crisis of a girlfriend of a hh wearer!

[Guy N. Heels]

This could be used against her too- if you're about to go somewhere with your wife dressed more manly, tell her that you ain't gay and want to be with a WOMAN not a man. Watch her reaction, and if she tells you that women have larger choice of clothing and it's not weird etc., ask why men have a limited wardrobe! Maybe you'll manage to talk about i.e. female emancipation (and how women started to wear previously masculine pants) and suggest that men shouldn't be oppressed in the field of fashion too!

I think you've pretty much hit the nail, Tubehead! What with women's lib and screaming for "emancipation" and all that sort of rot, they seem to have overlooked the fact that what's sauce for the gander is also sauce for the goose!! Then some guy, or perhaps their significant other, comes along and performs the old flip-flop on them and they start to get squirmy.

But the plain and simple fact is that the street traffic runs both ways. When my woman starts to seriously consider what I want her to wear then I'll give serious consideration to what she wants me to wear. But as long as it's my money buying my clothing, I think I ought to have first say in what I want.

[BobHH]

Stormie- So what if he wears them "all the time?" They are only "shooz." On the other hand (or foot?), they are very different from what one might expect. What is "all the time?" I presume that doesn't mean going shopping, to work, to restaurants, visiting, etc.? Your activities together should be the focus of attention, not the shoes. Whatever it takes to get there.

[Stormie]

I presume that doesn't mean going shopping, to work, to restaurants, visiting, etc.?

Yes, yes, if he was given half the chance, not sure what you mean by 'visiting'. Depends on who he is visiting I guess, friends then yes, family (mine or his) then no. Also nightclubs and pubs. When I say 'all the time' I mean 'all the time'. I don't mean 'every once in a while when he thinks no-one's looking'. Thankfully he wears fairly plain black boots.

But as long as it's my money buying my clothing, I think I ought to have first say in what I want.

That's always his argument as well. So I offered to buy him some clothes.

When my woman starts to seriously consider what I want her to wear then I'll give serious consideration to what she wants me to wear.

Well, now, that depends on what you want her to wear. I think if you're trying to persuade her to wear a leather micro-skirt, corset and 6-inch courts then I don't blame her for not considering it seriously.

I think, to be honest, my boyf is very considerate on the whole and we have tried hard to reach a compromise. I think I'm carrying a lot of stress and aggression at the moment because of other things and being even less tolerant than I would be normally.

[Danielinheels]

That's like saying to an arachnophobe 'so just what is wrong with spiders?' They could run a spiel of just what exactly is wrong, but unless you feel the same way you'd never understand. ...

...Like a year or so I had never seen him in heels. I did it, didn't like it but tried to accept it anyway. Now he wears them all the time. If I try to accept this, what will he try to do next? And if I don't like this already, how the hell do I handle the next bit? If I put up a block on it now, then I'll never be forced to find out.

First part first: The problem with spiders is that they are potentially deadly. Life can be ended at the bite of a few breeds of spiders (black widow, brown recluse, others). That is a fear of personal safety, be it perceived (the spider is actually harmless) or actual (a black widow has nested 10 feet from your front door). To the best of my knowledge, wearing heels has never once threatened my personal safety... of course there is the possibility of a hate crime, but there's not a very human chance of that unless you live in a fairly rough area.

Moving on... you're worried about the boundaries he will push from there. To illustrate a point, I'll reveal something to you that fewer than 5 people know... in private, and I'd ask that it not be shared. PM me as a sign of interest. What I can share, though, is that I eventually transcended thoughts of things that I thought about, and made the decision within myself to wear heels and heels only. My mom constantly questioned me on it - asking if I wanted to wear skirts, dresses, etc - but I'd resolved all of that and decided to just go shoes. I don't think I ever fully convinced her that any desire of mine to crossdress ended at the ankles... knees if I wore stockings.

[Stormie]

First part first: The problem with spiders is that they are potentially deadly. Life can be ended at the bite of a few breeds of spiders (black widow, brown recluse, others). That is a fear of personal safety, be it perceived (the spider is actually harmless) or actual (a black widow has nested 10 feet from your front door). To the best of my knowledge, wearing heels has never once threatened my personal safety... of course there is the possibility of a hate crime, but there's not a very human chance of that unless you live in a fairly rough area.

I just used spiders as an example because it is a common phobia that most people know about. Besides, there are no poisonous spiders in England (yet, anyway, but what with global warming and all that jazz it's probably just a matter of time). If you want an alternative phobia we'll go with... metrophobia, the fear or hatred of poetry (now if we're talking Vogons then fear of poetry may be understandable I suppose)... or arachibutyrophobia, the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth. Ok, so I just pulled those off some website, but it is possible to develop a fear of ANYTHING given the right stimulus.

Yeah, some phobias may have an evolutionary aspect to them, like of spiders, snakes, heights and so on, so I guess I picked a bad example. Something doesn't have to threaten your physical safety to be feared anyway, it can threaten your mental states and your self-perceptions. But this is all going to make for dull reading.

Moving on... you're worried about the boundaries he will push from there. To illustrate a point, I'll reveal something to you that fewer than 5 people know... in private, and I'd ask that it not be shared. PM me as a sign of interest.

Now I'm intrigued, consider yourself PM'd.

I think I am worried about the boundaries he will push and I have expressed this fear to him before, and he has assured me he has no interest in it going further. But I'm not convinced that he won't change his mind a few months or years down the line and just use his favourite phrase 'That was then, and this is now. Stop focussing on the past'.

They are only "shooz."

I must have read over this part or something because I missed out one of my pet hates. They are not 'only' shoes. If they were only shoes, then why can't you be happy in flats? They're only shoes. It is not the object of a shoe that is the problem - yeah, you're right, that is just a lump of leather and plastic that you stick on your feet to keep them warm and dry. It is what they represent.

[chris100575]

It is possible that his interest won't progress further. I started cross dressing when I discovered how much I liked wearing heels because I thought it was a package deal. Then I realised that it was only the shoes I was interested in wearing and the rest fell by the wayside. Some guys never go that far and stick with the shoes. It's probably difficult for you to understand the appeal of wearing heels, because I understand you don't like wearing them yourself. For me it's nothing to do with wanting to feel feminine or anything like that, because I don't. It's simply that there are a whole load of nice shoes out there that society as a whole says that I'm not allowed to wear. Chris ps. I quite liked the Vogon poetry! Was better than that of Grunthos the Flatulent anyway...

[sscotty727]

They are not 'only' shoes. If they were only shoes, then why can't you be happy in flats?

Actually, I can talk to this one (atleast for me). I used to think I was just interested in wearing Stilletos, yeah, I DO like the look and feel of a stilleto pump, however, after years of wearing "heels" now and also talking openly to my wife over her concerns, etc, I have found out that what I really enjoy is the feeling of my foot at an arch. So I have evolved to wearing discrete wedges instead of obvious stilleto pumps.

Here is an example of what I wear. As you can see, they aren't real 'feminine' looking. I even wear them to work, weekends, etc and I haven't turned into a pumpkin nor has anyone treated me any different. Even wear them over to my wife's family and they have never said anything negative (and believe me, my wife would have told me if they did).

[Guy N. Heels]

Very good post, SScotty727. Like Ive said so many times, in the vast majority of cases the issue is no bigger than you want it to be. Or to put it another way, what we're really dealing with here is the conquest of space. You see, there's about 6 inches between the average person's right ear and their left ear. Now that is the critical space that must be conquered! :rofl: So the first question that I'd like to ask is exactly who is the boyfriend hurting with his choice of shoes? Then the next question that I'd like to ask is just exactly what is the source of the panic reaction? Now if somebody's taking the train to panicsville because of what someone else might be thinking; then the next question becomes: just exactly what kind of control did you ever have about someone else's thinking, attitude or anything else, for that matter? Unless you are a very extraordinary person indeed, the only person's thinking you can control is your own. Then the next point is as simple as a balloon. The more pressure you apply to this issue, the more you "blow-up the higheeled balloon". :argue: The smart and simple thing is to let the pressure out and then the "balloon" ain't so big any more. Then, when the boyfriend is no longer getting the negative feedback, he can much more easily make up his own mind as to how often and when he prefers to wear heels. If I were a betting man, I'd bet money that he won't wear his heels more than 2 or 3 times a week. But even if he does - so what?

[dr1819]

Good comments, Scotty. I like the comment about how both sexes used to wear hose. Very few men and women dressed as fashion plates show. In the 1300's, most men and women wore very similar styles, either a robe or tunic, sometimes with stockings (hose) which came to points that were tied about the waist. At one point men were required to wear a codpiece, which was essentially a male thong (women kept their skirts/dress long, so no underwear was required). Pants really presented a fashion technology challenge between the upper thigh and the waist. It took quite a while before they figured out how to do the right cuts. In the meantime, skirts and tunics were easy. Back to wearing heels, how're things coming, manolover?

[Guy N. Heels]

They are only "shooz."

I must have read over this part or something because I missed out one of my pet hates. They are not 'only' shoes. If they were only shoes, then why can't you be happy in flats? They're only shoes. It is not the object of a shoe that is the problem - yeah, you're right, that is just a lump of leather and plastic that you stick on your feet to keep them warm and dry. It is what they represent.

Whoa there! I think we've finally got to the sole -er root of the problem. Just exactly what is it they represent?

[BobHH]

"They are only shooz" was a quote from Jenny, who started this whole board thing, I think. It was similar to a quote from one of the fashion designers who said "Have fun, it's only clothes." That's the point - have fun, it's not that serious a thing, or shouldn't be. Girls get to wear anything they darn well please and nobody thinks much of it (except those who like to criticize "sluts.") We should be having fun, not getting up tight or ulcers over fashion.

[Dawn HH]

What's to get up-tight about? I have heels---I enjoy them--- I wear them out in public. Nuff said. Cheers--- Dawn HH

[Guy N. Heels]

The problem isn't the "fashion" choice in itself. The problem is that there are certain ques that trigger images in our mind based on what we see and what we perceive.

For alot of women, seeing a man all of a sudden in clothes that are associated with a woman, they see the man as "girly". For some women this might not be a problem, but for my wife and I can only assume Stormie (not trying to put words in her mouth though), all of a sudden they see their "manly-man" as a woman or more feminie than they would like.

This is why open communication, fears, etc are important. For my wife, I saw where she was coming from and worked out a compromise. I now wear less obvious wedge shoes that give me the heeled feeling I want and tone down the "girly-man" image she doesn't want. After all as she tells me "I am not a lesbian, if I wanted to be with a woman I would be with a woman, but I am straight, I want a man".

Who knows, perhaps over time as she gets used to me wearing heels and maybe if more people wear them and it is socially accepted that men wear heels that will change, but for right now, this minute, as long as I want the relationship, I have to be open to her fears and concerns just as she is open to my wants and desires. Scotty

So lessee, the problem here is not the fashion, but the image. Yeah, I can kinda relate to that - let any guy try wearing a red blazer in the lobby of any prominent hotel and see what happens. Or try wearing a dark chalk stripe suit with a wide brim fedora into the train station in Chicago - especially while carrying a violin case. But that really doesn't change the person in the clothes any more than wearing a wig changes the woman (or man) wearing it.

I agree with SScotty, we should not push the fashion envelope at the expense of a significant relationship. But I also think that our significant others need to respect our desires to expand our horizons and mode of expression. Otherwise we can all pitch the wigs, make-up, heels, jewelry, and everything else into the rubbish heap and go back to wearing loin-cloths and bear skins.

[sscotty727]

I agree with SScotty, we should not push the fashion envelope at the expense of a significant relationship. But I also think that our significant others need to respect our desires to expand our horizons and mode of expression. Otherwise we can all pitch the wigs, make-up, heels, jewelry, and everything else into the rubbish heap and go back to wearing loin-cloths and bear skins.

That is why I say communication with your significant other is vitally important. I believe that the vast majority of people can workout compromises if you love the person and are willing to find a way for both to be happy. Sure there are those that won't bend. In those cases, you must decide, which is more important, the heels or the relationship. I do have to agree though, if they refuse to compromise in one area, are the going to also refuse to compromise in all areas? Only the two people involved can answer that. But open, honest, communications are VERY important.

Also, don't expect change overnight. I've been married for going on 16 years and knew her for 20. She knew my passion for heels when we first met. I've only been wearing heels in public for a few years now (approximately 3) and went through MANY purging/guilt feelings for wearing the heels. Shyguy is another perfect example of patience. But neither my cause nor his happened without communication and willingness to compromise.

[BobHH]

I have a striped suit and a fedora! Have only worn them for dance exhibitions, playing a 30s gangster part. The last time was a 30s dance party in the grand ballroom on the Queen Mary, just a month or two ago.

[Guy N. Heels]

I have a striped suit and a fedora! Have only worn them for dance exhibitions, playing a 30s gangster part. The last time was a 30s dance party in the grand ballroom on the Queen Mary, just a month or two ago.

Man, you missed the whole scene without the violin case! Add a dark silk shirt and a brilliant white painted silk tie with matching pocket handkercheif and you'd be right on target - er uh - you know what I mean. :rofl:

[BobHH]

I have the shirt and tie, too!

[Guy N. Heels]

Then You've GOTTA get that violin case!

[Dawn HH]

Yeh! And a Thompson sub-machine gun to go inside that violin case. Oh yeh! Cheers--- Dawn HH

[wineanddine]

How in the hell did this thread morph from a girl friends problem about heels to wearing a halloween costume and a submachine gun? What did I miss along the way?

[Guy N. Heels]

I think somebody wuz trying to say sumptin 'bout IMAGE!

[w6ish]

ha ha! this is great stuff! keep up the good work!

[Dawn HH]

My fault, guys! I couldn't resist the comment. Back on topic now. Cheers--- Dawn HH

[Guy N. Heels]

Yeah - whatever happened to the poor gal that was having a crisis in her life? If you are still out there, hon, how about telling us how things are going?

[Stormie]

Yeah - whatever happened to the poor gal that was having a crisis in her life? If you are still out there, hon, how about telling us how things are going?

I think the original poster (manololover) posted a message to say all was well.

I'm still here, still pop in and read stuff but rarely find anything to say. Things are going... well, pretty much the same as they ever have been. The only real difference is that I have so many other things going on in my life that the "heel-wearing boyfriend" stress has been shoved to the bottom of the 'to do' pile. Maybe that's the secret - be so damn busy you can't think and then you don't think about it?!

[Guy N. Heels]

The only real difference is that I have so many other things going on in my life that the "heel-wearing boyfriend" stress has been shoved to the bottom of the 'to do' pile. Maybe that's the secret - be so damn busy you can't think and then you don't think about it?!

Well Hon,

Here in the States we like to say,"Don't sweat the small stuff." And after a while you'll find that almost all of it is small stuff. Life is simply too short to get your knickers all in a twist over small stuff.

[dr1819]

Otherwise we can all pitch the wigs, make-up, heels, jewelry, and everything else into the rubbish heap and go back to wearing loin-cloths and bear skins.

Which, by the way, are a more comfortable option in the hunting cabin during winter than my skirts...

[Guy N. Heels]

Which, by the way, are a more comfortable option in the hunting cabin during winter than my skirts...

You wear a loin-cloth in a hunting cabin in winter?

[dr1819]

You wear a loin-cloth in a hunting cabin in winter?

Yep. It's called a "Hanes Men's Brief."

But I was speaking of the bear skin, as my heaviest winter kilt is still a bit chilly in the middle of winter.

One thing about Germany - lot's of middle-aged and older men wear lederhosen (think knickers), so I have no problem getting away with wearing opaque tights (or actually lederhosen) under my kilt, provided I wear my knee-high hiking socks over the top. Although today lederhosen aren't usually heavily embroidered as they traditionally were.

[Guy N. Heels]

Yeah - whatever happened to the poor gal that was having a crisis in her life? If you are still out there, hon, how about telling us how things are going?

Since this thread has been dead for a fortnight, maybe we'd better get back to Stormie and find out she's doing. How's it going, Hon?