Dawn HH Posted November 16, 2004 Posted November 16, 2004 Jimnj3:-) If it comes to you suppressing your desire to wear heels, it may not be easily suppressed. Just a caution. Keep us all up-dated. Cheers--- Dawn HH High Heeled Boots Forever!
genebujold Posted November 16, 2004 Posted November 16, 2004 Bubba, That's true what you say. My wife comes from a small town in upstate Pa. and has her own ideas of what is normal or not. Her mother is the same way and she is always complaining that she is narrow minded but at 87 she can be. My wife is very much like her in attitude but doesn't see it herself. Just because I feel it's OK doesn't mean she has to change her mind and I can't force this on her. We have had much discussion about this subject and she feels it's just wrong and tonight there will be some more. If it does come to heels or her, she will win since she is far more important than the gratification of wearing heels. I have already caused a ruckus in our marraige just by talking about my want to wear stylish womens shoes with a heel and I hope we can get past this. Of course this feeling won't go away so it will just have to be surpressed. I'll see what happens later today...Jim Just because someone feels it's wrong doesn't mean it is. Consider presenting her with the history of heels, presented elsewhere on this site. Perhaps when she realizes men wore heels for 30 years prior to women picking up on the fashion, and that both men and women wore heels for another 200 years before men dropped it, might convince her that it's not a "women's thing," but rather merely a fashion choice that's either retro or progressive, depending upon how one looks at things. Please PM me if you need links and supporting evidence.
Jimnj3 Posted November 16, 2004 Author Posted November 16, 2004 Genebujold, Thanks for the link offer. I have read this history of heels and I did bring it up in our discussions. As far as that was concerned for her, that was then and now is now..And in her eyes, this is not a mans thing right now.. We didn't talk about this last night as I thought we would. She runs hot and cool on this and I thought I'd give her some more time to relax a bit.. Thanks again...Jim
Bubba136 Posted November 16, 2004 Posted November 16, 2004 GJB wrote: Just because someone feels it's wrong doesn't mean it is. That's so true, GJB. However, you trying to persuade someone to your way of thinking is fine as long as you give the other person's opinion the same respect you demand your's deserves. We've had this discussion before. You are adament that your opinions are correct and will not consider any disagreement. I would have thought by now, GBJ, you would have learned you can't force someone to accept your way of thinking no matter how convinced you are that your positions are right. However strongly Jim might feel about his situation, his wife shouldn't be made to change a life-long attitude just because he demands she change. She has the final say in this issue, not Jim. After presenting his reasons, if they're not able to reach a compromise, then he has a very real choice facing him. Either quit wearing -- which he won't be able to do as the impulse is so strong -- or bail out of his marriage. Perhaps his wife might even decide for him by walking out. He wouldn't be the first male crossdresser that liked to wear heels that was dumped by a wife. I doubt he'll be the last. So, while your arguement that men were the first to wear heels way back in the "dark ages" has merit, it really doesn't "carry water" with most people today when high heels are predominently associated with women. It is nothing more than a convenient excuse to explain your own heel wearing predilection to bystanders. Jim's biggest mistake was not telling his wife about his high heel fetish before he got married. Being mentally comfortable in your own mind is the key to wearing heels in public.
Jimnj3 Posted November 16, 2004 Author Posted November 16, 2004 Bubba136, Yes, that was my biggest mistake!! Not telling her about this fetish before we were married..She does bring this up in the discussions. Back before we married this wasn't really on my mind at the time. I was totally involved with her and that is where my thoughts were. Jim
genebujold Posted November 18, 2004 Posted November 18, 2004 GJB wrote: That's so true, GJB. However, you trying to persuade someone to your way of thinking is fine as long as you give the other person's opinion the same respect you demand your's deserves. We've had this discussion before. You are adament that your opinions are correct and will not consider any disagreement. I would have thought by now, GBJ, you would have learned you can't force someone to accept your way of thinking... Bubba, why the condescending tone? I am indeed adament that my opinions are correct. Who isn't? Who in their right mind says, "I believe x, but I also believe it's wrong?" BTW, expressing one own's opinion on an issue is NOT forcing others to accept it. I do the former, as do many on this board. But no one's forcing others to believe they're right. We're all free to believe how we want.
JeffM Posted November 18, 2004 Posted November 18, 2004 I am indeed adament that my opinions are correct. Who isn't? Me for one. My opinions are possibly correct or possibly incorrect. I will never say my opinion is right. In fact the ONLY things right in this universe are those that follow physical laws, possibly. All else is possibility. Even if you are able to prove that some thing you say is right for a couple it may be that it works for them but not others or that it may work but some thing else might have worked better if you try it. An example we go shooting and you tell me how to hold the rifle. I try it and cant hit the barn door. But if I hold it the way that feels most comfortable for me I return a better score than you do. Who is holding the rifle the right way, you or me? Jeff
Jimnj3 Posted November 18, 2004 Author Posted November 18, 2004 6inch-pumps, Thanks for the sympathy and I am truely sorry about your wifes change of mind. My wife has stated that if she had known from the beginning we wouldn't be married today. Now, I asked her if the past 19 years were bad and no they were not. I am the same person, just want to express myself differently with shoe styles. I agreed to not wear them with her in public but so far this is unexceptable so far but we are still working on this. I am not trying to force her to accept this but to try and understand and work with me on an acceptable arangement. I am going slowly at this point because as I have said, she is really hot against it at times and then at others will actually talk about it without a brick wall between us. With the Christmas holiday coming up I am holding off so as not to have a big disturbance and ruin them for both of us. I did though, start placing an order on a pair of western boots since she has stated that these would be acceptable with her. Hope she likes the 3" heel...Should have them before Christmas. Jim
Bubba136 Posted November 18, 2004 Posted November 18, 2004 GBJ wrote: But no one's forcing others to believe they're right. We're all free to believe how we want That's very true, GBJ. However, one has to be very careful about the advice they give because, no matter how logical it might seem, applying it might just cause irreparable harm to relationships and phyche. The best course that jim can take, in my opinion, is to try to work out a compromise with his wife -- one that includes his wearing of high heels out of her presence and placing his heels where his wife isn't exposed to "viewing" them whenever she opens the closet door. Then, over time, perhaps she might "gradually" change her mindset. It took 10 years, but it worked for me. There are other solutions that might work as well. However, based on what jim has proffered, in my opinion, if he continuse on this current course he will be wearing his heels alone because his wife will have ejected herself from their marriage. Some issues can be handled. Some can't. The trick is recognizing which is which and then taking a decision of which issue are really important and bracing for the backlash. Being mentally comfortable in your own mind is the key to wearing heels in public.
Dawn HH Posted November 21, 2004 Posted November 21, 2004 Jimnj3:-) By all means, let us all know how your wife gets on over the 3" heeled western boots that you have ordered. Here's hoping that both you and her can come to an agreement with some common ground between you both that will satisfy both parties concerned. Cheers--- Dawn HH High Heeled Boots Forever!
Jimnj3 Posted November 21, 2004 Author Posted November 21, 2004 Bubba, You were correct about not having the boots visable to my wife whenever she opened the closet...They disappeared last Thursday. I mentioned this to her Saturday afternoon and she said either they went or she went...Well, these were extreme boots with a platform and heels about 6". I told her I will replace them with something more normal,which I already have of a flat sole 3" heel kneeboot, which she hasn't seen yet along with new western boots I am ordering..We will see how this goes over..She calls this my weirdness and was hoping it would go away with tossing away the boots...I don't see that happening, just maybe something less extreme.....Jim
Bubba136 Posted November 21, 2004 Posted November 21, 2004 It appears, Jimnj3, it's "crunch time." Your wife has backed into the "it's my way or the highway" corner. I wish you luck. However, it looks like to me you're going to have to retreat into the "entirely stealth" mode for the foreseeable future. That is if you want to save your marriage and still (occasionally) wear your boots. Being mentally comfortable in your own mind is the key to wearing heels in public.
ShockQueen Posted November 21, 2004 Posted November 21, 2004 Throwing away your boots???? OMG! I really sympathize with your predicament Jimnj3, but I think what she's doing is way out of line. It would be like throwing something dear of hers away just because you don't like it. You really need to do some soul searching to decide what's more important in your life. It sounds like she's playing the ultimatum card just to get her own way, and to me that's just not right. Marriage is supposed to be about discovering one another and accepting each other for the person they are, inside and out. It's not a place to change aspects of each other just because they don't fit within your personal paradigm of "normalcy". I wouldn't wish your predicament on anyone. I really do hope you find that happy medium. SQ.....still busting societal molds with a smile...and a 50-ton sledge!
Dawn HH Posted November 22, 2004 Posted November 22, 2004 Jimnj3:-) I feel for you as it appears that your wife has you between a rock and a hard place. Tread lightly for a while my friend, until you can see if the storm blows over or gets worse. Good luck on all fronts for the both of you while trying to come to a common ground satisfactory to you both. Here's hoping for the best. Cheers--- Dawn HH High Heeled Boots Forever!
BobHH Posted November 22, 2004 Posted November 22, 2004 Pretty rough. Fortunately, the Beautiful Wife (now dec.) was completely cool with the idea and quite supportive. I informed the recent girlfriend gently and casually over a short period of time before things had gotten too far along, and she thought heels were sexy. But, she is gone, now, anyway, for other incompatibility reasons. Too bad, but it went very quickly and I'm glad it didn't go any farther before the problems became evident. I wouldn't get into another situation without bringing it out early.
TXT-1 Posted November 22, 2004 Posted November 22, 2004 mate that is rough!, there are two things that if dissapeared or were damaged I wouldn't just upset, I'd be FUMING! those being "The Defect" (I'm unable to have a driver's licence so "The Defect" is the closest thing to a driver's licence I can get) and my Plats they might not be much but they are the best fun! but then again, I'm happily single! I think Pat Bennatar hit the nail on the head when she sung "love is a battlefield"! later, TXT-1
Jimnj3 Posted November 22, 2004 Author Posted November 22, 2004 Thanks all for your support.. like I said I did tell her more are on the way but I will lay back for the holiday season..She is having a great time buying for the family and decorating the house..I did tell her I thought that was wrong to toss out something of mine and how would she like it if I tossed out something she had that I didn't care for..Just a chuckle was what I got back...I will let you know what comes about over the next few weeks....Jim
Bubba136 Posted November 22, 2004 Posted November 22, 2004 It appears that your wife, Jimnj3, has "almost" discovered the art of getting you to behave exactly as she wants you to. She's acted, you've reacted. For the current term, she's strengthened her position through her reaction that you're in for more of the same should you do anything of which she doesn't approve. Advantage wife! Now, how to regain past equilibrium or momentum in your favor? I've not a clue since apparently talking through the issue doesn't work. Being mentally comfortable in your own mind is the key to wearing heels in public.
Dawn HH Posted November 23, 2004 Posted November 23, 2004 Jimnj3:-) Your wife shouldn't have thrown out anything that is yours without your O.K. to do so. This might be her way of getting her way and controling you at the same time. Indirectly she is implying that you have gone against her wishes and she is doing this to let you know that you shouldn't defy her wishes again or this or worse could happen. When you ask her if she would like you throwing something away of hers, her reply implied that you had better not even think of it or try it. At the moment, I can't think of anything for you to try that would help your situation. He who lies low for a while, lives to fight another day. Good luck for now. Cheers--- Dawn HH High Heeled Boots Forever!
crazyass Posted November 26, 2004 Posted November 26, 2004 Well, it may take quite a while to explain everything and make her feel comfortable and accept the thought of seeing you in heels. take it slow and gradually, she'll start to find that your not at all intrested in sex change, becoming a gay, wanting to go out dress like a woman etc. etc. etc.
loveheel Posted December 5, 2004 Posted December 5, 2004 I told my wife a few years ago and she has accepted. i can not get her to buy shoes for me (for example for Christmas), but she understands my passion for heels. We went shopping yesterday for shoes for her. She does not wear very high heels and only has a small shoe collection, but needed both boots and career shoes this time. We spent a few hours visiting various shoe stores with me giving her advice, which she was very interested in. We had a great time together.
sscotty727 Posted December 6, 2004 Posted December 6, 2004 Jimnj3, How about trying some more "discrete" type shoe? I just bought these and my wife who is also very conservative said they looked normal. I might also get them in black to wear to work. They are Harley Davidson Jane and have a size 3inch heel. You can see other Harley Davidson styles here Scotty
Jimnj3 Posted December 6, 2004 Author Posted December 6, 2004 scotty727 Thanks, I checked out the link but unfortunatley with my big foot,US11,mens I take a US13 womens so selection is limited. I did order custom western boots which she says are acceptable although I ordered 3" heels so we will see. She has gotten a bit softer on this idea of heels but I am holding off for the holidays and will show her what I have purchased soon....Jim
Dawn HH Posted December 8, 2004 Posted December 8, 2004 Jimnj3:-) We are hoping that your plans for the holidays work out for you in showing your wife your new 3" heeled cowboy boots. Cheers--- Dawn HH High Heeled Boots Forever!
Jimnj3 Posted January 5, 2005 Author Posted January 5, 2005 Well, The holidays are over. I received my Western Ranch Boots and my wife actually likes them 3" heel and all. Although they are a bit too pointed for her but they are for me,not her,and I like them. I also just last night presented the pair I purchased recently, 4" stacked heel with a small 1" platform knee boot which she said, well those arn't too bad, guess there OK. So, for now I'll just get her used to these 2 pair. I am sure if she too a look at the boots in my avatar or my 3" blade heel kneeboots at this time I'd get a major negetive reaction. Hopefully in the near future she will come around... Jim
Dawn HH Posted January 6, 2005 Posted January 6, 2005 Jimnj3:-) Congrats! It sounds like you may have made some progress. Play it cool for a while with the 2 pair of boots that you have shown her and allow her to get used to them before you spring any more boots on her. Take things slow and smooth for now. Cheers--- Dawn HH High Heeled Boots Forever!
sendra45 Posted January 6, 2005 Posted January 6, 2005 Hi all, A few posts ago I was horrified by the way Jimnj3's wife was treating him and his shoes, I have been only married for a few years but as some of you will remember, I told my wife a few months before the big day, I am quite concerned that Jimnj3's wife seems to have changed her mind about heels from throwing them out to now letting you wear heels again. I might be wrong here but it sounds to me that she is repulsed by the really high platform types but will tolerate the lower and less outrageous heels. If I was a single guy i would be buying heels at every opportunity, I guess I would have a collection running into the hundreds by now. Being married means give and take. your wife does not sound like she can tell you what she finds acceptable as she does not how to deal with it, and that is fair enough, don't ruin your marriage over this and work with her to find out how far you can go with different styles of heels and shoes. If she is happy with them, you will be able to wear them, then you will be happy. They may not be your dream pair of heels, but dreams are lost when they become reality. The angels have the phonebox.
Jimnj3 Posted January 6, 2005 Author Posted January 6, 2005 Thanks all, I was very happy with the outcome so far. Yes, I will not spring anything else new on her for a while. I am just happy that she has accepted these 2 pair. As Nigel said,and I found out,she doesn't like at all anything with a high platform. The one pair I now have has a low platform at a little over 3/4" and these were OK. And yes, if I were single I'd have quite a collection also. She also doesn't like any type of thin heel so far so introducing these to her will be off in the future for now.. So far so good and yes I am happy.. Jim
Dawn HH Posted January 7, 2005 Posted January 7, 2005 Jimnj3:-) Nigel has some excellent points there. Congrats on your progress so far and we are all happy for you at being happy and satisfied for now. Cheers--- Dawn HH High Heeled Boots Forever!
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