Bubba136 Posted July 2, 2003 Share Posted July 2, 2003 I think this would be funny if I knew what a "wotsit" was! Being mentally comfortable in your own mind is the key to wearing heels in public. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yamyam Posted July 2, 2003 Share Posted July 2, 2003 I think this would be funny if I knew what a "wotsit" was! Bizarrely-flavoured glow-in-the-dark orange potato snacks. If you can imagine a cross between a potato chip and a pillow, but tasting of diesel, then you're nearly there. Obsessed is such a strong word. I prefer to think of myself as "differently enthusiastic" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julietta Posted July 3, 2003 Share Posted July 3, 2003 Little Johnny keeps asking his Dad for a television in his bedroom, to which his Dad keeps saying "No". After all the nagging, he agrees and says, "OK". Several nights later Johnny comes downstairs and asks, "Dad, what's Love,Juice?" Dad is horrified, and after looking at Mum who's also gobsmacked, proceeds to give his son the whole works, warts and all. Johnny now sits on sofa with his mouth open in amazement. Dad asks, "So,what is it you've been watching then Son?" Johnny replies, . . . . . . . . . . . . . "Wimbledon." Let calm be widespread May the sea glisten like greenstone And the shimmer of summer Dance across your pathway "Communication is a two way thing" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julietta Posted July 3, 2003 Share Posted July 3, 2003 Apologies to any blondes but these are funny... A married couple are asleep when the telephone rings at two in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picks up the telephone, listens for a moment, and says, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hangs up. The husband says, "Who was that?" The wife says, "I don't know; some woman wanting to know 'if the coast is clear?" ---------------------------- Two blondes are walking down a street. One notices a compact on the pavement and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror, and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." She hands it to the second blonde. The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!" ---------------------------- A blonde suspects her boyfriend is cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door, she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it." The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!" ---------------------------- A blonde has just rolled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she manages to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch. A policeman arrives within minutes... "Are you OK?" the copper gasped. "Why, yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped. "Well, how in the world did this happen?" the copper asked as he surveyed the wreck. "Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. "I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this tree popped up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was another tree! I swerved to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was..." "Uh" the copper said, cutting her off as he looked inside the car, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth." Let calm be widespread May the sea glisten like greenstone And the shimmer of summer Dance across your pathway "Communication is a two way thing" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Firefox Posted July 3, 2003 Author Share Posted July 3, 2003 Did you hear abot the two gay Irish road labourers? ...Patrick Fitzwilliam and William Fitzpatrick And the two gay Scottish dentists...? Ben Dover and Phil MacAvity! (Whatsists are usually flavoured with "cheese" rather than diesel, but the effect is the same. Hence the term cheesy whatsists which taste similar to something else cheesy) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julietta Posted July 7, 2003 Share Posted July 7, 2003 http://www.britstore.co.uk/itm00363.htm Wotsits Let calm be widespread May the sea glisten like greenstone And the shimmer of summer Dance across your pathway "Communication is a two way thing" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jim Posted July 7, 2003 Share Posted July 7, 2003 The link won't show Jules....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jim Posted July 7, 2003 Share Posted July 7, 2003 oh yea,....wotsa "wotsit" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julietta Posted July 7, 2003 Share Posted July 7, 2003 I just tried it and it was ok. Strange these Wotsits Let calm be widespread May the sea glisten like greenstone And the shimmer of summer Dance across your pathway "Communication is a two way thing" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba136 Posted July 7, 2003 Share Posted July 7, 2003 are Wotsits anything like cheeze doodles or cheeze puffs? Being mentally comfortable in your own mind is the key to wearing heels in public. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yamyam Posted July 7, 2003 Share Posted July 7, 2003 are Wotsits anything like cheeze doodles or cheeze puffs? I think so. Personally I think they're so horrible I can't even watch the kids eat them, but that's just me. Obsessed is such a strong word. I prefer to think of myself as "differently enthusiastic" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Francis Posted July 7, 2003 Share Posted July 7, 2003 personally, if I want a load of Wotsits I'll buy them direct from Golden Wonder as they are made in Corby which is 8 miles from me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Firefox Posted July 7, 2003 Author Share Posted July 7, 2003 A load of whatsits eh?! I thought a handful would be enough to last anyone a lifetime... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julietta Posted July 8, 2003 Share Posted July 8, 2003 are Wotsits anything like cheeze doodles or cheeze puffs? Yes they are like cheese puffs Let calm be widespread May the sea glisten like greenstone And the shimmer of summer Dance across your pathway "Communication is a two way thing" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba136 Posted July 11, 2003 Share Posted July 11, 2003 Subject: Old man and young boy An old man, a boy, and a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey and the old man walked. As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking and the boy was riding. The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions. Later, they passed some people that remarked, "What a shame, he makes that little boy walk." They then decided they both would walk! Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride. So, they both rode the donkey. Now they passed some people that shamed them by saying how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey. The boy and man said they were probably right, so they decided to carry the donkey. As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal and he fell into the river and drowned. The moral of the story? If you try to please everyone, you might as well... Kiss your ass good-bye. Being mentally comfortable in your own mind is the key to wearing heels in public. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julietta Posted July 21, 2003 Share Posted July 21, 2003 Got this via email today and has tickled me so hope this brings a smile to your face Harold is 95 and lives in a senior citizen home. Every night >>after >> dinner, Harold goes to a secluded garden behind the centre >>to sit and >> ponder his accomplishments and long life. One evening, >>Mildred, age 87, >> wanders into the garden. >> >> They begin to chat, and before they know it, several hours >>have >> passed. >> After a short lull in their conversation, Harold turns to >>Mildred >> and asks, "Do you know what I miss most of all?" She asks, >>"What?" >> and he replies, "SEX!!" >> Mildred exclaims, "Why you old fart, you couldn't get it up >>if I >> held a gun to your head!" I know," Harold says, "but it >>would be nice >> if a woman could just hold it for a while." >> "Well, I can oblige," says Mildred, who unzips his trousers, >> removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it. >> Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the >>garden where they would sit and talk and >> Mildred would hold Harold's manhood. >> Then, one night, Harold didn't show up at their usual >>meeting >> place. >> Alarmed, Mildred decided to find Harold and make sure he was >>O.K. >> She walked around the senior citizen home where she found >>him sitting >> by the pool with another female resident, Ethel, who was >>holding Harold's >> manhood! >> Furious, Mildred yelled, "You two-timing creep! What does >> Ethel have that I don't have?" >> Old Harold smiled happily and replied........... >> >> >> >> >> >> >> ..................."Parkinson's." Let calm be widespread May the sea glisten like greenstone And the shimmer of summer Dance across your pathway "Communication is a two way thing" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yamyam Posted July 21, 2003 Share Posted July 21, 2003 Julietta: :rofl: Obsessed is such a strong word. I prefer to think of myself as "differently enthusiastic" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeffM Posted July 22, 2003 Share Posted July 22, 2003 I've always thought that to be a Goddess you had to be a Lady first. Even a Goddess in training has to be a Lady first. Tsk, tsk. Jeff Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julietta Posted July 22, 2003 Share Posted July 22, 2003 Oh come on Jeff I was sent that by email and even ladies can have a sense of humour especially when shared with friends right? PS I got that hug you sent me via Yam thank you xx Let calm be widespread May the sea glisten like greenstone And the shimmer of summer Dance across your pathway "Communication is a two way thing" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeffM Posted July 22, 2003 Share Posted July 22, 2003 Yes and if you took me seriously then it was no joke right? So I have posted in the wrong section ..... again. Oh and the pleasure was all mine. Jeff Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PJ Posted July 22, 2003 Share Posted July 22, 2003 One evening at a college dormitory building. Two guys began taking a late night shower when they realized that neither had brought any soap. So one of the boys peaked out into the hall and noted it was empty and quiet. So he decided to walk back to his room naked to get the soap. Once he retrieved two bars, he started walking back to the shower area. But just then, three girls came around the corner from the other direction. He stood still trying to impersonate a statue, hoping they would not notice him. As the girls neared him, one glanced over towards him and remarked "I don't remember seeing this statue here before". "I wonder why it's here near the restrooms?" She can't resist temptation as she reaches out her hand and begins to rub his exposed genital area. That causes him to drop one of the soap bars. "Look ! It's a soap dispenser" remarks the first girl. The second girl reaches out her hand and rubs his genital area. He drops the other bar of soap. "You are right, it is a soap dispenser" says the second girl. The third girl then reaches out and begins to rub him. But nothing happens. She continues to rub and rub and rub. Suddenly she remarks "When it runs out of soap bars, it switches to liquid soap!!!" click .... click .... click .... The sensual sound of stiletto heels on a hard surface. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julietta Posted July 22, 2003 Share Posted July 22, 2003 Back at ya lol Well I do seem to be cheesing people off today don't I lol Perhaps I'd better take an HH break and rethink how I can tread on egg shells which could be hard in my ultra heels Goodnight all :drinking: :rofl: Let calm be widespread May the sea glisten like greenstone And the shimmer of summer Dance across your pathway "Communication is a two way thing" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeffM Posted July 22, 2003 Share Posted July 22, 2003 And lets hope that by Tuesday some one has replenished the laughing emoticons, cause we must have just about run out of them. Maybe not , seems there is still plenty left. Oh its already Wednesday here so that problably why Jeff Yeah people I know its silly but I just felt like it ok? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jim Posted July 24, 2003 Share Posted July 24, 2003 .. just going along, minding my own business .... then WHACK!!!!!!!!!! file:///C:/Documents%20and%20Settings/teboi(fs)/Desktop/!ATT-0-258E1AD339CFE4449919F8DDBF2645EC-image001.gif what ever happened to good 'ol Frosty the Snowman.? file:///C:/Documents%20and%20Settings/teboi(fs)/Desktop/2muchsnow2.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julietta Posted July 24, 2003 Share Posted July 24, 2003 Jim I can't see anything (how are you anyway?) Let calm be widespread May the sea glisten like greenstone And the shimmer of summer Dance across your pathway "Communication is a two way thing" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeffM Posted July 24, 2003 Share Posted July 24, 2003 Are you trying to show off your shoes? Jeff Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba136 Posted July 29, 2003 Share Posted July 29, 2003 A 75-year-old woman went to the doctor for a check up. The doctor told her she needed more cardiovascular activity and recommended that she engage in sexual activity three times a week. A bit embarrassed, she said to the doctor, "Please tell my husband." The doctor went out into the waiting room and told the husband that his wife needed sex three times a week. The 78-year-old husband replied, "Which days?" The doctor answered, "Monday, Tuesday, and Friday would be ideal." The husband said, "I can bring her on Monday, but on Tuesdays and Friday I golf, so she'll have to take the bus." Being mentally comfortable in your own mind is the key to wearing heels in public. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julietta Posted July 29, 2003 Share Posted July 29, 2003 :rofl: Not really a joke but... Subject: Prison vs. work WHY WORK? Prison vs. Work Just in case you ever got the two mixed up, this should make things a little bit more clear . . . IN PRISON - you get three meals a day. AT WORK - you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it. IN PRISON - you get time off for good behavior. AT WORK - you get more work for good behavior. IN PRISON - the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you. AT WORK - you must carry around a security card and open all the doors for yourself. IN PRISON - you can watch TV and play games. AT WORK - you get fired for watching TV and playing games. IN PRISON - you get your own toilet. AT WORK - you have to share with some idiot who urinates on the seat. IN PRISON - they allow your family and friends to visit. AT WORK - you can't even speak to your family. IN PRISON - all expenses are paid by the taxpayer with no work required. AT WORK - you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners. IN PRISON - you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out. AT WORK . you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars. IN PRISON - you must deal with sadistic wardens. AT WORK - they are called managers. So - why is it again that we work? Let calm be widespread May the sea glisten like greenstone And the shimmer of summer Dance across your pathway "Communication is a two way thing" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba136 Posted August 5, 2003 Share Posted August 5, 2003 You don't have to own a cat to appreciate this one... A couple was dressed and ready to go out for the evening. They turned on a nightlight, turned on the answering machine on the phone line, covered their pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. They phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and the couple opened the front door to leave their house. The cat they had put out into the yard scoots back into the house. They don't want the cat shut in the house because "she" always tries to eat the bird. The wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, the man in hot pursuit. The wife doesn't want the driver to know the house will be empty. She explains to the taxi driver that her husband will be out soon. "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother." A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," he says, as they drive away. "Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked. I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!" The cabdriver hit a parked car... Being mentally comfortable in your own mind is the key to wearing heels in public. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julietta Posted August 7, 2003 Share Posted August 7, 2003 I got this via email and have been laughing for ages, it's my kind of humour (sorry Jeff not very lady like x) >Subject: FW: Ears > > > >Joe leased an apartment and went to the lobby to put his name on his >mailbox. While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the >mailboxes wearing just a robe. Joe smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had >nothing else on. Poor Joe broke out into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact. After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming!" He followed her into her apartment, where she closed the door and leaned against it, thus allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now nude, she purred at him, "What would you say is my best feature?" Flustered and embarrassed, Joe finally squeaked, "It's got to be your ears!" Astounded and a little hurt she asked, "My ears?" Why - look at these breasts, they're full and 100% natural! I work out every day! My butt is firm and solid! Look at my skin no blemishes anywhere! How can you say the best part of my body is my ears?" Clearing his throat, Joe stammered, "Well.... outside, when you said you heard someone coming? That was me! Let calm be widespread May the sea glisten like greenstone And the shimmer of summer Dance across your pathway "Communication is a two way thing" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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