heelsRus Posted October 19, 2004 Share Posted October 19, 2004 Jimnj3:-) Since you were both having so much fun on your week-end, it was a wise choice to table your talk on you wearing heels till after you returned home. A little here and a little there will help your wife to allow her mind to comprehend and to piece together exactly how she feels about you wearing high heels and over time, she may come around to where the both of you can compromise something that can satisfy you both. Then over time some modifications could be made amicably. Take things slow, be patient, don't put your wife on overload, and please keep all of us posted on any progress that you and her can make. A copy of Gene's letter may help her a lot and may also bring up other questions which could help her to understand better if you can properly answer her on them. Good luck! Cheers--- Dawn HH Only he can judge the open-minded-ness of his wife WRT out of the norm activities. Well, really, it's not that strange or odd. Could be much "worse" :-) Afterall, he just likes high heels. We have a friend staying with us and it was causing some stress on my part - ok, a lot of stress. I finally decided that we'd talk about it in a round-about way. We did and I found that he has a open mind. Doesn't mind my heels and leather at all. That's cool because it really relieves a lot of stress. Skirts are excellent clothing - for so many reasons. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimnj3 Posted October 20, 2004 Author Share Posted October 20, 2004 Yes, it's just that I do like high heels and the way they feel when walking...Well, we did start talking about my desires for heels and esp' boots. You have thought I was from another planet. She didn't take this well at all and has no desire to be around me when wearing them. Still hasn't decided if she wants to stay with me or not as this did come up. I am trying to get her over this as it's just a different type of shoe. I haven't pressed this issue and we have talked twice with her bringing it up and so far the following days have been as usual. I'll let you know what happens next, I may try wearing my boots this weekend if we go out shopping and she doesn't balk at being seen with me in them as I expect this to happen. We will see...Jim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dawn HH Posted October 21, 2004 Share Posted October 21, 2004 Jimnj3:-) It appears that you are handling your wife's situation with great finnese. She is to the point where she is bringing the subject up for discussion. This means that she is still trying to solve your ideas in her mind, which causes her to start conversations with it. In other words, you have established lines of communication between her and you. This is good and the right way to begin. If you have communication, then compromise IS possible. If the subject of you wearing your boots while shopping comes up and she vetoes it, then drop it for a while like a hot potatoe. There will be other times and she may, after a while, ask you if you want to wear your boots while shopping, and that would be the time to strike while the iron is hot, so to speak. Good luck, and hang in there. Cheers--- Dawn HH High Heeled Boots Forever! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
genebujold Posted October 21, 2004 Share Posted October 21, 2004 Take it slowly. Right now she's probably in a holding pattern, just wishing it would all blow over and you'd return to "normal" (whatever that is). In the meantime, give her some time to get used to it, and it wouldn't hurt to find a couple (no more than three, though) fairly short online articles about how common partial crossdressing really is, and leave then somewhere she can find them later. Once that sinks in, and when the issue next comes up, comment about how much different people would think about it if they knew how common it was. If even half of all crossdressers wore whatever they wanted to half of the time, it would be far more prevalent than women wearing hats, and just as accepted throughout society... ...as it was when men wore quite frilly, lacy fashions in the 1800s, or when they wore powdered wigs while in Parliament (English judges still do!). Strange by American standards, but not at all strange by English standards - it's simply normal ops for them. Just as is wearing a sarong or kilt (skirt) is for men in Scottland, Indonesia, or the many other societies throughout the world where this simple cut of clothing is the fashion norm. Even today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimnj3 Posted October 21, 2004 Author Share Posted October 21, 2004 Thanks, Yes I will proceed slowly and I am sure she whould like this just to go away. She is reminded whenever she opens my closet since that is where they are living. She hasn't seen me wearing them yet and they look quite different, as far as I am concerned, when I have them on and my jeans covering most of them. Depending on her mood this weekend will be what determines what I do. Hope she's in a good one because I would like to be free to go out wherever I want wearing what I want...Jim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heelfan Posted October 21, 2004 Share Posted October 21, 2004 Hello Jimnj3! How about showing her some carefully-chosen pictures on these thread (mostly in "For The Guys") of some of the members wearing discreet heels under their trousers. a) It would show her that there are about fifteen hundred other like-minded guys-in-heels on this forums alone (so she doesn't think you're a total oddball). It would show her that well-chosen heeled footwear and trousers can look fashionable on a guy. Particularly, I suggest you show her: 1. The title pages and gallery on moderator Firefox's own special site "Aesthetic High Heels for Guys": http://heels.cjb.net/ 2. The"Finding Discreet Street-Heels For Guys" thread on this "For The Guys" Forum. I've just refreshed it to the top of the forum to help you find it. Good luck and best wishes, Cheerfully yours, Heelfan Onwards and upwards! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimnj3 Posted October 21, 2004 Author Share Posted October 21, 2004 Thanks for the info Heelfan. I don't know if she is ready yet to be introduced to this web site...When the question comes up about other guys wearing heels I will save this info to show her at that time. I do agree that alot of these pictures of guys wearing discreet heels do look great and hopefully with Firefox's explaination on the link, these will help out with her understanding....Thanks again...Jim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba136 Posted October 21, 2004 Share Posted October 21, 2004 While the picture on Aesthetic High Heels Men's Fashions is quite neutral, I think there are other pictures on the forum that present a better image of men wearing heels. Hoverfly's picture, for example. And Daz wearing his boots and dressed for work is another. Being mentally comfortable in your own mind is the key to wearing heels in public. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimnj3 Posted November 8, 2004 Author Share Posted November 8, 2004 So, my wife and I have been discussing my feelings about wearing heels. She is very closed minded that this is socially unexceptable and feels as this is a reflection on her since we are married. I understand her concern but most of the people that know about my desires don't really care. Everything is out in the open and as far as she is concerned this subject is closed and the boots in the closet must go. Otherwise she feels if I continue she is leaving. Well , I doubt it but I am not pressing this again right at this time. I did discuss a more normal type boot that I like without a platform or heel as high and she started to think about it and then said no. Once again, any guy in heels seems way out of the norm and only a women would wear a heeled shoe/boot. Anybody else with this type of problem with advice to proceed? Or just set this item aside for now and let it rest? Thanks...Jim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chris100575 Posted November 8, 2004 Share Posted November 8, 2004 How does she feel about cowboy boots? I don't know if they'd be enough for you, but they do have a heel and are universally acceptable as mens' footwear. Would they work as a compromise? Chris Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimnj3 Posted November 8, 2004 Author Share Posted November 8, 2004 Actually she suggested cowboy boots as the only solution at this time and that's fine with me as long as I can find a pair that have a heel high enought to satisfy my feeling. So far no good, but I am sure someone out there has some suggestions. I did just buy a new kneeboot with a 3" stacked heel that I am delaying showing to her just yet. Jim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chris100575 Posted November 8, 2004 Share Posted November 8, 2004 It's a shame Western Ranch seem to have gone for a Burton, they could have been ideal. Perhaps you could find something with a higher Cuban heel? I've had a quick Google and most seemed to be about 2.5", but there must be higher ones. Unfortunately it's not something I've really looked into, maybe one of the other guys could be more help. Chris Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BobHH Posted November 9, 2004 Share Posted November 9, 2004 Some years ago, I asked my wife why she didn't wear high heels as we were walking to the clubhouse at a resort - about a quarter of a mile each way or so. She said they weren't comfortable and she'd like to see me try it - she would be carrying me after a while. Some time later, I told her I wanted some high heels (trauma time for me, no big deal for her!). After getting my stripper stiletto platform slides, we walked that distance to the clubhouse and back (at night) in my heels. Other than being nervous and rather ill at ease, it was fine, felt great, and I wore them the rest of the evening. She had nothing to say about that, but was surprised, I think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimnj3 Posted November 9, 2004 Author Share Posted November 9, 2004 Thanks guy's. I am still hope she comes around but she's as stuborn as can be with her way of thinking. I just am at a loss at this time as to how to proceed so I thought I'd give it a rest for a bit. I do have a nice kneeboot with a 3" stacked heel that I really like and haven't shown her yet. I am still on the lookout for a western boot with a heel high enough to satisfy me for now but I know that won't do for long...Jim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dawn HH Posted November 10, 2004 Share Posted November 10, 2004 BobHH:-) What could she say, you had called her bluff very effectively. Good for you. Jimnj3:-) Lay back a bit if you wish, but try the western boot approach and that may be a way of getting your foot in the door, so to speak. Cheers--- Dawn HH High Heeled Boots Forever! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimnj3 Posted November 10, 2004 Author Share Posted November 10, 2004 Dawn HH, Thanks, I see Western Ranch Bootmakers is online and may give them a try, depending on cost. I like western boots and if this works out it would a definite "foot in the door" I hope. I did wear my 3" heeled kneeboots to work today and may leave them on when I get home and see what she thinks. All depends on the mood later today..Jim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chris100575 Posted November 10, 2004 Share Posted November 10, 2004 That could be risky, but only you can judge that. It depends on the boots though, if they're sufficiently low key that she doesn't notice at first you might be on safe ground. Let us know how it goes. Chris Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimnj3 Posted November 10, 2004 Author Share Posted November 10, 2004 Chris, Yes I know, low key, not noticing won't do. We don't wear shoes in our house, take them off at the doorway, so I will have to definitly show her when I come in.. All depends on my mood on the way home and how much grief I get here at work..Only had a little so far but it's early yet. Jim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dawn HH Posted November 11, 2004 Share Posted November 11, 2004 I'll echo Chris100575. Let us all know what happened when you got home from work. Cheers--- Dawn HH High Heeled Boots Forever! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimnj3 Posted November 11, 2004 Author Share Posted November 11, 2004 Well, The day didn't go as well as I had hoped, so,I decided to postpone showing my wife for now. Possibly this weekend, we will see and I'll let you know. She definitly need to be in the correct state of mind and if I am wearing the boots with the proper jeans this may work out,I hope..Jim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba136 Posted November 11, 2004 Share Posted November 11, 2004 Given her current mindset, it might be a good idea to have an alternative plan, like having a place you can go to for the night or longer, in case she throws you out. Being mentally comfortable in your own mind is the key to wearing heels in public. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimnj3 Posted November 11, 2004 Author Share Posted November 11, 2004 Bubba, It's not that bad, at least not yet. This pair of boots is nowhere as radical as the pair in my closet that started it all. These are a bit more feminine as they have a 3" stacked heel that narrows to about a 1" blade. I think they look alot more acceptable than the platform kneeboots that she hates.. Anyway, there is always the garage....Jim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dawn HH Posted November 13, 2004 Share Posted November 13, 2004 Jimnj3:-) Sorry to hear that you must wait till the weekend to show your boots to your wife. Hopefully she will be in a much better mood by then. If Mickey sent me to the garage, it wouldn't bother me a bit as that is where all of my toys are. I could spend days in there. She would have to come out there to invite me back into the house. My garage holds 3 antique cars, 2 modern cars, a trailer, and my workshop which includes heat, air and storage space and my library. Cheers--- Dawn HH High Heeled Boots Forever! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimnj3 Posted November 13, 2004 Author Share Posted November 13, 2004 Dawn HH, Wow, nice garage!! Mine isn't quite that nice but does hold my toys and 2 1/2 cars. I know your Mickey is a very understanding wife and I am sure from all the threads I have read you both support each other.. Also, I hope she is doing better although I am not up to speed on what's wrong. My wife seems to be in good spirts so far and later today may work out, I hope anyway..She just doesn't understand...Jim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dawn HH Posted November 14, 2004 Share Posted November 14, 2004 Jimnj3:-) Yes, Mickey and I support each other as much as is possible. We work together as a team. She is my sole mate. She is slowly getting better after having her kidney removed. This was major surgery and her doctors say it could be as long as a year before she will feel her old self again. There are a few board members here that are having difficulties bringing their wives around to letting them wear heels in their homes or in public. I have hopes that eventually we can get them to see the light and discover that their husbands are still the same man that they married, and will accept them wearing heels in the house and everywhere in public. Cheers--- Dawn HH High Heeled Boots Forever! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimnj3 Posted November 14, 2004 Author Share Posted November 14, 2004 Dawn HH, I wish her my best in a complete recovery. As for wy wife, she keeps saying I am getting strange and need to see a physcologist.. Maybe she's right but I don't think so..At least not yet. So far today hasn't been a good day..We will see what happens later...Jim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShockQueen Posted November 14, 2004 Share Posted November 14, 2004 As for my wife, she keeps saying I am getting strange and need to see a physcologist.. Maybe she's right but I don't think so..At least not yet. Wow...that doesn't bode well for any type of stable relationship....telling you you need to see a shrink just for your footwear choice? Just for me, I couldn't stay in a relationship where there wasn't some type of understanding. I do hope she comes to her senses and lightens up on your heeling adventures. Some might say it's psychologically harmful to keep a person away from the things they enjoy in life just due to spousal pressure, as it acts as a depressant for the individual - depending on the want. This only works for some things of course. SQ.....still busting societal molds with a smile...and a 50-ton sledge! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimnj3 Posted November 14, 2004 Author Share Posted November 14, 2004 ShockQueen, Thanks, I have had several discussions with her about my feelings and so far she isn't accepting them. I have noticed she isn't as strong about me wearing heels as she was so maybe in time we can get past this. I keep telling her this isn't harming anybody, esp her. She feels it's a reflection on her when friends see me in a different type of footwear. I'll bet most of them don't really care and are not thinking of her when looking at me. This even goes on when I go out without her which is where I don't fully understand, even if I go to the mall shopping where nobody knows who I am.. Jim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubba136 Posted November 15, 2004 Share Posted November 15, 2004 ShockQueen, and some of the rest of the members of this forum are a little closed minded. From a lot of the comments I've read posted here on this subject, if a wife or girlfriend doesn't agree with a man wearing high heels, they are, in these people's opinion, being short sighted and really need to adjust their attitudes. Hey, some people have very strong feelings about such things. Just because they don't "cotton" to your point of view or like to see their male companion dressed in women's clothing or high heels doesn't mean they're wrong. Get real! You mightn't think there's anything wrong with the practice but you can't just arbitrarily say they're wrong and need to "come into the 21st centurary." And, oh, by the way, Jimnj3, if your wife gets to the point where she decides that either the heels go or she goes, based on your attitude, you're going to have a very difficult choice to make. Being mentally comfortable in your own mind is the key to wearing heels in public. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimnj3 Posted November 15, 2004 Author Share Posted November 15, 2004 Bubba, That's true what you say. My wife comes from a small town in upstate Pa. and has her own ideas of what is normal or not. Her mother is the same way and she is always complaining that she is narrow minded but at 87 she can be. My wife is very much like her in attitude but doesn't see it herself. Just because I feel it's OK doesn't mean she has to change her mind and I can't force this on her. We have had much discussion about this subject and she feels it's just wrong and tonight there will be some more. If it does come to heels or her, she will win since she is far more important than the gratification of wearing heels. I have already caused a ruckus in our marraige just by talking about my want to wear stylish womens shoes with a heel and I hope we can get past this. Of course this feeling won't go away so it will just have to be surpressed. I'll see what happens later today...Jim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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