Important Questions for all Guys

[psionic]

i have a big and difficult situation : i have a girl friend for a ver long time, she loves me alot and allow me to do anything i want and accept anything in sex. wearing all her high heels + want to buy me some for me. Long toe nails + nail polish. fake nails from time 2 time and great sex. anything i like and want - i get ! so far so good. a dreamgirl. BUT she wants to get married and have kids. im not ready for this, for marridge and kids. im affraid from this. also im not usre if she is the one for me of the girls i love. (sex makes is difficult to know what i love more). should i go for it ? or leave and look for the ONE ? Thanks

[Heelfan]

Sorry Psionic, I'd be more than happy to enter into fun questions about high heels or whatever, but I think you're asking the impossible about a serious and personal relationship that none of us know anything about. There are just a few things in life that can only be answered by the person or persons involved, and this is one of them! The only general advice I'd dare to try and give ( for what it's worth) is: a) Don't be swept into marriage/family by surface infatuation of looks, heels etc. unless the companion has the genuine love and compatible personality for a lifelong happy marriage. Don't to the opposite either, by shying away just because the responsibility of marrying and having a family gives you an initial fright, only to spend the rest of your life wishing you had taken the opportunity of marrying the right and wonderful person who will never again be found. Close, loving companionship is THE most precious and important thing in life, but in my opinion only YOU and YOUR GIRLFRIEND can make the ultimate decision on whether you think you are right for each other! Good luck! Cheerfully yours, Heelfan

[psionic]

the thing is - to find another girl that will accept that i want to wear Heels during sex and to paint my toe nails. its like 1 from a million. so its like throwing a good thing. dont you think ?

[psionic]

i found myself enjoy sex ONLY doing all the stuff and wearing heels. so i find myself trapped into a relations. if i will break relations and may be years until i find sex like this. what do you think , for heels lovers, is that more important ?

[nicjasno]

All the high heels of this world combined are not as important as a caring loving partner, who loves and respects you for what you are. You have to set your priorities.

[Firefox]

It's impossible to answer that without knowing more. Only you know how much you feel for her. In fact you said she loves you, but you didn't say you loved her alone. In fact you seem to be saying you don't really love her that much but you like the way she is tolerant of you. Presumably you wouldn't be asking if you really did love her a lot, so perhaps that gives the answer to your question. There's many more important things to a relationship besides accepting each others sexual preferences. If you're going to argue over things like having children then you are on a loser.

[Heelfan]

Psionic, now that you have posted a little more, I am getting all the wrong vibes from you. A successul marriage (I've been happily married for 31 years) works if each of you loves the other so much that you care MORE about the other person's needs, feelings and desires that about your own. To stand any chance at all, I think you need to cease wingeing to us about YOUR self-centered desires and expectations, and switch the great majority of your attention to HER. Look at it from HER point of view. She has already gone a lot further than many girls would in trying to satisfy your demands and pleasures. Furthermore she pledges her love and trust in you by suggesting marriage, and in the common feminine desire to have children and a happy family. Sadly, as yet I see no evidence whatsover that you are reciprocating her interest in you by your showing any interest in giving anything of yourself to try to please her in any way. You seem only interested in yourself. Until you learn that TO GIVE IS BETTER THAN TO RECEIVE and ALWAYS PUT THE OTHER PERSON FIRST, you will be on a hiding to nothing. Anyway, I say all this to be constructive (not destructive) and I do hope things work out towards everyone's eventual happiness! Cheerfully yours, Heelfan

[Bubba136]

Frankly, if I were a woman, I'd run from Pisonic as fast as I could. To be as self centered as he appears to be can only lead to disaster sooner or later if I (as a girl) stayed in any kind of relationship with him.

[Shoeiee]

Psionic, First, let me congratulate you in finding such an open minded woman. It sounds like you're physical life with her is exceptional!! It appears that you and her may have quite a bit in common. You say that you've been together for a very long time, and that's a good start for a long term relationship, even marriage. But my question is are you with her ONLY for the sex?? Or is there a deeper bond between the two of you? Sex for it's own sake is good but you state that you only enjoy sex when it's , shall we say, wild. The question here is do you want to make love to her because of WHO SHE IS?? Or is it only for pure pleasure in fullfilling your fantasies?? This is a VERY important question you must answer. In considering this question I would recommend thinking about everything you and her do together. Is there a life with her outside the bedroom?? Some of the posts here focus on how centered on yourself your questions appear. I don't necessarily feel that's a bad thing, as you must also consider your future with her. Is there enough there to make a future with her? Are you two intellectually compatable? It appears that she is more than willing to explore your more unique side, are you willing to do the same for her? Also, do you accept her for who she is, as she is, PERIOD?? The reason I ask this is when she is pregnant, her whole body will change, and once a child is brought into a relationship everything changes rapidly! Your 'play time' will become rather restricted and you two will have to rely on out-of-the-bedroom activities to satisfy each other's desires a lot. This is when you must consider your interests and expectations outside the realm of sex. All of these questions are critical for deciding compatability. If you can honestly say that without her, you'd be lost in more aspects than the bedroom, I would say to stick with her. If the bedroom scenes are all that's holding you two together, then there is a serious problem with the relationship as a whole and there is a slim chance of making any long term relationship with her last. It is my experience that any major change in one's life brings fear and uncertainty. This is a NORMAL reaction when one asks another to vow a life to them. That is a HUGE decision which requires serious thought and dedication. Is she THE ONE?? There is a good chance she is. Will you find another as willing to accept you for who and how you are? Possibly. Are you ready for the commitment of a permanent relationship with her? Only YOU can answer that question!! But I will say this, if she can't satisfy your desires and you can't satisfy hers, there is no hope at all. You must BOTH be willing to lay aside your selfish desires to please each other for a relationship to last. Best of luck!!

[azraelle]

Having had 5 children, and having been divorced (and without sex) for nearly 5 years, I can tell you that the love of and from children, is worth more than all the sex in the world. If you can't commit to that (and many can't), you have reached a "dam" in the progress of your life towards what all humans ultimately seek--joy and fulfillment. You will never know it exists if your ultimate goal is to please only yourself, and never take the risk of living for another. (there's a reason the religious nuts call it "damnation", because it is!)

[Van]

Azraelle, "I can tell you that the love of and from children, is worth more than all the sex in the world" It is so beautiful and so true. Vanessa

[psionic]

i want to thank you all for all the replies to me. it helps alot. Shoeiee reply means alot to me. i know im affraid to get married. i know im not ready for Childrens, can think about it. i have some problems with my GF and something im not sure i can live with. BUT i know that someone that you have fun with her, im sure love her since its 7 years ! and she defently loves me and give me Best sex in the world. i can tell you one thing that im not sure how to look at it - if we have sex without all the "stuff", i just dont enjoy it and fell like just doing something boring. is that strange ? it like i must have "special" sex and if not , its just waste of time. do you think it means something ?

[Shoeiee]

Psionic, Thank you from your comments!! It means a lot to me that you value my words! 7 Years is a long time to be in a relationship with someone, regardless of how much fun the sex is. I find it hard to believe that two people would stick together for that long if there were severe differences which can not be overcome. Either you two are in the bedroom A LOT, or there IS more to the relationship than *JUST* sex. From your latest post, I feel that you're placing too much value on the type of sex you have with her and not focusing on the rest of the relationship enough. I know that my wife and I love to get crazy in bed but sometimes there's just one of those nights where there is a strong desire just to make love. No add-ons, frills, etc. Just enjoy EACH OTHER in passion. It's one of those things where you take her just to tell her that you enjoy HER, as she is, without all the extraneous 'stuff.' Is that as much fun as with all the other 'stuff?' Not in the same way. That's a deeper physical bonding which is not meant to satisfy all the other desires, only hers and mine. And yes, we both have those other, crazy desires, but the 'vanilla' version can carry much more meaning at times. You mention that you have some problems with your GF and something you're not sure you can live with...Although these things may seem like the 'Brick Wall' in the relationship, you may want to talk with her about these issues and see if there is room for you to understand her point of view on them or for her to possibly change a little. Regardless, you two have put up with each other's little quirks for SEVEN YEARS so far, so there's GOT to be SOMETHING there which takes precedence over those issues. It may be that you will just have to adjust to accommodate her in this matter or maybe you haven't expressed your dislike for that behavior well enough and she's willing to change for you. I'm SURE that if you REALLY sat down with her, she'd say that there's something about you that she really dislikes but is willing to overlook in an effort to please you. I'm certain that ALL of the married people on this board will say that there's SOMETHING about their S.O. that they've had to adjust to, or flat out ignore, to make their relationship work. Every couple has a little 'something' that bugs the heck out of the other person, and it's love and maturity that enables us each to either accept those differences and embrace the whole person, or come to the decision that he/she is just not right. You would be amazed at what one can accept and put up with for the sake of love!! I look at my parents, which have been married for 33 years now, see what they've had to put up with from each other to make it last and I'm amazed. But they are COMMITTED (REPEATE - C O M M I T T E D) to each other and LOVE (REPEATE - L O V E) each other enough to accept their differences and live life quite happily. And let me tell ya...There's some REALLY STRONG issues they dislike, but they each love the whole of the other, and hence, accept each other and live with those issues. I also look at my wife and I. We have both changed and grown so much in the 2 1/2 years we've been married, but we are committed to each other and love each other deeply. There have been some really rough times together so far, but nothing we haven't been able to either accept or overcome. I KNOW that I've got some quirks that bug the heck out of her and she does some things that drive me crazy, but we're both committed to each other and will find a way. Is sex a part of it?? Yes. we both really enjoy getting 'crazy' and we've introduced each other to some craziness, but every now and then, passion takes over... I pose a question... Have you ever looked at your GF and just wanted her?? I mean REALLY wanted her?? She's wearing the most disgusting outfit in the WORLD...No make-up...hair's not done...looks like she just crawled out of bed after a week of hibernation...And you just look at her and think "How lucky I am to have her!!"? If you can say yes to that question, you've got something really special that you should not let go of. Later!!

[hoverfly]

In my opinionYou have to enjoy both, if you don't than you are in for your own self gratification. Sex is play and more based on your own self gratification. Love is where you share and give more of your self to please your significant other. A relationship based just on sex does not work in the long run. But it is not as simple as it sounds, my ex-wife all ways whined and complained about me having her wear hh when having sex. Saying I loved the shoes more than her. We made plenty of "love", but rarely just have sex. She would take every thing I gave to her, so now that I am divorced I wonder what she really gave back at the time. But on the other hand my current GF can't get enough of me wearing my black 7" sandals and my black 5" thigh high boots. She gives more than she allows for me to give her. Go figure...... But today I am more appreciative of her than I was to my ex-wife. But then again if my ex was not giving back half of what I gave her, how do you think I felt? Being in love involves far more than the bed room, it's also out side in every day life. I guess the best way to say it is if a copple gives and feels appreciative of each other, I guess you can call a part of that being in love.

[Yamyam]

I've been married, and now I'm with a wonderful life partner. I honestly think a relationship can only work if the people in it agree on what they want and where they want to go. And the only way you'll work that one out is to talk about things. Why ask us? We don't know your partner. Please, talk about these things. You might find that it doesn't work out - but you're more likely to find that you can come to an arrangement about what you want to do. And that's my advice.