Magickman Posted March 8, 2007 Share Posted March 8, 2007 My date hit me right on the head with my own high heels, figuratively, that is. She has decided that my heels are an instrument of auto-eroticism, a fetishistic means of generating sexual excitement and pleasure, for me. Don't get me wrong. I enjoy wearing high heels. I think it is fun ... and sexy, too. But how did she get the idea that I use them for sexual enjoyment? All this seems a little bit too Freudian to me. Sometimes a heel is just a heel. This whole thing came from out of the blue sky, like the recent meteorite strike of a home in Bloomington, Illinois. My take on it, is that this is a twist on penis envy, reincarnated as heel envy. Because so many women tell me that they cannot wear heels as high as mine, I think they are jealous. My date is one of them; the women who have severely limited heeling ability. Is this a form of sour grapes? Since high heeling is beyond her grasp, does she want to transform it into an erotic fantasy for me? Has anyone else encountered a reaction like this, from their significant other? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Shoe Posted March 8, 2007 Share Posted March 8, 2007 Yes. She is trying to reconcile the fact that you can wear much higher heels than hers or at least are willing to tolerate the pain and discomfort of doing so. She just can't get her head around the fact that you make your sartorial choices for exactly the same reason she makes hers. Graduate footwear designer able to advise and assist on modification and shoe making projects. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kneehighs Posted March 8, 2007 Share Posted March 8, 2007 My date hit me right on the head with my own high heels, figuratively, that is....snip... Has anyone else encountered a reaction like this, from their significant other? By virtue of your own word choice, you make it sound as if she "won". For she took the offense by defining the terms of the conversation and thus took control of the FRAME. Even as a figurative expression, its a disempowering metaphor for communicating with yourself about what happened. (edit: not usual for someone with your self-confidence). It puts you on the defense. Perhaps my interpretation of the sequence of events is inaccurate though. While some may disagree with me, this is precisely why I try to control the frame by which such "debates" are argued. For he who defines the frame first, usually has a better chance of winning others to his side of thinking. For me, before they can bring up reasons against a man in heels, I bring up reasons why for me, it's all about FASHION (not fetish). I've cut off people while they are in the middle of a sentence specifically to get my side in first. Heels make my legs longer, force my posture into a more upright position, make me walk more elegantly, make me taller which for men is a powerful thing. Heels for me push the fashion envelope for men, which is why Gaultier, Rick Owens, Rui Leonardes, Vivienne Westwood, and Dior Homme have consistently created lines of Men's heels for years on major fashion runways of the world. Now, I'm off to JFK! Woohooo! Terminal 4 here I come. Feminine Style . Masculine Soul. Skin In The Game. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asdf174 Posted March 8, 2007 Share Posted March 8, 2007 I don't know. I'm not saying was right becasue I don't think she was at all. But from my own experience I think a lot of people draw that conclusion when they see a man in heels. You know kinda like sterotyping.... especailly when it comes to heels that are like 5"+ and plats becasue those type of heels or typically associated with the fetish type world. And when people see men in heels I think TV/TS/CD typically pops is one of the first thing that pops in people's head. Not saying that it is right. It's all good. ~Arron. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guy N. Heels Posted March 10, 2007 Share Posted March 10, 2007 Well, for one thing, high heels do create an image and I think a very great deal revolves around that image that heels create. Some people just can't get their minds around it. So before we have paralysis from analysis, let's just accept the fact that some people are totally unable to accept avante-guard fashion and thinking. Keep on stepping, Guy N. Heels Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danielinheels Posted March 10, 2007 Share Posted March 10, 2007 I chat on yahoo every so often, and at least once per session someone says that me wearing heels is just a gateway to me going full monty (or full monique, whatever). Now I'll experiment with various women's pieces but I really don't have much desire to make regular passes at being a female. Of course that could change, but I don't need it to be stated to me as a guarantee... Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. - Oscar Wilde Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
new_look Posted March 12, 2007 Share Posted March 12, 2007 i ve had the 'its a fetish' thrown at me too sometimes people just dont understand that its just done cos we want to. just like when women wanna wear em they do, its not a fetish, its just something i like and enjoy when i choose, rather like an exotic icecream. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drumitt Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 I'm kind of stuck in the middle here. There's sometimes I'm happy wearing a pair of 3" heel cowgirl boots out. Easy to walk in and look great too. I still get nervous about peoples reactions as they certainly do notice even something this tame on a straight guy, but I think they look stylish and good on me. No "fetish" thing at all. Just me being me. But also, I have always had this neverending quest to conquer walking in extreme heels. This is always done behind closed doors. I have mastered 5 1/2" heels, can go reasonably well in a pair of 6 1/4" pumps (but not for long) and I am currently trying to cope with a new pair of 7" ankle boots; all with no platform by the way. I don't get sexual pleasure out of this so I don't think it can be classed as a "fetish", but I am severely addicted to this, always have been. Every opportunity I get to practice walking in ever higher heels I take; and have done for the last thirty odd years! It's cost me my marriage, and I'm still "addicted". I think I've maxed out at the 7" heels, and I certainly can't walk with dead straight knees in them, but I can walk! See my new thread "7 inch ankle boots" for a couple of pictures. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elegant Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 Well, I've got several fetishes (leather, corsets, high heels...)- but I feel that I can be turned on without them as well. So what? Fetishism would be a pathology when one couldn't get horny without a fetish, especially if it caused some sort of suffering to them or others (I talk about genuine suffering, not consensual S/M where the pain exchange is meant to be pleasant for all partners). What is good for a goose, can be good for any gender! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Firefox Posted March 14, 2007 Share Posted March 14, 2007 She probably feels uncomfortable with it for whatever reason. Its not necessarily because she can't wear them herself. There may be religious, upbringing or social reasons. Therefore she tries to find wild accusations which could make you feel uncomfortable in an attempt to get her own way by moderating your behaviour. You can try to explain your own take, and find some compromise with her that is mutually acceptable. If she doesn't want to listen to any reason then is she the kind of person you could live with in the longer term? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drumitt Posted March 14, 2007 Share Posted March 14, 2007 Most of you have read that my wife and I are now seperated, mostly due to my "heeling", see my old "Mellow with age?" thread. We obviously discussed it deeply during the two years we were fighting to cling on to our marriage, but her reason for not being able to cope was she thought I was "not the man she thought I was". I guess keeping it a secret successfully for fifteen years or more was the real trouble. Had I come clean up front, then we probably wouldn't have gotten together in the first place. To get back on topic, I think the underlying problem is a lot of Women want a very "Masculine" man. I'm straight and don't crossdress any more than footwear. But even that is not an acceptable version of "Masculine Man". I'm willing to bet if the male population were all as brave as us on this forum to admit some kind of "feminine" side, it would probably amount to, at the very least, half of them. Then, would we be a minority? For the most part, Women don't understand Men, and Men don't understand Women. I truly think we are all have our "alter ego's", it's just that such a very few of us admit it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Firefox Posted March 14, 2007 Share Posted March 14, 2007 I'd wager there are rather more women who think they understand men, than men who think they understand women Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crotchboots-m Posted March 17, 2007 Share Posted March 17, 2007 i would tend to agree with that only because any of the men i know wouldnt even touch the subject of understanding "them". its such a complex issue that i wouldnt even attempt to consider it,even drunk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vector Posted March 17, 2007 Share Posted March 17, 2007 Wwwweeeeelllllll, So if they are an, "...instrument of auto-eroticism, a fetishistic means of generating sexual excitement and pleasure, blah blah, blah..." So what???? Life is too short! Live it up and enjoy!! Aren't they "pleasurable" for women also?? We all do many different things for pleasure. I'm sure your GF does some things also. Just my two cents! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heelfan Posted March 17, 2007 Share Posted March 17, 2007 Let's be honest guys, regarding the vast majority of us, the shoe fetish accusation is blatantly true! Much better to be frank and just admit it, rather than assuming airs of righteous indignation and denial! However, I agree with Elegant in that we can admit our fetishes with honesty and yet still lead rich social lives. My wife realised my fetish very early on, but she realises that I can be sexually excited by high heels without diminishing my love for her and our great relationship. We have been very happily married for 34 years and I'm still happily heeling away too! The secret? Until you can be honest and admkit it to yourself, you can't be honest with your loved ones. The best relationships are built on trust, honesty and openess, yes and including warts and all! Cheers, Heelfan Onwards and upwards! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Shoe Posted March 17, 2007 Share Posted March 17, 2007 I have no trouble being as masculine as my wife can handle whenever the situation arises. This is in despite of Tara whom amny of you have met and the fact that I have some feminine tendencies besides heel-wearing. Yes some of my heels and some of my clothes are blatently fetish (I mean leather and PVC catsuits are aren't they?) she has absolutely nothing to compete against and it isn't as if I need them to perform in bed. Graduate footwear designer able to advise and assist on modification and shoe making projects. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsltruck Posted March 17, 2007 Share Posted March 17, 2007 Back in the '60's when we were dating, my gf (wife) knew I liked women's footwear. We would shop for heels for me that I could wear out. Back then it was impossible to find larger sizes (11,12,etc) so would squeeze my foot into a size 10. As long as they were leather they would most times stretch enuff to be wearable after a few times. We will be married 35 yrs this June. Has it been easy???? Hell NO!!! but it is worth all the hard times endured for the joy of the great times. Wearing my size 11 NineWest Western Boots as I write this. Stan "Life is what happens to you as you are busy making other plans" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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