Moving ahead

[shakala]

Hey all, Its been a while since my few posts, but as the saying goes you've gotta be in it to win it. So here's my story. Personally I'm a boot lover, knee high stilettoes are my thing. I now own 5 pairs of boots. My experience with wearing them is limited to a few outings around the neighbourhood shops at night and at home. I finally decided I wanted to wear boots about 6 months ago. While I've always loved the look of high heel boots on women and was fascinated with myself wearing them I never thought that it would be something I would do, since I thought it was 'not right' etc. It wasn't till I examined my own sexuality and knew that I'm not making a statement about my sexuality but merely wanted a nice pair of boots to wear. Which is interesting since I have little to no fashion sense or feminine side. I'm over 6 foot, work out with weights and have been into martial arts for years (including tournaments/competition fighting and teaching). For me its become an issue of 'boots look great' regardless of wether women or guys wear them. They are a very cool and sexy style of footwear. The reaction from others with me wearing boots has been mixed. Initially it seems to come as a shock, then you explain why etc and it moves from their. The outcome generally has been good. My wife has gone from hating it, to being more open, to moving back to hating it. While I've asked female friends, one really think its cools while another that initially thought it was a joke is also cool about it. Tonight I'm going to make my first true outing, going to go visit friends. I expect it to be cool, I've chosen them specifically since I know their a lot more open minded. My wife on the other hand is another story. She's going through the yelling, abuse and humiliation phase, ie she will say anything to try and degrade me regarding me wearing boots. I find this reaction in her more interesting than wearing boots at all, ie if you do something thats outside her comfort zone or she disagrees, she will throw a temper tantrum? While I understand her reaction, unfortunately males wearing stiletto boots is uncommon for the moment. I feel that her ongoing reaction is not right. And I will not submit to verbal abuse, I'm a grown adult who has the right to decide what I like for myself etc. Anyway, for tonights outing I've choosen a black pair of pants and a white polo shirt to wear with my knee high, lace up 5inch stiletto boots. I've tried the look out and feel good about it (even though I know I fashion challenged!), but these boots fit really well and are very comfortable. Hence I think a good choice for my first outing. There's only 1 thing that freaks me out, driving with heels, just does not feel right. Which is strange, I actually feel more comfortable wearing my heels than flat foot, but driving is going to take some getting used to.

[Shafted]

While I'm not married we both have similar taste in footwear. I'm also a stiletto boot guy who wears them just because I enjoy them and know that I can look good wearing them. As far as your wife, tread carefully.

[chris100575]

Hi Shakala I'm more fortunate in that my wife tolerates me wearing heels as long as it's indoors and not in front of her. It won't be easy, but it sounds like you need to sit down and talk with your wife to try and find out why she reacts like this, and you both need to keep calm. It could be that she thinks that you're a transvestite or want to be a woman, that she's worried that you'll be a target if you wear them out, or she might simply be afraid of what people will think and that it might somehow reflect badly on her. In my wife's case, it was a combination of not wanting me to be seen wearing heels because she prefers to be conformist, and the fact that she simply has a hard time seeing me as masculine while I'm wearing feminine footwear. She freely admits that it is her that has a problem, not that me wearing heels is wrong, but I need to respect her wishes and it works out OK. As for driving in heels, it does feel weird at first but you get used to it. I personally allow more time for braking etc. when driving in heels so that I can place my feet more deliberately then when wearing flats. Hope this is of some help, Chris

[shakala]

Hey guys, finally did it. And boy did I have a great time. As I mentioned previously I was going out to a friends house. Well, I finally did and wore my knee high black stiletto boots all day long. I was so nervous that a few times I thought I was not going to do it. Its funny, but in comparision I've fought in martial arts (Karate) tournaments over the years and the nerves I felt going into a fight was nothing compared to wearing your boots out in public the first time. But I tell you what, it feels a lot better once you have. I was going back and forth (in my mind) do I, Don't I etc. I finally figured out that if I don't try I'll always regret it. So I put my boots on and drove over. I got to their place and there was another car parked out in front. I was thinking, no, not other people! But figured, the boots I'm wearing look great, I look good and feel really great wearing them, “so park the car, walk upto the door and say hello, as I'm having a mental battle with myself. Well, I did park, stepped out and walked up the driveway, heels clicking away. Got to the front door, rang the bell and my friends wife opened. I said hello and kissed her, she stayed behind be as she locked the screen door, I'm thinking she'll definitely notice we walking down their hallway (wooden floor), but we got to the kitchen and nothing was said. Finally her husband came in (I've known him for 15 years and were best friends), he looks at me and says, “hey, you've grown, whats with the height”. I just pulled up my pants legs, and said “Yeah, I thought I'd wear my new boots, aren't they great?”. She looked at me and said, “those are nice, there high, were did you get them?” I just replied “yeah I've always wanted a nice pair of boots, there are really comfortable and easy to walk in, there also so much cheaper buying them from the US over the net” And pretty much that was it, I went on to explain why I choose these boots. But that was it. While we watch some TV, I would cross my legs, so that my ankle is resting on my other knee. Giving them a good view of my boots. By this stage I was feeling very comfortable and very happy. I decided I didn't want to sit their trying to hide the fact I was wearing boots. Later during the day, on of her girlfriends came over to go out with her to the movies. As she introduced me, this young lady took 2 steps forward. As I noticed her look catching view of my very visible 5 inch stiletto heels, she sort of froze. You could tell her mind was going over questions, ie hey this does not look right? This is not what I'm used to seeing or expect. While all this happened within a micro second, she continued towards me, we greeted etc. She acted totally normally and was very friendly. Again I took my seat, making sure that my heels were very visible and really just acted like my normal self, ie we were watching UFC (Ultimate fighting, mixed martial arts tournaments), I also changed for a while and we trained for a while, exchanging different techniques etc. After which I promptly and proudly put my boots back on. After the girls went out to the movies, we were watching the last of the fights and I asked my friend, “what do you think of my boots?”, he looked and answered “there great, I really like the heels” and that was it. I could tell that he was still going over it in his own mind, trying to find out where this sat within his own perception of the world. And thats why apart from my dress sense, in wearing a decent shirt, pants and boots. I acted like normal, I really wanted to convey that while my fashion sense has evolved/changed, I'm still the same person. After I went home, he rang me that night and thanked me for coming over, saying it was really good to see me etc. I've just also shot off an email to his wife thanking her and asking her of her 'womens' opinion and also her girlfriends about my boots, I'll followup and let you know of the outcome. But realistically I'm on a huge high, I feel great about myself. I feel great about the way I looked. I feel as if I've accomplished a huge task and self fulfillment. To anyone who's thinking about going out wearing your favorite pair of boots, I'd recommend it, its the best feeling ever. Now, were to next and what to wear?

[Shafted]

shakala, Isn't it a wonderful feeling being able to finally dispose of the pent up anxiety. As everyone who goes out heeling in public knows, that anxiety is completely unfounded. We create it in our own minds. Enjoy your new found freedom. It only gets better.

[dr1819]

Most people really do not mind it when men wear heels. I've a theory that perhaps as much as 30% of all men secretly wish they could wear heels, too, but for various reasons, never do. Another 50% simply chalk it up to yet another variation in society, and only 20% of men really frown on other men wearing heels. As for the women, numerous polls show that most women have no problem with the concept of men wearing heels, and only about 1 in 5 dislikes the idea. About half would date a man who wore heels.

[Dawn HH]

Shakala:-) It sounds like your first outing in boots was a great success. Congrats! Let us know of any further developments on wearing your boots out in public. Now since you have broken the ice, it will become easier and more fun each time. Keep us posted. The more you drive in heels, the more it becomes natural. Give yourself more room between cars, and feed the gas and brake more smoothly and allow yourself more time to react so that you can place your feet on the pedals properly. I drive in heels all of the time and have for many years. It's great fun. Cheers--- Dawn HH

[Thighbootguy]

Shakala -

What a great afternoon. I have often said that the hardest step is the one you take getting out of the car.

One way to gauge how well you are doing is to look at the friends you have. It sounds like you have some good ones. I don’t know anyone in the martial arts community but I wouldn’t have thought they would have been so accepting. Ah another stereotype bites the dust. Time will tell if your friends were really Ok with you in heels of if they were just being polite. I really hope they were Ok with it.

On driving in heels, I do it all the time. Like DawnHH advises, you have to reorient yourself to the different position your foot takes in heels so take it easy at first until it become natural and second nature.

Sounds like your having a great time. Enjoy.

[shakala]

Update, Hi, well I have to say that since this original post that my outings in heels have become common place with these friends. I've now been over there place 4 times, each time wearing a different pair of boots. Ranging from my Victoria black leather lace up boots with long pants so that only the heel was slightly visible. To wearing my patent leather Lexi buckle boots and having my pants legs rolled up to nearly 3/4 pants, clearly showing off the ankle and heel. My last outing was with my new white patent leather boots, ie Heat 2010 with the silver metal heel, wearing black pants and a white shirt. Clearly white boots stand out a lot. But both commented on my boots and how good I look in them. My friends wife had noticed the same pair in black the previous week and likes this style. These boots took a little bit extra in getting used to as the heel is 1/4 inch higher than my others, while that does not sound like much, it did feel very different initially. However, now it feels great. I also approached the subject with my friend (ie him) about me wearing boots, since now he's seen me 4 times in heels. He said to him it makes no difference, its does not change the person I've always been. But I also asked him about the look, and how he sees me or perceives me in heels. admittedly he said that he likes the look and things I looked great. This was a huge moral boost, naturally. One comment he also made is in the way I compose myself, ie I look confident, proud and natural in my boots, so the whole look fits. On another side, I've become fairly accustomed to driving with 5 inch stilettoes know and it feels quite natural. I really find this strange though, when getting home, after wearing my boots all night and feeling quite comfortable in 5 1/4 inch heels, it strangely enough feels more uncomfortable without the boots (when I take them off). This seems contrary to some women that complain about wearing heels and how 'uncomfortable' they are. I don't have this at all. Maybe its just because I want to wear heels and enjoy the whole experience??? Again to anyone, thinking of wearing your high heel boots out, go for it. I find its the best night out and I look forward to it every week. Its like xmas everyweek. A huge sense of freedom, accomplishment and satisfaction. The more I wear my boots now, the more I'm thinking why havn't I done this a long time ago?

[Dawn HH]

Shakala:-) See! We told you so. Cheers--- Dawn HH

[ShockQueen]

That was a great story, Shakala! I'm glad you had fun in your very visible boots! You try have great confidence in yourself if you're wearing white boots....with metal accents no less! Many you tread many happy miles in them :-)

[Thighbootguy]

Shakala -

You must be doing it right if you friend commented, “One comment he also made is in the way I compose myself, ie I look confident, proud and natural in my boots”. It sure sounds like you have found a look you are comfortable with and the confidence shows. It also sounds like your collection is growing. I recommend your trying a pair of leather thigh boots, they really feel and look great (biased opinion).

Everyone -

Go back and read shakala’s post again. He has discovered the key to wearing boots/heels in public. Be comfortable with the image you present. People pick up on the confidence you show.

[micha]

Hi Shakala, now you are poisoned forever like me It was a pleasure to read your outing story. So many parallels to my own life! nice greetings micha

[Magickman]

Shakala is the latest of many, repeating the theme of wifely abuse of a heeling husband. While I have not yet married, this is still troubling to me. My woman is quite tolerant and supportive, to the point of even buying stiletto boots for me. I am grateful for her support. But it makes me wonder. If I were to marry, would things change? Mrs. Shakala has changed her mind at least twice, so far. Could that happen to my woman? Somehow, I suspect that marital heel height battles are symptomatic of deeper conflicts, and merely provide the opportunity for more fundamental anger to surface. Shakala is confident and secure, he says, in his male sexuality. His wife, though, may not be so sure. My last girlfriend often ridiculed my "Girly" shoes, as she called them. According to her, all of her friends and relatives wanted to know if I was bisexual or gay. This venting on her part originated in deeper issues, though, as I now see it. Men in high heeled shoes and boots do present a challenge to people with certain outlooks. Conformist folks who believe in rigid sexual roles, may find it hard to tolerate those outside their narrowly defined gender expectations. In the case of strangers, it is not so important what others believe. Trouble is afoot, though, if the objector is your significant other. Shakala is the latest of the heelmen under wifely assault over the issue of his boots. Then comes Chris, whose conformist wife doesn't want him to be seen in heels, especially by her, and questions his masculinity. Other high heelers have previously related similar stories. If the man is captain of the ship, and his wife is first mate, then we are hearing about outright mutiny. If the captain cannot choose his own footwear, then I fear he has been demoted. Perhaps this is a reason why I have never married, but I would not tolerate my wife giving me orders about what shoes I was allowed to wear. My best conclusion about husbands in heels and good marital relations, is that they should be compatible. If the heels are am insurmountable obstacle, I believe that to be evidence of weakness in the relationship, beyond the heel issue. Rather than forcing confrontation about heels, repairing the relationship seems more prudent

[Dawn HH]

Magickman:-) What you say makes a world of sense. There is much more to marriage than the wearing of heels to consider. There must be give and take on both sides to make it work for both parties involved. Sometimes there must be a lot of compromise on both sides to keep things running smoothly. Cheers--- Dawn HH

[shakala]

Hi all, My latest outing went really well. My wife didn't come out with, not realting to me wearing boots etc, but my friends wife was also out. So it was just a guys night out, watching UFC champsionship. I decided to try a different look, as per comments earlier to try thigh high boots. I'm not quite at that stage yet. But I bought myself a pair of skin tight jeans to wear under my boots, size 14 womens blue stretch jeans. So, I wore my black patent knee high buckle boots, ie the Lexi 516 5 inch stilettoes. My very tight blue jeans, a black tea shirt and a short sleave dark blue shirt. All-in all a very 'sexy' look, The boots are really a great looking par of boots and being able to 'show' them off rather than hide them beneath my pants is so much better, the pants and shirt all fit nicely. My friend said he liked the look, especially with these boots. We went for a walk down his street later that evening, he has no issue at all about my fashion look and I naturally felt great and had no problems. I think as I'm finding my own style and look, its nice to actually feel great about what u wear and feel good about actually looking good. As guys we tended to look at women and think, 'dam thats nice, she's sexy etc' Why can't guys look just as great and also be sexy? Here is an interesting fact, painting ur toe nails. While some think that may also be 'feminine' etc. Tito Ortis, world champion UFC light heavy weight holder painted his nails for going into a fight. I can gaurentee you no one on the planet would ever make any derogatory comments to this guy about his sexuality! My next question though, I've progressed from wearing knee high stilettoe boots, to wearing tight/stretch womens jeans. At what point does our fashion sense become really feminine? Are we really looking good? or really becoming feminine or progressing to cross-dressing. Personally for me its a good look that I like, I feel its masculine and I'm not really trying to become a female! even though the look is still more categorised as feminine? So where is the line? Is their a line? I think its harder for us, cause we have no real role models, were pioneers! on a brave new front! We are defining our own tastes and looks. Its actually a great sense of freedom without others dictating to you what you should or should not be wearing. To objectively look at styles and choose what best suits you, rather than being one of the boring masses incapable of thinking for themselves and mindlessly being herded into certain pre-defined fashion stables! But I will sort out some pic's and share them with everyone soon.

[Dawn HH]

Shakala:-) Wear what you are satisfied that you look best in and enjoy doing it. Your look may not be the same as someone elses. Some pics would be very nice to see. Cheers--- Dawn HH

[Dawn HH]

Good luck to you both, guys. Cheers--- Dawn HH