i told my mom!

[terayon]

hey, tonight my mom was acting all wierd, and insisted on going into my closet, and she asked me about the boots....she asked whos they were, and i told her they were mine....she seemed sort of shocked, and thought they were for my sister...i said no, and aid i liked them, and bought them...she seemed sorta freaked out...but seemed to be ok, and said she wouldnt tell my sister....it feels sort of good, but im still really nervous...and feel wierd...ill let you know more details as they occour

[Nata]

I didn't save up money to buy any heels before because of fear of freaking my folks out. But when my dad asked me if I liked the shoe on the display window one fine day, I gladly took this opportunity to tell him yes.. My mum did not say a thing and I knew that as long as my dad gave the go-ahead, mum will not object to it. Dad even paid for all of my subsequent purchases.

[Laurieheels]

Terayon, you made it past the first step. You were not kicked out into the street. This is a very good thing. Your Mum knows, and did not yell or scream or make you get rid of them. Instead, she is offering to keep it between you and her. This is wonderful news, and I hope you and your Mum can build on this from here. You will find a bit of acceptance and happiness... and then it will grow a bit more.

[xaphod]

Hiya, T Knowing mums, it aint over yet. Good so far, but I would be ready for the next installment in this saga. It could be that your mum agreed not to tell your sister because she has as much to lose if your sis broadcasts your heel wearing to all at school. If you are lucky, I think you will be allowed to wear your heels in the house when your sis is not around, but I bet you won't be allowed to buy any more. I think your mum is most likely to regard this as a 'phase' you are going through, and which you will eventually grow out of, if nothing is done to reinforce the stimulus.

[Firefox]

Knowing mums, it aint over yet.....

Really :eek: Mums are not all the same you know! How you can attempt extrapolate the small amount we know about T's mum into a detailed analysis of the next events beats me.

[IHeels]

Terayon, Good on you, it's also nice to see you've got nice new age parents who just might have this equity thing worked out. Inga

[Firefox]

Yes, best of luck. And soon you'll be in a position where you're making many more of your own decisions

[jim]

Good on you....

[Qwerty_1_3]

Congratulations I wish I had that courage when I was your age. The Internet and this kind of board, I know would have been a bg help.

[terayon]

thanks everyone...i definetly would never have even got the courage to buy my boots in the first place if it wasnt for this board and sites like highlucs and firefoxes...thanks a lot =)

[xaphod]

FF, The sort of woman who is happy about males in heels, as we have seen from this group, is a pretty exceptional person. I'm working on the basis that T's mum is fairly 'middle of the road' and has the best interests of her son at heart, so will try to protect him from the ridicule of others while, to her, he is still growing up. At this stage, too much unbridled enthusiasm will inevitably lead to disappointment, better to settle for cautious optimism. I'd like to be wrong, but I bet you a pint my guess is not too far off the mark. PS Two tickets booked for the GSO

[terayon]

im facing a problem now...last night we talked about them...but not in very much detail, i just said they were mine and that i bought them myself, and reassured her that i was most definetly NOT gay...but she sorta left after that...i never asked if i could wear them around the house, or if she minded if i bought more pairs...how should i apporach that subject further? its really akward

[HeelDog]

T, Your mum just got the news, my advise is to take it as it comes and not push the issue. It hasn't even been a day yet. There is still the next awkward general conversation and then the next discussion about your passion. I would give your mum the space and time she needs to get used to the idea. You can bring the idea of wearing them in the house up when the next conversation comes about. I recommend giving your mum the chance to initiate the next conversation. If she doesn't seem to want to bring it up again in a week or so, then I'd start the conversation by saying the two of you need to talk about it. I have a joke saying about the kids 'suffering from the disease of youth'. No harm meant, but patience is an important thing that is usually hard to learn. I urge you to work on your patience with this one for your mum's sake. I'd say, it looks as if its going to be OK. She may not be overly comfy with it, go over things in her mind like 'where did I go wrong?', etc. But as time passes and she gets to see you as being the same great kid as before, and she understands it's just another thing you'll like, she'll be fine and your relationship will be pretty cool. But, most importantly, congrats. You've started the achievement of a goal that meant a lot to you. Courage, my friend, good job. "Put em up, put em up! I'll fight ya with one paw behind my back... I'll fight ya with both paws behind my back... what are ya scared?" - The Cowardly Lion, Wizard of Oz Peace out! HeelDog

[Francis]

Terayon obviously this has come as a bit of a shock for your mum. I know mine was freaked out for a while when she found out about my shoes. The good news is that they do settle down with the idea. Mine even used to borrow the odd pair for parties Wear your boots around the house and gauge reaction, it may surprise you to find that she will either ignore you or make herself busy with something so she doesn't have to think about it. Then you'll have your answer. If discussion comes from the reaction, then just reassure her that it's a fashion choice and nothing to do with your sexuality. Most people still make the incorrect connection between men in high heels and homosexual men. This is a stereotype that has been ingrained into society. While we all try to promote our choice, there will always be the odd person who still lives in the dark ages. Good Luck!

[Highluc]

Hi Terrayon, I'm glad the first step (no pun) went smooth. Don't push anything, just start wearing them casually once in a while so she can see heels can look good and natural on her son and get her used to it slowly. Don't do it every day yet. When I was young my mom even started buying "acceptable" platform wedgie slippers for me, these had a dark sole and jeans top and looked a bit more tone down as the styles and colors I bought. When I got my first pair from her (around age 20 and asked why, she told me these were wouldn't attract so much attention if anybody visited us. Got to remind you it was in the 70's when everybody wore plats and heels, even boys. Have fun and easy does it, Highluc

[hoverfly]

My wife hardly notices my heels when I am wearing them. Since I wear them with pants it not easy to tell. I occasionally point them out to my wife. Usually by crossing a leg and start wiggling my foot around. Only then I get the rolling eyes. The truth is most people are unaware of their surroundings. So if you don't make them to obvious nobody will notice unless they make an effort to look.

[jim]

Some good advice has been posted here Terayon. I agree completely with Luc and Xapod sumed it up well with.."At this stage, too much unbridled enthusiasm will inevitably lead to disappointment, better to settle for cautious optimism." Take it easy and all should go well regards jim

[Charlie]

terayon: You've got guts! 9 out of 10 teenagers would have cheezed out and said they were someone elses. When I was your age, I'd have cheezed out for sure! It's those same guts that will take you as far as you want to go in life. Heel wearing in public may seem abstract now, but you'll soon find that you've conquered that mountain and will thirst for more challenges. If you can pursue all of your passions with the same guts you've shown here, nothing will ever stop you in life! I agree with the general opinion that you should let your mom make the next move. I think Highluc is most correct when he states that you should limit the heel wearing at first. Let your mother fully absorb what's happened so far. I'd also advise that you get some very conservative women's styles (the ones that can easily pass for either men's or women's shoes) and throw them into the daily mix. This will help cloud up the ridiculous line between his/hers and smooth out the transition towards the styles you like most. Good show! Charlie

[Firefox]

You say "should I ask her if I can wear them round the house?" That should be your decision T, they are your feet and you shoould be calling the shots. However, if I were you, personally I'd start wearing some lower one's, blocks and cowboy type 2-3" Do that for a few months to get her/dad/whoever used to the idea of seeing you in slightly unusual shoes. Take things gently. It would be the same with a teenage girl as well. They don't start wearing 4-5" overnight. If you take things easy "in public" the process is far easier. It's not just the new concept but the process of you changing into an adult who is going to make his own decisions. Anything you can do to ease that will be beneficial.

[terayon]

thanks my boots are 4.5inch heel with a 1.5inch platform...and you can barely see them under my pants, so it shouldnt be too big of a shocker...and as a curiosity when my mom was out, i went into her closet and counted 168 pairs of heels....if she says i cant wear them....shes being a big damn hypocrit...but i dont think she will do that..i may go and buy some smaller heels if she wants me too, or if i get the chance myself...maybe like 3inch with very small platform...but i sort of need to bring it up tommorow, i forgot to tell her not to tell her friends (i hate all her dumb friends, they are all blabber mouthed pieces of crap) and i just know if she told them under "strict confidence" she might as well post signs in my neighbourhood....but ill wait to see if she talks to me

[Firefox]

Some 3" with small plat would be cool. I'd just do it; wear them around and no need to talk to her. If she wants to bring it up at that stage, then fine. You can be very reasonable and polite, but trot out the 168 pairs argument. If she say's nothing then that's cool too. No need to explain anything. With such a huge array of shoes, some of her passion has obvioulsy rubbed off on her son, so she's only got herself to blame My bet is she'll understand, being a shoe person herself. Like Xaphod said there is a possibility she'll try and persuade you otherwise "for your own good." But don't let her get too much of her own way, there's a pint resting on this!

[Yamyam]

Well done, Terayon!

You're much braver than I was at your age.

I think it might be best to give your Mom a little while, then ask about wearing heels around. But yeah, start with some lower heels first. Apart from anything else, I went for a two hour walk in heels my first time out, and really wished I hadn't.

Go for it, and good luck!

(And I haven't told my Mom yet, and I'm 0x20 years old. But I have told my Dad!)

[terayon]

how did your dad react? im the other way around....id much rather tell my mom than my dad...i think in general moms are more accepting of their children...while men tend to be a stricter or more set in their ways

[Firefox]

Women/mums are in general more accepting. Please don't shoot me down for stereotyping, anybody. It's the old 70/30, 80/20 rules Women tend to have more empathy with the individual while men tend to hunt with the pack. Apart from my mum who was a bit reluctant to accept it in my case whereas my Dad said, oh just get one with it. The first time actually, my dad said, I'm not going down the pub with you if you are wearing those, but he was only worried about what other people might do/say. When he realised that people don't care, as I proved by wearing gradually higher ones over a few months, he was cool about it.

[terayon]

I talked to my mom about them briefly today...this morning i left them out in front of my closet, and she came in and saw them and said "we should talk about your boots later...they are really nice" i was like "ok, sure" and left it at that...will prolly talk tonight..i think she likes them, and has no probs with me wearing them...ill let you know what she says...hope its good...ive only had these boots about a month and i already am itching for another pair =)

[Firefox]

Yeah... we are in. "Very nice"... come on T's mum, I knew you wouldn't let me down. She's cool. This is going to cost Xaphod a pint, almost for sure! Just don't say "very nice, but...", Mum.

[terayon]

ok..i talked to her very briefly tonight about my boots...and she was cool with them (to some extent)...i asked her if she minded me wearing them around the house and she said no...she wanted to see me in them, but i said id show her later (still nervous on my part), she thought i should tell my sister...but i dont want too...so i guess im going to start wearing them around the house now...and i didnt ask her about it, but i am gunna buy a new pair soon too...but shit, she doesnt ask me when she buys new shoes

[terayon]

ok..i talked to her very briefly tonight about my boots...and she was cool with them (to some extent)...i asked her if she minded me wearing them around the house and she said no...she wanted to see me in them, but i said id show her later (still nervous on my part), she thought i should tell my sister...but i dont want too...so i guess im going to start wearing them around the house now...and i didnt ask her about it, but i am gunna buy a new pair soon too...but shit, she doesnt ask me when she buys new shoes

[Laurieheels]

Way to go Terayon, you would make Gene Simmons proud. Little bits and pieces, remove the fear, the discomfort, any chance for guilt and shame, and what happens? You get mutual understanding! Just keep it going and keep it at a pace your Mum will be happy with, so she can adjust and avoid any guilt, shame, or fear issues. These are the killers of all good ideas, after all.

[Highluc]

Hi Terrayon, I'm glad for you things are progressing smoothly. As Lauri said, take it easy. As much as you would want another pair, if I were you, I'd still wait a bit. Get her used to these before. Start at home, later extend it to a quick errand, as she gets used to the idea and the looks maybe join her on a (shoe)shopping trip. Your mom will be glad to have somebody interested in shoes joining her on these and probably will never have expected it be her son, but will be delighted about this new bond. Untill that moment, don't push to inform your dad or sister. As from that moment you will have the most powerfull allie to defend your views of fashion freedom to your dad or sis, your mom being a shoe freeck herself having realized your new hobby is harmless and is only just that. Be patient and have fun on your heels, Highluc.