Losing desire for heels?

[sscotty727]

All, As you all probably read, I have stopped wearing heels in my daily routine because of my desire to lose weight. Since I have stopped wearing heels, I have been doing alot more walking at work (fortunately I am in a building that enables me to do alot of walking inside). I do wear a woman's slide shoe (kinda looks like a tennis shoe with a 1.5 inch platform on front, maybe a 2.5 or 3 inch heel on back, but definitely NOT a high heel). I now find myself feeling I don't really want to go back to high heels at work, it would interfere with my walking/exercise during work. I also haven't been wearing heels on the weekends at all,I've been wearing my sandals (which are also women's with a SLIGHT slant) which I posted in another thread. Maybe it's more the weather (it is alot harder to wear heels with shorts) but I know I will definitely never go back to wearing heels at work nor as much as I used to. Maybe the occasional outting or mall shopping, but nothing near what I used to, I have to confess, my desire to wear them is fading, and it isn't me trying to stop it either. I still have a major passion for heels and LOVE to see women wearing them, and I am sure I will keep and wear my heels from time to time as well, but they just don't seem to be that big of a part of my life as they used to be. Anyone else here go through similar "changes"? Scotty

[Nicole]

Not exactly- but certainly the desire ebbs and flows. There are a number of reasons for this: For example, if I've done it a lot lately, then the desire is sated. If my wife is around, which she usually is, the desire is relatively dormant most of the time- this is because the wife does not approve, and I'd rather have a happy wife. Even when my wife goes back to her parents for a few days, I do not always feel like indulging. This is partly because my heels are buried in a trunk at the back of my closet (she knows they are there) which means that unearthing them is time-consuming and difficult. Also, I may have a lot going on at school, in which case it's not worth the effort. Ultimately, most of the time I can live with the desire (which is always there but not debilitatingly so), but not indefinitely. Good luck with your weight loss regime.

[Heelfan]

Hello Scotty! I agree with Nicole. My own heel-wearing uges have ebbed and flowed too. Although I have said often enough on these forums that I've been street-heeling for 47 years (from aged 12 to 59 and counting), it has not always been at the same intensive level by any means. I've gone through "Not terribly interested" phases and even the odd "Let's stop all this" phase when I've had a major clear-out of dozens of pairs of heels at a time. However, for me the underlying bug (or whatever you call it) has never vanished for good, and whenever it re-emerges, the flinging myself into major street-heeling again is always all the more exciting and enjoyable. Ever since discovering these forums, I've been going at it with the greatest enthusiasm I've ever had, and it's really great! As far as exercise goes, heels inhibit the length of one's stride and one's walking speed, and it's extremely difficult to reach the all-important aerobic level of heart/lung function. But in any case, it's not wandering around at work which gives the best exercise each day, it's going for a good jog or work-out each day for 20 to 60 minutes which can easily by done in trainers without prevent any of us from enjoying being in heels for other parts of the day. In your case Scotty, it will be interesting for you and us to see in time whether your current swing from heelwearing proves to be a permanent disassociation or whether it proves to be a temporary downward swing of the sort that Nicole and I have periodically experienced. Anyway, good luck, and there's no point in slogging on with heels if you're not genuinely enjoying it. Like you, for me the best heely experiences of all have always remained seeing a stunning woman wearing them to maximumum effect! I'm with you! Let us know how it goes! Cheerfully yours, Heelfan

[shyguy]

My desire for heels ebbs and flows too. Sometimes I have no heel desires for months, then other times it is almost overwhelming. As my wife dislikes it too, I have to keep her opinions in mind too, and we have compromised (see my other posts) so that I can wear heels when I feel the need. I have tried to forget it and move on, but the desire to wear heels (or for me just womens shoes in general) returns, so I stopped fighting and witht the help of this forum and its members learnt to accept its part of who I am. I agree with HF it will be interesting to see if your heel desires disappear totally, But whatever is best for you, go with it and accept it is who you are.

[hoverfly]

It's a known fact that wearing high heels burns more calories when walking around. But depending on the environment wearing hh could be more of a hindrance than a help. I my self find my desire to wear hh comes and goes as well. But one thing is for sure, the addiction will never go away. So if any ones decides to get rid of them now, I guarantee it latter you are going to regret it. So keep a few pairs of you favorite heels tucked away.

[larry]

Been there, Done that, Please dont throw any shoes away. Youll only regret it later....Larry.

[Bubba136]

This is an interesting thread. It speaks volumes about the importance heels occupy in the lives of the men that wear them. Motivation, drive, desire, psychological stimulation (sex), the need for secrecy and apprehension that close friends and family will "discover" your propensity for women's shoes. While I discovered at a very early age (16, 17) that I could never stop wearing heels and that it was a big part of my psychological make-up, I found that I could control my desires to correspond with the situation in which I was living. For instance, when my children were growing up I confined my wearing activities to the times when they weren't around (keeping my agreement with my wife not to wear my heel around the children). Also, suppressing the urge during the times when I was away from home on business, existing in an exclusively male (military) environment. Now that my children are grown, married and moved away and we're mostly alone at home, I wear heels 85% of the time, and women's shoes 100% of the time. I love to wear high heels. I like everything about them. I would wear nothing but heels if circumstances permitted. However, I too have found that since my wearing heels has become unrestricted and normal, l no longer spend time looking for opportunities to wear them and a lot less time conscientiously thinking about them. Has my desire ever become less? No. But, I am no longer anxious to wear them.

[dressboots]

My desire too does ebb and flow. Like many posters I fully agree do not throw anything away when you are on an ebb. I regret doing that once. As boots are my fashion of choice the summer months generally see an ebb in my interest. Having found this forum in May of this year I am at an odd place where my enthusiasm is peaking but the enviroment is not cooperative. Tried boots the other day and felt like I was going to melt, even inside my airconditioned house. I can't wait for the new fall fashion line ups to appear however. What for me is "walking" is for most others, trotting or running. I do a ton of it on my job. My wife jokes that taking the dog for a walk is more like taking the dog for trot. Definitely have to slow my gait when in heels. There are times when that is fine. Most women* I know do not wear heels all the time, so it seems only natural for men to go this route as well. *As I do not know any men who wear high heels I have to make my conclusions from those who do.

[sscotty727]

All, I appreciate your comments. Like I said, it's not a guilt "I need to stop wearing these" that I am going through, more like "I just don't feel like wearing them". I will admit, I wear my pumps on the drive home, but it feels like I am doing it more out of habbit than desire. Maybe I will stop doing that this week to see how it feels. Also, I don't just plod around at work, I take quick 20-30 minute walks at a fast past throughout the day. I usually have worked up a good sweat by the time I get back to my desk. The pedometer I have logs anything over 60 steps per minute OR sustained walking over more than 10 mins as "aerobic". I tend to do atleast 45-60 mins over a day period. Heels would definitely inhibit that ability since I couldn't walk as fast (or up and down as many steps, I don't just stay on 1 floor). To get the same amount of walking, I would walk longer and be away from my desk more and possibly cause more grief for me at work. Anyway, my desire now to keep walking at work has overtaken my desire to wear heels at work which is why I don't want to wear them there anymore. As I said, the weekend/evenings thing could be just an "ebb and flow" and the weather (hard to descretely wear heels in shorts which I wear all summer long). Thanks again for the posts, as I said, I don't plan on throwing the heels away but I will probably wean out compulsive buys and just keep the ones I really like! Scotty

[docs41]

My desire to wear women's shoes also is cyclical, but it is always there. I must wear them at least 90% of the time now so I will never stop. On the contrary, I'll probably go to 100% some day!

[new_look]

my heelwearing is limited due to work and that i live with my dad (who doesnt know yet) I will feel more confident wearing them when ive got my own place, then i can make my own decisions unhindered. at the minute i have the desire to wear more often, but i have been past the stage of chucking shoes out and getting some again, but now i have the support of jade, i wont be chucking anything out, and can see a heeled future at the end of the tunnel daz

[genebujold]

About a week ago I pulled a ligament in my right leg, just aft of my right ankle-bone. It made wearing heels more painful than not (due to bad left ankle), so I've been limping around on pair of 2.5 inch heeled sandals. But yes, over the last four years my desire to wear heels has ranged from "don't like it but do so to minimize the pain" to "enthusiastic enjoyment." Over the last year it's been about halfway in the middle.

[loveheel]

All I can say, is that my desire to wear heels hasn't ebbed yet. Maybe it will come.

[asdf174]

Mines comes and goes. But overall its a part of who I am so I don't think I will ever want to completly stop wearing them.

[Dr. Shoe]

It ebbs and flows with me too. Just as my cross-dressing does.

[jbmajoor]

Been there, Done that, Please dont throw any shoes away. Youll only regret it later....Larry.

In the future, your heel interest might come back. For that reason Larry wrote that phrase.

[sscotty727]

I decided to refine my meaning of "Losing desire to wear heels" a bit. First of all, as far as work goes, sure I would love to wear them here, but my desire to be able to walk for exercise here has become more important to me than wearing heels, so I don't forsee me going back to wearing heels at work. Yes I know "heels are good exercise" but I don't think I get the same effect as I do wearing lower shoes. I might look around for a nice wedge shoe that I can walk fast enough in to get the effect of my daily walks here while still in a higher heel. I am in no rush though. If anyone knows of one, please send me the information. As far as weekends goes, I think right now it is mainly due to weather. I would look and feel very silly in shorts with heels, so maybe when I go back to wearing long pants again I will go back to heel wearing. Again, no rush, I guess we will see as the time hits. Driving home, I do enjoy my daily drive home in heels (4" pumps) and when we go out on the weekend, if we come back home late enough I slip into my heels (4" pumps). Today I was wearing them before I left for work and the garbage had to go out to the curb. I decided to be bold and wore them out while taking the garbage out. No one was out, but felt great walking up and down our driveway (about 3 car lengths;). I also wear them when I gas up on the way home. Around the house, I pretty much wear just my sandals. Last night I had a pair that resembles a Dr Scholls but in a wedge. My 5yr old daughter said to me "I know they are men's shoes, but I also see women wearing them". I just said "Well alot of shoes are both men and womens, not just one or the other". Not sure if I should stop wearing shoes that push the limit around them or just be bold and bring them up to accept whatever I wear. I know once when I was sleeping my wife told me she asked my sister-in-law why daddy wears alot of jewelry when other men don't. Fortunately she told her alot of men do wear jewelry. I think she is starting to get to the point of understanding differences and perhaps senses I am "different". Kinda a cross-roads. Anyone go through anything similar? Scotty

[loveheel]

I have a daughter that is a bit older (8 years). I don't wear high heels in front of her, but I do wear women's sandals, and she obviously sees my polished nails. The first time I have some new (like platform flip flops a while ago) she will look at it and even have a laugh, but after that she never reacts to it, and seems to think of it as rather normal. What I have to figure out now, is how to deal with what she will tell others. Obviously one day, she will see me in serious heels. kids at this age tell their kid friends everything, and so it goes to the other parents. If this would only affect me, it would not bother me that much. But people around here are pretty stuck up, and it would probably influence the way they interact with my wife and daughter.

[Skirted-UK]

When I was 13 I became fascinated with long straight skirts which were in fashion at the time. A couple of years later I tried one on and was immediately hooked. I then discovered that these skirts were easier to walk in if you wore high heels with them. I then became hooked on high heels as well. In my 20's I went through stages of trying to stop wearing skirts and heels and lead a "normal" life. I would have periods of intense skirt and heel wearing in isolated locations at night, in an attempt to "grow out of it" but instead of growing out of it, I grew into it, and a skirt and heels began to feel like a normal thing to wear. I too went throughout high's and low's, but even in the low's there was always a woman around in a straight skirt and high heels to remind me of what I was missing. I now try to wear a skirt and heels every morning before I start work. If I go for long periods of time without wearing them I get tense and stressed. If you get into a low, DON'T throw out your shoes, you will regret it. If you think you are going to give up wearing them forget it, you won't!

[Lee]

Well, I must admit that I echo what several have said. Don't them out. I too, have seemed to 'lost the urge', thrown everything out only to be buying it all again a year or so later. I'm not sure the urge will ever really go away. I have noticed that I get more tensed and stressed out if I go a long perioe of time without wearing heels. Hang in there. Lee

[Dawn HH]

I have a little different situation than most of you guys in the fact that I wear heels every day and I can't wait to get home from work and put on a pair of heels. It just feels so great and natural for me to do that. I haven't had any ebbs and flows. With me it is all flow all of the time. I wear heels around the house and I wear heels out in public. I have them on now as I post this note. I have a constant desire to be in heels all of the time day or night. I wear my heeled boots, panty-hose and long boot-cut jeans in all seasons of the year no matter what the temperature may be. Since wearing heels in deep snow is sometimes a bit difficult, I'm on the look-out right now for a pair of knee-high boots with a broad-based low heel to shovel snow in. A heel of 1" would be fine for this and would be a first with me as all of my heeled shoes and heeled boots are with a heel between 3" and 4" in height. I want these for just mainly to shovel snow in and not for heeling in. Cheers--- Dawn HH

[genebujold]

I I know once when I was sleeping my wife told me she asked my sister-in-law why daddy wears alot of jewelry when other men don't. Fortunately she told her alot of men do wear jewelry. I think she is starting to get to the point of understanding differences and perhaps senses I am "different". Kinda a cross-roads. Anyone go through anything similar?

Scotty

Yeah, Scotty, I think we are going through some similar things. Even though my lovely, wonderful wife is very accepting and encouraging, she, too, has wondered about my switch from wearing heels as an "aw, do I have to?" to a "what do think would look nice tonight, the Franco Sartos or a pair of open-toed Iona sandels?"

In addition, I've pierced ears (both), wear bracelets, necklaces, etc. I think my wife has had a hard time of it from some of the deeper talks we've had, but she's hanging in there, trying to be understanding.

The most important thing is openness and honestly. I copy and paste every post I make on this and other boards to a file for her review. As long as she knows where I'm coming from, there's little room for debate, for we share the same desire for end results, even though my avenue of approach is pretty far off the beaten path.

Bottom line, I usually limit it to an earring or two, usually a small dangle in the left ear and a stud in the right, conservative clothes, and moderate heels (if at all) when we attend any of the functions that are important to her. Any of my own functions, however, and she's usually willing to go the whole course.

Regardless, one has to be sensitive to the needs of one's spouses - if they're uncomfortable with it, take time out and go "native" for a while.

[sscotty727]

Well, as I stated, I went looking for wedge heels this weekend. My sister-in-law was with us and helped me look for them. Although I didn't try them on in the store, I found these cool shoes at Bakers (only $30!). They are very comfortable and VERY stealthy (wore them to work the past two days). Anyone need something more descrete for work would do great in these. Here are pics of them.

Scotty

New wedge heels:

[Dawn HH]

Sscotty727:-) You are right in saying that those shoes are stealthy and discreet and should be undetectable when worn under long pants and should be quite serviceable at work or in most any other situation. Enjoy. Cheers--- Dawn HH

[sscotty727]

Thanks Dawn, Actually my pants don't cover the heel and no one has said a word. Even if someone does, I plan on telling them I wear a higher heel because of medical reasons. I have a bad back (which I actually do) and wearing a shoe with an inclined heel eases the pain (and to be honest, since I have been wearing heels I haven't had back problems so perhaps it has helped!). Trust me, it would go over much easier at work if I said it was medical and not style. Besides, no one so far has asked, I don't think they really care. Scotty

[Dawn HH]

Sscotty727:-) Maybe those guys that you work with HAVE noticed and are too embarrassed or shy to say anything since it hasn't changed their lives any. Or, like you say, they haven't noticed at all and probably don't care anyways. Cheers--- Dawn HH

[sscotty727]

Hi All, Since I have been doing so well losing weight and keeping to my workout goals, I have been trying to reward myself with heels now and then. Today it is kinda cool here, in the 70s. Nice day to wear long jeans instead of shorts. Since we are going to the mall, I am going to wear my 4 inch block heel shoes. I haven't worn them in months so should be nice. We also might stop by Bakers and get another pair of the shoes I listed above since I am now wearing these to work daily. I think that is they style I will wear to work from now on. Later, Scotty

[Dawn HH]

Sscotty727:-) Yeah, Scotty!!! Go get another pair of shoes to wear to work. Evidently everything is fine with the people that you work with. Cheers--- Dawn HH

[sscotty727]

Hey Dawn, I was able to get a second pair of the shoes, so now when these wear out I have a backup pair. I also bring my hidden heels and after I do my daily walking (now only at lunchtime) I put the hidden heels in. Scotty

[Dawn HH]

Sscotty727:-) Hidden heels - a pair of back-up shoes - and walking in heels at lunch-time, CONGRATULATIONS. You now have the best of all worlds. Cheers--- Dawn HH