How to use the right words to advance our cause.

[kneehighs]

I can illustrate this by asking you ,"How do you spell relief?"

For those of you in the U.S., you might answer "R-O-L-A-I-D-S"

And when I ask you think of copiers, what company first comes to mind?

Perhaps, "Xerox."

And when I ask you to think of chocolate and cola, what companies come to mind? Hershey's and Coke by chance? And the "New Generation?" Pepsi?

And WHY do we so readily come up with the same answer? Because these companies at one point in time established ownership of these words in the consumers mind.

Similarly, as street heeling men, I think Firefox hit the nail on the head by coining the phrase, "Fashion Freestyling". The concept of men fashionably appearing as men in heels. It's a unique phrase that to my knowledge no other circle of society is using.

Street heeling men could realistically claim ownership of this phrase. My opinion is that if we continue to patiently propogate use of this phrase on a massive basis (day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year, decade after decade) over and over again, it will eventually be accepted by society.

Historically in the U.S., groups with similar minority status, like men in heels, successfully applied such a strategy. Take for example the Second Wave feminists of the 70's. Did you ever see the original Stepford Wives? Words that women used in this movie were also words being used in the real world at the time. Consciousness Raising Group is the first term that comes to mind. Humanity vs. Mankind is another one. The use of these words was largely due to the feminist groups use of the words. Eventually society and even the entertainment sector accepted the words.

Just as you might associate cola with Coke, words have the power to affect peoples perception of reality. I'm going to make a committment to use the phrase "Fashion Freestyling" (unless we come up with a new and better term) as often as I can when speaking with others about men in heels.

[kneehighs]

Thats a phrase that might sum up communication with ourselves. I agree that the reality of a man in heels has more impact than the idea that words may create.

The focus of the above, however, is communication with others. There is a time and place for everything in life. Actions have their time and so do words in the broader picture of advancing the cause.

So in that context, while the phrase, "actions speak louder than words" may effectively communicate with ourselves the empowering attitude we need, it doesn't really help communicate with others the concept of men appearing as men in heels.

[Dr. Shoe]

Empowerment and equality spring to mind as well as freestyle and sartorial individuality.

[lorriette]

like your style lindsay

[Dawn HH]

I must go along with what Kneehighs says, but I also must go along with Loriette's thinking too. Cheers--- Dawn HH

[kneehighs]

Glad the forum is back up. Thanks Jeff.

I don't think the two views are necessarily mutually exclusive. This isn't an either/or situation. Either you walk but don’t talk. Or you talk, but don’t walk. Rather it's a both/and. If you walk your talk you add credibility to your cause.

As a collective whole, thinking of men in heels as a group is like comparing us to the parts of the human body. Some members may be mouths, some members may be legs walking their bodies forward with supreme confidence (like Shafted), and some members may be hearts (like DawnHH). Either way, each part of the body has a specific and special function and all parts must work together to help the body operate efficiently. Truth be told, I see the body of men in heels as a Greek Statue, and since I don't want to wait two hundred years for our Greek Masterpiece to be recognized by society, I'll run my mouth as much as I can to speed things up for the whole body. I want to move from crawling, to standing, to walking to running as fast as possible.

Now in the Permission To Heel thread, I mentioned framing as critical to winning. In this thread I stated, “I think to win acceptance in ANY domain, we need to reframe the issue all together. If I tell you ,"don't think of a red stop sign," what do you have to think of to correctly interpret my statement? A red stop sign of course. If we keep societies language and framing about men in heels and just argue against it, we automatically lose because we are re-inforcing their frame. “ The presupposition that society will react negatively assumes their current frame wherein the glass is half empty. One way to create a new frame is to proactively create new language revealing the glass to be half full. This is not a new concept. It is historically proven. Generally, if you control the language, you influence the meaning. And with new meanings come new behaviors that produce a tolerable level of fashion freedom we all seek. Control what seeds we sow, eat the fruit later. Let society control the seeds, and by inaction, we’ll just keep having thistles and thorns and weeds to plow through for many years to come.

Earlier in this thread I mentioned there is a time and a place for everything in life. And in the broader picture of advancing the cause, there is no doubt a time for TALK as a couple of examples will now illustrate:

A man who has been promoted with a company three times in his 20 year career and has consistently received competent work performance ratings wears women’s clothes outside of work, while off the clock. After 20 years at the company, rumors spread that the man is gay. He seeks relief through his manager. When the manager asked why Oiler was concerned with the rumor, Oiler explained that he was transgendered, not gay. Directly from the pages of Oiler v. Winn-Dixie “Miles (the manager) told Oiler that his activity could harm the company image, and therefore the company was asking him to resign. He was told to look for another job.” “Oiler was called to meetings with Winn Dixie managers including Greg Miles, Ronnie Bower, James Jackson and David Hastings on November 4, 1999, November 16, 1999, November 19, 1999, December 20, 1999, and January 5, 2000. At each meeting, Oiler was told to look for another job because he was to be terminated. He was told that his off-work dressing as a woman could harm the company's image with the public.”” Throughout this period, Oiler suffered increasing stress. At the meeting on January 5, 2000, Oiler was terminated.” In U.S. Federal Court, Oiler LOST his case.

A similar story of legally permissible gender expression discrimination recently occurred in Hawaii. Governor Linda Lingle vetoed (in July of 2005!) two civil rights bills that would have added protections based on gender identity and expression to the state's employment discrimination laws--despite passing the bill by large margins in the state legislature too.

In lieu of the above, I’ll reiterate, “There is a time and place for everything in life. Actions have their time and so do words in the broader picture of advancing the cause.” When things like this happen, there is a time for the TALK.

Guess I’ll be walking AND talking.

[Dawn HH]

Hear! Hear! Let's hear it for Kneehighs. Very well put and very well said. I certainly couldn't put it into words as well as you did. Cheers--- Dawn HH

[flavio]

Very important point from kneehighs I think. Talking first display after is aways very important. I have an experience myself and I prevented a huge problem thanks to my wife that said "talk your opinion first to prevent a SHOCK on the people and a bad reaction when seeing you at high heels." This aplies to people you know and for important places like your job. Not everybody can be as lucky as Jeff B. He's a wonderful example of style and reception at the job, but it's not what happens in mostly places and can fail to someone. Here in Brazil, people with tatoos or women in exagerated earrings or pierces can have problems to find a job. Heels for all! Flavio.

[Shafted]

KneeHighs makes a real good point. People in high management positions must maintain an apearance acceptable to their employer. The fact is, his activity can affect the company's bottom line as there is still a phobia associated with the trasgendered image. Until the world accepts it fully his activity would not be a wise move.

[Shafted]

Like it or not, this is the world we live in. Clearly this company's actions were due to fear of losing it's customer base.

[kneehighs]

If you've read the Vogue Spain forum, you'll see that I titled the thread "Moda "freestyle":Los Hombres en tacones" which when translated means:

Freestyle Fashion: Men in heels.

The point above was to get other people to use the word freestyle when they describe a man in heels. At least it worked one time:

Realmente es puro''freestyle''

translated: that is pure freestyle.

[dr1819]

I don't know, Lindsey - I like kneehigh's approach. We can walk the walk all we wan't, but as long as they're thinking "gay, eeew!, transvestite, crossdresser, etc.", that's what they'll think. And they'll continue to think that until they're presented with another word or phrase that counters it. It's like what used to be called "agressive b****" in business. The females got it changed to "corporate female," then "today's modern woman." The substance didn't change - merely the label, and with it, the mindset of all the rest of us. Don't underestimate labels - they're very powerful, and can be used for us or against us. Take a look at the GBLT community. They were sick and tired of the negative connotations with the word "homosexual," and introduced "gay and lesbian," and much later their current, rather non-descript acronym. "GBLT? What's that? Some special interest group? A sandwich?" Thus, it's reduced negative connotations against them. It's why I tell people "I'm not a crossdresser, and certainly not a transvestite. I'm simply a man who enjoys wearing stylish shoes that fit well."

[Dawn HH]

Good point, Dr1819. Cheers--- Dawn HH

[dr1819]

Why thank you, DawnHH. By the way, I rewrote the crossdressing and transvestism sections of Wikipedia to reflect current thought from voices within the community. Most people who call themselves transvestites try to pass and do so because they feel, internally, more closely associated with the opposite gender than their own. Most people who call themselves crossdressers do not try to pass, but still feel close internal ties with the opposite sex. People who feel most closely associated with their gender sex but still like to wear clothing typically worn by the opposite sex are just enjoying themselves. It doesn't make him a crossdresser or transvestite when a heterosexual man who feels the same inside and about his environment as do most men chooses to wear heels or most other articles of women's clothing. Now if he liked wearing bras but denied any internal associations with femininity, I'd have to say he was in denial!

[Dawn HH]

Makes sense to me, Dr1819. Cheers--- Dawn HH

[blackslide]

My wife watched Oprah the other day and from the show she learned that gay men are attracted to guys with shiny fingernails, or that display other feminine traits. After which my wife laid into me asking me if I wanted to be gay or be picked up by gay men? What a bunch of crap!! We should write to the Oprah show and tell her about "Free styling" and that men who prefer feminine apparel are not gay necessarily, usually not. The other point of view needs to be heard. Oprah dealt us a low blow.

[dr1819]

She tries to be hip, but she's generally not very well informed about a lot of issues. She's had CDs/TV's on her show before, but never any "mix," only those who're trying to pass.

[blackslide]

All the more reason to educate her. I am tired of hearing "he must be gay" about anyone who doesn't fit into societies little boxes, no matter what reason. Driving a sports car is considered "gay" around here. "Real men" drive pickup trucks. Right? I would be glad to pen the letter, but it must come from the group, not an individual. I would not want freestyling to get on the Oprah show and have my wife find out I was behind it. She would freak.

[flavio]

All the more reason to educate her. I am tired of hearing "he must be gay" about anyone who doesn't fit into societies little boxes, no matter what reason. Driving a sports car is considered "gay" around here. "Real men" drive pickup trucks. Right?

Wow!!! I want to be gay, have a sport car and have it full of beautiful women all the time!!!

Just joking above, but seems that you live in a very narrowed old fashioned style city. I really apologise.

[DeSalto]

Blackslide: when women don´t want us to do something, they use any argument to make their point of view, no matter it is correct or not. I doubt your wife really thinks you want to attract gay men. She could be just teasing you; if not, she certainly don´t like you to wear heels. About Oprah´s opinions...:sleeping: DeSalto

[crotchboots-m]

as far as advancing the so called cause,its kind of like the lonely wolf howling at the wind. we male heel wearers with always be a minuscle minority. i kind of like to compare us to a monastic order...no one understands it and why we are drawn to it. the more u try to explain it the more confused they become. the best thing to do is make it as non-threatening as possible so they dont round us up and make joan of arc wannabes out of us

[Dawn HH]

Blackslide:-) I have no idea what they are saying around here about people who drive sport cars. I'll tell you one thing for sure, I'm as hetro as they come and I drive a sports car. I have never owned a pick-up truck or even drove one. I never fit the mold anyways, and I don't want to. Cheers--- Dawn HH

[kneehighs]

as far as advancing the so called cause,its kind of like the lonely wolf howling at the wind. we male heel wearers with always be a minuscle minority. i kind of like to compare us to a monastic order...no one understands it and why we are drawn to it. the more u try to explain it the more confused they become. the best thing to do is make it as non-threatening as possible so they dont round us up and make joan of arc wannabes out of us

I agree about our present and future minority status. The issue in my mind is that alot of people don't have a reference point in their vocabulary to describe a man in heels. As far as I know, there is no word in the english language that is dedicated to describing a man appearing as a man in heels. Why not create a new word or phrase for that? History has proven this effective. A word or phrase without negative connotations, without stigma, without derogation. Right now, Firefox's phrase, "fashion freestyle" seems to be the best available option.

Unfortunately, without this word or phrase people mistakingly resort to categories they already know: fetishist, pervert, gay, transgendered, drag queen.

Bubba136 actually summed it up quite well in another thread:

It's a puissant human trate to be physically and mentally lazy. Why run when you can walk, why walk when you can sit, why sit when you can lay down? As well as "why think when you can pigeon hole things, people, appearances and actions into categories?" Life is so much less complicated when you can make value judgements in that manner rather than by analyzing the subject to see what's really true about the case. So, until a "smart" pill is approved for public consumption, people will continue to apply labels and along without thinking.

[blackslide]

I saw Oprah on the David Letterman show tonight, and I take back anything bad I said about her. This woman has her head on straight. She may not understand gays, but she certainly understands human needs and is doing something about them. I was impressed she is starting a school in Africa to educate young women so they can rise up from their poverty. She made the point that there are a lot of kids starving in this world, but if everyone with money got off their butts and did something about it, poverty would go away. She is leading the way in this effort. and I applaud her for it. I suggest the next time we get an urge to spend money on a new pair of boots or shoes we don't need, we instead send the money to Africa, or India, or to Lutheran World Relief or whatever charity will get the job done. It is a little thing we can all do, just once a year, or more often if the spirit moves you. I am going to do it. I challenge the rest of you on this board to do the same. Maybe you or I can make a small difference in one child's life.

[kneehighs]

Here's some inspirational progress. When you do a google search for "men in heels" the sixth and seventh points from page one come from hhplace members! Number 6 is the thread at style.com on men in heels which I was excited by because it includes the phrase "Fashion Freestyling" in the thread title. Number 7 is dr1819's wikipedia essay.

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&lr=&q=men+in+heels&btnG=Search

[kneehighs]

I just posted a definition of Freestyle fashion at Wikipedia.org

Here it is for your convenience:

Fashion Freestyler's blur strict gender lines of socially constructed dress codes through the wearing of one or two items of clothing of the opposite sex while still retaining their original birth sex appearance. Fashion freestylers are usually men.

The prime example of fashion freestyling is a man wearing high heels but still appearing as a man. Historically, men have fashion freestyled since they grew their hair long and began wearing earrings. Such fashion freestyling is more readily apparent in major metropolitan areas like New York City and Los Angeles, but it's influence is spreading throughout more rural areas as well. An example of a man fashion freestyling would be a man who is wearing a shrunken blazer, boot cut jeans, and high heel pumps. The whole is a man, but one part of it is a woman.

Most significantly, fashion freestyler's do not emulate the mannerisms of women, do not create and name a new "feminine" identity, and do not try to "pass" as women.

Fashion freestyle is a term that originated in England in 2001. With the growth of the internet, its use has become internationally accepted as a term that describes a unique mindset of a small minority of men worldwide.

Notice how I didn't mention the words crossdresser, transvestite, or transgendered. I didn't even want to give the public a chance to associate those words if at all possible with fashion freestyling. I definitely think we are different from crossdressers: we don't want to appear as women, we don't want to pass as women, we don't study the mannerisms of women so we can publically act as women. So I stated that in a round about way in the definition.

If anyone has any improvements (its 12:33 am and I'm still up trying to figure out if there is going to be an MTA Subway Strike), please don't hesitate to share! I don't really expect to get this definition 100% right the first time, and I don't believe in failure, I only believe in feedback, so please....

Thanks for your feedback.

[Dawn HH]

Kneehighs:-) It seems to be well defined to me. Cheers--- Dawn HH

[Shafted]

Sounds good to me, too.

[kneehighs]

I just wanted to let you guys know that we now have a definition of Freestyle Fashion on the Dutch version of wikipedia.

Thanks a million to BeHeels for the patient contribution of his time and energy. It appears there is a small challenge already. According to BeHeels, "it's already marked for deletion by some idiot saying that is no subject for wikipedia and looks like aan advertisement" If there are any other Dutch speaking fashion freestylers here, maybe you can help him out?

Again, thanks a million BeHeels!