Youngster wearing heels

[plasmaboy]

I am a confirmed street heeler. However my 8 year old daughter was shopping with her older cousin & came home with a pair of knee high 4" chunky heel boots. In fact she was wearing them looking pleased as punch. I guess that isn't a problem every now and again but she now wants to wear them all the time. I am not so happy with this at her age. Not to mention my middle daughter (5 years old) now wants in on this. What do others think?

[Francis]

More and more children are getting in on the fashion trends and sometimes feel pressured when told otherwise, but I suppose it comes down to individual parenting techniques as to how you should proceed. If it was my daughter and the boots were teamed with a very short skirt then I would be straight onto it. We have a problem with a friends daughter doing just that and it's not a stable environment any more, so We try and tell her that just because an older person may choose to dress as a tart doesn't mean that she has to. In fact my friend is getting annoyed, especially when someone tried to lift her skirt. she's only 11 ! That guy soon got a very stern talking to and friends daughter was told to never wear that again. wearing high heels is no big problem as long as it isn't used as a chance to dress in something unsuitable. Knee boots and knee length or below knee length skirt is acceptable, but, again, it's down to the parents choice.

[plasmaboy]

these boots are black and "leather look". The heel is a block shape & the toe is a roundish square(!) So far i have seen her wear them under jeans and with tights and a just above the knee skirt. The day she sneaked to school with them on she wore trousers - i suspect to stop the teachers sending her home again. I agree that if she looked tarty i would just take them off her and bin them. A degree of tact is required at the moment & i hope this will keep it in check.

[hoverfly]

Lets face it, a 8 year old wearing 4" heels have a suggestive sexuality to them are not appropriate for some one not capable of handling such a piece of clothing. Pear pressure is bad enough, but such sexual suggestion is very dangers!!! Do you really think she can handle that as an 8 year old? Personally I would not let my daughter were very high heels until her first/second year in high school, but not to completely deny her some fashion expression lower heels should be allowed. . Limits should be placed on heel height and on where they can be worn such as special occasions.

[Steve B]

I was at the movies once and remember seeing a girl wearing black stilettos who couldn't have been more than eight or nine years old. I'd say those shoes had 3" or 3.5" heels. While they looked good on her, I couldn't help but think she was a tad young to be wearing them.

[Dr. Shoe]

A child's feet are still forming and to wear such high heels at such an age could have future ramifications and so this should be discouraged. Wearing these heels makes her feel grown up and perhaps she should be stopped from wearing them except for special occassions.

[DeSalto]

Dr.Shoe, I can remember seeing a young girl about 12 years old wearing a pair of black strappy sandals with metal 4 1/2" stilettos. She was very good walking on those heels, probably a result of a lot of practice. But I could notice she also had some huge bunion on his great toe, those kind of deformity that affects people wearing heels an narrow pointed shoes. I believe heels are not for yong girls, at least not regularly. DeSalto

[plasmaboy]

i have hidden the boots. when she came asking after them i just denied all knowledge. she can't quite make it out but my plan is to suggest i go with her and get a lower heeled pair. Barratts & Next both have low heeled boots that should keep her happy for now!

[sscotty727]

I have a 7yr old and a 4yr old girl (also a newborn girl, should be interesting in a couple of years). Anyway, on several occasions when out shopping for shoes for them, my wife and I have noticed high heels in their size!!! Not 6" stilettos, but still, far too high for someone that age. It always struck us odd (and almost sickening) that manufacterers make heels for small children. In contrast, they are so relunctant to make nice heels in larger sizes. On a side note, my daughter watches alot of the disney shows, and it seems like alot of the girls on those shoes wear heels all the time (Lizzy Maguire, That's So Raven, anything starting Lindsey Lohan, etc). Now I understand they are older and can wear the heels, but in movies and shows geared towards a younger audience, is it a wonder why younger girls are feeling the urge to wear heels? Scotty

[plasmaboy]

well my 8 year old is a size 1 and heels are esy to buy. all heights. my middle daughter is 5 and a size 12. although not mega high u can still find heels all over for her. i am glad i am not the only one having this problem anyway!

[sscotty727]

Plasma, My wife isn't a heel fan, so she immediately takes 1 look at them and says "No!". It will probably be a while before she is allowed to wear heels at all. Scotty BTW, my wife takes a 6 to 6 1/2 (depending on the shoe) and we found out a girls size 4 (or is it 5?) is the same thing.

[Sydnee]

do you want them to wear high spiky heels, like fetish heels?

[plasmaboy]

no i don't really want them wearing anything at all. if u read my post at the strat of the thread, my eldest arrived home with heels one day after a trip out.

[shrimper]

It just seems inappropriate to me to see pre-teen girls wearing heels. Oftentimes the girl's mothers are encouraging this. My personal opinion is that 14 or later is an appropriate age for heels.

[sscotty727]

Being a dad of 3 girls, I want to keep them little girls for a long as I can, so I am sure I am probably bias as far as when it is appropriate for various things (for example, I almost had a fit when my wife put some lipstick on my then 4-year old, now 7, for a dance recital). Anyway, it would be great to hear from the ladies on the board on their opinions as they are probably alot less bias. Scotty

[RPMindy]

This is an interesting thread to read. (and my 50 cents on it) I will try to keep my emotions out of this and stick to some simple facts. Young boys are discouraged from lifting heavy weights because their bones aren't formed and the stress can damage their growth in more ways than the urban legends suggest. The same goes with the feet. Doctors advice you be very careful in choosing shoes for either genders because ill fitting shoes do a ton of damage to feet and the results only show up later in life. Good manufacture take greater care in designing kids shoes because they have regulations to follow (sadly it doesn't apply to all manufactures) As for making heels in smaller size.. due to a lot of lobbying from folks in smaller feet size as adults, heels and other fashions are making it in smaller and smaller sizes. I remember when finding a 5 inch heel in a size 6 was hard to find. now they make it in size 4.5 (usually a kid size, but i've got adult friends with size 4.5 feet and they're so please they can finally find heels to raise their heights) so, depending on parenting styles will determine how you help your child realize that they should wait until their body is done growing to go for the more 'extreme' of heel heights. But remember, the age at which the foot is done growing varies from person to person and hence the age at which they can support heels varies. (rushing it will only hurt in the long run) On the emotional side of the spectrum... I don't want to subject any child to the added pressures of fending of pervs and hungry men. A big part of me says protect the growing child. I have been viewed as a mentor figure for two growing girls in my years. The hardest part was seeing them grow into women and helping them realize they don't have to grow up so fast. it's really hard... plus it tugs at my heart big time (whoever says guys dont' get emotional hasn't met one who cares about his daughter, wife, girlfriend, sister, or mentee) plasmaboy, I wish you luck with this. your trick of hiding the boots will only work now because she's so young, try that when she's a teen and the results will be much much much more different! When they're teens, its more a luck thing that being their friend. Setting limits and dealing with the fall out until they're old enough to say thank you is a tough act of love! Keep us posted. The short of my long speech, postpone the heeling as long as possible, even though you're fighting a loosing battle agains pop culture (disney channel included). Just help her realize there is a time and place for heels and that if she respects that, you'll be more understanding of her wishes to wear them.. you never know, she might take your advice! RPM

[terayon]

I think as long as she is associating with good friends, doing alright in school and generally staying out of trouble then you should let her wear whatever she wants. Although, I believe that the rest of her attire will ultimately dictate how appropriate they are. The boots with heels themselves shouldnt be any problem...but if she starts to wear skanky clothing or you think she is coming off as way over mature, to the point where it could her in trouble, then by all means draw the line. You say your a street heeler yourself....does she see you wearing heels? Im sure there a variety of reasons why she would want to wear them.....maybe, like you, and me, and everyone else here, she just likes that style of shoe. As a relatively young person myself (19), id definetely caution you against telling her she cant do something. Parents often wonder why kids rebel and dont listen to them, and quite simply, its because when parents say "no" (to anything), they might as well have said yes, because their kid is going to do just that. Being told "No" hurts, and is insulting and makes you feel small and stupid. Id suggest making a reasonable compromise. Let her know why you dont want her to wear them, and then suggest that since she cant wear that particular pair, that you two will go out and buy her some with a lower heel. Either way you go about it id try and be polite and reasonable with any of your demands because the last thing you want is a pissed off daughter who sneaks around and changes clothes when she gets to school etc... And also.....yes, wearing heels might not be the best for a growing body....but you know what? being a kid isnt the best thing for your body either. I *know* im going to have obscenely painfull, not to mention debilitating, arthritis and god knows what from the years and years of unfathomable abuse I have subjected my body to when skateboarding snowboarding trampoling and just being a kid. Your dieing from the day your born and nothing in the world can stop the inevitable....I say you might as well enjoy your youth and mobility while you can, or else your going to wake up one day a very very old person and realise you havent really lived a day in your life. Its far better to burn out than to fade out. just my $0.02

[hoverfly]

Hay terayon!!! How does it feel to be an old fart!!

[plasmaboy]

its been good to read all your thoughts on this. the boots remain hidden and the xmas bug is kicking in right now. i think some lower heels in the Jan sales will take the sting out if this. hopefully next season sneakers will be back in and then it will go away for a while. they never see me in heels & i keep my heels out of site from the kids. I think that is one concept that is best they don't have to deal with right now. there are greater issues that they will face to concern myself with like sex drugs & rock n roll... thanks again for all your input!

[plasmaboy]

she is now happy that I have aquired some cowboy boots from ebay for about 5 quid. They have a 2" cuban heel and she said they are "cool". thats a good compromise for now...

[sscotty727]

That's great plasma! I hope it works out for you. As I said, haven't hit there yet, but with 3 girls, oldest is now 7, it isn't too far away for me I am sure. I like your compromise. Also, was thinking, maybe I will also let her wear them for "special occasions" when the time comes, like church or weddings, etc. That way I won't be saying NO, just not all the time. In the meantime, I will read up on everyone elses experiences for advice. Scotty

[Sydnee]

Well what if they desire to wear 5 inch pumps or higher like 6 inch platform spike heels, as a girl who grew up in the 80's we wore 4 inch stiletto pumps all the time, the early days of mtv, i see many girls to day wear 4 and high inch pointy toed spike heels

[sscotty727]

Um, good point. Probably while they are still teenagers living at home, I wouldn't like them wearing anything TOO high (say maybe up to 3-4 inches), but once they are on their own, they could wear anything they want. I just hope that I instill enough values into them that they wouldn't go out looking too sleezy.....(high skirts, low tight blouses, very high heels, etc).

[Sydnee]

the current trend is the pointy toed spiky heels but with jeans, though when spring comes i wonder if it will transfer to short skirts and high spiky heels, kind of like a modern 80's look... though that is more for teens i remember my first pair of 5 inch pumps they were from wild pair, does anyone remember that store?

[sscotty727]

When my wife and I first started dating (back in '86), she used to wear spiked/pointy heels ALL the time. We were in Wild Pair almost every weekend looking around. I even got her to buy me a pair or two from there (unfortunately, ended up throwing them away because she didn't like me wearing them either). She still has a red pair somewhere, although they have seen better days. She tried to throw them away recently, except I rescued them from the trash:) Told her I could clean them up and she could save them for other than wearing outside;) Scotty

[Sydnee]

what if they start wearing 5 inch stiletto's as teenagers, i did also they would look very good in those little mini's and high spiky heels,dont you think

[sscotty727]

When I was a teenager, sure. When I am their father, no. I know what boys think and such and I don't want to subject my daughters to that. Again, wearing heels on occasions that warrent it and dressed tastefully not sleezy, sure. Wearing mini skirts with 5 inch heels to HS? No.

[hoverfly]

When I was a teenager, sure. When I am their father, no. I know what boys think and such and I don't want to subject my daughters to that. Again, wearing heels on occasions that warrent it and dressed tastefully not sleezy, sure. Wearing mini skirts with 5 inch heels to HS? No.

The one thing that a parent most likely fail in this is exactly why they are not old enough to wear them. Very high heels are very sexually provocative and they are not matured or experienced to deal with such behavior. Because of the sexual aspect of it allot of parents do not want to talk about it, for many reasons and a up front explanation my relive a lot of tension between parent and child in this matter.

[sscotty727]

Actually, this thread evolved into two issues that are being confused. The first deals with heels, how old and how high? As far as heels goes, I think everyone will agree 7 years is too young to even consider wearing a heel. My daughters feet are still developing and I don't want to add the stress of her wearing a heel. WHEN she gets older, and I will have to rely heavily on my wife and her sister for this one since being a guy I didn't start wearing heels outside in everyday life until VERY recently, we can decide at that time when it is appropriate to allow her to start wearing heels. But I do think it would be wise to start off slow and let her build up. Also, I don't think a HS girl should be wearing anything over a 3 inch heel on a DAILY basis. Now, special events, say a wedding, going to church, holidays, etc. if she can master a higher heel, fine. I just don't want my daughter going to HS in 5 inch stilletos. I don't think they are appropriate there. My advice on the shoe topic was aimed at plasmaboy and also thinking outloud of my daughters in the future. He was talking compromise (buying her nice shoes with a lower heel) and one thought I had was to allow her to wear the higher heels, but just not "all the time", not yet. From what I remember, his daughter is 12? 12 is still very young for wearing high heels "all the time" as he said she was doing. Now and then (something weekly like Church would be a nice compromise, she would get to wear them frequently, and I would rest better knowing she isn't damaging her feet at a very early age). The second is overall dress. Now, if say my 18yr old did want to wear a 5" heel to school (assuming she is in high school and it was a special day, picture day, homecoming, etc) and she dressed nice with it, I would probably be accepting. But if say she wanted to wear a tight, low cut top with a very high mini skirt, not on your life. I wouldn't allow the same outfit to be worn if she was wearing flats either. I just don't think it is a wise idea to wear such an outfit as a teenager. First, you tempt boys (who's hormones are raging anyway) into wanting more, thinking they put out, or even possibly raping the girl (she was dressed as a slut, so I figured she wanted it). The second issue is grown men looking at the teenagers in a sexual way. Sure, some perverts would anyway, but why dress slutty and add fuel to the fire. Too many underage girls are starting to dress like older women, and I just don't think it is appropriate. My main objection is for provocative dressing at an early age. Once they are grown and out of the house, they need to make their own decisions, but by then, HOPEFULLY they are able to understand consciquences of their actions. Heels, I don't object to, as long as they aren't harming the feet in a permanent way and it's done with class and tastefullness. One thing alot of parent misunderstand is we aren't put here to be best friends with our kids or just simply get them to adulthood. Our job (and yes, JOB) is to do our best to make sure they are raised to adulthood while instilling in them the best means for them to be competent and healthy, able to stand on their own two feet (no pun intended) so they can make their own choices in an educated manner. If that means going through an unpopular phase with my girls at some point, so be it. As I said, I am their dad, not their best friend. That doesn't mean I can't sit down and discusss why I want and don't want them to do certain things at certain times (I do this now for example, I don't just say no, I say no and why I am saying no). They may not always like my decisions, but atleast I hope they can understand and appreciate why my decision is what it is. Scotty

[hoverfly]

Actually, this thread evolved into two issues that are being confused.

Have to disagree, it's simply has evolved on discussion on how the parents could/are handle/handling a young girl wearing high heels, effects and consequences. If it did not this thread would be dead by now. :drinking:

In my personal experience, in junior high school in the 7th and 8th grade there were two kinds of girls. Ones all ready wearing heels up to 3”/3.5” high and those whose dream to do so because their parents would not let them. In high school of my last two years I saw classmates wearing high heels 4" and up. At this point, once we have our drivers licenses, it's what the parent that has done in the past and it mostly to late to do any thing else about what we want to wear once we had that freedom. So a parent setting how and were heels should be worn starting at an early age, not a bad idea. As a mater if fact that is what happened to my ex wife’s daughter. The law was laid down before she even started first grade. Mommies high heels in the house was permitted, and no where else. Dress shoes were chosen and agreed apon by Grandma and Mother not by her.