Can I be cured?

[Daisuki]

I haven't posted here for a long time, but have dropped in now and then, when I needed to get my "fix," as it were. I'm glad to see that my user account is still around, but not it's like I had that many posts anyway. Even though I haven't posted, my infatuation with high heels and especially pumps hasn't seemed to have waned much. It seems like when I posted last, stilettos weren't that common on the street scene. Thankfully, the past few years have been a bit kinder around here. Still, I managed to get by with only flats for a couple years... *ducks* but recently I added some real shoes to my collection once again. This time I didn't settle for an off color (other than black) or a lower height, so I ended up getting a pair of Pleaser Black Patent pumps at a "modest" 4" and a more daring 5" in height. I'm not sure if I can place the pictures in the thread these days, though I have seen a few that have. I will settle for some links for now. My 5" pumps, glistening in the sunlight: *******Broken links removed******** My 4" pumps, with legs crossed: *******Broken links removed******** With women's shoes, I like maximum contrast, which is why I tend to take pictures with white socks on. So, considering that I've been a fan of pumps since ~1987, is there any hope that I can be cured? Well, cured of wearing them might be possible, but looking at them? Um, well, the day you stop looking...

[Firefox]

I don't think you can be "cured." It's probably been hard wired into your brain from early life experiences, even if you don't realise it. The best thing is to enjoy your interest. Some people have a fanatical obsession with football, others with religion, others with TV soap opera. Fashion interests are no different and pretty harmless too.

[Elegant]

If your religious beliefs etc. indicate that it's wrong to be interested in heels, and you don't accept your passion (nor you want to accept it), then you may seek psychologist's or sexologist's advice. But I'd strongly recommend accepting yourself as the person you are. Believe me, repressing yourself and feeling guilty because you don't meet the social expectations is no good.

BTW, have you visited http://www.passionsforfootwear.com ? I'm sure you'll find some answers there, too.

[thedesigner]

Why try to stop?? Life's too short!!

[johnieheel]

Elegant has a very good point and no psychologist is going to help. A friend of mine (male), found the link, pssionforfootwear.com for me and it changed my whole life along with comming here to hhplace. I found out that there is nothing wrong with me and it's OK to be your self. There are worse things and believe me, I have been them.

[Guy N. Heels]

Elegant has a very good point and no psychologist is going to help. A friend of mine (male), found the link, pssionforfootwear.com for me and it changed my whole life along with comming here to hhplace. I found out that there is nothing wrong with me and it's OK to be your self. There are worse things and believe me, I have been them.

Hi there, Daisuki, and welcome back.

I must ask the question: Cured of what? The word cured implies that something's wrong - like you're suffering from some kind of disease. For example, I've got inoperable bone cancer and, unless they find something we don't presently know about, I will never be cured. So what's yer problem: dandruff, athlete's foot, halitosis? Those things can be cured.

On the other hand, I very firmly believe that: "If it isn't broken, don't fix it!" In your case, unless yer talking something that I just ain't picking up on, I don't see anything broken and I sure don't see anything that needs to be "cured". You happen to have an eye for a particular fashion. Is that causing you or anyone you know any specific problems: bad breath; being picked-up by the cops; starting fights with yer family/neighbors; missing work; etc? If not, there's no problem to fix and nothing to cure. So why don't you just relax, get plugged-in here at the forum again, and take a stroll in yer heels from time to time? Believe me, life is so much better when you can enjoy yourself for who you are.

[Skirted-UK]

Firefox is right, I started wearing long straight black skirts with high heels in my teens because it was great fun.Then I started worrying about what road I was going down and tried to give it up, trouble was everywhere I went there were women in straight black skirts and high heels to remind me what I was missing. In the end I gave up trying because it was too stressful and I knew that sooner or later I was going to end up at some remote location at night in a skirt and heels. Just learn to live with it and enjoy it, but don't let it become too obsessive.

[Daisuki]

Thank you for all the input and advice. It seems what I need to figure out is whether I am repressing what I want or if it is something else. Perhaps if I could stick around long enough, things would change, but when someone doesn't know what they want it can be hard to figure out what is right. I don't expect to be "cured" from looking at pumps/heels and admiring them. I suppose it can be an advantage in the dating arena if I ever get serious on that front again. I have complimented women on their shoes from time to time, but the reaction varies pretty widely. Some are quite positive about it and others seem to be left wondering. As for wearing them, well, I don't know. I have been wearing flats as stand-ins for a couple years. I like them a lot and don't get as obsessive about them. As for heels, I don't usually keep them around long enough to see if there is "light" at the end of the tunnel. I suppose at some point I will have to figure out why I'm this way and where it leads. Thanks again for your help.

[shrimper]

Dai, sounds like you're afraid you might be gay or something to that effect. I went through a stage like that when I had to challenge all my cultural conditioning: 1. I was afraid I might be gay. 2. I was afraid people would assume I wanted to be abused. My self-discovery made me aware that: 1. I was not attracted to men. 2. I did not want to attract men. 3. I did not want to be dominated. 4. I did not want to wear other women's clothes. 5. I did get a charge out of wearing womens' shoes. 6. My biggest thrill was wearing the shoes of the woman I was making love to. 7. Many women are accepting of men like me. 8. I had to accept myself before I could find those accepting women. That last one was the hardest to come by but times have changed now and it is no longer a terrible thing for a man to say he likes heels. Foot and shoe preference through fetishism are almost mainstream now. Oh, by the way, I did get some counseling jointly with my current wife and we were both told that there is no "cure" for this nor does there need to be, its just a preference like breasts or butts, or hair.

[Rockpup]

When I was in my mid-late teens and some odd sexual interests started to show up I was put on medication. Rather then simply 'curing' the problem it removed all interest in anything at all. After about a month and a half I decided that zero libido was infinatly worse then an odd one and decided to try to see where I will end up without trying to 'fix' myself for the sake of others. around 14 years later and I am a functioning adult in a loving relationship with someone who shares many of my odd interests, I am a productive worker in my family business (ok, I'm goofing off a bit right now on the msg board), and I do not regret 'failing' to cure myself

[Guy N. Heels]

Ancient proverb say: To Thine Own Self Be TRUE. You will never be truly happy trying to live up to someone else's expectations or trying to fit into some mold some person (or society itself) says you must fit. You are an individual. You must come to grips with your own expectations, shortcomings, talents & abilities, limitations, values, tastes, and so forth. Trying to live-up to someone else's notion of what you should or should not do is to live a lie! Sooner or later you will find yourself paying the price for the lie. So you happen to like heels: big deal! So do I, and I've been wearing them for more than 50 years. Do you like wearing earrings? My ears have been pierced for more than 30 years. Do skirts and kilts turn you on? I wear 'em. Whatever you do or don't do - be honest about it! Be a man and say: This is what I am!

[chris100575]

I came out of the shoe closet a few months ago and feel a lot happier for it. Now I don't feel like wearing heels is something to be ashamed of, and I think it may have helped my GF's acceptance of my heels that I was open about them rather than it being a hidden desire. Admittedly, going public about your heels may not suit everyone, but your acceptance of your desire to wear them is essential. I saw a therapist for quite a while about a separate issue, but brought up my interest in cross-dressing (as it was then) and she helped me a lot. Not by attempting to "cure" me, because she said from the off that it was a part of me and that it wasn't going to go away, but by helping me to see it as a positive thing and to accept it. It was largely through her that I realised that I was only really interested in heels, and the rest pretty much died away. Chris

[Daisuki]

Dai, sounds like you're afraid you might be gay or something to that effect. I went through a stage like that when I had to challenge all my cultural conditioning:

1. I was afraid I might be gay.

2. I was afraid people would assume I wanted to be abused.

My self-discovery made me aware that:

1. I was not attracted to men.

2. I did not want to attract men.

3. I did not want to be dominated.

4. I did not want to wear other women's clothes.

5. I did get a charge out of wearing womens' shoes.

6. My biggest thrill was wearing the shoes of the woman I was making love to.

7. Many women are accepting of men like me.

8. I had to accept myself before I could find those accepting women.

That last one was the hardest to come by but times have changed now and it is no longer a terrible thing for a man to say he likes heels. Foot and shoe preference through fetishism are almost mainstream now.

Oh, by the way, I did get some counseling jointly with my current wife and we were both told that there is no "cure" for this nor does there need to be, its just a preference like breasts or butts, or hair.

Thank you very much for your observations. As you suspected, it has been a concern of mine, how others would perceive me and that they would assume that I am gay. Considering I have not had a girlfriend of late nor have I ever been married, I've been worried that my parents and others might think I am gay. Also, since I am the last hope for grandchildren for my parents, the extra pressure has made me doubt myself even more.

However, being gay would imply some sort of attraction to men. This is not the case. It has always been about girls/women. I just like different parts of women than others, that's all. I just have to be confident in that and not try to always avoid telling people of my likes and dislikes for fear of being pigeon holed about this or anything else for that matter.

I'm glad that there's a place like this.

Thanks again,

[Guy N. Heels]

Thank you very much for your observations. As you suspected, it has been a concern of mine, how others would perceive me and that they would assume that I am gay. Considering I have not had a girlfriend of late nor have I ever been married, I've been worried that my parents and others might think I am gay. Also, since I am the last hope for grandchildren for my parents, the extra pressure has made me doubt myself even more.

However, being gay would imply some sort of attraction to men. This is not the case. It has always been about girls/women. I just like different parts of women than others, that's all. I just have to be confident in that and not try to always avoid telling people of my likes and dislikes for fear of being pigeon holed about this or anything else for that matter.

I'm glad that there's a place like this.

Thanks again,

If you are not attracted to men and you do not want to attract men, then somewhere out there is a woman for you. Now all you have to do is go and find her. Lottsa luck!