chris100575 Posted January 12, 2004 Posted January 12, 2004 This weekend my wife and I were having a heart to heart as we'd been having a bit of a bad patch. (Hopefully now sorted out) Anyway, I thought that while we were discussing such things, I'd bring up my heel wearing and try to find out exactly how she felt. The last time it was discussed (briefly) I still thought that I needed to cross dress. Her attitude was that she didn't like it, and that the best she could offer was a "don't ask, don't tell" policy. Since I've got over the whole guilt / denial thing I've realised that actually it's only the shoes I'm interested in wearing. I explained to her that my interest lay purely in heels, I have no interest in female clothes, underwear make-up or anything like that. I also explained that it was something that had been hard for me to come to terms with, and that it was a part of me and it wasn't going to go away. She was brilliant. She said that she still wasn't comfortable with the idea of me wearing heels in front of her, but that she would try to accept it. In the mean time, she said that she was perfectly OK with me wearing them, and that we could be open about it in discussion between the two of us. She also said that if she ultimately can't be comfortable with me wearing heels in her presence she'll make sure that I can have regular "heel time". She even gave me a pair of her boots that she doesn't wear any more! As it stands, I may still not be able to wear heels in front of her for the moment, but I no longer need to hide them away nor worry about her coming home early and catching me in them. She's also said that I can buy heels online, or be honest when we're out shopping and I see a pair that I want. She also joked that I'm no longer allowed to make wisecracks about the number of pairs of shoes she owns! I apologise for the length of this post, but this has been such a huge thing for me. For years I've been hiding my heels, sneaking out to buy them, and scrimping here and there to be able to buy them without her noticing anything on the bank statements. I truly feel as though I've put down a burden. Chris
Bubba136 Posted January 12, 2004 Posted January 12, 2004 if this is truly her feeling and attitude, it will become easier for both of you as time passes. As it is in my case, before long she will be buing heels for you because she thinks you'll like a particular pair. Being mentally comfortable in your own mind is the key to wearing heels in public.
Firefox Posted January 12, 2004 Posted January 12, 2004 That's great Chris. I've always found women are generally happier with the thicker more masculine type heels like cowboy boots or block heels. That could be a compromise be introduced gradually in her presence and she'll likely realise it is really no big deal, leaving the way clearer for other types. Of course she may still be unhappy but it's nice to give thing the best chance possible.
chris100575 Posted January 12, 2004 Author Posted January 12, 2004 Hi everyone. For the moment I'm going to just leave things as they are to give her some time to have a think. Last night she said that it must have been really difficult for me when we were shopping for shoes for her and I was surrounded by pairs of heels that I felt I couldn't buy. She seemed to be genuinely sympathetic. I've just ordered some suede court shoes from Divine, so I'll see how she reacts when they arrive. As for introducing heels in her presence, the boots she gave me have four inch block heels and square toes. I think I'll try wearing them under my jeans one day. When she comes home I'll offer to change out of them and see what she says. To be completely honest, even if she never gets used to the idea of me wearing them around her, it feels so much better now I can be open with her. Chris
shyguy Posted January 12, 2004 Posted January 12, 2004 Great news Chris, hope this is a step towards her acceptance of and for you, and her. This reitierates the messages seen so often here about honesty. He was so narrow minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes. Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly
Francis Posted January 13, 2004 Posted January 13, 2004 This has been brilliant news! I'm glad that you and your wife have found some 'common ground' so you can both be happy with your heel wearing. Who knows, perhaps you'll both go shoe shopping for the pair of you together. As for the honesty part, let's hope that your experience will help others who feel they are in the same predicament. Excellent! Well done! I'm an genuinely happy for you both!
wineanddine Posted January 24, 2004 Posted January 24, 2004 Those of us who are married or have significant others have all struggled with this at varying times. It's obvious from the experiences here that honesty is the best policy but not always the easiest. My wife kind of goes back and forth between trying to ignore it and hope it goes away to moderate encouragement. (The later in the bedroom). She's asked from time to time about me buying her shoes that I like for her use around the house but after the initial use doesn't show much interest whereas I can't get enough of them. I think we still have a ways to go but are getting there. Congratulations are certainly in order for Chris. Wineanddine
PJ Posted January 24, 2004 Posted January 24, 2004 Chris; I bet you feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of your shoulders. Congratulations. You are a very lucky person to have a wife that not only has an open mind, but is willing to have open dialogue with you on a very sensitive subject. I agree with you to "leave things as they are to give her some time to have a think". This was a major compromise on her part. I wish I could give her a hug. click .... click .... click .... The sensual sound of stiletto heels on a hard surface.
chris100575 Posted January 24, 2004 Author Posted January 24, 2004 Thankyou for all the messages of congratulations and support. I think that feeling as though I'm part of the community here helped me to get the confidence to bring it up with her. PJ: You're absolutely right about a weight being lifted. J really has been brilliant about this. I use the back bedroom as an office, and she has suggested getting me a proper shoe cupboard when we re-decorate. Our relationship has improved in the last couple of weeks, as I used to sometimes resent her if she was late home from work and I could have had another hour in my heels, or when I saw a pair I wanted and couldn't buy. I hadn't realised how badly keeping it hidden was affecting me, but I was having a lot of bad moods. I've been giving J a lot of hugs recently, consider one of them to be from you. Chris
Dawn HH Posted April 15, 2004 Posted April 15, 2004 Chris100575:-) It's been about 3 months since your last post and I usually re-read the older threads to pick up on anything new about every 3-4 months also. I hope that the situation between your wife and you have improved even more over time. I'm very happy for you and thank goodness that that burden of many years has been lifted from you. Congratulations, Chris. The wife and I have been openly talking about wearing women's clothes and heels for some time now and it's great not having to hide anything from her. I know just how you feel. The wife and I openly shop for heels and things together and she has a keen gift of what looks right or not on me and I value her comments and ideas highly even down to if the make-up is right or not. She even goes along when I street-heel and supports me on that also. It is great and I can understand your feelings perfectly as I've been there, done that and I have the T-shirt. Cheers--- Dawn HH High Heeled Boots Forever!
larry Posted April 18, 2004 Posted April 18, 2004 Chris. I'm somewhat new here and I'm still trying to fit in. I have it better than some and not as good as others who post here. I told my fiance / now wife, about my wearing stilletos before we were married. I had to be honest with her and we worked through it. She was dissapointed at first. We had a long talk and I believe that she thought that my wearing stilletos was a reflection on her. I'm sure that she was jealous because I was getting intimate pleasure from something other than her. My wifes primary deep rooted fear was that I was a cross dresser and wanted to attract the attention of men.(not true) Again. We found a way to work through it. Now. I wear my heels around the house about 3 - 4 times a week and my wife encourages me to do so and the only ones who know are my wife and sister in law. This is carved in stone. If I ever went out doors while wearing high heels i'm POSITIVE that this would result in a divorce. Please respect your wifes limits...Sincerely...Larry Love those heels!
Dawn HH Posted April 18, 2004 Posted April 18, 2004 Larry:-) It is good to see that you have made progress with your wife and that she encourages you to wear your heels 3 or 4 times a week in doors. You will have to stick to that front door barrier for a while and maybe later she will loosen up on letting you wear them outdoors when she sees that this isn't causing any harm. Does she read any of the postings from this forum? If she does this would help her to come around a bit quicker and then you could get some longer pants and slowly start to street-heel and maybe start to take her along once in a while so that she could see that there isn't any harm there also. So be patient, go slowly over time, and be a bit low key for a while. Cheers--- Dawn HH High Heeled Boots Forever!
chris100575 Posted April 22, 2004 Author Posted April 22, 2004 Hi, Sorry I've not been online for a while. J and I had another discussion about my heels the other day. The situation is much the same, I still can't wear them in front of her, but she's OK with me wearing them while she's not around. One of the things she said was "I'm not saying we'll never reach a point where you can just wear them around the house, but we're not there yet." In my current job I get lots of time off during the week, so I can often wear heels all day. It's not so bad changing out of them when she comes home. While the situation isn't ideal, it's a lot better than it could have been! Larry / Dawn, you guys are so lucky that your wives are so accepting. Hopefully mine will come around to it in time. Chris
sscotty727 Posted April 22, 2004 Posted April 22, 2004 Hi Chris, Hang in there and go at HER pace. My wife isn't that "fond" of me wearing heels either, but she has learned to accept it and even helps me buy shoes. I have now completely switched over to wearing only women's shoes. Some high, some flats, but atleast they are women's. My wife helps me find more discrete shoes for work and in general as well as longer pants to "hide" the heel. Recently I got her to agree to let me wear pumps out to a movie as long as we go at night. We are still yet to do that but in concept she is ok with it. Around the house, I can wear my pumps infront of her, but not infront of our kids. She does allow me to wear my block heels infront of them though (for now). That too could change, but taking it day by day for now. Good luck! Scotty
Dawn HH Posted April 22, 2004 Posted April 22, 2004 Sscotty727:-) It sounds like both you and your wife are making progress slow but sure. It is natural for her to be concerned about the kids seeing you in heels, but you have made an in- road when she will let you wear your chunky heels in front of them. Even my wife made the comment that you are wise on letting her advance at HER pace. Be patient---go slowly and it appears that she may come around in her own time. Allow her to digest all of this at her speed. Remember---He who waits gets rewarded. We are happy for you, good luck and keep us posted on your progress. Cheers--- Dawn HH High Heeled Boots Forever!
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