Educate a friend...

[acesecret]

Im in need of some help from you wonderful people in getting the message across subtly to a few people in my life of my passion for shoes and im sure you have all had your own ways. I know the easy answer is straight away turn up in 5" stiletto pumps but i am convinced that would definately just scare them away (and im not THAT amazing at that height too). Please be aware im not trying to brainwash someone into liking heels or wearing them more often, i just want them to understand me a little bit more. First one is a younger cousin i dont get to see often, she has amazing fashion sense and im sure one shoe shopping trip with her that we'd both have a great time. Unfortunately proximity is one problem, but even when we do get to spend time together that any hints i drop fall on deaf ears or she comments "thats weird". Second person is a girlfriend of a friend, ive known her for over 5years and any hints i drop are met with a laugh or a change of conversation, ive gone as far as using dutch courage (got drunk) and went out in my 3" heel black cowboy boots which were met with "Acesecret you look gay in those". Why do i bother with her you ask? because not everyones perfect and we all have a great time all the time. Just wanted to hear what advice you guys have, i have read the other threads about how they talked to their friends and family about it, some were dramatic, others really positive, whereas i seem to be stuck in the middle.

[Tech]

The very fact that you feel you need to educate them is where your going wrong. No, you dont just turn up in 5" pumps, that would be a VERY stupid move, but you DO just turn up in something your comfortable in. That really is it, no secrects, no special training, no need for 50 pages of advice, you just put on your shoes/boots that your comfortable in, and go about your business, dont "bring it up in conversation", in fact talk about other things, because thats what you normally do anyway right? The very split second you turn it into "Something you need to talk about" is when you have lost, and it then goes from "you just turning up in something cool", to "you showing you have a problem you feel you need to talk about" Do guys who wear pink shirts feel the need to announce it before hand or "talk to somebody about it"? No, they just turn up in a pink shirt, people notice, some may poke fun for a minute, then life moves on... Same goes for what you put on your feet. If you turn up in something highly out of place, and not suitable for the occassion, then sure, people will take the piss out of you, same as anybody, so just go with whats comfortable, and suitable, and get on with it. Here endeth todays lesson.

[new_look]

Super advice Tech i do agree about making it a bigger issue than it is. It is however a great boost to your confidence if you arent in it alone and you have a supportive person who accepts what you are doing so i fully understand why you are wanting to obtain a cool friend.

[acesecret]

Awesome advice there, couldnt say thanks enough. One day i need to buy you a pint (if you drink).

[Tech]

Awesome advice there, couldnt say thanks enough. One day i need to buy you a pint (if you drink).

Imagine how stupid you would look if you said to a friend, in private, that you like to wear Polo-shirts, and do they mind?

Would it not be the case that you would come across as being somewhat of a pillock, who seemingly has some kind of fetish for polo-shirts?

doesnt matter what the item is, it's the fact that you had to tell somebody about it in private, that "seeking approval" bullshit that goes on...

Stick your heels on, and just do life, and others will simply do 1 of 2 things.

A) See it and get over it, possibly ask "whats with the heels"

Laugh, and not want to be seen with you anymore...

Both of these options will totally depend on how you present yourself. I wont pick out individual members here, but needless to say, I'm sure if you look around here you can find prime examples of how to do it, and how not to do it, and so far, the 2 best I've seen on "How TO do it, are kneehighs and maximillian (Did I spell that properly?)

As for the pint, sure, we both live in the same city, so it could be possible that we might bump into each other one day..

[acesecret]

I guess I had read the wrong threads there because as I say, some were dramatic, one or two posts sounded almost like a confession of a sin sometimes. Then ignored the good advice because I considered to be in a different situation somehow.

[ashamedman]

Well I've been working towrds it for some years, sayong thing lie "I love your shoes they are pretty" You look grest in those heels" Then I got a job at a women shoe store (Bakers) and everyone asked why I got that job, and I said "we'll I've never got a ajob anywhere else" and say stories about the job and talked to female friends about shoes and give them advice depending on their body. I've been saying that I love shoes for long time, and when the time came I told my girlfriend that I like how she looked in heels and I bought her shoes and always complementing her in her looks and shoes. Then one day I said to her "you know why I wouldn't use high heels shoes? I don't like shaving my legs and if I weren't that lazy I would wear them like always, I just like the way they feel and the way they shape your legs and butt besides I wouldn't want to pu you thru all the looks and stares and gossip" and she said "I don't mind, I think I would like it... Can I buy you your first pair? I know! Well get the same pair! No wait you'll get jealous bexcuase they look better on me" I've only been 5 months with her, and she accepted that aspect of my life that has been kept a secret for ever and I love her for it... Then I started telling other female friends of mine that are completely infatuated with high heels and tell them "hey let go shoe shooping!" And if you see something your size joke about the gigantic size and say things like I would look fantastic on me, well better than you anyways. I don't thibk approaching you family first is a good idea, start covering your bases with everyone around. I've been doin a comedy stand up and I've been sayong that I want to do it dressed like a girl (I'm not a transvestite, but any excuse to wear heels I take it) ala eddie izzard, everyone said that would be cool . Some women find men that waer heels, super hot, two friend of mine thinks so and my gf also thinks so, besides I'm a photographer and director, and she says "its okay,m it could be your artsy look" That's me advice fro me to you

[BobHH]

I have also run into those girls that I wanted to get close to who said "that's weird!" or "I wouldn't go with anyone like that" to any hint of men in heels. I think that shows an unthinking bias towards something without finding out more about the person they are talking to; passing judgement without any consideration of anyone else's feelings. Very disappointing and not a good sign for other areas of life, since it shows a tendency to be very opinionated and judgemental without bothering to understand the other person or their feelings or the situation. The same condemnation would probably apply to politics, taste in fashion, cars, or many things. Some girls/women I know who also know about my heels, on the other hand, have been more enthusiastic, from acceptance and even encouragement, to squealing with delight, to saying "you sure look sexy in high heels". Those are the ones I like and maintain friendships with. The others never go beyond just acquaintances.

[pussyinboots]

Im in need of some help from you wonderful people in getting the message across subtly to a few people in my life of my passion for shoes and im sure you have all had your own ways. I know the easy answer is straight away turn up in 5" stiletto pumps but i am convinced that would definately just scare them away (and im not THAT amazing at that height too).

Please be aware im not trying to brainwash someone into liking heels or wearing them more often, i just want them to understand me a little bit more.

First one is a younger cousin i dont get to see often, she has amazing fashion sense and im sure one shoe shopping trip with her that we'd both have a great time. Unfortunately proximity is one problem, but even when we do get to spend time together that any hints i drop fall on deaf ears or she comments "thats weird".

Second person is a girlfriend of a friend, ive known her for over 5years and any hints i drop are met with a laugh or a change of conversation, ive gone as far as using dutch courage (got drunk) and went out in my 3" heel black cowboy boots which were met with "Acesecret you look gay in those". Why do i bother with her you ask? because not everyones perfect and we all have a great time all the time.

Just wanted to hear what advice you guys have, i have read the other threads about how they talked to their friends and family about it, some were dramatic, others really positive, whereas i seem to be stuck in the middle.

It's not really down to you to educate your friends - that is down to them. Just wear what you're comfortable with - and get on with life.

There's an old saying (my Aunt again) that goes -

"Those who matter, don't mind - and those who do mind, don't matter"

In other words - your TRUE friends won't be bothered by what you put on your feet.

[acesecret]

thanks for all your replies everyone! just an update, life has given me a few surprises, ive met new friends, and took some risks with old ones. I met a new friend and we were talking about heels, she casually joked that she would get me some because i was so jealous, so i agreed that since her birthday was coming up, we could do a sort of shoe "trade/present" idea, i think she likes the idea of something different, i wish i could talk to her more but she lives about an hour away and sometimes hides what shes really thinking about some styles i like (i do like an honest friend who can say "No those arent for you", rather than one that will always say yes) but im much happier now I had my best female friend around and had some of my wedges lying around (kind of by accident) and i was surfing on the internet for some boots i wanted, of course she went straight to the guys section but we somehow agreed that everything there was horrible (note the endless military boot style in the mens shoes section of river island) and just had a look at the womens side, we both agreed the styles there were awesome, then she saw my wedges on the floor and put two and two together, but i stayed calm and said "yeap theyre mine, from my first friend i just mentioned" and that was that. Finally i have a new female friend with benefits shall i say, she doesnt seem to react at all, just a very straight faced but casual "nah take them off" but later on will compliment me in 3inch heel cowgirl boots....so go figure >.< One thing i have noticed from all my new friends is that as soon as i try to get anywhere near stilettos, they arent so supportive, its almost like the stiletto itself is a definition of a female to them, i dont know. I guess its work in progress. thanks for reading anyways, i just wanted to help some guys out there who may read this, try to cross the line and get their friends support without it being so dramatic like ive read in some other threads here.

[Histiletto]

This thread has been interesting and informative. It seems there should be some way to spotlight such helpful postings for future reference. Say - highlight the titles in a special colored lettering/background, notation, or symbol.

[Thighbootguy]

The only thing I would add to the idea of doing/wearing what you are comfortable with is to do it with confidence. I didn’t say to act confident… acting is a difficult craft that few people really master, rather you must be confident that the style you present is what you want the world to see. If you really like the way you look in heels, then Pussyinboots aunts’ comment is spot on. "Those who matter, don't mind - and those who do mind, don't matter"

Enjoy your heels