react to it so I hope yall can give me some feedback and (for lack of a better term) diagnose me so to speak. I look forward to your replies.

Hello HighHeelLover, and welcome to the forum. Now what was the problem?

[dr1819]

Addendum: Most men have some fetish association with heels, or women wouldn't still be wearing them.

As a wearer, so long as it's not disrupting sigificant relationships, then it's fine with respect to US psychological "morals." (the term is very losely defined).

Bottom line - just wear 'em and enjoy 'em. Women do, and they wear our clothes, too.

Here's a short list of a few of the many traditional male clothing that's currently being marketed to women in the US:

Kurta

Tunic

Kaftan

Kilt (Scottish women never wore kilts...)

Sarong (also worn by women)

Pareo (also worn by women)

Poncho (Worn by men, not women, in Peru)

Gauchos (patterned after the pants worn by male cowboys. See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaucho

Blouse - originally a man's shirt, not a woman's shirt (women didn't wear shirts then).

Pants/trousers

Corsets (originally worn nearly as often by men as women).

Tights/hosiery - worn by men who wore tunics. Dresses on women then were long enough they didn't need tights/hosiery

The list goes on and on.

So, if women wear our cloths, why should ever feel like they're no longer ours?

Right now I'm wearing a mid-thigh tunic. Tonight I'll probably change into a sleeper shirt before going to bed, as it's more comfortable (and warm) than merely pulling up the covers.

[Guy N. Heels]

Kilt (Scottish women never wore kilts...)

Actually, this is not quite true. Up until sometime in the 19th century Scottish women often wore a long ankle length skirt of tartan material. Also, a type of sash that was made of the same tartan material (one had to remain loyal to the clan) was worn over one shoulder and could also serve as a type of shawl or cloak if needed. But only the men wore the knee lenght kilt, which often served as a kind of uniform that helped identify which side you were on in battle. But it has only been since the dawn of the 19th century that women began wearing the knee lenght tartan, which was later modified to become a full-fledged kilt (has sufficient pleats to make it wearable as a battle skirt). A true kilt will require about 10 yards of material, which at first blush seems absurd until you consider the amount of pleating involved.

BTW, the term skirt is derived from the German word for shirt.

[dr1819]

Main Entry: skirt

Pronunciation: 'sk&rt

Function: noun

Etymology: Middle English, from Old Norse skyrta shirt, kirtle

Main Entry: shirt

Pronunciation: sh&rt

Function: noun

Etymology: Middle English shirte, from Old English scyrte; akin to Old Norse skyrta shirt, Old English scort short

[Guy N. Heels]

Thanks for all of the positive feedback guys. Although I admit I wouldn't expect anything less from this site. My biggest problem is the fact that I would love to wear them out more but I live in what is known as the bible belt of the US. I sure you can determine why I fear going out in them. We have more conservatism in this part of the US then the whole rest of the country. Lots of old conservative money and lots of people who would be just plain mean. I guess yall have heard all of this before site probably half of yall at least have done this for years. I'm just finally starting to accept it and act on it so.... By the way I would also like to get some of the womens reactions and advice as well but I accedentally posted the original question in the wrong place. How would i go about rectifing that without having to repost the whole thing.

Howdy HighHeelLover86, and welcome to our forum.

Now lessee here, you want to wear high heels, which men started doing 500 years ago, but yer skittish about it - huuum. You live in the so-called bible belt where people carry around bibles they never read and teen pregnancies and divorces are up but they like men's heels down, and the main reason most of 'em buy a newspaper is to find out who got caught doing what - huuum.

Well, after due consideration, I don't think there's anything wrong with you, but there may definitely be something wrong with yer society. Unless you want others to dictate how you should lead yer life you need to fire that committee called "THEY" and start being your own man.

Me, I like wine, women, song, heels, skirts, and (occasionally) earrings. When my doctor told me I needed to change the way I live, I offered to quit the singing.

My prescription for you is to not wear heels more than 2 or 3 times a week and never out in public unless you've got a big-bore weapon in easy reach. Fire that committee called "they" and don't be awed by all those bible-thumping red-necks. The shock behind all of that facade is that they're all a bunch of sinners anyway. Take a pair of 3" heels with you and call me if you have any more difficulty.

[dr1819]

Thanks for all of the positive feedback guys. Although I admit I wouldn't expect anything less from this site. My biggest problem is the fact that I would love to wear them out more but I live in what is known as the bible belt of the US. I sure you can determine why I fear going out in them. We have more conservatism in this part of the US then the whole rest of the country.

Since 2001, I've worn heels without any repercussion in the following Bible Belt locations:

Montgomery, Alabama

Little Rock, Arkansas

St. Louis, Missouri

Atlanta, Georgia

Louisville, Kentucky

Wichita, Kansas

Birmingham, Alabama

Raleigh, North Carolina

In fact, I've purchased heels from more than half of these locations. One of my standard questions for shoe salesmen and women is, "What percentage of your clients purchasing women's shoes are men?"

To date, the answers have ranged from around 15% to 35%.

Telling.