dimpantyhose Posted October 23, 2003 Posted October 23, 2003 Today, I've done a big mistake... But, the end was very nice! (Hopefully for me). Yesterday at night, I wore my favorite pair of high heels at my parents home. (People interested want to see pictures of my high heels, please click on this link http://www.hhplace.org/hhboard/viewtopic.php?t=2133). When I went to the bed, I put the shoes in its box on my desk... And, this morning, I TOTALLY forgot to put those high heels in my wardrobe...And....SURPRISE, my mother find the high heels box on my desk and... look at them... While I ate my breakfast, my mother tolds me that she saw those high heels on my desk... I was totally shocked...(scared!)...But, she tolds me that I have a great taste in high heels. She asked me where I purchased them, etc... I had a serious high heels conversation with my mother. It was so strange for me to talk about my passion to my mother... Now, I feel better! But this time, I'll remember to put my high heels in my wardrobe!
Firefox Posted October 23, 2003 Posted October 23, 2003 If you wore your high heels in the sitting room. You wouldn't need to remember to put them in the wardrobe. Just think how much easier that would be...
dimpantyhose Posted October 23, 2003 Author Posted October 23, 2003 I wear them in the basement (in all room), in the evening and night.
genebujold Posted October 23, 2003 Posted October 23, 2003 Ok... Time for damage control... Your mother is trying to be very understanding. She probably wants to tell Pop (she's a woman) but knows how Pop would respond (she's also a wife). The first thing you should do is thank her for being so understanding and accepting - because she's probably trying very to be just that right now, and hearing those words from you will go a long way. Beyond that, take it day by day. You might reassure her by telling her what you are into, and what you're not into. Her guesses will be nightmares, but your answers, even if significantly more than most of us, will still be relatively more cooling waters than her imagination! "Communication isn't wearing our hearts on our sleeves - it's sharing our hearts on the eaves."
Heelfan Posted October 23, 2003 Posted October 23, 2003 VERY sensible advice Gene! Cheerfulkly yours, Heelfan Onwards and upwards!
Heelfan Posted October 23, 2003 Posted October 23, 2003 VERY sensible advice Gene! Cheerfully yours, Heelfan Onwards and upwards!
Firefox Posted October 23, 2003 Posted October 23, 2003 Your mother is trying to be very understanding. She probably wants to tell Pop (she's a woman) but knows how Pop would respond (she's also a wife). Full of stereotypical assumptions, which may be quite wrong, so my jury is still out.
new_look Posted October 23, 2003 Posted October 23, 2003 if anyone has grown up in s yorks, you would know that generally people have a very sarcastic sense of humour, and look for nice opportunitiies ti rip the piss out of the ordinary. Eg the goths get lots of pleasant comments in rotherham from people. This been so, i dont think i could ever come round to telling my mum or dad anytime soon, as they share the similar attitude. Daz
TallSwede Posted October 24, 2003 Posted October 24, 2003 I'd say that the fact that she did *not* ask you to attend a ceremonial burning of your heels in the back yard prior to your ablutions in the church of your faith seems like that she will be openminded enough to let you keep them and *possibly* wear them in situations she may accept. -Not a heap of positive words, but still *I* believe that there might be a more heely life for you than before this was discussed with your mom. As already mentioned, *do* try to make clear *why* you want to wear heels (and perhaps what you *not* want to wear), as it might to make the situation better in a shorter time. TallSwede
Skirted-UK Posted October 24, 2003 Posted October 24, 2003 It's amazing how mothers find things. When I was 16 I saved up hard and plucked up a lot of courage to buy an expensive straight black skirt from Marks & Spencer. Unfortunately my mother soon found it and asked me were I had got it from. I was totally unprepared for this and the best that I could come up with on the spur of the moment was that I had found it. My mother said that the skirt was far too good to waste and she gave it to my cousin who was a couple of years older than me. My cousin quite liked the skirt and she often used to wear it when she came to our house for tea. I was really peeved to see my cousin wearing my skirt and to add insult to injury she even gave me a twirl in the skirt the first time she wore it. It took me ages to save up to buy another one, but I was very careful to make sure that my mother did not find it. "You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave ! " The Eagles, "Hotel California"
dimpantyhose Posted October 25, 2003 Author Posted October 25, 2003 Ok... Time for damage control... Your mother is trying to be very understanding. She probably wants to tell Pop (she's a woman) but knows how Pop would respond (she's also a wife). I know my mother and I really trust her. She not the kind of tell my father about each mistake I've done. She's the kind how try to understand to help me. In that case, she tells me that I have a great taste in high heels. Today, I helped my mother to purchase a pair in the same style I purchased. ?!? It's really special to share that! I think I'm very lucky to have a mother who are "really" open minded... But, one thing is sure, she will be not ready to see me in high heels, but she let me to keep high heels in my wardrobe
xaphod Posted October 25, 2003 Posted October 25, 2003 if anyone has grown up in s yorks, you would know that generally people have a very sarcastic sense of humour, and look for nice opportunitiies ti rip the piss out of the ordinary. .... Daz Guess why I left that part of the world .... anyone with any brains got the hell out for more civilised parts. Xa
J-Nation Posted October 25, 2003 Posted October 25, 2003 oi! you calling me fick or summat?! (and "did you spill my pint?") Emma
Dr. Shoe Posted October 26, 2003 Posted October 26, 2003 When I told my mum I was a tranny, I deliberately told her in a way that was kind of light and "so what?" so it was no big deal. It still worried her and the quack didn't help by saying that he's only come across it once and it ended in a sex change. She worried about it for weeks until she saw an interesting program about it on the TV (no pun intended ) which put a lot of her fears to rest. She came around to the idea and even started to cut articles out of the papers she thought might interest me including a dress making course for drag queens (!). A little later, she saw a picture of me "en femme" and I think she realised that I didn't look like the sad low-life she imagined and actually remarked on how realistic I looked and now has no problem with it at all, particularly as I'm now in a stable long-term "normal" relationship. My idea is: you didn't make any big deal about it and so it isn't a big deal to her. Graduate footwear designer able to advise and assist on modification and shoe making projects.
Marvinheels Posted October 27, 2003 Posted October 27, 2003 wish my mom was open minded like that, first pair of heels she found of mine were hiding in a small closet space in a old house, that night had to run out and get them from the trash, thank god they were still in the box and nothing got on them.
Heelfan Posted October 27, 2003 Posted October 27, 2003 When my mother found out I funked it competely! I was still in my teens by then I had a small collection of secret heels hidden under a loose floorboard in my bedroom. One night when I came home at about 2am after playing in a jazz gig (my usual sort of arriving-back time), my mother had gone to sleep in in bedroom upstairs. However, there, bold as brass right in the middle of the kitchen table she had placed for me to see, one of my very highest heeled shoes - a black patent leather 6" stiletto court shoe size 9.5UK (11.5US) with red trim around the toe! Her obvious discovery of my secret hoard stunned me! Hit me between the eyes! My mouth went dry and my brain whirled! For the first time in my life (after five years of secret heeling) I was well and truly and properly rumbled! I lay away all night wondering what on earth she would say at breakfast in the morning. I had already put the shoe away by breakfast time, and when we encountered each other it was a total non-event. She felt so embarrassed at having put the shoe on the table that she did not say anything more about it, waiting for me to speak. Conversely, I felt so embarrassed that I didn't say anything either, and sadly the whole matter and its ramifications went undiscussed from then until she died some twenty years later. The episode meant that she KNEW though, and also I knew that she knew, but that was it, and I often wish to this day that either one of us had had the guts to broach the subject and discuss it properly and thoroughly at the time! So much unsaid! My confidence has grown over the years (I hope it does with most people), so that with my wife I discussed it thoroughly and we still do fairly regularly to stay "in tune" with each other. That is always the right and best way to do it, but sadly it sometimes takes the passage of years for wisdom and confidence to grow enough to handle things properly! Cheerfully yours, Heelfan Onwards and upwards!
genebujold Posted October 27, 2003 Posted October 27, 2003 Full of stereotypical assumptions, which may be quite wrong, so my jury is still out. Hi, FF. I prefer to call them "informed assumptions," as they were based upon the details Dim revealed in his own post, to which I responded (and which seems to have disappeared). By the way, that was a fairly critical post in the overall development of this situation, FF. Do you think we can get it back? Or did Dim delete it? If you deleted it, please reconsider keeping such posts intact. Sometimes the most informative and healing series of posts involve the more nerve-wracking details - along with the more deeply-felt responses by those of us who've been through this before. It's long been known that when people who haven't worked through all of these issues read the details about others who have, a significant transferrance of learning and emotional healing takes place. This is one of the reasons most self-help books are full of actual scenarios faced by others - it simply works. Thank you for your understanding.
xaphod Posted October 28, 2003 Posted October 28, 2003 oi! you calling me fick or summat?! (and "did you spill my pint?") Emma Sorry .... generalisations again, but when I go back to my old northern town, where we used to have girls' and boys' Grammar Schools, and ask old school friends where any young person with a bit of 'nous' may go to get an education, they say that the best thing to do is to move out ! Xa
AZShoeNut Posted October 29, 2003 Posted October 29, 2003 Wow, that was an interesting read. The whole lot of posts that is. Mom finding out…. What a stress that was at one time. Both my parents know about it. My Mom more so than my Dad. I think that the only reason that I brought my Mom into it twelve or fifteen years ago was that I needed a credit card to order from Frederick’s of Hollywood. To be absolutely honest it has been only within the past five to eight years that I have developed comfort with my interest in women’s shoes. My Mom was cool with it when I told her and she even got a bit of a kick out of it. I wish that I had been more comfortable with it then. The subject has only come up a few times since then. At one time, still a long time ago, she mentioned that she wished that she had been more involved with it. That is she wished that I shared more with her. Well now fast forward more than a decade and I am wondering if I should pick the subject up again. She is sixty-six years old. I am wondering if I should open the floor up for discussion. I am scared that the subject might be uncomfortable for her. But I also wonder if she really does want to be in on this part of my life. Who knows how much longer she will be around. I know that it still enters her mind because when I moved into my condo last February she wanted to make sure that my friends from work would not find anything “personal” when they painted the place before I moved in. I suppose if it is meant to be then it will happen. Interesting topic. AZShoeNut Life is short... Wear the bleeping shoes!
Heelfan Posted October 29, 2003 Posted October 29, 2003 Hello AZ! Yes, my wholehearted advice is to GO FOR IT with your Mum, as fully as possible and without any further delay. Don't worry about any danger of her thinking differently now - she won't! I can assure you of that, because I'm about the same age (59) and I still have exactly the same views, emotions, desires etc. that I had inside me when I was in my teens or at any other intervening time. Our bodies age and shrivel somewhat outwards, but inside we're just the same people with our individual tastes, hopes, dreams and a growing store of memories for the whole of our lives. So many people mourn the eventual deaths of their parents because there is so much unshared, so much unsaid and so much unresolved. If she once volunteered that she'd like to have been more involved, then that's great. It's not too late for your to take the initiative and pick up the threads, and I'm sure it'll bring you closer together and you'll enjoy having the time of your lives! We will all be dying to hear from you again, and to hear how it went! Cheerfully yours, Heelfan Onwards and upwards!
genebujold Posted November 1, 2003 Posted November 1, 2003 Hello AZ! Yes, my wholehearted advice is to GO FOR IT with your Mum, as fully as possible and without any further delay. Don't worry about any danger of her thinking differently now - she won't! I can assure you of that, because I'm about the same age (59) and I still have exactly the same views, emotions, desires etc. that I had inside me when I was in my teens or at any other intervening time. Our bodies age and shrivel somewhat outwards, but inside we're just the same people with our individual tastes, hopes, dreams and a growing store of memories for the whole of our lives. So many people mourn the eventual deaths of their parents because there is so much unshared, so much unsaid and so much unresolved. If she once volunteered that she'd like to have been more involved, then that's great. It's not too late for your to take the initiative and pick up the threads, and I'm sure it'll bring you closer together and you'll enjoy having the time of your lives! We will all be dying to hear from you again, and to hear how it went! Cheerfully yours, Heelfan You know... After reviewing this post, I realize it was very impolite. Although I'll leave it up in the interest of literary accuracy, I do apologize if my tone offended anyone. Gene' Original post: Hi, Heelfan. While you and AZ may be identical twins, your mums may not. Therefore, please refrain from giving him advice that works for you without first getting fully into his own world. First. Thanks. Gene'
AZShoeNut Posted November 1, 2003 Posted November 1, 2003 Well, we will see. It may be a while down the road before there is an opportunity for it to happen. I will likely update if it does. AZShoeNut Life is short... Wear the bleeping shoes!
Heelfan Posted November 2, 2003 Posted November 2, 2003 Hello Gene! I would imagine that it's a bit difficult being identical twins unless one has the same mum! (tee-hee). No, seriously though, these forums exist so that we can all try to give advice in all good faith and based on our own experiences, integrities and judgements, and that includes me. I'm not going to rescind it because it came across from AZ that his Mother dearly wanted discussion and involment with AZ re. his heels, and equally so did AZ himself. Firstly, I regret having funked having a thorough discussion about it before my mother died, and secondly "A problem shared is a problem halved!". However, If your personal view is that any forum member such as me is giving bad advice, then instead of criticising me, it would be more constructive to AZ if you were to attempt to give him what you consider to be better advice than mine, maybe pointing out to him the pros and cons of each viewpoint. All any of us can do is to do our best to be ever-constructive. AZ and others will then have the luxury of more than one piece of advice to consider, ultimately using their own judgement. Cheerfully yours, Heelfan Onwards and upwards!
Bubba136 Posted November 2, 2003 Posted November 2, 2003 Sounds reasonable to me! Being mentally comfortable in your own mind is the key to wearing heels in public.
genebujold Posted November 2, 2003 Posted November 2, 2003 Hello Gene! I would imagine that it's a bit difficult being identical twins unless one has the same mum! (tee-hee). No, seriously though, these forums exist so that we can all try to give advice in all good faith and based on our own experiences, integrities and judgements, and that includes me. I'm not going to rescind it because it came across from AZ that his Mother dearly wanted discussion and involment with AZ re. his heels, and equally so did AZ himself. Firstly, I regret having funked having a thorough discussion about it before my mother died, and secondly "A problem shared is a problem halved!". However, If your personal view is that any forum member such as me is giving bad advice, then instead of criticising me, it would be more constructive to AZ if you were to attempt to give him what you consider to be better advice than mine, maybe pointing out to him the pros and cons of each viewpoint. All any of us can do is to do our best to be ever-constructive. AZ and others will then have the luxury of more than one piece of advice to consider, ultimately using their own judgement. Cheerfully yours, Heelfan You're absolutely right, I apologize, and I've posted a similar message of apology on my original post (about three or four down). Yours truly,
Heelfan Posted November 2, 2003 Posted November 2, 2003 S'oright Gene! Cheerfully Yours, Heelfan Onwards and upwards!
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