Married Men-How do you explain to your wife heel wearing is not a homosexual behavior

[CassieJ]

Another example of how something really trivial (fashion) can have big consequences. Would she have had a problem if you wore disco heels in the 70s? Probably not. If men wear stilettos in 2015 she probably wouldn't care if you did too. But in 2008, this is somehow important enough to throw a marriage into chaos. I am lucky that my wife likes a little kink and encourages my heel activities. I just posted my thoughts about what is "normal" on my blog yesterday. Link is in my sig line.

[Shoeiee]

Hello all,

Wow, what a contentious topic this appears to have turned to...Let me first answer the question presented then I shall expound.

I told my wife before we even met face-to-face. She was a little cautious at first but realized my heels were a part of me and that's it. Nothing more. Since I was open and honest up front there has never been an issue. She accepted and allowed herself to be introduced to new concepts and not only accepts them, but embraces them as a part of my personality. I had learned from a previous relationship that it's much easier to break something like this up front than to have to dance around the subject once a relationship is "involved." It cost me a couple of GF's until I wisened up and decided that whoever I was going to date would have to accept this BEFORE we started anything serious. With my wife, I told her up front and completely open. No hiding anything. I said 'This is a part of me I am NOT going to relinquish for anyone. If you have a problem with this speak now, or forever hold your peace." Again, we hadn't become 'involved' at this point so there was nothing to walk away from except a few words. She didn't walk away, allowed herself to open up to the concept and we've been together over 8 years now.

***Up on the soapbox!!***

I am married with two step-daughters and two sons from our marriage. All have seen me wearing all manner of heels since day 1. The oldest step-daughter is 15 now and has been exposed to my shoes for over 8 years. Never a negative comment from her or to her that I am aware of. They are all aware my shoe choices fall on the 'ladies' side of the shoe store and have never commented negatively about it at all. In fact, my younger step-daughter thinks it's really cool (as relayed to my wife) and it actually makes her feel more comfortable with me because she feels, in her own words, that I may relate better to her girly issues due to my choice of footwear.

My sons have also been exposed from birth and accept my boots as "daddy's boots." Period. No questions, hesitation or anything else. Our older son is now 6 and is attending school.

And as if this were not enough, we live in a very heavy military area in Southeast VA. There are MANY EXTREMELY conservative types around here. (Look up Pat Robertson and the Christian Broadcasting Network to see what I mean...They're headquarters is less than 10 miles from our house!!)

I have worn heels in public, with and without my wife and family, in this area for 8+ years. The worst I have experienced was once I heard someone use f*gg*t in a phrase, but I am not 100% certain it was used towards me. (Probably was but nothing more than words...) Normal public reaction is indifference or the googlie eyes of shock and disbelief. Once, I was in a grocery store with my wife and son, and one of the employees was trying to, not so discreetly, take a phone cam pic of me. I cold busted her in the process and posed for a couple of pics. Lifted up the pant legs, showed the entire boot I was wearing, and we all got a huge laugh...But SHE got the red face because SHE was the one busted!!! I have occasionally gotten the 'Mommy!! That MAN is wearing HIGH HEELS!!!' from observant children and that usually follows with 'They're HIS feet so why not??' I've even gotten the 'Awesome BOOTS!!' remark a few times.

Case in point - I have no concerns about my children's well-being with exposure to my shoes. They all see me as Daddy - just with a different choice of shoes. In fact, my younger daughter (11) has threatened to buy me a Man Bag and I have returned the challenge with the requirement that she dress 100% feminine if I use it with her in public (She's totally into the 'skater boi; look at this time...Very unflattering stage but not complaining!! ) She still hasn't bought that bag I also feel confident enough in my children that they will be able to withstand any criticism they may receive as there is no doubt about who's dad and who's mom in the family. Of course, I am rather discreet about when and where I wear my heels but I still run into collegues, parents or classmates, etc, in the public domain. But as long as no one complains, I shall not change.

I am fortunate to have a wife who is 100% supportive and has NEVER asked me to not wear my heels. We usually heel together and even have some matching boots we wear together. My entire family is aware and I regularly wear them around them as well (since my mom and dad are residing with us in their elder years...They're WELL exposed...) I even wear my shoes publicly with them when we go out. No problems to date.

In summary, each one of us is an individual, with specific personality traits we posess. Some go bland and others wild. Some spicy and other not. There are all types of fashion statements in the world we live. All this makes life INTERESTING!!! Imagine what it would be like if EVERY man wore the SAME grey suit, EVERY DAY, ALL THE TIME. Had the same amount of hair, cut the same way. Same facial features and hair - or none at all. And what if EVERY woman wore the exact same hairstyle, dress, shoes, nailpolish and lipstick EVERY DAY, ALL THE TIME!!! (George Orwell warned about that in a certain book if I recall...) Life would be pretty mundane, and the world we live in would be rather uninteresting. It's our individuality that MAKES each of us special, presents our talents and allows forward motion to exist. I say celebrate the differences in our cultures and appearances, and teach the next generation to accept, even moreso than ours has been taught. But also expose them to 'societal norms' as the ability to function within these norms is also very important.

***Jumps off the soap-box***

[Bubba136]

great synopsis, Shoeiee.....Can't be explained any better. (Please give my regards to "Elf" for me.. I miss her posts.)

[joeshoething]

bluesman, Our situations are very similar. Like you the issue is now a trust thing. I have started being upfront with her on this, and only time and my trustworthyness (is that even a word) can heal the broken trust. Until then, I am afraid the wearing of heels is on hold. I stinks, but I love my wife and we can work through this. Thank you for showing me there are others in this spot.

[PatentHeel]

bluesman,

Our situations are very similar. Like you the issue is now a trust thing. I have started being upfront with her on this, and only time and my trustworthyness (is that even a word) can heal the broken trust. Until then, I am afraid the wearing of heels is on hold. I stinks, but I love my wife and we can work through this. Thank you for showing me there are others in this spot.

Hi Joeshoething,

Can't remember if i've already asked this or not, have you showed your wife this thread? Showing my wife this forum as helped her to understand better and she has even contributed to this thread.

[joesranch2]

This is a great topic. One that I struggle with as well. I hid it from the women in my life in the past, and it always leads to disaster. My wife, is such a good woman. I have started very slow, and she is starting to accept it. I had to figure out the whole thing of why I enjoy heels, and now that I have that figured out, she is doing OK (not great) but ok. I thin the longer she sees me in heels, the more she will be better with it. The chunky boots that I jut bought, she actually likes

[joeshoething]

Last night, my wife brought out my heels, and we I got to wear them again. She had hidden them from me for a while, to give her a brake, but last night when she took them out sahe said, you like to wear heels, but I don't. Why don't you wear your heels now? Then she realized that she is too short to not wear heels when I am in them. We sat on the couch and watched a couple of movies before retiring to bed. It was so awesome to just sit in the recliner with legs up and in heels next to my wifes legs in heels. Sorry there are no pictures yet... I will have to work up my wifes courage for pics. I doubt she will want them on the web as of yet, but the momentium is now forward. Thank you all for your great advice, and I hope someday (hopefully soon) I will be able to post some pics.

[vector]

Joe, Don't worry about the pics. Just enjoy your wife's newfound "view" on men in heels!

[Kitty_Shoes]

That's really nice. I am glad it's working out for you... K Xx

[William]

joe, very cool... william

[Guy N. Heels]

This is a great topic. One that I struggle with as well. I hid it from the women in my life in the past, and it always leads to disaster. My wife, is such a good woman. I have started very slow, and she is starting to accept it. I had to figure out the whole thing of why I enjoy heels, and now that I have that figured out, she is doing OK (not great) but ok. I thin the longer she sees me in heels, the more she will be better with it. The chunky boots that I jut bought, she actually likes

I agree, this is a great topic and, I daresay, not one that has one simple solution. In times past I have often referenced my old girlfriend, who was a great lover and one of the best friends of my life. But she objected very strenuously to my wearing earrings, and I suspect that she would have had a very similar response to my wearing heels (which never came up during the whole time we were together). In retrospect, I now know that it had nothing to do with the way we felt about each other, and I really don't think that trust was an issue either. But somehow she was simply unable to "get her mind around" certain things.

Also, as evidenced by the varied responses here, this is a subject that seems to be more about the individuals involved than about the actual matter of wearing some particular item of clothing or jewelry. In other words, to my mind the critical issue is the mindset and emotional makeup of one's significant other, rather than the actual subject of wearing heels (or some other thing). Moreover, it is apparent to me that age and intellect really have nothing to do with the subject at hand, and I also suspect that one's location and background are also of no real importance either.

As for one being gay, I'm not even going to address the subject as I am begining to realize that, not only is this untrue, but also it has no real bearing on the matter. Indeed, I suspect that more often than not this is a lame argument that is trundled-out because no truly valid objection is at hand. In short, if the S.O. had a truly valid argument or objection then they would employ that as opposed to the lame and well-worn "gay" argument. In the final analysis the real issue at hand is more about the individuals in the relationship than about what either of them is or is not wearing or doing.

However, I will say this: honesty is the best policy - especially with a deeply personal relationship. Once trust is broken or damaged, it is very difficult to repair. Far better to uphold and maintain trust, regardless of whatever other issues are at hand, than to risk the entire relationship by breaking trust because of one's personal fashion preferences. In the case of my old girlfriend, we were able to maintain trust and respect and simply didn't allow certain things to come between us. So if she objected to my jewelry or hairstyle (yeah, I actually had some back then) then I refused to allow that to become an issue. Our relationship was simply more important than those things.

[wetwillie]

Since my wife already knows and accepts my crossdressing I didn't have to explain my desire to own some heels. I told her I wanted to complete my outfits. I started out wearing panties, then skirts and stockings, then I bought a few dresses and blouses. Of course, when wearing a dress or a blouse you need breasts to properly fill out to garment. So I started wearing bras with homemade breastforms. Now I have a few pair of heels to go with the rest.

[Bubba136]

There has been tons and tons of research conducted into "attraction" between sexes. Mating dances of birds. Bellowing of Elk, etc., etc., etc. And, between human beings. What attracts a woman to chose a particular male to mate with? Continuation of the species through propagation by the strongest and fittest is a "benchmark" to preservation. Perhaps it's the perception that males wearing female dressings does not represent the "strongest and fittest" of the specie (unmanly -- or not manly enough). Perhaps females that don't approve, or find fault with the practice, instinctively see men in heels or other garments fashioned for the female, as not providing sufficient "gene" strength to allow the ancestor line to remain "unbroken." And, the trust aspect enters the equation when the female makes her choice of mates based upon her male's best appearance and performance, believing her instincts that this particular male was the best man for her -- only to discover after the commitment was given that he really isn't the person she believed him to be. Thus, betrayal also becomes part of the scenario. In my own case, I discovered early in my Junior year of high school (16) that I would never be able to stop wearing high heels. It was futile for me to even think that one day I would "grow out" of the desire or voluntarily stop on my own. I took the decision at that time to never try to stop again. The consequences of this decision, whether right or wrong, would affect my life from there on. And, I also realized that any female with which I might develop an amorous relationship, would have to be informed early on in our courtship about me and high heels if there was ever to be any chance of a successful, life long relationship. That way, she would have the opportunity to evaluate me honestly, totally, and entirely upon who I was without any untold tales or hidden secrets. I owed any prospective life-mate that much. The opportunity to 'BACK OUT" before any serious and lasting damage was done. Especially before any children entered into the equation. This is exactly the way I played my hand. My wife was fully aware of all of the good, bad and ugly in my life before she ever consented to become my life mate. This is why I can't advise too strongly to tell any prospective partner well in advance of getting married so they have the opportunity to "back out" if their primordial instinct tells them to.