Vanity Posted July 23, 2004 Share Posted July 23, 2004 Hi there! I'm a bit low since my beloved step-father passed away, and I need some encouragement. My thread on "for gals" just went crazy and I'm seriously thinking of leaving this forum. I'm a true High Heel woman but not a fetishist as many on this forum. It's just a "thing" for me like for many other women. I just wish that men could accept that, they are obsessed and it makes it a lot harder. They can't keep the distance, if you know what I mean. Anyhow, keep up your good work! "Vanity is my life and that's my name." I just love High heels. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arctic Posted July 23, 2004 Share Posted July 23, 2004 I'm sorry to hear about your stepfather. This is what puts me off as well. I started to visit this forum less and less when it got more fetish and transgender oriented. I have absolutely nothing against people struggling with a gender identity problem (current or past), nor with people who have a fetish for whatever - I even feel sympahty for them, but for me shoes are what they are: great to look at and to walk in. Beautiful, interesting, challenging, etc. but that is where it stops for me. I just don't want the shoe/sex association to be made, because it doesn't apply to me personally. I hate the thought that people would think that I am interested in shoes (boots, to be more precise) because of what they apparently do to some people. There are lots of people on the board for who shoes is just an interesting "thing", but they then have to tolerate that the whole thing is dragged into marginality. My rule of thumb has always been that we should try to avoid things (pictures mainly) which are not suitable for doing in public. Things like extreme ballet heels, patent thigh high boots with latex micro skirts, foot trainers etc. Nobody wears those to go shopping, so I would classify them as over the line. I don't have a solution for it, and I am defenitely not pointing any finger at the moderators, who do a superb job. But I am hoping that the board some day shifts back to more fashion oriented subjects. Then, my wife would perhaps want to participate too. If I'd show her this board now, she'd immediately conclude that it's for perverts, even though only a small percentage actually is of that nature. Maybe we should establish www.hhfetishplace.org or something along those lines and kindly ask those people to do their thing there. My 2c... What's all the fuss about? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heelfan Posted July 23, 2004 Share Posted July 23, 2004 Hello Vanity! I'm very, very sorry to hear about your family bereavement. However, regarding "For the Gals" - cheer up! I don't think it was a fetish argument - just a misunderstanding between to of the forum's keenest heel-wearers, and they've now patched it up! These little tiffs happen from time to time, but for goodness sake don't let it styop you from treating is to your excellent postings! I and lots of others appreciate you! Cheerfully yours, Heelfan Onwards and upwards! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucy Posted July 23, 2004 Share Posted July 23, 2004 Hi Vanity! Please stay on here with us girls. I know you're understandbly depressed, but keep your chin up and hang on in here with us. Anne-Louise and I have both put postings on your "For the Girls" thread which I hope will encourage you to stay! We're your friends! Love, Lucy Life is not a rehearsal. Why not use it to present ourselves as smartly and attractively as possible? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xaphod Posted July 23, 2004 Share Posted July 23, 2004 A bit of a rant on behalf of the girls. Why is it that some guys keep trying to hit on girls who are just out there minding their own business? There is the girls' forum for the girls, but what do we find, lots of the guys on the board trying to engage them in conversation there .... post us a picture and do you wear 6" heels seem to feature fairly early in the chat. What I think the girls' forum should be is the sort of chats women have in the powder room away from the guys. There were a couple of Italian girls who posted on the board a while back, but they soon stopped posting when they started a private email conversation, no doubt due to the tedious hassle they got from the guys here, like two girls having a drink at a bar trying to repel the local 'Don Juan'. Why can't the guys enjoy the company of the few women who post here without there being a covert sexual agenda ???? Vanity, I'm sorry to hear of your loss .... been there a couple of years ago. I'm trying to do my bit to keep the 'dribbling little perverts' at bay, so try to stay with us. Xa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 23, 2004 Share Posted July 23, 2004 Hi Vanity, I know what you mean... some people here can be a little over the top. Everyone has there own personality and reason for liking heels, and I personally like to see a lady wearing heels but don't like so much the idea of men wearing heels. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, just that that's my preference. We hope you don't leave because of some minority elements... B. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fred Posted July 23, 2004 Share Posted July 23, 2004 Hi Vanity I am sorry to hear about your stepfathers recent death. The vast majority of men here truly appreciate your contributions. As you say in one of your last posts real women who wear heels are very special. You will be sadly missed. All the Best Fred Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Firefox Posted July 23, 2004 Share Posted July 23, 2004 I'm kind of with Bert on this, or at least that's my personal opinion. I'm more into the shoes and the styles rather than some sexual thing or turning it into a dating forum and I can see how frustrating it might be for someone who wants to discuss shoes, to suddenly become the centre of attention and face all sorts of questions not related to their shoes, even turning away from the subject into paths they'd rather not visit. However, we did set out to be a broad church and there are many different places to post. So, all I could say to everyone, is to be as sympathetic as possible to the wishes of other members with regard to the place you are putting your message. That's not an easy thing to do on text but I'm sure people will read this thread and get a better idea what others on the board are thinking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TXT-1 Posted July 24, 2004 Share Posted July 24, 2004 Vanity, sorry to hear of your loss, loosing a family is always hard I too agree with Bert aswell! I originally joined HHplace to meet other "heelies" because I was confused (I felt like I was alone..) not to have some idiot overuse the word "slut", have two of our REAL girl posters leave/threaten to leave... I'll be keeping an eye on this church and hope that it doesn't get so narrow that there isn't anywhere to post (sorry Firefox I had to Ste.. .."Borrow" that one) because if it does I'm out of here! Later, TXT-1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shyguy Posted July 24, 2004 Share Posted July 24, 2004 Yeah follow suite here too, not too interested in the fetish stuff. I do find the tv/ts stuff interesting, and I guess its another facet of liking womens shoes but going further. I agree though, the women here should not be made to feel like sex objects because of their liking for heels or any other item they care to wear. Because someone wears a sexy outfit doesn't make them available, nor should we assume they will enjoy discussing their sexual orientation or preferences with us. The whole sluts thing is sailing close to the edges of acceptability, but that is up to the mods to decide how to treat it, I do not like censorship, but it has its place . I hope I have behaved with integrity and not upset anyone here, and if I do, I apologise. Its a great forum with fantastic members, and its sad to lose any of them. I have found through these forums that I am not alone / a freak or anything else, just a man who enjoys what most refer to as ladies shoes. Thank you all for showing me that. He was so narrow minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes. Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dressboots Posted July 24, 2004 Share Posted July 24, 2004 Bert sums it up nicely for me. Vanity, never been to the women's forum, mosty for lack of time and figured the title says it all, so made it low on my priorities to spend time at. classic style high heel boots Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Firefox Posted July 24, 2004 Share Posted July 24, 2004 I don't think it's possible to be all things to all people even though we try. I've even had members leave on not so good terms because I moved some post of theirs into the fetish forum. What's natural for some is a red rag to others, so I too offer no solutions. Other than to say, try to post in the right place and stay away from areas you don't like. If you have a problem with a hurtful response in a thread, or think a thread belongs elsewhere, then send me a private message. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
genebujold Posted July 25, 2004 Share Posted July 25, 2004 Hello, Vanity - I'm sorry to hear of your loss - losing loved ones is never easy. It's ok, and very healthy to grieve. It takes time, too. As life goes on, however, the grief subsides, and will graduately take a backseat to fond memories, and current family events. I agree with you - For the Gals should be For the Gals. It's a rule I've broken myself, and I'm sorry for having done so. There were many great comments from the above posters, so I don't need to reiterate, except to second the motion that guys should refrain from posting there unless specifically invited by one of the gals. Many's the time I read a question undeniably meant for the other gals only to see two or three nearly instant responses from a guy. The gals need a place where they can chat amongst themselves! We have our own forum. If the guys want to engage the gals on a particular issue, do so in the For Everyone forum. And I agree, completely, with Firefox's intent on moving posts/threads that are fetish to the Fetish forum. I'm with you, Bert - I find wearing heels interesting, even enjoyable, but I'm not at all a fetishist, nor am I interested in reading about someone's 6-inch patent leather boot escapade. Thighhighbootguy's escapades are different, however, and I find them quite interesting, as they don't focus on his personal thrills, but rather, they focus on the reactions of others. I think Vanity's perspective is just the tip of an iceburg. I'm willing to bet some of the other gals out there feel much the same way, but have either been overly polite, or worse, perhaps intimidated by some of the stronger male personalities on this board and have simply remained silent. I hope all of us guys can show some restraint and respectfully bow out of the For the Gals area. Hopefully, none of us will have any heartburn about doing so. In the meantime, I would ask the gals that if there's a topic about which either the heel-wearing or heel-appreciating men might like to discuss, to consider posting it in the For Everyone forum. On the other hand, if you want to limit the discussion to the powder room, by all means - you have every right to do so! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loveheel Posted July 25, 2004 Share Posted July 25, 2004 I think the moderators do a great job splitting up the topic matter, and we should respect that. I am not interested in fetish heels, only in street wear, and basically don't visit the fetish forum. But I think it is great that people who are interested in that, have their place to post. Same for TV/TG. Having said that, I do miss abit the conversation about shoes that we had on an old baord (that pretty much got surpassed by this one). There were many good stories of heel wearing and shoe discussions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asdf174 Posted July 28, 2004 Share Posted July 28, 2004 Hello I lost my mom 3 years ago so I kidn of know what your going through. Hang in thier time heels all wounds or so they say. I try to respect all the wemon on this fourm. For me wearing heels has become somehting that I like to do and Just like to talk to people who are into the same thing. It's all good. ~Arron. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne_Louise Posted July 29, 2004 Share Posted July 29, 2004 Vanity, all that bickering following your personal loss not surprisingly left you feeling in even lower spirits. I too find the obsession with fetishism quite uncomfortable, and I've commented on it in various postings during the quite short time that I've been a member here. To those of us who simply love our heels for all the many reasons that have been discussed, and even if that love verges on addiction, the matter of fetishism is irrelevant. My impression is that though there are a few men who are 'turned on' merely by the sight or picture of a high heel, most are much more inclined towards enjoying seeing and being with women who wear heels as part of their usual dress. Those of us who express ourselves through our clothes and footwear need to be quite strong in order to withstand the influences of fashion 'correctness' and the occasional censure of friends and acquaintances, but the compliments, attention and feelings of well-being make it all very much worthwhile. I like to think optimistically that it is the kind of woman that I am, expressed in part through my clothes, that is the attraction rather than just my heels or any other individual article of clothing. I like strong-minded independant men and I guess that a man accompanying an unconventionally or flamboyantly dressed woman would himself need to be quite strong-willed, unless the physical allure of the clothes and wearer outweigh any reservations. I think that the word 'fetish' is much overused, and I should be pleased to see it removed from the forum. As I understand it something is only truly fetishistic if it is essential for the enjoyment of sex, or is a sex object in itself. As well as what I have read in the forums men have told me in e-mails and private messages that if they, and apparently many other men, were to see me in my spike heels, and especially if the rest of my outfit appealed to them, they would immediately become aroused! Does that make them fetishists? I really don't think so, as the importance seems primarily to be in the fact that the clothes are being worn, and worn in regular daily life rather than as a special favour to a partner in order to boost his ego or to enhance the sex act. I would never wear anything purely for someone else's pleasure, it would have to be something that I enjoy wearing for myself firstly. It's true that there might be a few things that I should like to wear but might be reluctant to do so unless with an appreciative partner, but I could never be persuaded into something that I didn't like or which didn't suit me. Some men are apparently turned on by the most unlikely things, sometimes purely inanimate objects which could justly be described as fetishes, more often I think by a wide variety of clothing and types of behaviour, none of which are truly fetishistic. By including the term in the forum headings, and often in shoe websites, I believe that many women who might enjoy heels as much as us would begin to wear them and visit this and similar sites. Well as usual I've written far too much, and indulged in some (very) amatuerish psychology, but I hope it has given food for thought. And, Vanity, please don't leave as gradually many others of us might be liable to follow your example. I was so pleased when I found this forum that there were quite a few women here, and even one or two in my own age group! Love, Anne Louise Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loveheel Posted July 30, 2004 Share Posted July 30, 2004 I surely hope that you girls don't leave. There is nothing more fun than discussing shoes with a women, in person or on this board. Most of the guys on this board are just interested in shoes, in the same way you women do: Because the look sharp and can really dress up a person. I hope you can overlook the few posts of people that feel they have to polute the board with their rude language. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Firefox Posted July 30, 2004 Share Posted July 30, 2004 I think forums are like magazines and newspapers. There's always going to be articles you don't like, an editorial that annoys you, or some letters whose views you disagree with. Personally I'd rather not have included, some of the stuff that does go on, but just because I don't like it that's no reason to censor it. There's enough here that does interest me and I believe it's unrealisitc to expect the views of everyone else to conform closely to mine. Indeed you can sometimes learn something of others and the way they think, even if you are never going to share that approach. So I'd say be positive. There's always something to be gained. Rather than being dismissive, that information can be filed away , and you can move onto the areas you do like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 31, 2004 Share Posted July 31, 2004 anne_louise - that's one excellent bit of psychology! right on. Firefox - you also have a point. Some topics are just best not looked at. Each has their own likes and dislikes. Bob. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vanity Posted August 1, 2004 Author Share Posted August 1, 2004 Hi there, Thanks for all nice and sympathetic answers. I guess this happens all the time, as you wrote Firefox. If you just give me some time I will be back, stronger than ever, with some nice shots and new ideas. It's hard for me right now, and I'm the only one to take care of my mother, so there is not much time for my private interests. I will stay on this forum if you, as I said, keep it on a decent level, because I love you all! "Vanity is my life and that's my name." I just love High heels. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chris100575 Posted August 5, 2004 Share Posted August 5, 2004 Sorry to hear of your loss Vanity. I know that there's nothing I could say to help, but I look forward to you coming back. Our female members are valuable, and I'd hate to lose you. I think it's a shame that some of our few female members are being made to feel uncomfortable here. Although I rarely, if ever, post in the gals forum I do read it. The other week there was a post from a new member along the lines of "what do you like to wear during sex" and asking for pictures. I don't think he came back, but it does not create a good impression. Chris Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dawn HH Posted August 5, 2004 Share Posted August 5, 2004 Vanity:-) I am very sorry to read of your loss and it does take time to work through it. I will be looking for you to come back to the Board and I, for one, will welcome you back with open arms. I have always felt that the women on this board are a great asset and I hold their thoughts and ideas with great esteem. I do occassionally post on the gals threads as I am most interested in high heeled shoes as many of you woman are and for the same reasons. Until we meet each other again---Cheers--- Dawn HH High Heeled Boots Forever! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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