my daughter asked me if i was wearing "mother's shoes"

[high_55]

i have two kids an almost five year old daughter and a three year old boy, it has been the rough part between my wife and me, because it is difficult tu know when will it be the proper to let them know i like wearing heels, it is a little bit trickier in my case, because i also shave my legs and hava my toes painted, as i live in a hot country during summer i like wearing open shoes, so far i haven't had the need of going any further, and my daughter has just passed the 4 year phase where they begin to differenciate between male and female stuff, the shaving so far hasn't been something she cares about since she has always seen me that way, she has never seen me wearing open toed heels, and when ever i got to the beach or pool, i clean them, but trying to make it less of a shock to them i have worn now and then high heels, but two days ago she popped the question above, and my answer was this aren't mom's, this are my shoes, besides they don't fit mom, she asked no more questions and the evening went on smoothly. even though i know there will come the time they will both learn from it, my wife fears they'll go and tell their grandmothers everything, has anyone any idea of how to cope with kids and how to let them know and giving them the resources to become inmune to peer pressure, yada yada yada

[crotchboots-m]

if it becomes a problem,i suggest you wear outside of their sight. i have 2 sons...ages 24 and 18. they know what i like to wear but i dont shove it their face either...live and let live,then we can all wake up and face the day together tomorrow...

[high_55]

thanks for your sharing crotchboots-m, i relly appreciate it

[k6ps]

Hi, My older daughter caught me first in high heels when i was wearing a pair of 70's very chunky 12cm/4,5'' heel platform sandals at home. She was 5 years old then. She just asked "What funny shoes are these?". So i explained her (i always try to answer whatever she asks, and put it in her terms) that these kind of shoes were popular a long time ago, and i like to wear such shoes. Some time later i was wearing my 10cm/4'' stacked heel clogs at home and she asked "Why do you wear party shoes at home?". I answered that these are not actually party shoes, these are everyday shoes for going e.g. to a store or to visit one's friends, and these are now my new favorite shoes, so i want to walk on them as much as possible. This was a good answer for her, as she also likes to wear any new pair of favorite shoes initially at home as much as possible. I've been wearing heels at home (only chunky, block, stacked; no stiletto) quite a lot since then and she (as everybody else in my family) is used to that. She has never expressed any question if these are "women's" shoes, and i believe she doesn't associate high heels exclusively with women. Luckily she is a little non-conformist (just like dad and mom ), e.g. she doesn't like to play "traditional" girls games, such as Barbie dolls, home role-play, and the like, she has her own fantasy games instead. My younger daughter is just 11 months old and she's also very fine with dad in high heels Also, recently i told my mother (whom i've never seen in high heels). I have a good relationship with her, and she knew a long time ago that i admire high heels. But now i told that i like to wear high heels myself as man, and have bought myself high-heeled shoes. She seemed to be ok with it, just joking that "maybe you want to grow a long beard and color it bright red too?" Then we had some more serious discussion about high heels. She told me that she was actually wearing high heels before i was born, but as she spent 6 months in hospital in order to not loose me, and i was a "problem child" with a poor health later as well, so she just didn't have the energy for heels any more, and she got used to it. Now i'm a healthy, well-educated, and sexy man with a happy family (so they say at least..). Yet again i was very very thankful for her. Happy Heeling k6ps

[raymond.nl]

has anyone any idea of how to cope with kids and how to let them know and giving them the resources to become inmune to peer pressure, yada yada yada

My 4 and 5 y/o daughters don't think much of it. Their friends sometimes make a comment, and I tell them I like to wear heels and that's it. As long as I think it's normal, so do they.

[Bubba136]

There are as many strategies for a man dealing with the issue of him wearing high heels around his children as there fathers that wear them. To shorten the story as how we handled this issue, one of the "conditions" my wife imposed upon me when she agreed to marry me, was that I would never wear my high heels around any of our children. Which, even though it took 10 years of marriage before she became 100% supportive, I never have. Now all three of our children are grown, married and have children of their own, I'm still not sure they are aware that I wear high heels. If they are, they've never mentioned it to me. Nor, according to my wife, have they ever spoken about it to her. And, given the fact that all three of our children have always been exceedingly honest and open to both of us (they've never been afraid to tell or ask us anything or openly discuss any subject with us) I would say, they still don't know. Admittedly, it wasn't until the "youngest" daughter was away attending college that I began to wear women's shoes openly, 24/7. How would they react today should they discover my high heels? Can't really say except that all three are well educated, open minded professionals and, for the most part, while I am not sure they would accept the idea 100%, I'm sure they're finding out now won't make much difference to any of them. (By the way, in deference to their raising their own children, I don't wear heels around my grandchildren, either.) So, what is the best way to handle this issue? Can't answer that. I guess it's the way you and your wife decide to handle it and how it effects your children. So, go for what ever works for you best and hope that your wearing heels doesn't ever embarrass them or inhibit their social skills development.

[aussieheels1]

Bubba136.... i truely respect your handling of the heel issue and kids..... eventhough, there's no "one" right way of handling it.... i too feel your methods is probably the one that I will use......

kids have a fair bit to put up with already (growing up, handling changes in life, bullying at school etc), and I don't want to give the another pressure that they have to deal with.... sure I'll try to teach them to be open minded and not to judge people based on appearance etc, but at the same time, I do not want other people to judge them for what their father is either...... am i over protective... maybe, but that's just how I feel.... as I said, there's no one right answer.....

There are as many strategies for a man dealing with the issue of him wearing high heels around his children as there fathers that wear them.

To shorten the story as how we handled this issue, one of the "conditions" my wife imposed upon me when she agreed to marry me, was that I would never wear my high heels around any of our children. Which, even though it took 10 years of marriage before she became 100% supportive, I never have.

Now all three of our children are grown, married and have children of their own, I'm still not sure they are aware that I wear high heels. If they are, they've never mentioned it to me. Nor, according to my wife, have they ever spoken about it to her. And, given the fact that all three of our children have always been exceedingly honest and open to both of us (they've never been afraid to tell or ask us anything or openly discuss any subject with us) I would say, they still don't know.

Admittedly, it wasn't until the "youngest" daughter was away attending college that I began to wear women's shoes openly, 24/7. How would they react today should they discover my high heels? Can't really say except that all three are well educated, open minded professionals and, for the most part, while I am not sure they would accept the idea 100%, I'm sure they're finding out now won't make much difference to any of them. (By the way, in deference to their raising their own children, I don't wear heels around my grandchildren, either.)

So, what is the best way to handle this issue? Can't answer that. I guess it's the way you and your wife decide to handle it and how it effects your children. So, go for what ever works for you best and hope that your wearing heels doesn't ever embarrass them or inhibit their social skills development.

[new_look]

im gonna keep my eye on this thread as i am soon to be a father myself and have recently been thinking how i can handle this one. My partner who i am with doesnt mind the fact i like to wear heels, but was thinking myself whether to not let my child know of my liking. In our areas its very old fashioned type people set in their ways and wouldnt want my child to be picked on at school about it etc

[Bubba136]

im gonna keep my eye on this thread as i am soon to be a father myself and have recently been thinking how i can handle this one.

My partner who i am with doesnt mind the fact i like to wear heels, but was thinking myself whether to not let my child know of my liking. In our areas its very old fashioned type people set in their ways and wouldnt want my child to be picked on at school about it etc

In all honesty, when the child is an infant or baby, you have about 1 year to 18 months to wear heels around your child. They wont notice or know the difference before then. Once they began to associate what the difference is with the clothing they wear, then they began to notice such things.

By the way, is your "partner" who you are "with," also your wife? If she is, then why not identify her as such? If she isn't, and the two of you are going to have a child together, then why not marry her and give your baby the benifits of having a traditional "family."

[new_look]

bubba im not sure what this thread has to do with peoples opinions of parenthood but no she isnt my wife. marriage will be on the cards in the future but we have the baby to concentrate on for the time being. im aware that for a while it wont make any difference, i meant more on the lines of - do i make my child aware of my heel likings or let them never know and keep it my own prvate thing with my partner.

[sendra45]

kids have a fair bit to put up with already (growing up, handling changes in life, bullying at school etc), and I don't want to give the another pressure that they have to deal with.... sure I'll try to teach them to be open minded and not to judge people based on appearance etc, but at the same time, I do not want other people to judge them for what their father is either...... am i over protective... maybe, but that's just how I feel.... as I said, there's no one right answer.....

For me, you have hit the nail on the head, mine are in a box and well out of the way, no point getting rid of them though, I have been here a long time and know that I might go back to them, if I still have them, I can, if I get rid of them, I will have to go and buy more. While they are still in the house it is a part of me and I dont want to give any false impressions like I have passed through this stage.

I have however started buying more for my wife, loads actually. I still get enjoyment from buying them and having them around.

im gonna keep my eye on this thread as i am soon to be a father myself and have recently been thinking how i can handle this one.

My partner who i am with doesnt mind the fact i like to wear heels, but was thinking myself whether to not let my child know of my liking. In our areas its very old fashioned type people set in their ways and wouldnt want my child to be picked on at school about it etc

Well done and congratulations, I am glad things are going great for you.

Nigel

[GTMHP]

My 4 and 5 y/o daughters don't think much of it. Their friends sometimes make a comment, and I tell them I like to wear heels and that's it. As long as I think it's normal, so do they.

When I run across youngsters when heeling [my kids are grown - and are ok with dad in heels] I explain it as likes and dislikes -- not everyone likes butterscotch. 5" stiletto boots are what I LIKE to wear:) That usually answers the question.

I also point out that "mom" has a wide selection of shoes - why shouldn't I. Logical & honest.

GTMHP

[TooTall]

kids have a fair bit to put up with already (growing up, handling changes in life, bullying at school etc), and I don't want to give the another pressure that they have to deal with.... sure I'll try to teach them to be open minded and not to judge people based on appearance etc, but at the same time, I do not want other people to judge them for what their father is either...... am i over protective... maybe, but that's just how I feel.... as I said, there's no one right answer.....

I'm with you and Bubba, 100%. With children, one has to distinguish between what you find acceptable, and what is acceptable for them to see. With my two daughters at a very sensitive age, I don't think it's something they need to know about - too easily misunderstood. Kids talk, and if they told their friends... they would end up being ostracized for something I did. Kids look for reasons to tease or otherwise humiliate each other, anything that makes a child different. I had to live through that when my parents moved me to a rich kid's school, and we weren't rich. It was hell.

I'm secure in my heel wearing. They feel wonderful, they look elegant. It's not a deviant thing, or a sexual thing with me. I like walking in heels. I wish it was socially acceptable to wear them in public. But, at this time, it's not, especially where I live, and that is that. It would be okay for me to forge new social conventions, but not okay to force my two young daughters to do it by association, and experience the humiliation that the other kids would undoubtedly throw at them.

Life sure gets complicated at times.

[hhdude159]

If we like to wear heels, then so be it. As for your kids, teach them to accept people for who they are and not how they dress up or for their personality. I agree with TooTall that life is complicated sometimes

[aussieheels1]

If we like to wear heels, then so be it. As for your kids, teach them to accept people for who they are and not how they dress up or for their personality.

I agree with TooTall that life is complicated sometimes

i don't think the issue is whether our own kids are tolerant and accepting (of course that's what I'd teach them).... it's more that I'm worry that other kids are not as tolerant and acceptance and thus my kids getting caught with being ridicule because of me.... as much as i love my heels... i love my kids way more.....

[Bubba136]

i don't think the issue is whether our own kids are tolerant and accepting (of course that's what I'd teach them).... it's more that I'm worry that other kids are not as tolerant and acceptance and thus my kids getting caught with being ridicule because of me.... as much as i love my heels... i love my kids way more.....

Well said, aussieheels1 You've your priorities in the right place.

[Guy N. Heels]

Having scanned through this thread, it occurs to me that the more we make out of one gender or the other wearing heels, the more that we "build up" the issue in the youngster's minds. On the other hand, consider Hawaii where both men and women can be seen wearing grass skirts, flip-flops, going barefoot, going bare-breasted, and so forth. Therefore whenever someone encounters these things nothing is said because it simply isn't an issue. Youngsters must be taught the difference between male and female styles. So the more that we accentuate the matter the more pronounced it will become. Why not just play it low-key, or better yet, no-key, and if someone comes up with a question just casually say, "I like to wear these shoes."; or words to that effect?

[GTMHP]

Having scanned through this thread, it occurs to me that the more we make out of one gender or the other wearing heels, the more that we "build up" the issue in the youngster's minds.

Youngsters must be taught the difference between male and female styles. So the more that we accentuate the matter the more pronounced it will become. Why not just play it low-key, or better yet, no-key, and if someone comes up with a question just casually say, "I like to wear these shoes."; or words to that effect?

Very good points!

It's the reason why I always take time to answer kids questions about my heels. Dialog is the key to change IMHO -- Along with heeling every day in the world.

I especially dialog with teens who are full of questions:wavey:

GTMHP

[Histiletto]

As I recall the main purpose of this forum is to promote the wearing of high heels for both men and women. Now, obviously, women have the right to choose the wearing of heels already. So actually this forum tends more to support the wearing of high heels for men. Society, in its uneducated omnipotent knowledge, has declared that manly men don't have the desire to wear high heels and therefore should not wear them. Women, on the other hand by the fact of their womenliness, have the qualifications to wear high heels and therefore are more equipped to wear them. This is so scientifical and logical, if you don't really think about it! Now I understand the concerns for the raising of children and I can't disagree with your approaches to the solutions adapted. I, myself, suffer the social stigma from the fear of possible embarrassment, ridicule, and/or exile while actively engaged in public heeling. However, hiding the fact that we as normal heterosexual males have the desire to wear high heels will never make the opportunity for acceptance become a realization. We have to get out of our shells and bring it up in sensible and meaningful discussions or in social convenings. Should you be wearing heels at the time, it might be easier to bat the idea around, even in serious comedic banter. Supporting and being active in any cause where men wear high heels has shown the world men can and do wear them.

[GTMHP]

As I recall the main purpose of this forum is to promote the wearing of high heels for both men and women. Now, obviously, women have the right to choose the wearing of heels already. So actually this forum tends more to support the wearing of high heels for men. Society, in its uneducated omnipotent knowledge, has declared that manly men don't have the desire to wear high heels and therefore should not wear them. Women, on the other hand by the fact of their womenliness, have the qualifications to wear high heels and therefore are more equipped to wear them. This is so scientifical and logical, if you don't really think about it!

Now I understand the concerns for the raising of children and I can't disagree with your approaches to the solutions adapted. I, myself, suffer the social stigma from the fear of possible embarrassment, ridicule, and/or exile while actively engaged in public heeling. However, hiding the fact that we as normal heterosexual males have the desire to wear high heels will never make the opportunity for acceptance become a realization. We have to get out of our shells and bring it up in sensible and meaningful discussions or in social convenings. Should you be wearing heels at the time, it might be easier to bat the idea around, even in serious comedic banter. Supporting and being active in any cause where men wear high heels has shown the world men can and do wear them.

My heels often draw comments, dialog & discussion in malls, stores, shops, sidewalks, bus benches & probably more then a few dinner tables as in -- "guess what I saw today?" And I say that's a good thing.

I view heels as a fashion choice & not a gender birthright!

GTMHP

[Bubba136]

***As I recall the main purpose of this forum is to promote the wearing of high heels for both men and women. ***

***I, myself, suffer the social stigma from the fear of possible embarrassment, ridicule, and/or exile while actively engaged in public heeling. However, hiding the fact that we as normal heterosexual males have the desire to wear high heels will never make the opportunity for acceptance become a realization. We have to get out of our shells and bring it up in sensible and meaningful discussions or in social convenings. Should you be wearing heels at the time, it might be easier to bat the idea around, even in serious comedic banter. Supporting and being active in any cause where men wear high heels has shown the world men can and do wear them.

There are quite a few male members here that are already doing (our) their share of "social stigma" remolding, even though some (most?) still harbor fear embarrassment of recognition and ridicule. As parents, however, it is our responsibility to equip our offspring with the strength and courage of their convictions while at the same time insuring that their childhood is as uncomplicated as we can make it through a process of parental education -- exposing them to "things" when they are mature enough to grasp the concept. Engaging in "controversial" practices, solely to satisfy our individual desires at their expense and possible confusion isn't the way to do it.

[crotchboots-m]

when you get down to it,they are going to like/love/respect more based on your personal interrelationship with them then on what kind of footwear you prefer. my dad was/and still is an ass and i think he would die first than ever wear any consider nontraditional male attire. so it would have probably been easier for me and brothers if he was a bit "bent" and a little more kind,etc. just a thought....

[Histiletto]

There are quite a few male members here that are already doing (our) their share of "social stigma" remolding, even though some (most?) still harbor fear embarrassment of recognition and ridicule. As parents, however, it is our responsibility to equip our offspring with the strength and courage of their convictions while at the same time insuring that their childhood is as uncomplicated as we can make it through a process of parental education -- exposing them to "things" when they are mature enough to grasp the concept. Engaging in "controversial" practices, solely to satisfy our individual desires at their expense and possible confusion isn't the way to do it.

Hey Bubba136,

For the few males that are actively out heeling, THANK YOU!!!!!! You have overcome a lot of things and you are to be commended. I hope someday to meet each of you while we are in the mode of heeling.

I expected to get some sort of a roar from my statement and I can't disagree with your point of view, except how can children make an educated or sensible decision about the actual wearing of heels by males if they have only learned heels are made to be worn by women. When children are young and looking for their identity and questioning everything, they need to be taught according to their degree of understanding which may mean the parent or adult teaching may have to use a bit of discretion. However, children should be told the truth as best as possible, so they build their trust in you and so they can rely on the information and properly use or store it for later discernments and to give them a basic understanding of how this social world of ours works. Much of the discord today is because children and adults don't understand many things and they are often led by the whims and limited knowledge of their peers. It could be said that I don't know a whole lot either and this is also true.