b2please Posted March 12, 2011 Share Posted March 12, 2011 I've been learning a lot here on the forum about typical spouse reactions, and it's fun seeing examples of the couples that BOTH have fun with this, and what MIGHT develop, if I'm lucky. Sooo, sometimes I have trouble appreciating what I have. If I ask for too much too fast it might backfire. I'll try to explain where I am, and get your suggestions. * We've been together for MANY years and she's quite open minded, but if I have a new adventurous interest, it can take TIME for her to appreciate it. * With heels, I bought a chunky heel oxford, maybe 2"plus heel (after seeking her advice on choices) about a year ago? or 1 1/2? "for playing with indoors- my wildest imagination at the time). At first they seemed like an impossible thrill! (I first thought- I will never be able to walk normally in these- but they are fascinating!) Now, they are easy! (they were my training wheels, and I'm hooked) * She tolerates my interest in feminine stuff, but mainly wants her manly man. * My favorite to wear at home is a 5" spiked leather Pleaser bootie, which actually fits perfectly. Not the look I want, but the FEEL is great. Seemed impossible at first, now I'm walking pretty confidently (in the house). She saw it and said "It's going to take me a while to get used to that", which I viewed as very honest, and measured comment- not really insulting! and trying to be open minded. Since then I avoid letting her see me in that one. I don't think she is comfortable with me in stilletos, or maybe just not outside. * I've just started venturing out for short adventures in 3.5 women's block heel & 4" wedge boots, wearing longish jeans. I told her I had this objective a couple weeks before I started, and she even had a suggestion where I should go to see if I really enjoyed it ( a Walmart a bit away from the house where friends are unlikely to be). I told her it would be most fun to go together, and she didn't comment on that (and she is quite busy lately!) * Now I'm getting more comfortable that this is not even something that needs to be kept secret!! It's a fun style statement. (I'm trying to believe this 100%) * Yesterday she asked if I'd go mail something she'd been meaning to mail, "and wear your heeled boots". So she actually is trying to support my interest! * After I expressed interest in outdoor heeling, I nudged her into stopping at a DSW we were walking by. Her shoes are typically Super Practical; not much of a heel person. (First she said she didn't feel like shopping) and she got into it and bought 3 pairs of wonderful heels for herself at 3 heights (very practical, very good for a party, and "on the tall side"), and she kept asking me to take one pair off and help put on the next pair, which was a combination of fun, embarrassing, etc. She's already worn the 2 lower heels to work & parties. She did not comment on ANY of the shoes being interesting for me, and I was having fun and didn't bring that up, but she must know I'm thinking about that. Any suggestions how to successfully pursue my interest in going heeling together? What fun trips might be fun for both of us? What baby steps would I be wise to pursue? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DProud2700 Posted March 12, 2011 Share Posted March 12, 2011 Your going in the right direction with what your doing. My wife has known about my love of wearing heels and has never tried to discourage me. She will ask me if the pair I will be wearing when I go out will be practical or not for what or where we will be going. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yozz Posted March 12, 2011 Share Posted March 12, 2011 I think you are doing fine. She is adapting to the situation and indeed open minded. The worst thing you can do is push too hard. She seems to come up with the right ideas and sooner or later she will realize that you are together in the shoe shop, not just for her shoes. This hold especially when you start looking at the shoes in your size. She was very honest about that some things will take a while for her to get used to. That doesn't mean that you should not wear those shoes. It just means that you should wear them when she is in a positive mood and not when she may have had a bad day. After a while she will hardly notice. That is how it went with my wife. For her it is very normal now. The main thing she worries about is that I might make a fool of myself if I wear things too obvious outside. For the rest I have lots of 'freedom'. And don't forget: women love it when you can go shopping together. Real shopping and not the typical husband sitting somewhere in a corner looking very bored while she is trying shoes or skirts or dresses. Your remarks and participation will be very much appreciated. If you like that too, you will automatically have much fun together and eventually there will be lots of things for you too. Y. Raise your voice. Put on some heels. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roniheels Posted March 12, 2011 Share Posted March 12, 2011 Any suggestions how to successfully pursue my interest in going heeling together? What fun trips might be fun for both of us? What baby steps would I be wise to pursue? I think you and your wife are on the right track. Like yozz said don't push it and let her move at her own pace. And, if you're not afraid of the answer, ask her if there are any other errands you could run for her while waring heels. Depending on how she answers, you'll know how to proceed. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Histiletto Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 * She tolerates my interest in feminine stuff, but mainly wants her manly man. Any suggestions how to successfully pursue my interest in going heeling together? What fun trips might be fun for both of us? What baby steps would I be wise to pursue? Why is it that being manly is questioned when a man wants to wear or is wearing high heels, especially stilettos? A woman can wear almost anything she chooses, including men's attire, and still her femininity is kept socially intact. It is a double standard, but this is the reality we are unjustly strapped with. As it has been suggested by the good members, keep on with what you are doing, making sure you are keeping the communication and heeling activities open with your wife. Your intentions and her counsel needs consideration, just like her intentions and you counsel. A good marriage is a product of two people focusing on the loving and the supporting of each other. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jwhite44 Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 I think we should be asking for advice from you! However, since you asked, I'll over some suggestions: 1. Practice inclusion. If you go out together, ask her if she's going to be wearing some heels. If you're buying some new ones, ask her if there are any she likes for herself. Don't make it all about yourself (I don't think you are, but doesn't hurt to mention it). 2. Pick destinations that are more heel-friendly. For example, instead of a Walmart (for her), pick a Victoria's Secret, or Macy's, or Nordstrom. Same thing for restaurants, try maybe a little more upscale. She might feel uncomfortable wearing heels in places where most other women are, yet feel more compelled where the dress code might be a little more upscale. 3. Not sure what your financial situation is, but consider signing up for the 'e-clubs' for stores and websites that sell shoes. For example, I signed up at naturlizer.com ahead of a purchase from them. I almost immediately got an email for a 10% off discount on any purchase (stackable on top of the 30% sale already going on). DSW give you points: when you sign up, for your birthday, bonus points during the year, etc. It might be, "Hey honey, DSW has double points this week, want to look if there's anything you're interested in?" This type of shopping can help to make your heeling not look like an unbounded obsession. 4. Going off a comment roniheels made, though it would be great if she accept your heels with no strings attached, if you have to overcome that, one option might be to do more for her. For example, in the house, maybe you vacuum in your heels, or bring down (and/or) do the laundry in your heels. Outside, maybe you do some food shopping at the market, pick up some things at Target or Walmart, etc. While here initial reaction might be she'd rather you not be in heels, if you end up doing extra work for her, subconsciously she might start to associate you wearing heels with those extra things. Pretty soon, she might be asking you to put on your heels all the time. I hope some of this helps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SleekHeels Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 Why is it that being manly is questioned when a man wants to wear or is wearing high heels, especially stilettos? A woman can wear almost anything she chooses, including men's attire, and still her femininity is kept socially intact. It is a double standard, but this is the reality we are unjustly strapped with. I'm not so sure. I think a girl who is branded a "tom-boy" can face just as much social stigma as a boy branded a "sissy". The difference seems to be the privileged status of men in society, such that masculinity is associated with empowerment while femininity is associated with disempowerment. I believe equality isn't just about women emulating men to be successful, or men emulating women being failiures, but rather redefining the values we place on masculine and feminine qualities. Maybe that's what's been motivating me to wear my heels more publicly recently. For me as a guy, wearing heels is an expression of the aspiration to value femininity equally as a society and not just define success in masculine terms... and perhaps a sucessful woman wears her heels to express the same aspirations? If you like it, wear it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b2please Posted March 13, 2011 Author Share Posted March 13, 2011 I'm not so sure......... Maybe that's what's been motivating me to wear my heels more publicly recently. For me as a guy, wearing heels is an expression of the aspiration to value femininity equally as a society and not just define success in masculine terms... and perhaps a sucessful woman wears her heels to express the same aspirations? Thanks for all the interesting suggestions. I know when I was dating I really wanted a woman who wanted to be a "totally equal" partner in the relationship in all respects. I think I found that, and it's worked well for decades. I suspect there are many types of successful relationships, but luckily I was drawn to a model that is working well for me. I think another thing that motivates me to be more open about my attraction to heels is to help society learn and change their strict " right way and wrong way" views of many gender preferences and stereotypes. If we can start respecting the wide variety of personality and gender types for the ways they can enrich our society we will be better off. I think I've got some interest in "gender unusual" dressing also because I disagree with society's harsh definitions of what should be male & what should be female. I suspect these may be limiting the expression and contributions of a significant portion of people. And, I also find it really FUN in indescribable ways! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve63130 Posted March 14, 2011 Share Posted March 14, 2011 I think that two elements are working in your favor. One is that you and your wife seem to communicate very well. You aren't keeping secrets. You put the cards out on the table and she can deal (pun!) with that. The second thing that I detect is that you put your relationship above your personal needs. There is a lot of togetherness. That lets her retain her confidence and security. She will come to learn that her manly man can still wear heels and be even more of a loving husband! Keep up the inspiration! Steve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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